The Solitary One

She who selfishly needs to be heard, but not to hear.

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You will never understand the loneliness in people. They will never want to be understood.

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These feelings I harbor for you will be the death of me. I know it. But still I want not to be parted from the happyness that is you and your words of comfort.

Oh, cruel Fate.

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I have no idea when I let you in my heart this time and you have this strong pull on my strings again.

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...What do you do when sadness is the only one standing between you and solitude?

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There is an emptiness in my heart and I fear it would be long before it finds something or someone that's worth to fill the space.

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Three years of silence.  2 months of talking again.

And I thought I was over the excruciating pain I felt some years ago, which had left me terrified.

Who am I kidding, love?

I still wish it was me you say the magical yet overused three words to every fucking day of our existence. I still wish you'd blow me imaginary kisses that I would so deeply cherish. I still wish to see you and me down the line, somewhere down there, I don't care where, just... together. I still wish you never let go. I wish you hadn't given up on that universe that existed then, but totally cracked away in shambles the moment you said you couldn't take it anymore.

Who am I kidding, love?

You say you never stopped looking after me, wondering whatever happened to me during the years I did not speak a word to you.

I say I never stopped loving you.

You were my first love. And now, I'm a actually a believer of the famous saying 'first love never dies'.

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Sometimes, I fear to hate - for the people I hate get hurt in the process.

I wish them no harm. I only hate them. 

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I am happy for you.

I'm just sad for me.

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I'll fill in your shoes and embrace myself on nights that I feel that I cannot go on anymore.　

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There are things people will never understand about you because you never let them.

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There are so many things to say. I have them assembled in my head. But when it's time to let them out, I mumble on the words and never get to say any of the significant ones. All I could ever muster is to look in your eyes and hope that all the feelings and thoughts that are raging inside me can somehow reach you.

How stupid can it be? 

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Admit it. You are alone because that's how you want it to be.

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There is a big difference between what you can give and how much you should.

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I am right here, love.

If only you'd look in the right direction.

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I'll hold your hand when you feel cold. I'll embrace you when you feel sad. I'll give you my kisses and much love. I want to tell you the magical three words when you wake up and before you sleep. I wanna tell you how important you are, and always will be. I wanna tell you you're the most beautiful person I've seen, even in your flaws and shortcomings. I wanna tell you I'll always be here.

This love I feel for you can raise a garden of happiness but can also feed tears to a thunderstorm.

All these feelings.

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When I look in your eyes, I see what could've been.

And it's sad that I can also see the things that will never happen.

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You're making me wait for all the wrong reasons.

Why do you have to be so good at it?