The Patient

Archive for all things related to the Doctor. [Doctor Who RP blog] (Anyone can interact)

[the-patients-archive]

The Archive

Welcome to the Archive. This is my online compendium of all things related to The Doctor. I'm compiling these resources to help me build a past. You may be wondering; who am I? I am known as The Patient and that's all that I've ever been known as. If you're smart, you can make the connection.

I currently travel aboard a Type-40 TARDIS with my companion/nurse, Olivier. I keep a physical copy of all information stored here in my library to keep it from being sabotaged and destroyed.

I suffer from a case of amnesia. I remember little to nothing about my life from before I split from The Doctor. I believe I split off of the one known as the 11th shortly before he regenerated into the 12th. I'm currently trailing behind the signal that the 12th leaves behind. I'm hoping once I catch up to him, I'll be able to reintegrate with him. Who knows, maybe the memories I bring with me will be of some use!

Until then, this is what I do. Travel with my nurse and try to recall who I was.

Self.Log.1

Self.Log.2

Self.Log.3

[bagelthedalek]

“I AM DE-CLA-RING WAR ON THE SEA-GULLS! WHO WILL JOIN ME!?”

[the-patients-archive]

.. You know what. Sure, why not, I have nothing better to do than go to war against birds!

[bagelthedalek]

“GOOD! WE WILL BRING THIS WA-TER-FOWL FEED! BREAD IS BAD FOR THEM. THEN WE WILL THROW IT WHERE THE SEA-GULLS CAN SEE… AND WHERE THE GEESE CAN SEE TOO! WE WILL START A BATTLE! YHE GEESE WILL WIN! THE SEA-GULLS WILL LEARN FEAR!”

[the-patients-archive]

Ohhhhh, bringing the geese in as a secret ally. Smart move. Have we considered what to do if they react with an aerial attack? How to defends ourselves?

[bagelthedalek]

“I HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS! WE WILL BRING WA-TER GUNS! THEY WILL DE-TER DI-VING BIRDS! I HAVE DRAWN A PLAN!”

[the-patients-archive]

But Bagel, they're sea birds. What if they like water?

[bagelthedalek]

“I AM DE-CLA-RING WAR ON THE SEA-GULLS! WHO WILL JOIN ME!?”

[the-patients-archive]

.. You know what. Sure, why not, I have nothing better to do than go to war against birds!

[bagelthedalek]

“GOOD! WE WILL BRING THIS WA-TER-FOWL FEED! BREAD IS BAD FOR THEM. THEN WE WILL THROW IT WHERE THE SEA-GULLS CAN SEE… AND WHERE THE GEESE CAN SEE TOO! WE WILL START A BATTLE! YHE GEESE WILL WIN! THE SEA-GULLS WILL LEARN FEAR!”

[the-patients-archive]

Ohhhhh, bringing the geese in as a secret ally. Smart move. Have we considered what to do if they react with an aerial attack? How to defends ourselves?

[bagelthedalek]

“I AM DE-CLA-RING WAR ON THE SEA-GULLS! WHO WILL JOIN ME!?”

[the-patients-archive]

.. You know what. Sure, why not, I have nothing better to do than go to war against birds!

[the-patients-archive]

*a package is delivered to you, wrapped in crumpled brown wrapping paper, containing the bespoke collar you ordered from the Tailor*

Oh! I was under the impression I would need to go pick this up. That takes one thing off of my to-do list.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I feel more alive. Like things are real again

[the-patients-archive]

That's good. I'm glad.

*It gives xem a small smile, eyes creasing.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*hesitantly smiles back*

*pours the blood into another mug*

I’ll… just be in the other room…

*flees before xe attacks it again*

[the-patients-archive]

I'll let you know when I'm done.

*A few minutes later, it calls xem back in.*

..Rovel? I'm done.

*It had already cleaned its mouth and put the mug in the sink. It had tears in its eyes, but was rubbing at them to try and hide them.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Your face… are you okay?

[the-patients-archive]

Yeah... Yes, I just- I hadn't realized how much I needed that. I feel so much better.

*It let out a shaky breath.*

I don't know why I'm crying. Relief maybe.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m glad it helped

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. Are- Are you doing alright?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Yeah, I’m- I’m alright

Sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's okay, what are you apologizing for?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m… not really sure?

[the-patients-archive]

You don't need to apologize to me. You've done nothing wrong.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I attacked you twice

[the-patients-archive]

Okay, true, but-

Wait. Twice? When was the second time?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Just now? With the mug

[the-patients-archive]

I don't know if I'd consider that an attack at all. I wasn't harmed. Just a little startled.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s the intention that matters

[the-patients-archive]

I think it's rather the result that's most important. You didn't wind up hurting me, just took the blood away.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I feel more alive. Like things are real again

[the-patients-archive]

That's good. I'm glad.

*It gives xem a small smile, eyes creasing.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*hesitantly smiles back*

*pours the blood into another mug*

I’ll… just be in the other room…

*flees before xe attacks it again*

[the-patients-archive]

I'll let you know when I'm done.

*A few minutes later, it calls xem back in.*

..Rovel? I'm done.

*It had already cleaned its mouth and put the mug in the sink. It had tears in its eyes, but was rubbing at them to try and hide them.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Your face… are you okay?

[the-patients-archive]

Yeah... Yes, I just- I hadn't realized how much I needed that. I feel so much better.

*It let out a shaky breath.*

I don't know why I'm crying. Relief maybe.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m glad it helped

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. Are- Are you doing alright?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Yeah, I’m- I’m alright

Sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's okay, what are you apologizing for?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m… not really sure?

[the-patients-archive]

You don't need to apologize to me. You've done nothing wrong.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I attacked you twice

[the-patients-archive]

Okay, true, but-

Wait. Twice? When was the second time?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Just now? With the mug

[the-patients-archive]

I don't know if I'd consider that an attack at all. I wasn't harmed. Just a little startled.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I feel more alive. Like things are real again

[the-patients-archive]

That's good. I'm glad.

*It gives xem a small smile, eyes creasing.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*hesitantly smiles back*

*pours the blood into another mug*

I’ll… just be in the other room…

*flees before xe attacks it again*

[the-patients-archive]

I'll let you know when I'm done.

*A few minutes later, it calls xem back in.*

..Rovel? I'm done.

*It had already cleaned its mouth and put the mug in the sink. It had tears in its eyes, but was rubbing at them to try and hide them.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Your face… are you okay?

[the-patients-archive]

Yeah... Yes, I just- I hadn't realized how much I needed that. I feel so much better.

*It let out a shaky breath.*

I don't know why I'm crying. Relief maybe.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m glad it helped

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. Are- Are you doing alright?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Yeah, I’m- I’m alright

Sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's okay, what are you apologizing for?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m… not really sure?

[the-patients-archive]

You don't need to apologize to me. You've done nothing wrong.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I attacked you twice

[the-patients-archive]

Okay, true, but-

Wait. Twice? When was the second time?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I feel more alive. Like things are real again

[the-patients-archive]

That's good. I'm glad.

*It gives xem a small smile, eyes creasing.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*hesitantly smiles back*

*pours the blood into another mug*

I’ll… just be in the other room…

*flees before xe attacks it again*

[the-patients-archive]

I'll let you know when I'm done.

*A few minutes later, it calls xem back in.*

..Rovel? I'm done.

*It had already cleaned its mouth and put the mug in the sink. It had tears in its eyes, but was rubbing at them to try and hide them.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Your face… are you okay?

[the-patients-archive]

Yeah... Yes, I just- I hadn't realized how much I needed that. I feel so much better.

*It let out a shaky breath.*

I don't know why I'm crying. Relief maybe.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m glad it helped

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. Are- Are you doing alright?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Yeah, I’m- I’m alright

Sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's okay, what are you apologizing for?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m… not really sure?

[the-patients-archive]

You don't need to apologize to me. You've done nothing wrong.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I feel more alive. Like things are real again

[the-patients-archive]

That's good. I'm glad.

*It gives xem a small smile, eyes creasing.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*hesitantly smiles back*

*pours the blood into another mug*

I’ll… just be in the other room…

*flees before xe attacks it again*

[the-patients-archive]

I'll let you know when I'm done.

*A few minutes later, it calls xem back in.*

..Rovel? I'm done.

*It had already cleaned its mouth and put the mug in the sink. It had tears in its eyes, but was rubbing at them to try and hide them.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Your face… are you okay?

[the-patients-archive]

Yeah... Yes, I just- I hadn't realized how much I needed that. I feel so much better.

*It let out a shaky breath.*

I don't know why I'm crying. Relief maybe.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m glad it helped

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. Are- Are you doing alright?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Yeah, I’m- I’m alright

Sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's okay, what are you apologizing for?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I feel more alive. Like things are real again

[the-patients-archive]

That's good. I'm glad.

*It gives xem a small smile, eyes creasing.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*hesitantly smiles back*

*pours the blood into another mug*

I’ll… just be in the other room…

*flees before xe attacks it again*

[the-patients-archive]

I'll let you know when I'm done.

*A few minutes later, it calls xem back in.*

..Rovel? I'm done.

*It had already cleaned its mouth and put the mug in the sink. It had tears in its eyes, but was rubbing at them to try and hide them.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Your face… are you okay?

[the-patients-archive]

Yeah... Yes, I just- I hadn't realized how much I needed that. I feel so much better.

*It let out a shaky breath.*

I don't know why I'm crying. Relief maybe.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’m glad it helped

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. Are- Are you doing alright?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I feel more alive. Like things are real again

[the-patients-archive]

That's good. I'm glad.

*It gives xem a small smile, eyes creasing.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*hesitantly smiles back*

*pours the blood into another mug*

I’ll… just be in the other room…

*flees before xe attacks it again*

[the-patients-archive]

I'll let you know when I'm done.

*A few minutes later, it calls xem back in.*

..Rovel? I'm done.

*It had already cleaned its mouth and put the mug in the sink. It had tears in its eyes, but was rubbing at them to try and hide them.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Your face… are you okay?

[the-patients-archive]

Yeah... Yes, I just- I hadn't realized how much I needed that. I feel so much better.

*It let out a shaky breath.*

I don't know why I'm crying. Relief maybe.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I feel more alive. Like things are real again

[the-patients-archive]

That's good. I'm glad.

*It gives xem a small smile, eyes creasing.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*hesitantly smiles back*

*pours the blood into another mug*

I’ll… just be in the other room…

*flees before xe attacks it again*

[the-patients-archive]

I'll let you know when I'm done.

*A few minutes later, it calls xem back in.*

..Rovel? I'm done.

*It had already cleaned its mouth and put the mug in the sink. It had tears in its eyes, but was rubbing at them to try and hide them.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I feel more alive. Like things are real again

[the-patients-archive]

That's good. I'm glad.

*It gives xem a small smile, eyes creasing.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Maybe…

I feel better though

[the-patients-archive]

Physically? But you've also been attacking people a lot, you said. And that seems to be upsetting you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A few… we try not to take it too soon

[the-patients-archive]

Then I doubt it's the suppressant. It's likely the draining of energy. You might try expending more energy to burn through it and eating more frequently.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I want you to know I don't hold my death against you. I may not remember you well, but I've remembered enough to know you didn't do it out of malice. - @the-patients-archive

Thank you

*hugs it to xir chest*

[the-patients-archive]

..How have you been? I haven't had the time nor recalled to check in on you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Not good

[the-patients-archive]

I can imagine. If it makes you feel any better, they managed to hunt me down and cure me before I could bite anyone else. Still got hunger for blood, though.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I- I- did that to you

[the-patients-archive]

You didn't mean to, though. Really, it's alright. I got the taint burnt out of me. It was a valuable learning opportunity for... well, not me, but still.

You didn't mean to.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve cursed you

You’ll hate me soon, when the hunger never diminishes

[the-patients-archive]

Hey, it hurts a whole lot less than what problems I had in my last regeneration. If this is the only side effect I'm left with, I'll thank you for easing my burden.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Problems?

Y-you don’t have to say

[the-patients-archive]

No no, it's alright. If it'll help, I don't mind sharing.

I believe when I formed, I formed while I was in motion and around an object. When I pulled myself out of it, it never healed over right. It left me with damage to the back of my brain that didn't heal properly until I regenerated. At least, that's what I garnered from the scans taken before and after.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You were hurt

In pain

I’m sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's alright. The damage seems to be mostly healed, now. I don't have any scans of what a normal brain of my... kind is intended to look like, but it seems alright. So, really I should be thanking you.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I still… lost control, when you- hugged me. Trying to help

[the-patients-archive]

I shouldn't have. I didn't have the necessary precautions in place to ensure our safety. It was my mistake.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You shouldn’t need to have those

[the-patients-archive]

Well.. I do now, so.

*Opens its arms for a hug.*

Bite collar, vaccinated.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*begins panicking*

N-no I- I can’t

[the-patients-archive]

Okay- Okay.

*It lowers its arms, hugging itself instead rather awkwardly.*

..Too soon? I get the feeling I'm not good at this.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*wipes away a tear, and hugs xemself also*

I just- c-can’t hurt you again. Too m-many people

[the-patients-archive]

Okay. I won't let you.

..I remember before, I think, you mentioned a muzzle. Does it hurt to wear?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

The T-Tailor made it soft

[the-patients-archive]

That's good.

I worry about you hurting yourself by hurting more people. It might be a good idea to try wearing it more often.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*withdraws even more*

[the-patients-archive]

..Rovel? Have I said something wrong?

I know muzzles are often seen as dehu- ah, depersonalizing, but I've found them quite soothing since I started trying them. Is it not the same for you?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I don’t like being restrained

[the-patients-archive]

I'm sorry. I didn't know. That was- admittedly insensitive of me. I assumed that because it was soft, you weren't bothered by it. You don't need to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I do though. I hate loneliness more

[the-patients-archive]

I can understand that at the very least. Loneliness is an ache worse than hunger at times. Ah, though not worse than- You know what I mean.

*It seems embarrassed.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s worse.

It’s often the same desire

[the-patients-archive]

..This may come across as odd, but when you feel cravings, have you tried biting on something durable? Such as ah, I don't know, something made of leather. The sensation might ease the ache in the- I don't know if it was the same for you, but when I was hungry, my fangs ached.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Really? Mine do too!

I bite Lilith, she’s durable… or myself, which hurts. We do also have chew toys? But leather might work better…

[the-patients-archive]

Leather, especially thick leather, would help replicate the sensation of skin as well. I haven't since my regeneration, but I believe I recall chewing on leather in my first incarnation. I found it soothing even then.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ll… try that. It’s hard to find something that feels the same

Thanks

[the-patients-archive]

Of course. We're.. friends, I believe? If I'm not mistaken. I could be misremembering, it wouldn't be surprising, but I could swear we were friends of sorts.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We wanted to be…

[the-patients-archive]

Do you... not consider us to be friends? That is.. That's alright. I can understand. The experience was traumatic for us both.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I thought you wouldn’t

[the-patients-archive]

That seems logical, doesn't it? But as I said, I don't hold it against you.

And there is no reason in my mind we can't be friends.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Then… friends.

Thank you

Yanis did… something… to make some people no longer be prey, but… she can’t do it again. So it may have to be from far away

[the-patients-archive]

I don't mind. I've found this body is.. rather more repulsed by touch than before. Short contact seems to be fine, but Olivier tried to hug me for a long while and I felt nauseous.

Do remember that I have a bite collar and am vaccinated, so it is safer for us to be closer.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not fun to lose control

[the-patients-archive]

...No. No, it was not.

Even though the cravings are duller, I still get them. So I understand what you're going through.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have blood, if you want it… Yanis says we shouldn’t repress it

[the-patients-archive]

I.. haven't had the chance to have any yet. I have this irrational fear that it will somehow awaken the taint again, despite it being gone.

And I don't know if I have the ability to drink like you do. My teeth seem to be normal. I think. Just the usual slightly elongated canines.

I'd need a, uh, cup.

But- But I wouldn't want to deprive you of resources.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

We have clones, and donations. There’s a Low Town market, too

[the-patients-archive]

...If you're certain I wouldn't be taking from you. I don't want to impose.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

You wouldn’t be

[the-patients-archive]

..Then. Then, yeah, I'd like to try it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*brings it a bag from the fridge*

We can warm it up, or mix it with something?

[the-patients-archive]

Warm it up, preferably.. I can't imagine cold blood is very pleasant.

*It fidgets nervously, eyes tracking the back.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

It’s not, good choice.

*pours it into a pot on the stove, and warms it slowly*

*quietly and quickly drains xir own*

[the-patients-archive]

*It bounces on its toes anxiously, humming a quiet tune as it waits.*

Is, uhm.. Do you have any recommendations? For.. how to consume it.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A cup works… or a straw…?

Sometimes we mix it with wine or coffee

[the-patients-archive]

A cup, likely.. Don't want anything getting stuck in the straw.

I do like a good coffee.. But I think I'll just have it by itself.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Heating it gets rid of… clumps.

*pours it into a mug*

Here

[the-patients-archive]

*It takes the mug and looks at it cautiously for a moment before sniffing. Its pupils dilate slightly. It takes a sip and lets out a quiet noise of relief.*

Oh.. I do need this, I believe.

*It begins to chug it.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*tackles it, and snatches the mug away*

[the-patients-archive]

*It chokes slightly on the blood in its mouth in surprise but manages to swallow it down, looking at xem like xe had lost xir mind.*

What on Earth-

*It takes a moment to sort through its thoughts before sighing.*

I.. apologize.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*bites the mug*

[the-patients-archive]

Drank too fast, didn't I?

*It looks despondently at the mug, slouching and curling up where it had been tackled.*

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*it cracks, and xe licks the blood off*

…

I- sorry

[the-patients-archive]

It's fine.

*It leans its head on its knees, licking off its blood mustache.*

I should've been a little more cautious, I think.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

Do you want to try again?

[the-patients-archive]

Yes.

*It sounds a little desperate, still licking the blood off of its teeth.*

It made it feel a lot better.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*stares at its mouth hungrily*

[the-patients-archive]

*It covers its mouth to help hide the blood.*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm not- I'm not consciously aware of what I'm doing with my mouth right now.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

*turns away*

I’ll just- make more

[the-patients-archive]

Thank you. I'm sorry again.

*It keeps its head low to avoid seeming like its trying to steal prey, intentionally not looking at the blood.*

Have you eaten much today? Maybe you're hungry.

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I’ve been more hungry recently

More… energetic?

I’ve been attacking people a lot

*pours another bag into the pot*

[the-patients-archive]

*It makes a contemplative noise, looking intrigued.*

..Do vampires have seasons? Sorry, that came out worded odd. Do you feel differently depending upon what season it is?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

I… don’t know. It’s only been a year…

Maybe Clearan knows?

I drained Lilith’s… energy. Motivation? It… gave me… more. Or maybe the suppressant’s wearing off

[the-patients-archive]

*It hums and scratches it chin.*

It could be both. How long has it been since you last took it?

[nianaderovelselpeshxiatrephian]

A month? A bit more?

[the-patients-archive]

How long is it intended to last?