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@theasadmehmood
Be you. They’ll adjust.
Wordless and Unconscious
The mental and biological parts are two sides of the same thing. If you understand that, then you're already well on the way to becoming a fantastic mind reader. The basic idea of mind reading, as I use the term, is to gain understanding of other people's mental processes by observing their physical reactions and features. Of course, we can't "read" what goes on inside their minds in any lit eral sense (to begin with, this presupposes that everyone thinks in words, and we will find out that this isn't always the case, but we don't actually need to, anyway. As you are now aware, seeing what is happening on the outside can be enough to allow you to under. stand what is happening on the inside. Some of the things we observe are more or less fixed: physical stature, posture, tone of voice, and so on. But many things change constantly as we speak to someone: body language, eye movements, tempo of speech, et. All of these things can be considered "nonverbal," or wordless, com-
munication.
The fact is that the majority of all communication that takes place between two people occurs without words. What we communicate with words is sometimes just a fraction of the total mes-sage. (Even collaborating to solve a mathematical problem requires a certain amount of nonverbal communication, if only to get the problem solvers motivated to work together.) The rest is communicated with our bodies and the quality of our voice. The irony is that we still insist on paying the most attention to what someone is sayıng to us—in other words, which words the person chooses to use—and only occasionally consider how it is said. To put it another way: wordless communication, which constitutes a huge chunk of our total communication, doesn't only happen without words. Most of it also happens unconsciously.*
What's that? Surely we can't communicate without being aware of it? Well, actually we can. Even if we look at the whole person we are talking to, we almost always pay the most attention to the things she's saying to us. How she moves her eyes, her facial mus-des, or the rest of her body are all things we don't often pay attention to, other than in the most obvious of cases. (Like when someone does what you just tried doing: lowering the brow, clenching the jaw, and staring with clenched fists.) Unfortunately, we're also pretty useless at picking up on what people are saying to us with their words; we are constantly exposed to loads of hidden suggestions and ambiguous insinuations that slip straight past our conscious minds. But they do a little dance with our own unconscious mind, the far-from-insignificant part of us where a lot of our opinions, prejudices, and preconceptions of the world are stored.
The truth is that we always use our entire bodies to communi-cate, trom enthusiastic hand gestures to changes in the size of our pupils. The same is true for how we use our voices. Although we are often bad at consciously picking up the signals, our unconscious mind does it for us. All communication, regardless of whether it happens through body language, smell, tone of voice, emotional states, or words, is absorbed, analyzed, and interpreted by our unconscious minds, which then send out suitable responses through the same wordless, unconscious channels. So not only do our conscious minds miss most of what people are saying to us, we also have very little notion of the responses we are giving. And our un-conscious, wordless responses can easily contradict the opinions we believe ourselves to hold, or whatever we are expressing in words.
This unconscious communication obviously has a great impact on us. I's the reason why you get the nagging feeling that somebody who seemed very nice in conversation didn't actually like you. You have simply picked up hostile signs on an unconscious level, and they are now forming the basis of a perception whose origin you cannot fathom. But our unconscious minds aren't flawless. They have a lot to take in, understand, and interpret, all at the same time, and nobody has taught them how to do it. So they often make mistakes. We don't see everything, we miss nuances, and we misinterpret signs.
We end up in unnecessary misunderstandings.
That's why this book exists.
I believe in the phenomenon of mind reading, completely and wholeheartedly. For me it's no more mysterious than being able to understand what someone is saying when she is talking to me. The fact is that it might actually even be a little less mysterious than that. There is nothing particularly controversial about mind reading, as far as I'm concerned. In actual fact, it's completely natu-ral—-something we all do, all the time, without realizing it. But, of course, we do it to varying degrees of success and with more or less awareness. I believe that if we know what we are doing and how we do it, we will be able to train ourselves to do it even better. And that's the point of this book. So what is it that we actually do?
What do I mean when I say that we read each other's minds? What does "mind reading" actually mean?
To begin with, I want to explain what I don't mean. There's something in psychology that is referred to as mind reading, and it's one of the reasons why so many couples end up in therapy. This happens when one person presumes that the other person can read her mind:
"If he really loves me, he should have known I didn't want to go to that party, even though I agreed to go!"
Or:
"He doesn't care about me, or he'd have realized how I felt." Such demands for mind reading are more like outbursts of ego-centricity. Another version of this is supposing that you can read someone else's thoughts, when you're actually just projecting attitudes and values from your own mind onto hers:
"Oh no, now she's going to hate me." Or:
"She must be up to something —why else would she be smiling
like that?"
This is called Othello's mistake. None of these things are mind reading in the sense that I am talking about here. They're just foolish behavior.
In order to understand mind reading as I am about to describe it, it is important that you first understand a different concept. The phi-losopher, mathematician, and scientist René Descartes was one of the great intellectual giants of the seventeenth century. The effects of the revolution he instigated within mathematics and Western philosophy are still being felt today. Descartes died in 1650 of pneumonia in the Royal Palace in Stockholm, where he was tutoring Queen Christina. Descartes was used to working in his warm, cozy bed, as befits a French philosopher, so the cold stone floors of the castle quite understandably finished him off once winter set in. Descartes did a great deal of good, but he also made some serious mistakes. Before he died, he introduced the notion that body and mind were separate.
This was pretty much the most stupid thing he could have come up with, but Descartes had won the car of the intelligentsia, thanks to neat sound bites like Cogito, ergo sum (I think, therefore 1 am). As a result of his popularity, the peculiar (and basically religious) notion that human beings are made of two different substances—a body and a soul—-gained ground.
There were naturally those who thought he was wrong, but their voices were drowned out by the cheers of celebration for Descartes's idea. Only in recent times have biologists and psychologists been able to scientifically prove the exact opposite of Descartes's claim; perhaps the most notable among them is the world-famous neurologist Antonio Damasio. Now we know that the body and mind are actually inextricably linked, in both the biological and the mental senses. But Descartes's view was dominant for so long that it is still taken as an accepted truth by most people.
Most of us still differentiate, albeit unconsciously, between our bodies and our thought processes. If the rest of this book is going to make any sense to you, it is important to understand that this isn't the case, even if it feels a bit strange to think this way at first.
Here's how it is: you can't think a single thought without something physical happening to you as well. When you think a thought, an electrochemical process occurs in your brain. In order for you to create a thought, certain brain cells have to send messages to each other according to certain patterns. If you have had a thought before, the pattern for it is already established. All you're doing then is repeating the pattern. If it is an entirely new thought, you create a new pattern or network of cells in your brain. This pattern also influences the body and can change the dissemination of hormones (such as endorphins) throughout your body, as well as in the autonomous nervous system. The autonomous nervous system governs things like breathing, the size of our pupils, blood flow, sweating, blushing, and so on.
Every thought affects your body in some way or other, sometimes in a very obvious way. If you're frightened, your mouth will go dry and the blood flow to your thighs will increase in preparation for possibly running away. If you start to have sexual thoughts about the guy at the supermarket checkout, you'll notice other, very obvious reactions in your body—even if it is only a thought. Sometimes the reactions are so small that they're invisible to the naked eye. But they are always there. This means that by simply being observant of the physical changes that occur in a person, we can get a good idea of how she is feeling, what her emotions are, and what she is thinking. By training yourself at observation, you will also learn to see things that were previously too subtle for you to notice.
People who repeatedly attack your confidence and self-esteem are quite aware of your potential, even if you are not.
The Art of Reading minds;
یہ جو بادل تیرے ہونٹوں کی طرف دیکھتے ہیں مسئلہ یہ ہے کہ ایک رنگ دھنک 🌈میں کم ہے #AsadMehmood https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpkfQJHRt6/?utm_medium=tumblr
بس یہ دِکت ہے بھولنے میں اسے اُس کے بدلے میں کس کو یاد کریں؟؟؟ #AsadMehmood https://www.instagram.com/p/CPBDj1YHb-A/?utm_medium=tumblr
Hoti hai kisi ke muqaddar mein waqt jaisi zindagi Na rukna hai naseeb mein, na manzil ka hai pata #AsadMehmood https://www.instagram.com/p/CN_PaMOHnML/?igshid=ooi096q63prs
Beauty of village. 🥦☘️🌲 https://www.instagram.com/p/CNudJ9cnhds/?igshid=rwospeky0y10
Ramadan Mubarak to all muslims in the world. #RamadanKareem #ramadanmubarak https://www.instagram.com/p/CNnOMgKnkmk/?igshid=15pbibz12odyj
شرم آتی ہے کہ دشمن کسے سمجھیں، دشمنی کے بھی تو معیار ہوا کرتے ہیں۔ #AsadMehmood https://www.instagram.com/p/CM2CJZBHYp1/?igshid=6wf57738f96w
With @fehranmustafa and @itsmabbas at Peer Da Khara Shareef...!!! (at Peer Da Khara Sharif) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMzx-WXHACK/?igshid=krczwh13u1h9
If they spit at you behind your back it means you’re ahead of them. #AsadMehmood https://www.instagram.com/p/CMrV8NrnEo6/?igshid=1ey3u31e00sie
آگاہ اپنی موت سے کوئی بشر نہیں سامان سو برس کا اک پل کی خبر نہیں . اچانک موت کا سن کر انتہائی دکھ ھوا، ہمارا بھائی ہمارا کلاس میٹ اس دنیا میں نہیں رہا اللہ اسے جنت میں اعلیٰ مقام عطا فرمائے! #RIPShahMasood https://www.instagram.com/p/CMaUTrhntIx/?igshid=3twq0nkm9yda
About last Night🌃 dinner with @iamfairi and #MuhammadZubair (at Prince Cafe & Restaurant) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMOsHK5nu-V/?igshid=lchhbhibcrjg
Tahajub kya ager IQBAL duniya mujhse na-khush hai😏 Bahut se log duniya mein pasandeeda nahi hoty!!!💖 #AsadMehmood https://www.instagram.com/p/CMEakTnnrl5/?igshid=23st0yxygaem