Incorrect Hamilton Quotes

Submissions welcome!

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Eliza: What are you doing?

Hamilton: Offering moral support

Eliza: You have morals?

Hamilton: No, but I support those who do

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Hamilton, to Jefferson: They say it’s better to take the moral high road. Too bad i’m a piece of shit so you’re about to catch some hands

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Hey I know you probably don't care but I took a huge break from Tumblr and I'm super happy to see you're still up and running! You were always on my daily blog check and I always laughed :)

awww thank you so much! this means so much to hear i'm happy my blog has been able to give you a little happiness! ❤️

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Alexander: Can’t you do something about Jefferson?

Washington: Like sit him down and have a talk with him?

Alexander: No, like stand him up and have him shot!

Washington: Don’t be absurd. There’d be an inquiry.

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Hamilton: *tries to create a sense of calm by lighting incense only to find out that the sticks were actually sparklers*

Hamilton: This is painfully on-brand actually.

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Washington: Where’s Hamilton?

Lafayette, remembering that Hamilton got his head stuck in a tuba after Washington told him to leave it alone, and that he's supposed to cover for Laurens and Mulligan as they frantically work together to free Hamilton's head from the tuba: Who’s Hamilton?

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Alexander: He looked at me like I was stupid, I'm not stupid!

Also Alexander: *cheats on his wife and writes a fucking pamphlet about it*

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

*Lafayette teaching Hamilton how to drive*

Lafayette: Okay, you're driving and Jefferson and Laurens walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Hamilton: Definitely Jefferson. I would never hurt John

Lafayette:

Lafayette: The breaks, Alex. You hit the breaks

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Hello friend! Let me tell you, your blog is absolute GOLD! Hamilton has taken over my life and your quotes just make my day! Sooo, may I request a little something with the Hamilsquad and Jefferson? Pretty please with a Laff on top? Lots of Love❣️

thank you so much!!! you are the absolute sweetest and i'm so glad my dumb quotes make you day!! and of course! expect a hamilsquad and jefferson combo quote tomorrow! ❤️

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Laurens: how are we gonna get in?

Mulligan: don't worry, i've got the keys

Mulligan: [smashes window]

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Burr: I’m easygoing.

Hamilton: I once saw you use a ruler to measure another ruler.

Burr: It was off by half a centimeter. It should have never been in circulation!

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Philip: You know, our family does games nights a lot, like the classics, you know, monopoly and uno...

Philip: But every time we do, Mom and Dad almost sign divorce papers.

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

[the morning after a particularly rowdy night of drinking]

Hamilton: John, I have the distinct impression that we woke you around 3:30 this morning.

Laurens: No, it was ten to four.

Mulligan: Did we say why?

Laurens: You said you wanted to sacrifice a virgin.

Lafayette: Did we?

Laurens: I was too sleepy.

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Washington: [gives Alexander a disappointed look]

Hamilton: Don't look at me like that.

Hamilton: ...

Hamilton: You're not my real dad.

[22rodeo]

George Washington: What have I told you about comparing Jefferson to the devil?

Alexander Hamilton: That it’s offensive to the devil?

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

Burr: i beg your pardon??

Hamilton: then fucking beg

[the10dollarfoundingfather]

*A sleepover at Laurens' house*

Mulligan: Hey Laf, do you think Alex is a top or a bottom?

Lafayette, not looking up from his book: Oh, definitely a top.

*Later*

Laf, opening the door to Laurens’ room: Hey, John, can I- *SLAM* DEAR GOD ALEX IS A BOTTOM-