So, I'm hella new to this Tumblr (do kids still use hella, I'm so old man), and I'm just on here to bug my coworkers and shit, maybe mess with my little bro, you know?
If I get anything wrong, don't get your panties in a knot, kay?
I'm a cool guy, and yah I like to fuck around but I don't need to do no finding out anytime soon.
ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
(Richie helped with the bears, btw.)
ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
Anyway, I'm figuring this out. Just playin about.
Imma go see if Paul got one of these damn things yet.
[OOC and context below the cut]
[OOC in brackets]
[(parenthesis are inner thoughts)]
["dialogue" vs not dialogue without quotatations]
[No, I'm not a minor so NSFW is okay. Nothing TOO wild, mind you. I'll fade to black on gore or even mild smut y'all. We do random flirting here so feel free to turn Ted down.]
[Timezone: EST in case that matters]
[Ted may be an asshole at times, and a misogynist. This does not mean I agree with his views. Please tell me if I truly bother you, and I shall apologize OOC while you go elsewhere, because Ted is frustrating but I adore him. ]
[Since I ran into another Ted when I first started I decided that this Ted escaped from the Bastard Box. This means Tinky can reset his timeline back to whenever. Feel free to use this to your advantage. Ted can recall his past loops and no one else tends to notice but if you'd like to get in on that, feel free. My Ted talks about it freely. Feel free to ask any questions about this, I'm still figuring out HOW he escaped.]
[Reset Counter SO FAR: 3, 1 via death, 1 via upsetting Tinky and being put back in the box, another via infection by Pokey.]
[Interact in character from Hatchetfield, your own OC, or others! I'm here to have fun. DMs open as well!]
[Ships are fine. I especially adore ChaiCoffee. I'll tag it if it relates to that ship (or others!)]
[Headcanon wise, I think Ted is bisexual and a secret teddy bear that just needs some love lol. If you've read Romantic Rehearsals (HerainSorcia) that's the vibe.]
Featured Tags:
Ted Spankoffski RP - all posts have this!
Ted Talk - RP responses
Get me a Chai Tea! - interactions with Paul
Kick em in the Head! - interactions with Bill
Outside the Bastard Box - ooc post from yours truly
Ted Spankoffskis Ask Box - answering asks
Teddy Bear Talks- random text/photo post in character
Ted the Bastard - interactions with Tinky
[Please, no hate here. I won't tolerate it. That's all.]
Could you please stop main tagging Ted Spankoffski, since it's filling up the tag and i can barely scroll through it without seeing the posts. Dont get me wrong I love rp blogs so i dont wanna block you, but it's getting annoying
(Youre not the only one doing it dw its just that youre the one i notice it from atm sorry if this sounds rude)
[You're good! I'll make sure to do that. I went back and deleted it off my old posts as well, so that should help. Left it on memes I made specifically for Ted but that's it. Apologies for the clog, wasn't intending that. This is my first RP blog so I'm still learning the etiquette of things.]
[I also removed #hatchetfield and #hatchetverse so that should assist as well.]
The last person she expects to run into while walking about is her brother. Only this one seems... different somehow. Like she can feel a presence over him.
[or my attempt to introduce Bastard Box escapee Ted to you, if you so wish.]
[ @the-ted-spankoffski-69 ]
Gail knows him instantly. Her only hope is that he doesn't recognize her, with how much she's changed over the years.
She knows something is different about him. And yet, somehow, she doesn't know exactly what it is. She is rarely ignorant of the dealings of the things she serves... but this is one of those times.
She wants to know. She needs to know. So, despite her better judgement...
He blinks in disbelief. Rubs both his eyes with his knuckles as if it will change the image before him. But there is no mistaking that face, that hair, that girl he once knew.
Maybe this is an alternate timeline? One where she didn't... you know...
He can't know for certain but what he does know is this is his sister. The one who should be all rights, not be before him. Abby? His voice wavers on the word. Is that really you?
The name hits her like a brick. The name she left behind when she ran away. It's not hers anymore, shouldn't be hers, but it is for him. Distant memories burn their way through her mind.
Jesus, yah it has. How the fuck you been, Abs? See you got a rebellious little streak in your hair now. I like it.
Part of him wants to embrace her in a hug but he has no idea what this universe's version of their relationship is like. Is it rocky? Distant? Hell, he has no fucking clue.
With an awkward and time padding gesture he scratches the back of his head and fixes his hair.
Uh, you know... working. Could be better. Could be... well, I'm pretty worse off, but what else is new?
A self-depreciating laugh blows out of him. He'd rather not tell her about the box. There's not a need to worry her. Plus, she might think he's crazy and he doesn't need that.
I was just heading home, actually. Maybe we could uh... meet up sometime. Hang out with Pete and such.
That was not meant to be out loud... Welp, too late I guess.
Ted's shoulders slump and he offers a wonky, sideways attempt of a smile.
I... Fuck this is gonna sound like I belong in a looney bin somewhere, but I don't belong in this timeline. I'm just an alternate version of the real Ted that escaped a weird goat demon thing?
He's practically vibrating with nerves, sure she's going to laugh in his face. He can work with that. It'll suck, sure, but he's used to the world laughing in his face so this wouldn't be anything new.
Gail's eyes widen. She knows exactly what he means, has heard his plans for Ted over and over. She runs a hand through her hair, thinking about what to say.
You escaped the Box? Lords, that explains a lot. But how is that even possible?
A recoil. Brows furrowed, mouth in a thin line before his face shifts to anger.
Yah, we thought you'd offed yourself, okay? Couldn't find a damned body, figured you jumped off the bridge. Searched the woods, the shore, the entirety of fuckin Hatchetfield and no you.
And yet you think it's funny.
Do you have any idea what that did to us? How Pete took it? Mom? Dad? Fuck, what about me?
I sat there and blamed myself. Figured I was a bigger fuck up and had done more messed up shit enough to convince my sister it wasn't worth living anymore.
So you know, thanks for clearing that up. Glad to see it's maybe worse.
That you'd rather not tell your damned family what happened to you or where you went and just stuck with missing, presumed dead.
Cool.
You know what, fuck you. I thought maybe you hadn't done it in this timeline, maybe this time I hadn't fucked up, but good to know that some things never change.
You blamed yourself, huh? Well, you were right. You were never there for me when I needed you. You just got your heart broken and turned into a damn mess.
Well, congratulations: You're a real good fucking role model. Welcome to the Spankoffski family legacy! We disappear and change for the worse. I hope it doesn't happen to Pete, but the odds aren't great for him!
Her voice breaks. She pauses, then continues in a softer tone.
I wanted to tell you where I'd gone. I really, really did. But I didn't think it'd help much, and I was right. Figured you wouldn't want to see me like this, and here we are.
Never there for you- seriously? I was heartbroken. Do I need to spell it out? I was, what, nineteen and had lost the only person I had ever loved? Of course I was fucking devastated and didn't know what to do with myself. I had my own shit to deal with.
It's not like you obviously cared either...
His eyes are wet but he powers through.
I know... I know I'm not a great role model, okay? You think I don't know? I basically raised Pete on my own after you left. Mom couldn't do shit after losing you, she just hollowed out. And dad just stuck to his job selling fucking women's shoes to keep us afloat. You think it was easy for me to help out that kid? To maybe make sure he didn't...
Didn't do what we thought you did?
He chokes on his words.
Jesus you were family Abby and the Spankoffskis stick together, don't they? Through fucking doom too, apparently.
Lost the love of your life... now how did that happen?
She says it almost to herself.
I cared, you know. Of course I cared. I didn't have any friends, so you and Pete were the only ones I could care about. But you always pushed me away. Then you drank yourself into oblivion, and eventually...
Should she really push any further?
Eventually I realized how goddamn selfish that was.
I didn't run away because of you, alright? I ran away because I couldn't stay in Hatchetfield. Those nightmares I had that I told you about as a kid? Hatchetfield was one of the reasons I had them. If I hadn't left, I might have ended up... Well, what you thought happened to me might have actually happened.
I guess I was being selfish. I didn't even pause to consider how you all would take it. I guess I just figured, it's Hatchetfield. People disappear all the time and people usually don't ask questions.
She smiles self-deprecatingly. A small tear falls down her cheek.
At first, he just stares at her, taking it all in. Computing in his IT brain and filing it all where it goes. Mostly into surprise because yah, he didn't know the nightmares were that bad, but maybe he should have known.
We're both stupid. Pete got all the damned smarts, lucky kid, he chokes out a laugh and then simply encapsulates his sister into a hug.
Jesus, don't go disappearing again this time, okay?
Hey, you're gonna make me cry, Abs, he chides though his eyes are certainly leaking tears down his cheeks too. I'm sorry too, he manages.
He squeezes her, keeps her close for long enough for the tears to slow and petter out. Then he releases her and claps her on the back.
Gotta catch up sometime. Hang out. I don't know.
Ted seems to recall now the previous comment. He purses his lips and balls his fists nervously. But uh, before that you wanna tell me how the hell you know about the box?
Is that part of the nightmares too? Goat face got his fucking horns pointed your direction?
It's practically his job to collect us at this point, just to torment us. It's ridiculous. I mean, I barely escaped that damned box and I only did because he probably thought it'd be funny.
And now...
Now he's got you too.
Shit...
I'm guessing you can't exactly break that off either, huh?
(you’re walking down an alleyway while going to a “honeys” house after work. Suddenly the air gets cold. Some churchy teen girl you vaguely remember jumps out in front of you.)
My my my. The ultimate dirty dude. Theodore Spankoffski. You’ve been terrorising Hatchet-field the longest. Your ego has swelled far beyond what is due. And your mustache is stupid. I have ways of getting rid of guys like you. I’m friends with your brother so I’m giving you a warning but (she holds the book in her hands tighter) if I see you again you won’t be around much longer.
Ted looks visibly confused. He may recognize the girl, know her name passingly, but the confrontation has startled him.
Um... Grace Chasity?
Right?
Listen, first off, my moustache is amazing, rude. Second, my egos pretty small. Maybe you got me confused with the other Ted. Like, yah I'm pretty bad, but I ain't jack shit and I'm definitely aware of that.
I mean, have you seen my Tumblr posts?
I made one about sticking a fork in my toaster, kid.
All I'm saying is maybe calm down a little with your uh... he gestures to her book, spellbook or whatever.
The last person she expects to run into while walking about is her brother. Only this one seems... different somehow. Like she can feel a presence over him.
[or my attempt to introduce Bastard Box escapee Ted to you, if you so wish.]
[ @the-ted-spankoffski-69 ]
Gail knows him instantly. Her only hope is that he doesn't recognize her, with how much she's changed over the years.
She knows something is different about him. And yet, somehow, she doesn't know exactly what it is. She is rarely ignorant of the dealings of the things she serves... but this is one of those times.
She wants to know. She needs to know. So, despite her better judgement...
He blinks in disbelief. Rubs both his eyes with his knuckles as if it will change the image before him. But there is no mistaking that face, that hair, that girl he once knew.
Maybe this is an alternate timeline? One where she didn't... you know...
He can't know for certain but what he does know is this is his sister. The one who should be all rights, not be before him. Abby? His voice wavers on the word. Is that really you?
The name hits her like a brick. The name she left behind when she ran away. It's not hers anymore, shouldn't be hers, but it is for him. Distant memories burn their way through her mind.
Jesus, yah it has. How the fuck you been, Abs? See you got a rebellious little streak in your hair now. I like it.
Part of him wants to embrace her in a hug but he has no idea what this universe's version of their relationship is like. Is it rocky? Distant? Hell, he has no fucking clue.
With an awkward and time padding gesture he scratches the back of his head and fixes his hair.
Uh, you know... working. Could be better. Could be... well, I'm pretty worse off, but what else is new?
A self-depreciating laugh blows out of him. He'd rather not tell her about the box. There's not a need to worry her. Plus, she might think he's crazy and he doesn't need that.
I was just heading home, actually. Maybe we could uh... meet up sometime. Hang out with Pete and such.
That was not meant to be out loud... Welp, too late I guess.
Ted's shoulders slump and he offers a wonky, sideways attempt of a smile.
I... Fuck this is gonna sound like I belong in a looney bin somewhere, but I don't belong in this timeline. I'm just an alternate version of the real Ted that escaped a weird goat demon thing?
He's practically vibrating with nerves, sure she's going to laugh in his face. He can work with that. It'll suck, sure, but he's used to the world laughing in his face so this wouldn't be anything new.
Gail's eyes widen. She knows exactly what he means, has heard his plans for Ted over and over. She runs a hand through her hair, thinking about what to say.
You escaped the Box? Lords, that explains a lot. But how is that even possible?
A recoil. Brows furrowed, mouth in a thin line before his face shifts to anger.
Yah, we thought you'd offed yourself, okay? Couldn't find a damned body, figured you jumped off the bridge. Searched the woods, the shore, the entirety of fuckin Hatchetfield and no you.
And yet you think it's funny.
Do you have any idea what that did to us? How Pete took it? Mom? Dad? Fuck, what about me?
I sat there and blamed myself. Figured I was a bigger fuck up and had done more messed up shit enough to convince my sister it wasn't worth living anymore.
So you know, thanks for clearing that up. Glad to see it's maybe worse.
That you'd rather not tell your damned family what happened to you or where you went and just stuck with missing, presumed dead.
Cool.
You know what, fuck you. I thought maybe you hadn't done it in this timeline, maybe this time I hadn't fucked up, but good to know that some things never change.
You blamed yourself, huh? Well, you were right. You were never there for me when I needed you. You just got your heart broken and turned into a damn mess.
Well, congratulations: You're a real good fucking role model. Welcome to the Spankoffski family legacy! We disappear and change for the worse. I hope it doesn't happen to Pete, but the odds aren't great for him!
Her voice breaks. She pauses, then continues in a softer tone.
I wanted to tell you where I'd gone. I really, really did. But I didn't think it'd help much, and I was right. Figured you wouldn't want to see me like this, and here we are.
Never there for you- seriously? I was heartbroken. Do I need to spell it out? I was, what, nineteen and had lost the only person I had ever loved? Of course I was fucking devastated and didn't know what to do with myself. I had my own shit to deal with.
It's not like you obviously cared either...
His eyes are wet but he powers through.
I know... I know I'm not a great role model, okay? You think I don't know? I basically raised Pete on my own after you left. Mom couldn't do shit after losing you, she just hollowed out. And dad just stuck to his job selling fucking women's shoes to keep us afloat. You think it was easy for me to help out that kid? To maybe make sure he didn't...
Didn't do what we thought you did?
He chokes on his words.
Jesus you were family Abby and the Spankoffskis stick together, don't they? Through fucking doom too, apparently.
Lost the love of your life... now how did that happen?
She says it almost to herself.
I cared, you know. Of course I cared. I didn't have any friends, so you and Pete were the only ones I could care about. But you always pushed me away. Then you drank yourself into oblivion, and eventually...
Should she really push any further?
Eventually I realized how goddamn selfish that was.
I didn't run away because of you, alright? I ran away because I couldn't stay in Hatchetfield. Those nightmares I had that I told you about as a kid? Hatchetfield was one of the reasons I had them. If I hadn't left, I might have ended up... Well, what you thought happened to me might have actually happened.
I guess I was being selfish. I didn't even pause to consider how you all would take it. I guess I just figured, it's Hatchetfield. People disappear all the time and people usually don't ask questions.
She smiles self-deprecatingly. A small tear falls down her cheek.
At first, he just stares at her, taking it all in. Computing in his IT brain and filing it all where it goes. Mostly into surprise because yah, he didn't know the nightmares were that bad, but maybe he should have known.
We're both stupid. Pete got all the damned smarts, lucky kid, he chokes out a laugh and then simply encapsulates his sister into a hug.
Jesus, don't go disappearing again this time, okay?
Hey, you're gonna make me cry, Abs, he chides though his eyes are certainly leaking tears down his cheeks too. I'm sorry too, he manages.
He squeezes her, keeps her close for long enough for the tears to slow and petter out. Then he releases her and claps her on the back.
Gotta catch up sometime. Hang out. I don't know.
Ted seems to recall now the previous comment. He purses his lips and balls his fists nervously. But uh, before that you wanna tell me how the hell you know about the box?
Is that part of the nightmares too? Goat face got his fucking horns pointed your direction?
Someone was retiring! Though no one in the technical department knew who it was. Apparently it was some old guy that was important enough to keep them away from work for a party. Yay!!
Melissa had baked differently shaped sugar cookies topped with all sort of frosting and sprinkles, they were her favorite to make. Simple but cute and a crowd pleaser. The table left for food was quite small so she had decided to go around with a tray to hand them out. They notably ran out quickly anyways!
There were only a handful left and she specifically wanted to give a heart shaped one to Paul but as she was looking for him in the crowd she of course ran into Ted. She tried to walk away before she got his attention but of course he spoke first.
@meow4melissa
Ope, well pardon me, sweetheart didn't see you standing there.
Ted was affecting the absolute worst faux country accent and even tipped an imaginary cowboy hat forward with one finger. Then he laughed and shrugged it all off.
Sorry, just messin with you.
Oooooh, whatchu got there?
He leaned in to look at the cookies, plucked up the last heart shaped one, and took a solid bite out of one half.
For me? He mumbled around a mouthful of crumbs, You shouldn't have. A swallow. Well, you should have because these are fuckin great.
The accent threw her off. Enough that she stopped for half a second and that was enough for him to keep going.She didn't have the words.
She shrugged back the second he mentioned the cookies, trying to protect them. "I made them! Ha but don't actually-" Too late. Her heart sank as he ate the cookie without caution.
"Well, that was for someone else.. but it's nice you've,, enjoyed them so much!" Normally Melissa tried to upkeep her bubbly personality but she couldn't help but just look disappointed. Maybe at Ted, maybe at herself for not just having the nerve to go find Paul sooner.
She had to take a step back to avoid the awful cookie crumbs. Her face soured but she couldn't come up with a good excuse to leave. "It's not Bill! Or charlotte." A sigh. "It's-" She looks down at her feet. "Paul." God what was she doing?
It was like just thinking about him made her flustered. How could it not? He was so perfect. Her smile returned and she kept fiddling with her hair, practically forgetting who she was even talking to. "He's so sweet and, I just want him to notice me. I thought the cookies were a good idea but I don't even think he really likes sweets. With his coffee order and all.. I don't know what I was thinking." Her light faded as she remembered all the times she failed to connect with him.
Ted guffawed. Loudly. Enough people glanced their way. He doubled over, leaning to Melissa's shoulder to recover.
Shit, not you too? God we should start a club.
Not really, but seriously what is it about that guy? So awkward he's cute? Like yah, I guess he's sweet like you said but you know if you offered him a cookie he might just say no right? That's like his default response to everything, trust me, I've tried.
She didn't know what she expected from Ted but the loudness startled her. It didn't help with the doubt she was having. His reach for her immediately had her scrunch back but bot enough for him not to lean. Gross. She tried to keep contact with him to a minimum.
His words were maybe the most surprising thing. "Not you too?" Well, of course Paul had his admirers, she was one of them, it was just hard to imagine Ted actually liking anyone. "Oh" was all she managed.
Ted rambling on about Paul rang oddly true. In a weird way it was nice to have someone relate. Someone who she deemed not a threat when it came to her and Paul. "Yeah, really has his preferences.." A small shrug. "I ask him if he'd like to, ya know, join a club or go out for a musical but I don't know if he doesn't get the hint or just doesn't like me.."
You do know he hates musicals, right? Heck, social stuff just ain't his thing.
I managed to hang out with him once. Ted holds up a finger in explanation. And that was because I offered to watch a movie at my place.
And before you get all excited or get your panties in a twist, no, nothing happened.
We just watched Groundhog Day. I... I think he liked it?
Supposed to go out to the observatory with him soon. Might try some moves on him then, if I can. Hey, consider it some competition. Who gets the guy first, you know? Ted nudges her shoulder with his own playfully.
"Yeah, he made his dislike of singing and dancing clear as I asked.."
Melissa, in slight shock, looked directly at Ted when he mentioned they hung out. He had to be lying right? Why the fuck would Paul ever willingly be anywhere near Ted?? He was probably tricked. Or maybe sweet ol' Paul just felt bad for the mutt.
Her face couldn't help but sour at the nudge. "I'll get him." She slipped out with little thought. Melissa laughed it off just a second too late to be an intentional joke. Gosh she was loosing her patience. She needed some information about this though.
"Uh but, the observatory huh? That sounds fun." She internally winced at the idea of them alone together. "Any idea when? I mean, because I've had Paul say 'later' or 'soon' but then get busy."
Ted barely noticed the 'I'll get him' comment, or if he did he heard it as an agreement to his challenge and nothing more.
Nah he actually said okay. I think I'm supposed to pick him up tonight at like 6:30 cause the show starts at seven. Gonna pull the old arm over the shoulder dealio.
Tried last time during the movie and kinda got shut down...
But! I ain't letting that get me down. Besides, I think Paul's warming up to me, you know?
