Tina Kennard

“I don't need anyone to hold me. I can hold my own.” ― Ani DiFranco

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Dancing in the Dark // Tina & Tamsin

[tamsin-fitzgerald-deactivated20]

Tamsin was quite aware of Tina’s resistance, although she felt confident that she would be able to get past it by the end of the night. Tina had an ex-lover in the city and they shared a child. It was a barrier she would get over eventually, but a barrier nonetheless. Good things took patience. 

“Hmm, of course,” she murmured, drawing away and gently placing her hand on Tina’s forearm. “Let me know when you are quite sure, and not a moment before.” Outside, the door to a sleek black car was opened for them. The champagne was already poured, ready, and Tamsin offered her a glass. “Here’s to you.” She would not say to us. It wasn’t time for that. But her gaze never left Tina’s as she took a delicate sip of the expensive champagne. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

With trepidation, Tina watched as the driver opened the door for them. She lived an affluent life, both with Bette and after, but this seemed to be on another level. She bowed her head and took a seat on the soft leather, feeling like royalty. She wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

“Mmmm,” she murmured as the champagne slid effortlessly down her throat. “That’s amazing,” she told Tamsin, resting a hand on her knee. Just let go, she told herself. When they arrived at their destination, Tina exited the car, realizing she had no idea where they were. Her mouth fell open, and all she could muster was a soft “wow”.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Dancing in the Dark // Tina & Tamsin

[tamsin-fitzgerald-deactivated20]

The interior of the townhome was white, white, white. Clean. Tamsin came down the front staircase, which curved in a dramatic show of marble and a dark, beautifully carved wooden bannister. “Tina.” She smiled, reaching out to gently take the side of her arms. She kissed one cheek, then the other, her lips lingering near Tina’s jawline. 

“We are going to see the city,” she said, not yet giving up the secret. She linked her arm through Tina’s and turned, leading her to the front door. “We are going to get in my car. I have champagne and every sort of fruit you can imagine.” Her light eyes danced as she leaned in close, as if just to catch the scent of Tina’s perfume. “If you stay all night, I’ll eat every single one of them off of you.” 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Tina drew in her breath with Tamsin so close. Something felt...off...but she instructed herself to enjoy this. A gorgeous, talented woman obviously wanted her. Nothing should be holding Tina back from flinging herself at this wholeheartedly.

Upon Tamsin’s invitation to spend the night, Tina felt herself physically shudder. Some strange concoction of nerves and excitement and bewilderment took over. “Uh, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to,” she paused, closing her eyes as Tamsin leaned in, close enough that Tina could feel her lips brush against Tamsin’s ear, “Able to, um. Um. Stay,” she finally forced out, lightly squeezing Tamsin’s arm. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Dancing in the Dark // Tina & Tamsin

[tamsin-fitzgerald-deactivated20]

Tamsin’s apartment was immaculate, like everything else in her life. She enjoyed beautiful things and liked being surrounded by them. Women were no exception. She bought the best wine and the best furniture. She paid well to have experienced designers decorate for her, dress her, and all on a modest salary as a dancer. She knew it would not sustain her. Her income came from multiple sources, various “donors” and admirers, but ones who could be placated with kind words and little effort. Dancing was a fleeting profession and she had no real passion for it. Her mother had drilled practice into her head from a young age; she had developed accordingly and became a precise, beautiful dancer, but her emotive and provocative performances were lies. 

No one knew that she was a wonderful liar. That was what made her a wonderful liar. Those who did begin to question her sincerity were quickly lifted from her life. Her persona was very important to her and it was integral that it remain intact. Reputation made her a principal dancer; she had been in that position the longest than any other dancer. She would not give up her spot without a fight. 

She had seen Tina in passing, on the subway. Normally Tamsin didn’t ride the subway, but she preferred it to a taxi and her personal driver had been unavailable. Something redundant, like a death in the family, and he hadn’t even the consideration to send someone else in his place. Tina caught her eye immediately - she was gorgeous… and vulnerable. Tamsin had a natural ability to notice vulnerability in others; perhaps because she was so determined not to show any herself. 

When her phone rang she smiled and picked up on the second ring. “Hello, Tina.” She laughed, her tone smooth and soft - flirtatious. “If I told you, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise, would it? Can you meet me at my townhome in an hour, or do you need more time?” She lightly traced a red fingernail down the seam of her couch.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Tina pulled up to Tamsin’s apartment, never so grateful for a small parking lot. The parking in New York was really as bad as everyone made it out to be. She quickly checked her phone and added some lip gloss before walking up to the ornate front door.

She found the door unlocked, unusual for Tamsin. Tina walked in carefully, as not to upset the balance of the museum-like townhouse. “Tam?” she called, looking around.  It still felt strange to be in the house of someone who was not...Bette. But Tina plowed through her emotions and scolded herself for living in the past. That’s what it was now; the past.

Tina smiled when she saw Tamsin walk in the room. She really was beautiful, and her aura of mystery made it that much more enticing.

“So where are we going?”

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Dancing in the Dark // Tina & Tamsin

Tina looked at her text message, eyebrows raised. Tamsin had a surprise for her. Tamsin, the beautiful ballerina that had treated her with nothing but respect and adoration. Tina just wanted to be happy again. Leaving LA had been a nightmare, when it should have been a wonderful journey with her soon-to-be-wife. And then the video appeared.

The feelings that had surfaced when she pressed play had to be repeatedly pushed to the back of her mind. The bile that risen in her throat. The breath that had refused to be let out. The crushing pain that threatened to destroy her in a final blow brought on by errant technology. She couldn’t take it. For the first time in her life, Tina had a real, honest-to-god, nervous breakdown. It very well may have been a misunderstanding. But once again, everything she had worked so hard for, and everything she had believed in, surfaced as some kind of great lie. She felt like this time she had no choice but to flee.

Tina had less than zero interest in dating when she met Tamsin. But in a desperate way, she just wanted to be done with Bette and move on. And this woman was perfect on paper. Gorgeous, successful, attentive, and understanding. Everything Tina wanted. So why wasn’t she happy?

Tamsin deserved better, and Tina knew it. But she didn’t want to let go of her for selfish reasons. She genuinely cared for her, and wanted to explore something new and fresh, and completely removed from her old life. This was her chance.

She quickly dialed Tamsin and smiled when she heard her voice on the other line. “Hey you,” she said softly. “So what’s the surprise?”

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Text | Tina & Tamsin

Tamsin: Do you want to go out tonight?

Tina: YES. I need to get out. Dinner or drinks?

[theautonomoustinakennard]

New York, New Life

[bette--porter]

"I think it might be good for us," Bette said absently, latching the little drunk that was overflowing with Barbie clothes. Her movements slowed at the mention of Jenny and Shane. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, then forced a half-smile and shook her head. "I don’t know. Granted, I would rather they not come if Jenny insists on bringing any drama." Bette purposefully avoided talking about what had happened in LA. It was impossible to deny that Jenny had changed after the… incident… but that sort of change unnerved her, for reasons she couldn’t afford to consider. "Things have been so much better here." Bette smiled at Tina, unable to help herself. "I just don’t want that to be ruined."

Nodding, she straightened and double-checked the bag she’d packed for her daughter earlier that morning. “She should have everything she needs.” Bette’s gaze shifted to Tina and she smiled, playing along. “Oh, really? Hours? I’ll fill them.”

[theautonomoustinakennard]

"They won't be ruined," Tina said, cocking her head to the side. "I just wish things weren't so weird between them. The awkwardness is..." Tina shuddered. "But I do miss everyone else. Do you know if Kit is going to make it?" Tina asked, taking Angelica's hand. She walked her daughter to their front door, still registering surprise at seeing snowfall scattering the street. Lot of changes. 

Once Tina had buckled Angelica into her booster and waved her off, she turned back into the house. Bette was just standing there, doing nothing, and Tina still felt a tiny butterfly ignite in her stomach. "So...now what?" Tina asked innocently.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

New York, New Life

[bette--porter]

The new job gave her more time than she knew what to do with. Bette was used to being busy, sometimes even frantic, and the downtime was often more stressful than having a packed schedule. She liked having the opportunity to spend time with her family, which always would be her first priority, but hosting a party was something extra to do that she was actually looking forward to. “We don’t have to if you would rather wait,” she said, folding Barbie clothes and tucking them back into the pink trunk. “I thought it would be nice to see our friends all in one place.” Since they moved to New York, Bette had gotten the chance to see everyone fairly often, but usually at separate times because of their opposing schedules. She wasn’t especially looking forward to the awkwardness that was Shane and Jenny, but they were adults, and if this was the relationship they wanted, then she would have to accept that. 

It wasn’t that Bette didn’t fully support Shane, she just didn’t support Jenny, and it was hard to think of them separately since they had become a couple. Even thinking about Shane’s girlfriend gave her a raw, sinking feeling that she had to force herself to push aside. Each time she saw Jenny, it would get easier. Bette was convinced of that.

She had to be.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

"No, you're right. I just didn't want to add anything to our plates if we didn't need to. But if you're up for the planning, then let's do it," Tina smiled. It was such a nice change of pace to see Bette relaxed, even though she knew the fast-paced business life was something that Bette relished. "Do you think Jenny and Shane will come? Jenny has been MIA for a while. I still can't believe everything that happened back home. It's surreal," Tina said shaking her head. It wasn't something Bette liked to talk about, but Tina couldn't help it. The events of their last night played in her head like an old time movie reel. 

"Angie's car pool will be here in a little bit," she said, grabbing a brush to fix her daughter's hair. "And then we have a few hours before I need to be on set," she said in a sing-song voice, waggling her eyebrow seductively at Bette. Things were good. Better than they had been in a very, very long time.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

New York, New Life

A smile crept up Tina's lips as she silently watched Bette and Angelica on the floor of the playroom, dressing up Barbies and discussing the ball that the dolls would be attending. Tina leaned against the doorway, feeling more content than she had in a very long time. This move had been a good thing for her, for her family. California was wonderful, and it had been her home for a good part of her life. But it was also shrouded in some pretty terrible memories. This was a chance for them to start new. To start over.

"Bette," she said softly, sad to break up the seriousness of the doll posing. "We really have to get our ducks in a row for this party. We haven't even called the caterer yet. Are you sure you want to do this now? We don't have to invite everyone over right this minute. We can wait until spring." Tina honestly didn't care either way, but she knew Bette loved to entertain. She just didn't want to add any undue stress.  

[theautonomoustinakennard]

No Other Love // Tina and Bette

[xo-alicepieszecki]

It took Bette only a few seconds to realize that she had said the wrong thing. She closed her eyes briefly, as though to get her bearings, then forced a smile and nodded at Tina’s comments. “I know. It’s a horrible situation.” Bette also sat up, her hand pressing her partner’s almost reassuringly. “But we can’t forget that Shane’s also our friend. I don’t know what she was thinking and she made a horrible decision, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t hurting. It isn’t like Carmen hasn’t ever made a mistake.” The Frankie infraction came to mind, even though that had been a long time ago. From Bette’s understanding, that whole situation came about just because Shane had been talking to Molly.

Despite all that, it was easier for Bette to sympathize with Shane than it might normally be, had things not happened with Lara. Their reasonings behind the betrayals were definitely vastly different - still, even if she couldn’t identify with Shane’s actions entirely, she found it difficult to say anything bad against one of her best friends. It felt hypocritical at best and treacherous at worst. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Tina turned over on her side, still holding onto Bette's hand. "I know it is. I love Shane, you know I do. I just don't understand why people have such a hard time being faithful. If you're with someone you love, what's the problem? Just don't have sex with someone else. I don't see where this is so hard to understand," Tina said, with frustration clouding her voice. She gripped onto Bette's hand. "I'm not talking about you, specifically. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to bring anything up, but it's hard to...separate." Tina sighed deeply and closed her eyes. Sleep was no longer an option. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

No Other Love // Tina and Bette

[xo-alicepieszecki]

Trying to talk to Shane after what happened with Carmen would have been difficult, especially in light of Bette’s own recent indiscretions. She might have normally been stern with her friend over what she had put Carmen through, but now she could only look at the situation with sad empathy. Bette had no idea what actually went on underneath what they saw on the surface of Shane and Carmen’s relationship, but it was no longer impossible to identify with. The need to go outside of a relationship when something felt broken was something she experienced firsthand, and still regretted. She knew how hopeless Shane must be feeling right now. 

"So do I," Bette said softly, closing her fingers over Tina’s hand. She laughed and kissed the top of her head. "Right now, that’s something I’m very happy to be." Their time in the spotlight had been hard to take, especially once the information had leaked between their friends. Bette knew such a thing was inevitable; she herself had told Alice and Shane had witnessed the entire thing, but that didn’t mean she enjoyed the gossip or speculation. "Poor Shane," she continued with a slight frown, not realizing how obvious it was that she felt worse for her than she did for Carmen. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Tina rested peacefully on Bette's shoulder, grateful for the comfort of being with her. They had come so close to breaking apart forever that Tina had an almost unrelenting need to feel Bette's body against hers whenever they were in the same room together. 

"I know, Shane must be so-" Tina stopped, picking her head up. "Poor Shane. I feel bad for her too, but really, what about poor Carmen? She found out that her fiancee slept with someone at their engagement party. Carmen must be so utterly devastated. This is the second time Shane has royally fucked her over. And both times in a wedding-related situation. I hope Carmen has finally learned her lesson," Tina said, sitting back against the headboard. She didn't want to get into a pissing match, but she also couldn't let all of the sympathy roll toward the cheater. A spark of anger trembled through her body at Bette's obvious empathy toward Shane. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

No Other Love // Tina and Bette

Their bedroom was bathed in the soft light of the reading lamp next to Bette’s side of the bed. Tina stood in the door way for a lingering moment, silently watching her partner. After such a long time together, Tina was amazed at how a quick glimpse of Bette could still take her breath away. The awful events of the last few months had not abandoned Tina; just the opposite. She tried not to think about it as much, and had partially succeeded. But she didn’t want to split up, so there was no choice but to try to move past it. Her love for Bette was too great to give up on. Tina slid into bed next to Bette, applying lotion to her hands. “I feel bad that we didn’t go to Shane’s party tonight. I was just weak for it. She probably didn’t even notice we weren’t there. Shane’s head hasn’t been on straight lately. I know why, obviously, but I hate to see her like that.” Tina slipped her rings off of her fingers and rested them on her nightstand. She snuggled up to Bette, kissing her lightly on the neck. “Are we officially boring? All of our friends are out partying their asses off, and you and I are in bed.” Tina smiled lovingly up at Bette, her head resting on her shoulder.

[alice-pieszecki-bitches-deactiv]

The Engagement || Alice, Bette, Tina & Dana

[xo-alicepieszecki]

Alice looked at Tina with a guilty expression. “Yeah… Bette called me a couple of days ago and told me. I don’t know any details, just that… it was with - Lara.” Alice could barely say the name without wanting to punch something. Realising how it may sound to Tina, Alice looked up at her friend and quickly added the following. “B-but I don’t think she told anyone else, you know? And I haven’t told anyone… Not even Dana, as we all now know.”

The blonde listened as Tina explained how she felt. Sighing, she stood up and walked over and hugged the woman. She squeezed her tightly then pulled away, looking Tina in the eye and placing both hands just below her shoulders. “Listen - this sucks. Majorly. And I think that it made things one hundred times worse since it was with… her. Still, I know you might not want to hear this right now, but I’ve never seen anybody who’s meant for each other more than you and Bette. I honestly think you can sort all of this shit out. I think the two of you are really meant to be.” Alice smiled a warm smile and gave her friend another hug. Sighing, she turned around and looked out at the road. “I guess we were thinking about getting back together - at least I wanted to anyway. But things have been weird ever since we spent a… a night together a little while ago. Since then, it’s just been something we’ve avoided talking about you know? Plus, organising this party definitely kept us busy. I guess we have to talk about it sooner or later though.”

Dana’s reaction was everything she expected and worse. Bette felt shamed standing there, her mistake revealed to the one other person who could be hurt by it. She wasn’t naive. She knew that just because Dana and Lara were broken up, it didn’t mean that there were no feelings between them. It was impossible to move on from a long term relationship and completely sever emotional ties. Besides, the reasons Lara and Dana broke up had been more about circumstance than anything else, which made things even harder. 

Bette put her hand on Dana’s arm and pressed it, her own grip much stronger than how she felt inside. “I’m sorry, Dana,” she said softly, but sincerely. “I don’t even know how it happened. I wish I could explain it to you. I was—I was stupid. I made a fucking… ridiculous mistake. I hurt Tina… and I know I hurt you, too. I know you and Lara are broken up, but I shouldn’t have involved her. I shouldn’t have involved anyone.” There had been problems in her relationship with Tina, but it wasn’t anything they couldn’t have fixed together. At the time it had simply felt… too difficult. 

But it would have been far easier than this was.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Exhausted, Tina nodded at Alice, acknowledging that most of their friends were still in the dark about what happened. She appreciated her friend trying to salvage what was left of her self-esteem. "Dana is going to be completely blindsided. Not that there's anything left between them," Tina said quickly, "But it's still weird. I still don't really understand how it happened. Maybe I don't want to."

A wave of sadness washed over Tina when Alice told her she and Bette were meant for each other. It was something Tina had always believed as well. She couldn't imagine herself with anyone else, and didn't have the inclination to try. "I feel that way about you and Dana," Tina told her changing the subject. She put a hand on her friend's arm. "It'll happen. You two will end up together. There's no doubt about it," Tina said, smiling. "I am so ready to get out of here. Where the hell did Shane and Carmen go?"

[alice-pieszecki-bitches-deactiv]

The Engagement || Alice, Bette, Tina, Lara, & Dana

[xo-alicepieszecki]

The cool air outside provided Alice with instant relief, to both her mood and physical state. She could feel her clothes beginning to stick to her ever so slightly due to how furious she’d been, so she quickly repositioned her shirt and went to sit on a small wall by the house. Her anger immediately diminished at a rapid rate, however only to be replaced with a pool of regret. This was not what the blonde had wanted - any of it. She hadn’t wanted to see Lara, keep secrets from Dana or make a scene at the engagement party. The only thing she asked for was just one night that could be drama free for her soon-to-be-married friends. How ironic that it was she herself who had sparked the drama.

Alice had no idea what was going on inside and what she could have potentially started. Placing her head in her hands, she let out an extended sigh. Lara was someone who she had seen and heard enough about over the past few days. However, Alice knew that she had overreacted inside the house, though wasn’t going to openly admit it. She would have to go and, at some stage, apologise to Lara and her friends. But then again, did she really have to apologise to Lara? As out of order as her reaction may have been, Alice didn’t believe that Lara deserved any sort of compassion, especially after doing what she did to Tina (and Bette, to some extent. Though Bette was another story in itself that Alice would deal with later on).

Before she could continue in her exploration of thoughts, Alice heard the door open and looked back over her shoulder. Tina had come after her and, as much as she’d wanted to be alone, Alice appreciated that it had been Tina and not Dana (or any of the other women). Clearing her throat and looking at her friend apologetically, Alice opened her mouth to speak. “Tina… I’m so sorry. It just came out. Bette told me a few days ago and I just, ugh - Lara." The blonde spat the last word out distastefully, and pulled a face to match. "I just… I’m sorry, Tina."

Bette looked straight at Tina and Lara while they spoke, as if unshaken by this unexpected confrontation. This was the last thing she wanted to deal with, especially when it was in the middle of what was supposed to be  happy occasion. It wasn’t that she had a difficult time facing the mistakes she’d made; Bette owned her mistakes, perhaps even more than the next person. It was just not the right place or the right time. It felt selfish for her to unburden herself when it was someone else’s time to be happy. Carmen and Shane had been through their own share of drama. The last thing they needed was to deal with issues that weren’t even theirs. 

It became unbearable when the realization dawned on Dana. Lara and Tina were gone, leaving the two of them alone. Bette felt a wave of anger toward her partner for putting not only herself - but Dana - in this situation. Dana should be focusing in the party, not dealing with any of this. The circumstances of Lara and Dana’s break up was cloudy, but that didn’t negate the fact that they had loved each other at some point. That fact alone made Bette realize that this could be the end of trust between herself and Dana; exes were supposed to be off limits.

But surely she could help Dana understand what had happened… how things had gotten that far…

She took a deep breath. “Dana…” Bette began softly, making a concrete effort to wipe away any excuse she might be tempted to use. There was no excuse for her behavior. “I’m sorry. What I’ve done was… abhorrent. To you and to Tina, I… It is never going to happen again. I know I’ve crossed a line, and I don’t expect you to forgive me for it.” Even though her tone was confident and steady, the hand that held the water glass trembled just enough to knock the ice together.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Tina felt a chill race through her body, even though the evening air was warm. She stood by Alice, an expression of sadness and acceptance on her face. "Did you have any idea?" Tina asked, genuinely curious if Bette had been giving out warning signs that only Tina had failed to see. The thought of being that naive made Tina cringe, but it certainly wasn't out of the realm of possibility. "It's still so surreal," Tina mused, looking at her friend. "Lara...she creates a trail of destruction everywhere she goes." Tina sighed. "Thanks, Alice. This has been so hard. I still can't believe this happened. And now she's leaving notes for Dana? She needs to just get out of our lives," Tina scoffed. "Are you...thinking about getting back together?"

[alice-pieszecki-bitches-deactiv]

The Engagement || Alice, Bette, Tina, Lara, & Dana

[xo-alicepieszecki]

Lara wanted to be anywhere but where she was, at this exact moment. She followed Tina over to the small group, trying to look everywhere but at them, and caught glimpse of a familiar face over in the corner. She frowned, but didn’t have time to really look before her attention was brought back by Alice. “I’m good, thank you,” she said quietly, and managed a very shaky smile. Even though locking eyes with Alice was uncomfortable, it didn’t nearly rise to the same level as it would had she looked at Bette instead. The sound of Bette’s voice was enough to make Lara grimace, but it lasted a fraction of a second. 

"I just - " She broke off when Tina explained for her, then nodded and rubbed her arm nervously. "Yes, I-I just came to give Dana a note. That’s all. I didn’t want to… interrupt or anything, I was going to leave it outside. Tina saw me, so… um… here." Lara offered Dana a sealed envelope, her gaze flickering briefly to Alice before she looked away again. She had no idea if there was something between the two of them again or not. Despite the situation, the idea made her heart sink. Here she was, the catalyst to both these relationships, standing between them as though she had the right to be here after causing such turmoil.

Dana waved her hand flippantly when Alice tried to give her some of the credit, trying to conceal her own jumpiness at the physical contact with her “friend”, but any hope of hiding discomfort went out the window as soon as she saw Lara. It was the last thing she expected. Dana straightened and stood tall, eyes big, and stood there helplessly as everyone around her proceeded to act even more awkward than how she felt. At first she thought it was for her own sake, but the way Bette and Tina were behaving exuded dislike. Frowning, Dana glanced between them, then looked at Lara as though to try and understand why they were acting so…weird. Not even Alice looked as angry or annoyed as they did. 

It wasn’t like she had broken up with Lara on bad terms…at least they weren’t bad on her end. If anything, it was the other way around. Dana had chased Lara away and everyone knew it, so why was everyone staring at her like she was the epitome of evil? 

Shaking off her strange feeling, Dana smiled a little and shrugged. “Um, it’s okay. Hi, Lara.” She tried to sound as if this wasn’t weird at all, but it was hard to pretend when everyone else was being…hostile. She reached out and took the note, playfully saluting Lara with it. “Yeah! I, er, appreciate that. So do you want a drink or something?” Her ex wasn’t looking at her, so Dana took the moment to hiss hastily to Alice, “What’s going on??”

Alice stood there, not looking at anyone with her eyes aimed directly at the ground. At the mention of Lara giving Dana a note, she raised her head slowly to look at the chef, with anger beginning to form inside of her. Alice couldn’t help but think it was some attempt to win Dana back, however it could also be an explanation about what had happened between her, Tina and Bette. The blonde didn’t care, but what she did care about was how Dana was oblivious to the reason behind all of the underlying tension between the women.

At Dana’s question, something inside of Alice snapped. She took one look at Tina and Bette and sighed. “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to just stand here and pretend like nothing has happened.” She spoke her next words harshly, directing her stare at Lara. “Why, why are you here? Do you take pride in ruining the relationships of other people?” She looked apologetically at Dana, then back at Bette and Tina. “I-I’m sorry, I just can’t even look at her right now.” Alice shook her head and turned sharply away from her friends - she knew that if she didn’t leave, she would end up saying something else she would regret. Walking towards the door while downing the last of her wine, Alice decided to go outside in order to calm down.

The idea that Lara had come by to see Dana was particularly surprising, but Bette tried not to linger too much on it. It wasn’t really her business what Lara did with her time, it never was, but she didn’t avoid looking at the other woman. She didn’t want Tina to think that she had any power over her, or that she was feeling any sort of emotion for her once-lover. 

"Alice," she said sharply, as though in warning, but then her friend was marching off and the four of them were left standing there. Obviously Dana had no knowledge of what happened, and Bette sighed and cast a meaningful look to Tina. At the same time she spoke to Lara, a hard note in her voice: "I think it’s best that you go now, Lara." She was able to address her with confidence despite everything that had happened, but realized this still put them between a rock and a hard place. Dana could be oblivious, but she definitely wasn’t stupid. 

Lara was obviously uncomfortable and upset. Even though Bette remained angry and on edge, she still didn’t think it was right to blame her for what she had done. It wasn’t as though Lara had twisted her arm or shamelessly seduced her into bed. They were both equally responsible for everything. It was nice to have the support of her friends, who had her back, but she couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for the redhead. At one point she had been part of their group and had been respected, despite what Alice had gone through as a result of Lara’s relationship with Dana. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Seeing Dana react to Lara so obliviously sent a wave of remorse over Tina. What she was doing was unfair, particularly to Alice and Dana. There was just so much anger inside of her that she didn't know how else to handle it. When Alice suddenly snapped at Lara, Tina knew for certain that bringing Lara in was the wrong decision.

"Alice," she started, glad that her friend had her back, but leery of what else would come out. "I shouldn't - " Tina didn't get to finish her sentence before Alice walked out, obviously quite heated that Lara had the audacity to show her face. Anywhere. Ever.

Her attention turned to Bette, Tina wasn't sure how she felt about Bette shooing Lara away, in her usual in-control demeanor. This was not the right forum to get into a three-way discussion about the events that had taken place, but Tina was skeptical if Bette would ever allow that. There was too much that Tina (presumably) didn't know about their brief affair. 

"Bette, Lara didn't want to come in in the first place. I suggested it. Dana, I'm really sorry that this is all happening in your home. You don't deserve this," Tina said, shaking her head. She cast one last glance at Lara, a scornful one, and walked off to go find Alice.

[alice-pieszecki-bitches-deactiv]

The Engagement || Alice, Bette, Tina, Lara, & Dana

[xo-alicepieszecki]

Alice laughed at Dana’s awkwardness - she always managed to make a fool of herself some way or another. She smiled, rubbing her hand lightly over the brunette’s arm. “You’re such a dork. And it wasn’t all me!” She turned and leaned in towards Bette. “Dana actually did her fair share of organising here. I’m surprised she didn’t bail out! I was bossing her around for the entire time!”

Alice was about to continue until she saw Tina and Lara walking full pace directly at them. She glanced over at Bette nervously, meeting her eyes and widening her own. “Um, hey you two! It’s nice to see you both here… together… at the same time…” Alice trailed off nervously. praying that they wouldn’t cause a scene. “Anyway! H-how are the two of you?” Alice looked at Dana, then flashed her eyes back to Bette. “I’m hoping this party will be a success… And that everyone behaves themselves!” She added the last bit light-heartedly, however she was hinting towards the whole Tina and Lara situation. Alice decided not to push though it as she didn’t know what was going on at that moment. She took a large sip of wine and avoided eye contact with any of the women in front of her.

Alice looked up and met the eyes of Lara, which caused her to grimace internally. Even though Alice had promised herself (and Dana) that she would be civil that night, she couldn’t help but feel anger towards the woman. Not only did she take Dana from her, she had also managed to get involved and almost ruin Bette and Tina. Now Alice knew that Bette was also at fault, however she felt slightly more pissed off at Lara due to their history. She could understand fully why Tina would be angry at herself for inviting the soup chef, and Alice began to think that maybe it had been a mistake.

Bette was an observant woman, and it was easy to see that there was some tension between Alice and Dana no matter how much the latter tried to cover it up. She tried to hide a smile as she looked between the two, taking a sip of her champagne so her amusement wouldn’t be as obvious. Dana could be transparent at times in her awkwardness, especially when it involved someone she cared about. It had been the exact same with -

Lara.

And Tina. 

Together. 

It seemed to unfold like some sort of terrible movie. Bette’s smile instantly faded and she looked stern. She had no idea what Tina was doing, bringing Lara over like this, and looked at her especially closely. “Yes, I think the last thing Shane and Carmen need is for anyone to cause a scene at their party.” Bette glanced around, as if to make a different sort of point since Dana (to her knowledge) wasn’t aware of what had happened between herself and Lara and she didn’t want her to find out. “There are so many of Shane’s exes here. Although that would be hard to avoid. You can’t control who people bring to the party.” Even though Lara was standing right there, Bette didn’t look at her once. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her misplaced guilt or fear that the her look could possibly betray more than she would want it to.

Not once had she tried to call Lara since that terrible confrontation they had all experienced at the restaurant. Now that she had shown up at the party, Bette had to wonder if it was some sort of last ditch effort to speak to her - although she hadn’t received any calls from Lara either.

And for that she had been grateful. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

The intense emotions that were flooding through Tina were indescribable. She didn't want to create a scene, she really didn't, but she felt like this might be the only time that she would be able to see Bette and Lara face to face. 

Tina immediately saw the look of consternation take over Bette's previously jovial expression. She didn't fault her for that; this was nothing but awkward and uncomfortable. 

Tina finally cleared her throat and spoke: "Lara was just stopping by to leave a note for Dana, but since we're all conveniently here, I thought she should come say hello." There were icicles dripping from Tina's tone, but she tried to control it for Dana's and Alice's sake. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

The Engagement // Tina and Lara

[lara-perkins]

The thought of walking into that house was so terrible that Lara felt her face go white. “I wasn’t going to see her, I just… just have this letter…” She started to shake her head again, then stopped when Tina told her not to take the coward’s way out. Even though this was hardly going to make up for what had happened with Bette, Lara knew that was Tina’s way of getting back at her. It was a small thing, but it might make all the difference. 

The letter she’d intended to give to Dana folded in her hands, Lara ducked her head and followed Tina in the house. Public shaming. She might as well be wearing a big scarlet A. Approaching Bette was even worse than anything Tina could say or do to her; Lara hadn’t intended to speak to her again, let alone… a mere few days later.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Even though Tina didn't give her much choice, she was still surprised to see Lara follow her through the door. Again, Tina had no idea what she hoped to accomplish with this sudden confrontation, but part of her just wanted to see how Bette reacted to Lara's presence. 

Silently, Tina stalked over to where Bette, Dana, and Alice were talking, Lara in tow. "Look who showed up," Tina said, cold and stone-faced.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

The Engagement // Tina and Lara

[lara-perkins]

Silent, Lara couldn’t bring herself to even respond to Tina’s accusations even though her words rang hard in her ears. She never allowed herself to think about Tina while she was with Bette. Lara had convinced herself that the couple had problems, issues that had nothing to do with her, and if they broke up it wouldn’t be her fault. Even then, she had known her actions wouldn’t go unpunished - even if that punishment was entirely self-inflicted. 

"It’s not… like me. None of it was. I can’t… I don’t know how to explain it. I wish I could. I know you deserve that, I just…" Lara’s voice shook and she covered her hand with her mouth, then gathered her bearings and continued on more steadily. "I should have done a lot of things differently. Everything." She would have said more, but then Tina opened the door for her. Immediately Lara took a step back. "No, I… I was going to leave Dana a note. I didn’t come for the party, I didn’t even know there was one or I wouldn’t be here. I’m… I’m going to go. I’m sorry… I’m…" She shook her head, realizing that anything else would be repetitious: an apology that wouldn’t be accepted. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Tina wasn't sure exactly what she was doing, or what she expected the outcome to be, but she couldn't stop herself either. "No, no, you've come this far. Don't take the coward's way out. Look, Bette is over there talking to Dana, and that's who you wanted to see, right?" Tina could feel the anger bubbling up again, watching Bette talk easily with Dana and Alice. "Come on," she said again, more of a command than a suggestion. It wasn't fair for Lara to be able to go to her own home, to be able to walk away without any consequences. Not when Tina's whole life was shattered in an instant.