The 95%

They say that in advertising 95% of the time you’ll want to kill yourself. But 5% of the time your ideas will see the light of day and you’ll feel amazing. So amazing in fact, that this tiny 5% will make up for everything. Well fuck that last part cuz this is the 95%. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-28515000-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();

[the95percent-blog]

Student Awards

Fuck student awards. It’s ten one-hit-wonder creatives who sit around and ignore all submissions that don’t come out of VCU, Hyper Island, Miami Ad or Creative Circus. Don’t get butt-hurt if you overpaid to enter and ended up with shit. How do we know? Experience. Plus a majority of us went to said schools.

And if you’re not a hipster, you don’t stand a chance.

Just because an actor scores an Oscar doesn’t mean he/she deserved it. Take your OneShow and fuck yourself with it. Theoretically, it might feeling kinda good if you round off the edges. Maybe even hollow it out for a battery to make it vibrate.

PS – Professionally, we take the awards shows (Cannes, One Show, etc.) a little more seriously. But as students, let’s be honest, they’re jokes.

[the95percent-blog]

Clients on the Phone

When clients give us feedback and we’re silent, it only means two things.

1. We were on mute yelling profanities, jamming our middle finger onto the speaker, and calling your mom a cunt.

2. You clearly don’t understand good work that was presented to you. And by good work, we mean work that was procrastinated until a few minutes ago. Half the pitch was complete bullshit on our end. Our ideas are barely a step above a brainstorm most of the time.

This is no secret. This is fact.

[the95percent-blog]

Meetings

I hate fucking meetings. They’re such a burden on my calendar. They always start late. Then to set up the damn thing, account people talk in circles about what was said last meeting (nothing), what the client liked (nothing), and where the designs and copy left off (same place). We sat there for an hour and argued about shit.

All I need is for you to come (yes, walk over to me) ask where I’m at on occasion and I’ll tell you. No need to bring in ten people for an hour on some shit two people can handle in fifteen seconds.

If there’s one thing some ad agencies can improve on, it’s efficiency. Just an observation.

[the95percent-blog]

Recruiters

Let’s be honest. “Recruiter” means you were a failed art director or a successful secretary. So there’s no need to be intimidated by them.

Here’s our problem with recruiters. Recruiters are like hot bitches in the club. They tease the shit out of people by grinding the fuck out of your jeans and getting you hard. Then they leave without saying a word. The fuck was that for?

Recruiters are never upfront. Remember that for every compliment paid, that same line was used for a hundred other young guns like you. Except for David Perez from Leo Burnett. The dude seems solid. At least that what it seems like.

They say: "You're book looks great, let's stay in touch." Translation: "We're probably not going to talk again, nor will I remember you."

They say: "Shoot me an email so I can remember and hit you back." Translation: "They’re not hitting you back.”

The point is, don’t blow your load on the first agency that shows interest in you. Chill the fuck out and have a plan B, C, D, E and F.

Just be persistent and work on your book in the meantime. There’s no secret. One email a week. Be kind. Kiss their ass. They’ll come around. It’s all about timing and putting yourself out there like a slut in Amsterdam. Someone will come find you.

And don’t suck at your job. That always helps. (Unless you freelance as a slut in Amsterdam) 

[the95percent-blog]

Let’s Recap

Account people talk in circles. I don’t need you to recap the meeting fifty times you fat fucking hipster. It takes them a half-hour to recap at the end of each meeting and they send it in an email two hours later anyways. What the shit guys?

So let’s recap this last blog post:

RE: (no subject) Send me an email and fuck off. The designs are ready when they’re ready. Don’t worry, they’ll look THE SHIT. I promise. The logo will move left and “now” will be taken out of the headline. Clients will love it and cum on themselves. And if they don’t, do your fucking job and make them like it.

- Your creative team 

[the95percent-blog]

Internships

You will never be taken seriously if you're an intern who grew into the agency as a junior copywriter/AD. Go somewhere else because when it comes down to it, there's always that one person who looks at you and always sees a baby. And that one person is probably you’re boss. Stay a year, fuck off and move on before it bites you in the ass.