Pensieri di un sognatore

Mattia Rizzo, 17 anni.Un blog non è un semplice insieme di testi, immagini o altri tipi di dati. Non è un cumulo di parole mandate al vento destinate a perdersi per sempre. Un blog rappresenta la vita di una persona, ha il potere di influenzare gli altri. Tutti noi ci influenziamo a vicenda. Non ne possiamo fare a meno, siamo una specie sociale. E con questo mio blog io non voglio far altro che vivere a pieno la mia vita. Ho sempre sognato di scrivere e far sapere cosa pensavo al mondo. Questa è la mia occasione. Mi presento: sono Mattia, ho 17 anni e sono una persona "multipotenziale" ovvero con una miriade di passioni. Amo leggere, i libri sono il mondo alternativo che mi sono creato per vivere la vita dei miei sogni. Amo studiare qualsiasi cosa. Sono un ragazzo molto curioso. Mi piace emozionarmi guardando il cielo, dopotutto sono un umano, come potrei non entusiasmarmi guardando quanto siamo piccoli e insignificanti nei confronti del cosmo. Amo tutte le scienze, in particolare l'ingegneria e la fisica. La musica è fantastica: suono il migliore strumento al mondo, il violino. Ho trascorso i passati 16 anni della mia vita a sopravvivere, è ora di cominciare a vivere.

[the-young-and-cold-boy]

Billie Eilish - Wish you were gay

[the-young-and-cold-boy]

E’ veramente questo lo stato in cui una persona normalmente si trova? La felicità è veramente una mera utopia?

Le giornate scorrono ormai velocemente, una identica all’altra. Non riesco a trovare una maledetta via d’uscita da questo tunnel. Forse la genetica ha vinto su di me. Forse sono state le varie situazioni che ho affrontato nella vita. Forse è stato un miscuglio di entrambe le cose. Un miscuglio esplosivo, fatale.

E’ ormai un anno e mezzo che sono affetto da depressione clinica, e questa ombra non vuole andarsene.

Sto sprecando la mia vita. La vita, che è qualcosa di unico e raro, vissuta in una schifosissima cameretta per la maggior parte del tempo, a contemplare cosa diamine non va in me.

Non mi farò uccidere dalla depressione, ma a questo punto non so veramente se tornerò mai a vivere...

[promethean-soul]

I’m just laying in bed, exhausted after another panick attack.

And it just hit me that one day I’ll be gone. Like…dead. I’m not gonna be alive anymore. Everyday we are slowly moving towards the day that our heart will stop beating and our mind will shut down. I mean seriously everytime my throat hurts i tell myself that I’m gonna quit smoking. But i never actually quit. What if i was close to dying? I guess I would live my last days in a different way.

Then why the hell I don’t already live a different life? There’s plenty of time. But not infinite.

Tomorrow i should hit the gym. And i should do it again the next day. Maybe a healthy body will give me more time until the end. Also I really need to read that Hemingway book that i once bought. I’m gonna die, without knowing the ending and the bookmark will remain at page 12 (out of 300). How sad is that? I also need to answer some of the questions that my professor asks. I know the answer but I’m scared that I’m gonna mess up my speech or something. But what if I give the wrong answer? Who the fuck cares. I’m gonna die anyway. And so will him. And my dog! Yeeees. That little doggo needs a long walk tomorrow. Its life is gonna end sooner than mine. I should give her a chance to see a new place, smell new things and fetch a new toy. Oh! Damn. I’m definitely buying something from that bakery near my house. Yes the one that i never visit cause my anxiety stops me from communicating with people unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Tomorrow it’s going to be a good day. Yes I’ll be scared. But better scared than dead. What if it was my last day? I should make it count.

[killer-snail-deactivated2019112]

I think the hardest part of depression is knowing that even though it’s a disorder you didn’t cause, your everyday decisions are what gets you out of it. At the end of the day, it’s not the pills or the professionals that heal you, it’s you deciding every damn day that you want to live and you’ll do whatever it takes to make that possible.

That’s fucking terrifying. Your life is in your hands, and your depression wants you to think those hands aren’t up to the task. But you do it anyway, and that’s strength.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Never allow loneliness to drive you into the arms of someone you know you don’t belong with.”

— Unknown

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go.”

— Mandy Hale

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

— Socrates

[isearchedtheyooniverse-deactiva]

Real depression is when you stop loving the things you love.

[sunsetico-deactivated20250705]

“after recovery, one of the greatest discoveries you will make about yourself is that the old you will never come home again. you can beg all you want, but that person is gone. and i don’t know if you will miss that person or be glad not to be around them anymore, but i can assure you you are now dressed in different, much better clothes. you might have come out of recovery wearing self-care, or maybe now your favourite outfit is self-love, or maybe now you can throw on self-acceptance almost every day, or maybe you do not find it so hard to put on tolerance anymore because somedays, even after recovery happened a while ago, you may find it still hard to accept some things about yourself. and that is okay. because whichever outfit you wear, you shall be proud of yourself. because pre-recovery you struggled to even think about these outfits but now you can rock them like a star.”

— after recovery, things may still be tough. but now you have an entire closet to choose an armour from and fight.

[samxcamargo]

“So far, you’ve survived 100% of your worst days. You’re doing great.”

— Norm Kelly

[charmingsides-deactivated201904]

You can knock me down, but I will always get back up again.

[the-young-and-cold-boy]

To you, dear depression.

[hedgehogsonmars-deactivated2021]

They say hope is dead,

 but look at us.

 All these overheating little minds,

 crammed onto this tiny, beautiful planet,

 floating round in this infinite expanse that is so beyond our fiercest comprehension.

 We are the embodiment of hope.

_

 How brave and reckless it is

 to be so stubbornly and unapologetically alive.

_

 And doesn’t it send shivers down your spine,

 thinking of all those distant galaxies,

 so far from what any human will ever see.

 And after all this history and all that future,

 we will never really come close to even beginning to understand anything of any real importance.

_

 One day, the Universe will be one tiny planet smaller,

 and it won’t even take a breath for us.

_

 How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

(Sleeping At Last, And With Angels)

[allthingsshabbyandbeautiful-dea]

[the-young-and-cold-boy]

La depressione non sta distruggendo la mia vita. La sta semplicemente privando di tutte le sue fonti di nutrimento. Prima ha colpito la scuola, poi i miei hobby ed infine le relazioni. Ci sta soffocando. Lentamente, ma lo sta facendo.

[qvotable]

“All of the universe laboured to bring us together. The rest is up to us.”

— Beau Taplin

[minuty]

[riffatmatinpoetry]

“I’m going to do everything I can to overcome this.”

— Affirmation of the day.