Diary of a Disabled Artist

Coming to terms with everything one rant at a time

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

If you like my diary and want to see some of my art, feel free to check me out on Instagram!

https://www.instagram.com/theadvancedcoloringstudent?igsh=MWNxbGhqaDczaGFx

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

What Would You Like Me To Ramble About Next?

My brand new Hannah Montanna-esque closet that just got built

More misconceptions regarding Sticklers Syndrome and hearing aids

Issues with joints and pain and my passion for art

My religious journey and how I made my faith my own

Voting ended onMay 28

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

Somehow, I managed to survive finals week and come out with good grades still. I'm not entirely sure how I managed it but I'm not gonna ask too many questions lest I accidentally drop my own grades with curiosity.

On another note, now that school is over I've officially moved back across state lines and into my own first place. Once my manager answers me back I'll be back on track. I'm still lacking a vehicle but for the time being my very gracious and amazing mother is letting me borrow hers to go to work and out for grocery trips and whatnot so I can actually save up the money for a car. Fingers crossed that that goes well.

My boyfriend and I are also now going long-distance (well, more medium-distance this time) again. We have to do that fairly often thanks to us living on opposite ends of the country and all. Unfortunately for us, this isn't something that will be fixed over time thanks to the job he's training for. We will most likely end up being medium to long-distance lovers A LOT. And as much as it sucks, he's absolutely killing it right now and I'm so, so proud of him. He's the best. I just watched one of his sermons via live stream last night and it was so good. I think me and my best friend are gonna make a small road trip to where he is to visit him at some point and watch him preach in person, too. One of my preachers also offered to drive me up there at some point as well.

All in all, life is changing IMMENSELY. I now have my own place, my boyfriend is farther away than I'd prefer again, I have discovered a stray cat that I've named Void (whom I'm feeding in an attempt to get him to let me near him so I can make him a spoiled housecat), and my family is now within walking distance of me again. The change sucks. I dont like change. But I do like the outcomes that are arising already. I just have a really good feeling about this era of my life.

Signing off,

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

Its officially finals week. I have somehow managed to accumulate six finals in total. And to make matters even more interesting, five of them are today. I might actually perish. I stayed up until 4 or 5 this morning working on an art project for my Drawing 2 final. And the teacher hasn't shown up yet to meet with me. We were supposed to meet 34 minutes ago. I don't even know what to do with this at this point. I have to leave here soon because I have another final to go to at 3 that I have to study for some more before I go. This is going fabulous guys. I can't wait for today to be over.

Signing off,

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

I've been working late. It's officially one in the morning here. I figured I should post something before I went to bed but I'm honestly too tired to try and figure out something cool and smart to post so I thought I might just tell you some things about myself!

To start things off, I'm an avid train and dinosaur nerd. My favorite train is the 4884 Big Boys that were produced 1941 to 1944. They're some of the biggest trains in existence at 16 feet tall and weighing in at 1.2 million pounds. Only 25 of them were ever made and only 8 survived to this day. One of them, a train numbered 4014, was revitalized in 2019 and will be making a coast to coast trip this summer to celebrate America's anniversary. My favorite dinosaur is the carnotaurus. Its believed to have had incredibly odd mating dances using its tiny arms which worked on ball joints.

Another fun fact about me is that I am a huge bookworm. I am actually struggling to pack up all over my books to move out of my dorm because I don't have enough boxes for them.

I also love plants and LEGOs. I currently have five LEGO creations up in my room. One is HeiHei the chicken from Moana, another is Wall-E, then I also have Eve and Moe from Wall-E, and finally the Piranha Plants from Mario. As far as plants go, I'm the proud owner of Allan the Aloe Vera plant, Frannie the Fuschia, Betsy the Begonia, and Cevin with a C the Cactus.

I'm the oldest child. My little sister is eleven years younger than me and has COMPLETELY different parents than what I grew up with. Mom and Dad really have gone soft in their middle age, I swear.

I was born with Sticklers Syndrome, which is a genetic mutation that caused me to have hearing aids, a cleft palate, eye issues, joint issues, etc, etc.

To end off matters, I love tea bombs, boba, coffee, anything to do with animals, doritos, cheetos, and learning new things. My favorite animal of all time is the Okapi, also known as the African Unicorn. I also really love capybaras, hyraxes, alligators, bearded dragons, and dogs. I also like insects. The praying mantis is one of my favorites, followed closely by butterflies and ants. I also love arachnids.

I'm a Digital Design major with an emphasis in Animation. And I'm 19 years old! I have a super sweet boyfriend. We've been together almost 7 months now. We met at college. He wants to be an army chaplain and is here to get a Masters in Bible. I have a pretty awesome group of friends too have been with me through thick and thin here lately. They're incredible.

So that's really all I can think of to tell you about me! If you ever wanna talk animals or trains or dinosaurs or insects or really anything else feel free to reach out!!

Signing off for now,

[academic-vampire]

I am so thankful that books & reading exist

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

It's been a hot, hot minute since I actually posted on here. I've had a lot happen and I've been incredibly busy. I'm taking a break from working on finals to post this right now. So, let's just dive in and I can explain what has been happening on my end of the world.

For those who don't know, I am currently a Graphic Design major living at an out of state college. I absolutely love the people here and I think the campus itself is beautiful. But it's a private university. So it's EXPENSIVE. I am so grateful that I got to come here and meet my boyfriend and make some of the best friends I've ever had in my life. I'm not much of a social person and I don't usually relate well with people so getting to actually find my group of people has truly changed my life. I didn't honestly realize how lonely I was until I came here. But as good as the school is and as compassionate as the teachers are, I'm having to transfer out. My main issues that are making it difficult for me to stay here are listed below:

Because of how classes are set up here, I don't have time to work during the day. This is a big no, no because (besides a few merit scholarships) I'm paying my way through college. I don't want my parents to be spending a dime on it.

The classes here honestly aren't what I need. They have good traditional art classes, but they lack in the digital art and Graphic Design areas. While the classes are good, they're honestly just not what I need.

This is going to sound so dumb considering that I'm 19 and I'm supposed to technically be an "adult" now, but I really miss having my family with me in person.

The price of this school is driving me into the ground and the financial aid office has been no help. In fact, they've honestly been rather rude to me.

So, I've found a way to get all of my needs met and be closer to my family for the time being. Unfortunately, I will not be able to fix the family closeness situation forever because my boyfriend is going into the army as a chaplain and if this works out, I have full intentions of going with him (on a complete side note... I found out he was ring shopping here recently 😏😏). Anyhow, back to the plot.

I have decided to move back home, where I will be renting out my own place so that I'm still close to my family, but getting my own independence, and start virtual classes at another university. This university has asynchronous classes so I'll be able to work during the day and do classes at night. The classes are also more of what I need than my previous ones. I will also get to change majors. While I will still be doing a lot of graphic design work, my major is now going to Digital Design with an Emphasis on Animation. So I can fully pursue my graphic design career and my animation dreams in one go!

I'm super excited about the classes and the move. I am not ready to be away from my friends or my boyfriend. We won't be super far away, only about 2 hours or so. But I'm still going to miss them so much. Lucky for me, I work at the dorms up here right now and the dorm mom has already promised she'd let me stay in the dorms whenever I want to visit. So I can spend a lot of weekends up here and get to see my friends!!

I can't wait to start this new part of my life (despite my hatred for change) and I hope I can keep sharing it all with you guys!

Signing off,

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

Let's talk hypermobility.

So one big potential issue that can occur as a result of Sticklers Syndrome is hypermobility. Hypermobility (also known as being double-jointed) honestly doesn't sound too bad until you look into some of the tougher areas of it. Its not just about being flexible or being able to creep people out by bending your hand weird (or about being able to lay completely back with your ankles bent by your shoulders behind you). It can also cause frequent dislocations, stiff joints, chronic joint/muscle pain, fatigue, and poor balance. And while I do suffer from joint pain and I do indeed deal with fatigue and poor balance, I'm not going to consider those a list of my symptoms today simply because the only thing I have specifically been told is a result of it is my dislocations. So I shall focus on that instead to give a better idea of my experience with all of this.

HEADS UP:

This is strictly my experience with these symptoms and may not be someone else's experience. Do not generalize this post or assume everyone will have this issue also. Make sure to remember that everyone is different and experiences stuff like this differently.

So my most prominent issue with hypermobility is that my right knee cap tends to dislocate whenever it feels like it. Whenever I can feel it swiveling around in there too much I have to put on my brace or risk having another dislocation (which, trust me, hurts like crazy). My first dislocation occurred when I was racing my brother across the church parking lot. I stepped down just right and my knee cap slid to the side, popped out, and then came back in before I'd even hit the ground. I spent the majority of my night in the ER after that. It had locked up completely and I couldn't use it. They put me in a leg immobilizer to keep it from moving, ordered me a knee brace that would work to keep it in place, told me not to put any weight on it, set me up for physical therapy, gave me some pain meds, and then sent me home. I would spend the next week in a wheelchair and then a few more weeks on crutches before I got sick of being confined to limited activity and shoved myself off of them. (I dont suggest doing that ever. I could've hurt myself worse by being an idiot and doing that and if my graduation walk wasn't coming up I would've went ahead and stayed on the crutches longer. But I'd worked hard to graduate and I wanted the chance to get down that aisle and get my diploma the way I'd always dreamed of doing it.) My second dislocation was when I was at the beginning of my freshman semester at college. I was crossing the road with one of my friends to go to the church across the street and my knee cap just went. My friend had no idea what was happening or how to fix it so she just kind of stood there bless her heart. I was able to get a ride back to my dorm with a nice church couple that happened to see us and notice something was wrong. This dislocation was easier on me. I didnt have to get out crutches or anything. I went back in my brace for a few months after and had to stay off of it that weekend. But that was about it.

The worst part of all of this for me isn't the pain itself. For me it's the anxiety waiting for it to reoccur and the inability to move that stresses me out. I wasn't built to hold still for long periods of time. I hate it. I hate staying still. So having to stay put for an excess amount of time while my knee is horribly swelled AND I'm in pain is pretty much my worst nightmare. The anxiety of waiting for it to happen again is hard too. Sometimes it takes the fun out of activities I used to enjoy just because I'm worried my knee won't survive it.

I hope I was able to teach y'all something cool today! I hope everyone has a fantastic week and a stellar Monday.

Signing off,

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

On an almost three hour trip back home with the boyfriend to spend the weekend with my family. Its my brother's birthday and then Easter this Sunday so we're killing two birds with one stone with this one. My boyfriend and I are also going to my favorite restaurant. Its only in my hometown so I haven't had it in a hot minute. I'm pretty excited to be headed back and all. Even though spring break was only just a week ago. I really like showing him off, especially at family events and at church. I guess I'm a little prideful of the man I scored 😅😅. Other than that, my wrist brace has helped out my hand A LOT. Its still a little awkward drawing with it but I've gotten a good hang on it!! I think its gonna end up being a huge help for me. Anyhow, I'll try to keep my posting regular on here during the weekend. But I can't promise anything. Y'all have a good day!

Signing off,

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

I finally got my wrist brace in. It's definitely helping me draw some. I will say it took a bit to figure out how to angle everything with the wrist brace in the way. But once I figured it out I was just fine.

So, I wanted to look at one particular subject today that is also a result of my Sticklers Syndrome. It's a personal one for me for sure and I'm not sure if everyone will really want to see it on here so I'm just gonna give a heads up that its about the issues Sticklers can cause with women's cycles. You have been warned.

HEADS UP:

This is strictly my experience with these symptoms and may not be someone else's experience. Do not generalize this post or assume everyone will have this issue also. Make sure to remember that everyone is different and experiences stuff like this differently.

Sticklers, as I've discussed already, can cause many, many problems. From early arthritis to hearing loss. One of the problems it can often cause is irregular periods. This might not sound like the worst thing ever, but it can be pretty scary. For instance, when I was 13, I had to be put on meds to make my period completely stop for the time being because I was bleeding far too much and way too often. My period was hurting me more than anything then. Now, I am off of the medicine but I still have irregular periods, just not half as bad as what it used to be. For instance, I just spent around two weeks dealing with a really light one that would NOT go away. But for me it's not the period part thats the worst. It's the possibility that my body won't work properly enough to have kids one day. The love of my life has assured me multiple times that thats not an issue. He always wanted to adopt at least one kid anyways and I can agree with that desire. But that doesn't change the fact that my body has possibly caged me in once more. This time, its caged me in with aomething I feel like I'm supposed to be able to do. Women are so much more than just mothers, but that being said, our bodies were made to carry children. It makes me feel broken to know there's a chance that won't be something im able to do. And on top of that, having the choice as to whether or not I want to give birth or adopt taken away honestly breaks my heart. I've always wanted to adopt. I've always wanted to help a kid. But the possibility that thats my only choice does hurt my feelings in a weird way. I guess it's the possible lack of choice that bothers me.

That's my spill for today. And of course, I wont know for certain if I can for a while. Nor am I anywhere near wanting to have kids right now. I know I'm not ready for that yet. But thats just something thats been on my mind lately. Thank you for reading!

Signing off,

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

Let's talk hearing aids for a bit. There seems to be, at least with the people I've met in my life, a lot of misinformation around hearing aids. So I figured why not go ahead and explain some of my experience with them.

**THESE POINTS MAY NOT APPLY TO EVERYONE. EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES. THESE ARE JUST MINE**

1) Yes, I wear hearing aids, but no, I'm not deaf

There seems to be a misconception that just because someone is wearing hearing aids they're deaf. But hearing aids cant help full deafness. Instead they're made for those that are hard of hearing. That's why they're considered aids, because they're not fixing a full problem, just aiding the person some.

2) I can still hear what you're saying with my hearing aids out

While this may not be a true comment for everyone, it is for me. If you cant personally relate to this one feel free to skip this point. I do feel it's important to mention, though, because many people, especially when I was younger because as we all know, kids can be mean, would assume that I couldn't hear a thing they were saying without my hearing aids in. This could lead to some really hurtful and awkward moments. So just be aware of what you're saying, even if you don't think you can be heard. Kindness costs nothing.

3) hearing aids fix everything

This is another misconception, at least on my end. I still have a hard time hearing some things even with my hearing aids on. They do not fix every single issue. Sometimes a little patience from those around me can truly go a long way.

4) hearing aids can really suck sometimes

I didn't realize this could affect others until I heard other people with hearing aids complain but having them in crowds can be super overwhelming and even painful at times. It's like putting the crowd at double max volume and then pressing the speaker to your eardrum. So just be aware of that if you know anyone who has hearing aids.

I honestly love my hearing aids. They definitely have their cons. But I feel that the pros much outweigh those. Anyhow, thats all from me for now on the subject. Gotta get to class.

Signing off,

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

I'm feeling great!! I'm back at school after spring break and just chilling and watching YouTube before its church time! My boyfriend spent his spring break way, way out of state so I'm ridiculously happy to see him again. He's the best. Find yourself a man who watches you get excited over Bluey and cry over messed up line art and still doesn't get mad. He's a keeper. I really need to start unpacking here soon. I took way too many clothes with me. I've been on a fashion kick here lately 🤣🤣. But hey, at least my outfits over break were ✨️stellar✨️. My messed up knee that I mentioned in my last entry is finally feeling in tip top shape again after the hike (or at least as in tip top shape as it can feel nowadays). My wrists and arms are still hurting but im going to blame that on my endless works with crocheting, digital art, and traditional art. Besides that my only complaint is that I cant leave my hearing aids out all the time. I've kinda grown to like the muffled noise over the crisp, too-loud volumes that enter when theyre in. I also started working on my plants again. I got four new ones over spring break. I haven't had any since sometime in mid high-school so im super excited to have some again. I'd better go finish getting set up for church.

Signing off,

[theadvancedcoloringstudent]

Dear Internet,

I always hated the word 'disabled'. It always made me feel weak and broken. But here recently, I've been trying to find a way to reconcile with the word. I'm 19 years old and in my first year at college. I'm a Graphic Design major. I was raised in a very "rub some dirt on it" type of household. I was also born with Sticklers Syndrome. It's a genetic mutation that can cause hearing loss, vision damage, early onset arthritis, flatter faces, cleft palates, cleft lips, hypermobility, heart issues, and more. As a result of this, I wear glasses and hearing aids and often need extra support for my knees and wrists. I did luckily manage to not have any heart problems. I also had a cleft palate as a kid and a speech impediment. Years of speech therapy and surgery corrected that for me. I'm often sore and I have back and joint issues. But I've always ignored it all until these past two years. It started with my knee dislocating for the first time. I spent months healing and even had to do physical therapy. (The issue persists now but it is much better.) Then I had to fight through my 1st semester of college with hearing issues and a sensitivity to loud noises. Then my knee dislocated again. And just when I thought I was fine, my hands started messing up. That scared me BIG TIME. after all, I'm an artist. I need my hands. Art is everything for me. It's my career and my passion. This is the first time I've truly felt disabled. I hate my body because it can't keep up with what I want. I know other people have it much worse and I am grateful for the life I have. But I thought that sharing this might help someone one day and I knew that would mean the world to me.

Signing off now