carolyn shepherd

“i hope you know that you’ve given me the courage to change. i hope you know that who you are is who you choose to be, and those whispers behind your back don’t define you. you are the only one who gets to decide what you will be remembered for.

[the-voiceofreason]

neuromds​:

“He’s another junkie friend of mine. Even the loneliest of people have friends in low places mother.” She spat the words out as if they were venom on her tongue. “Then please let me die already.” She breathed out, tired of fighting. She had little fight left in her now, with the added effects from the drugs all she wanted to do was sleep this off. Bracing herself for the impact Amelia raised her fist and shoved it against the window of the cab. She continued to pound at the window, hoping if she hit it hard enough the glass would break and the driver would have to at least stop the cab. They had gotten to a stoplight. Without hesitation she unlocked the door on her side, opened it and jumped. Luckily she was on the left side of the cab and they had stopped near a patch of grass. She got away with only scraps and blood starting to pool around her arms and legs. “I warned you.” With one final scoff in her mother’s direction she began to make her way in the opposite direction of the hospital.

carolyn felt defeated, she really believed that amelia would be more receptive yet here they were. as soon as amelia jumped from the car, carolyn asked the driver to pull over. she was frantic, tears streamed down her face. “ amelia, don’t do this! ” she called after her, her voice hoarse from the tears. “ amelia, please! ” she didn’t have the energy, mentally or physically to follow her, so she reached for her phone and dialled 911. she explained the situation and they told her that there was a unit nearby and they would attempt to pick her up. she got back into the taxi and asked the driver to continue to the hospital. hopefully if the police managed to pick her up, they would take her there. she gave the driver triple the fare as she felt so awful about what had happened and got out. she sat on a bench outside the hospital, sobbing with her head in her hands.

[the-voiceofreason]

neuromds​:

“if you even think about committing me to some inpatient treatment or psych ward, i swear to god i will never talk to you again. i will jump out of this cab right now and never speak to you. that is against my will, i have rights. i am a grown woman. i know what my rights are and i choose to let this pass.” she tried to get the driver’s attention. that suffocation feeling was back. she felt like she couldn’t breathe. her chest slowed down, her breathes irregular and shallow.  “excuse me sir, i’m sorry you might have been given the wrong information. we aren’t going to seattle grace.” she said in an effort to regain control of the situation. “stop the cab please. pull over right now i need to get out.”

“ so you’re going to carry on like this, huh? next time i might not be around — he could’ve hurt you, amelia. did you even know him? you could be dead in that alleyway right now. ” carolyn shook her head, she rubbed her temple and sighed. she looked up at the driver with a stern look crossing her features, “ don’t you even think about stopping until we get to that hospital and lock the doors, please. ” she looked back at amelia. “ this is for your own good, sweetheart. you can hate me all you like but i’m doing this because i love you. ”

[the-voiceofreason]

neuromds​:

“can’t go to the hospital.” she choked out with a shake of her head. “i’m banned or suspended remember? can’t operate, can’t even step foot inside or charlotte will have my head. no hospital.” she stated firmly, eyes pleading with her mother once they were safely in the cab. “i’m sure it’ll just pass through my system in a few hours. i just need to lay down.” slowly she began slumping in her seat, the warmth of the cab sounding more inviting with each passing minute. 

“ i’m sorry, amelia, we’re going to the hospital. you need to be there. ” carolyn would get her committed to the psych ward if it meant she would be safe. “ it’ll pass and then you’ll feel like shit and want more and we can’t have that. you can’t do this, you need to get clean. ” carolyn wrapped an arm around her daughter to hold her upright as she told the cab driver where they were going, luckily the hospital wasn’t far. she looked down at her daughter and it felt as though she was just a kid again and that broke carolyn’s heart. “ i’m sorry. ”

[the-voiceofreason]

neuromds​:

of all the people to walk into an alley, she had to see her only living parent in such a state. “mommy, i’m sleepy.” amelia managed to say as her mother’s frame came into focus. confusion etched onto her features as the guy she had spent practically the whole evening with suddenly fled the scene before he could be interrogated any further. there went the guy with the party supplies. she quite literally stumbled into her mother’s open arms, her voice dry and withered. “he gave me something. made me feel good. until it didn’t.” she mumbled into carolyn’s neck, clinging to her as she once did when she was a young child. sorry mom. i’m sorry. dad would probably disown me by now huh?” her eyes were threatening to shut as she leaned further on her mother for support. 

carolyn’s heart was in her throat, half expecting the random man to fight her on the fact. relief washed over her as he ran and she held on tight to amelia. “ right now, all i care about is getting you safe. ” she held her daughter’s weight as the cab she had called pulled up in front of them. “ come on now darling, we’re going to the hospital and you can try and put up as much of a fight you want, but we both know that you won’t win. ” she teased softly, trying to alleviate some of the tension in the air. she guided amelia slowly towards the cab. “ you’re going to be okay, i promise. we’re going to get you the help you need, darling. ”

[the-voiceofreason]

neuromds​:

this isn’t my usual trip was the first thought amelia had during the night. yet somehow she ended up in the alleyway behind joe’s, the random junkie who supplied her with the drugs had his hands all over her. she had long since zoned out, going to her happy place and picturing herself surrounding by an army of majestic unicorns, trying to ignore the feeling of slimy hands running down her thigh and rough lips attacking her flesh. this wasn’t what she had in mind when she said she wanted to go see a unicorn and the guy replied with ‘i can show you some magic’. no, this wasn’t her life. she was hallucinating the brick wall and tough grip on her waist. she was safe and secure in a forest with warm sun beaming down on her and creatures that would keep her safe. all she wanted was some pills, but what this guy had slipped into her mouth hardly looked like the blue pills she had been so accustomed to over the years. the high hit faster, her legs felt weak and everything was starting to run together, lights, people, street signs. a lazy smile surfaced before she saw a familiar figure enter her eyesight. her vision fogged, the lines between her reality and her dream blurring. “w-what are you doing here ?? wanted to join in on the fun ? ” she found herself saying at the same time the guy pressed against her muttered something about it being a private party. 

carolyn had been feeling very alone over the last few days since she’d moved into her new house, the loneliness was especially apparent during the evenings and into the night so she decided to do something with her time for once. she always heard about a bar called joe’s so she decided to check it out. if it was good enough for her kids, it was good enough for her. she only had a couple of drinks before she decided it wasn’t her scene and she would just get a cab home. she called for a cab and went outside to wait. once outside the cool air hit her and she shivered a little, she moved into a more sheltered area out of the wind and that’s where she spotted what looked like someone who could be her youngest daughter’s age and a man who she couldn’t quite make out. she decided to get a little closer, if she hadn’t had a daughter of around the same age then she wouldn’t have approached them but all she could think of was amelia. amelia. oh god, it was amelia. “oh!” carolyn cried out as her hand flew over her mouth, her daughter seemed to be completely out of it. she marched over, getting in between amelia and the man, she turned to face him and saw red. “ get your fucking hands of my daughter. ” she turned back to amelia and pulled her close, trying to keep her out of harms way. “ it’s okay baby, mama’s here. what’s going on, huh? we need to get you out of here. ”

[the-voiceofreason]

neuromds​:

“you aren’t going to lose me. i’m not going off some edge, having some kind of mental breakdown. i’m just taking some time off from work. why, did someone say something to you? addison? derek?”

“ you told me yourself that you were suspended and you also said that you were too high to feel the pain of me slapping you so i think i have every reason to be concerned that you’re going to get yourself killed, don’t you think? ” carolyn had to try incredibly hard to stop herself from getting angry again, trying to put herself in her youngest’s shoes. 

[the-voiceofreason]

neuromds​:

“are you here to slap me again?” amelia asked from her place on the couch as soon as she saw her mother at the entrance of her apartment. “can we talk? that depends, are you here to apologize? i don’t really have anything to say to you.”

“ what i did was perfectly justified but i do feel awful about it and i’m sorry. ” carolyn sat beside her daughter and reached a hand out to hold her daughter’s. “ i’m just scared for you. scared for your future. i want you around and i cannot bear the thought of losing you. ”

[the-voiceofreason]

closed starter for @neuromds​

“ hey, you doing okay? ” carolyn felt terrible for what had transpired last time she had seen her youngest daughter and there was absolutely no coming back from that so she decided to go and see her, addison had let her in and she knew that amelia was probably going to hate that. “ can we talk? ”

[the-voiceofreason]

facadeskept​:

“mrs shepherd? i-no of course, i don’t think that. i just didn’t expect to see you. do you need me to go get derek? or meredith maybe? i don’t know where they are but if i page them they’ll come running.”

“ no, no, no. honey it’s fine. i’ll find them in my own time, you okay? ” carolyn remembered very much liking this girl so she was pleased to see a familiar face.

[the-voiceofreason]

“ you’re doing great , okay ?? i mean it . ”

“ it doesn’t feel like it, i hit amelia, you know that? ”

[the-voiceofreason]

“   please ,   just  hold  me .   ”

“ i got you, baby. mama’s got you. ”

[the-voiceofreason]

mcdreams​:

derek grabbed his phone out of the pocket of his scrubs, fingers fluttering around in order to grab a picture that meredith had taken just the night before. “her name is zola,” at the same time he spoke, derek showed his mother his phone. 

carolyn’s face was just one big smile as derek showed her the picture of zola, “ she’s perfect, derek. i can’t wait to get my hands on her, give her a big gigi squeeze. ” she didn’t know which of grandchildren had come up with the nickname gigi but she knew that it would be something that caught on with them all. “ i love her so much already. ”

[the-voiceofreason]

seattlites​:

He looks down, thrown back to a time he would get scolded by Mrs. Shepherd after getting Derek late for dinner or stealing his homework because he hadn’t done his own. “We didn’t risk our careers, hands are fine.” He lifts them up to show, though his right one was bruised. “Told you all those fights in high school would pay off.” He laughs for a brief second until he’s looked upon and takes a more serious note. “They had it coming. No one messes with the Shepherds.”

“ i would say that fighting people is absolutely a risk to your job, mark. also, i raised you both better than that, they might’ve had it coming but karma always finds its way to that kind of person, you don’t always need to be the hero. ” carolyn reaches out for his bruised hand a concerned look gracing her features. “ did he at least come out of it worse than you? ”

[promptfairy]

𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 / 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓   ♡   𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

    change any gendered language to your needs.  ♡

“   you  don’t  have  to  hide  your  tears  from  me .   ” “   you’re  doing  great ,   okay ??   i mean it .   ” “   you  are  so  strong .   ” “   please  don’t  ever  give  up .   ” “   i  will  always  believe  in  you .   ” “   why  do  you  always  think  you  have  to  do  everything  on  your  own ??   ” “   it’s  okay ,   i’m  here .   i’ll  always  be  here .   ” “   you’ve  always  been  strong  for  me .   let  me  return  the  favor .   ” “   just  listen  to  my  heartbeat ,   okay ??   ” “   come  on ,   take  a  deep  breath .   it’s  gonna  be  alright .   ” “   please ,   just  hold  me .   ” “   you  always  meant  the  world  to  me .   i’m  sorry  i  let  you  forget  that .   ” “   i  never  stopped  loving  you .   ” “   you’ll  feel  better  if  you  talk  about  it .   i’m  here  to  listen .   ” “   you’re  so  much  more  than  the  mistakes  you’ve  made .  ” “   i  forgive  you .   ” “   you  are  so  fucking  powerful .   ” “   i’m  not  leaving  you  here .   ” “   i  trust  you  more  than  anyone  else  in  this  universe .   ” “   it’s  okay  to  be  confused .   nobody  has  all  the  answers .   ” “   i’m  so ,   so  sorry .   you  didn’t  deserve  that .   ” “   healing  is  not  linear ,   but  it’s  always  moving  forward .   ” “   you  can  admit  that  you’re  hurting .   it’s  okay  to  not  be  okay .   ” “   hold  my  hand ??   ” “   you  are  my  home .   ” “   no  matter  what  anyone  else  says ,   you  are  so  important  to  me .   ” “   don’t  worry .   i’ll  protect  you .   ” “   shh ,   it  was  just  a  nightmare .   you’re  safe .   ” “   don’t  talk  about  yourself  like  that .   ” “   just  say  the  word .   you  know  i’d  do  anything  for  you .   ” “   you  are  loved .   ” “   i  just  need  a  hug .   ” “   i’ll  destroy  anything  that  so  much  as  thinks  of  harming  you .   ” “   don’t  ever  let  anyone  make  you  feel  ashamed  of  who  you  are .   ” “   you’re  not  alone .   you’re  stuck  with  me  forever .   sorry .   ” “   well ,   hello  sleeping  beauty .   you  fell  asleep  on  me .   ” “   if  you  don’t  take  your  butt  back  to  bed ,   i  will  carry  you  there  myself .   ” “   i’m  sorry  to  wake  you  up ,   but  i  really  need  someone  to  talk  to .   ” “   i  hate  seeing  you  like  this   …   please ,  let  me  help .   ” “   you  are   &   always  will  be  precious  to  me .   ” “   i  can’t  believe  that  asshole  said  that  to  you .   it’s  not  true ,   you  know .    ” “   you  want  me  to  punch  him  in  the  face  ??   ” “   you  deserve  every  good  thing  in  the  world .   ” “   you  know  i  always  have  your  back .   ” “   you  don’t  have  to  worry  about  anything ,   as  long  as  i’m  around .   ” “   stop  apologizing ,   okay ??   i’ve  already  told  you  i’ve  forgiven  you  a  hundred  times now .   ” “   don’t  beat  yourself  up  over  this .   be  kind  to  yourself ,   it’s  not  your  fault .   ”

[its-arrested-development]

[the-voiceofreason]

@ all the shepherds

[selena-soto]

[the-voiceofreason]

@neuromds @kathleenshepherd-md @mcsister @mcdreams @doctormchottie

[the-voiceofreason]

seattlites​:

“Well, you came for mine, I’m just returning the favor. They might be older but at least I didn’t abandoned my daughters. I’m a bad husband but I’d do anything to protect my girls. I’ve crossed half the world for them so Mable doesn’t have to raise Aubrey. That’s a parent’s job, not that you’d know much about it.” He was going to burn for this, inevitably. John remembers the stories Nancy told about raising her siblings after their father’s death. Despite being a child of divorcees, he at least had both his parents. It felt like Nancy had lost both.

john’s words truly did hurt her this time, she looked down at the ground where she stood. “ my husband died, he went out one day and didn’t come home, i was in the shower when he left that day so i didn’t even get to say goodbye. i didn’t get to tell him i loved him one last time...forgive me if that left me floored and unable to function daily. it felt like losing a limb, i—i... ” an ache appeared in her chest, the same ache that she’d felt all though years ago when the police had shown up at her door. “ they lost their father, but i lost the love of my life, i lost my soulmate. part of me died with him. i will always regret not being stronger for them, i will always feel guilty for not being the parent that they needed. ”