PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@the-ultimate-oof
tsukishima: i swear, every talk i have with you people gets more and more absurd!
kuroo: you say “you people” like you’re not already part of the group.
bokuto: yeah, i’ve got news for you, bud. you’re already on the christmas card.
kageyama: [interrupts tsukishima]
tsukishima: don’t interrupt me.
yamaguchi: [interrupts tsukishima]
tsukishima: go ahead babe, i’m listening.
ushijima: you are... flower
tendou: explain?
ushijima: you make me happy
oikawa: okay, let’s stop using the word “butthurt”, we’re not twelve anymore.
hanamaki: you sound fannytroubled.
matsukawa: a little bootybothered if you ask me.
iwaizumi: someone’s having a tushytantrum.
kuroo: how much money did you spend on your date with akaashi?
bokuto: $1400. but it’s all on my credit card, so it’s more like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.
kuroo:
kuroo: i’m so useless
kenma: what! no you’re not!
kenma: you can be used as a bad example, for one
akaashi: i’m like an onion.
bokuto: what? you have layers?
akaashi: no, i make people cry.
kenma: i am going to stay closeted my whole life and i will never date a guy, instead i will marry a girl to please my family and-
hinata: hi
kenma’s gay: [shoves open the closet door, bursting out]
kenma: i’m gay
oikawa: iwa-chan, if i could rearrange the alphabet, the first thing i’d do is put U and I together <3
iwaizumi: shittykawa, the first thing you’d do is spell S E X and then laugh about it for hours.
oikawa: you got me there
tendou, sadly: why am i not a banana?
ushijima: because your genetic code dictates that you are human. however, you should be pleased to note that humans share 50-60% of their DNA with bananas.
tendou: wait, so some people are 10% more banana than others?
hinata: have you been yelled at by kageyama-kun yet?
yamaguchi: i’m not scared of him!
hinata: ...so that’s a no then
no one:
oikawa: if i ever spike and shrimpy blocks it, do not avenge me, that’s MY fault, he caught ME slipping!
kenma, holding out a bag of chips: do you desire a crisped potato?
hinata: don’t mind if i do- wait, crisped potato? what?
kenma: how about a toothed brush?
hinata: what-
kenma: KEYED BOARD
hinata: [stubs his toe] ouch! hot belgian waffles, that hurt!
hinata: wait, technically i’m not a kid anymore... so i can swear without feeling guilty
kageyama: HINATA NO
hinata: [takes a deep breath]
hinata: FUCK
kuroo: stop saying “i wish” and start saying “i will”.
kenma: i will my parents still loved me
daichi: knowing what to do in an emergency is very important, so i’ll teach you some basic first aid procedures. for example, what would you do if i got shot?
suga, eyes darkening: avenge you.
oikawa:
iwaizumi: you know what your problem is? you’re really cute, so no one’s ever told you to shut your pie hole.
oikawa:
oikawa: you think i’m cute
iwaizumi: SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE