charls

[tshyn]

every night is fanfic night if you're a whore like me

[the1nonly-charls]

i’ve been into drawing lately

[the1nonly-charls]

there is something so liberating about writing deep deep thoughts and posting them on social media. i think it frees some doubts in my mind.

frees me, in a way.

[the1nonly-charls]

journal entry #4

Dear journal, am I broken? I used to work perfectly. everything used to be simple. everything used to be good. what's going on now? why am I stuck? why do I fail? I feel like a broken record. I feel rotten. who am I? what am I? am I allowed to like the things I like without being ridiculed? I assume not, seeing how I'm treated. I think I'm the problem. I think I need to find myself. I think I need to love myself. love, ari

[the1nonly-charls]

journal entry #3

Dear journal, I used to be close to my dad. I love him. I don't know if I'm close to him anymore. Not that close. Never, probably. I miss when I was a kid and we used to dance stupidly and just be there together. I think I just miss when I was a kid. I know he'll always be there. My dad. I love him. I miss him. I should make him a new shirt. love, ari

[the1nonly-charls]

journal entry #2

Dear journal, there is this trend in which people do "unrecognizable makeup" and I look at the videos, and I think, “how could someone do this? how could someone look in the mirror and realise that they hate their appearance so much that they'd change it and want to have a new start?” and then I look in the mirror. and I understand. love, ari

[the1nonly-charls]

i just wanted to do something good for once, you know? for once in my life.

[the1nonly-charls]

journal entry #1

Dear journal, I believe there's something very wrong with me. I think I'm broken. I don't believe in God, or anything like that, I'm not religious, but if there were a God, why would she do this to me? I say she because I believe that all creation, considered divine or not, has been done by a woman. I think birthing a baby is a divine creation. Divine in itself, divine of the woman for doing it. That is not what I was going for in this letter. Why would she (God) torture me like this? Torture anyone? Why do I suddenly feel sad? Why do I suddenly burst out crying? I must have some mental illness, but I don't know what. I can't figure it out. I'm sorry. I feel hopeless. Helpless. Unloveable. I know all this is stupid, and I know I am loved, and can be helped, and can have hope, but there are times where it doesn't feel like that. If God existed, why would she do this? I don't understand. Love,

ari

[the1nonly-charls]

i want to learn french but she used to like it.

[the1nonly-charls]

reading through my old emails to myself and "I miss someone and I think it's who I used to be" UHM.

[the1nonly-charls]

alcohol is great, but have you tried emotional devestation? that shit works like a charm <3

[the1nonly-charls]

january really is the saddest month of the year.