miss lara perkins

This is an RPG tumblr. I do not own nor am I Lara Perkins. If you would like to join our amazing, wonderful, little game, please click here and submit an application! We would love to have you.

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Past in the Present // Allison and Lara

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Allison was about to contradict Lara, and tell her that no, she didn’t run when when things got hard, she was a very compassionate person. And then she decided not to say anything at all, remembering the last time she saw Lara, walking away from their relationship. Because things were getting hard.

"Well," Allison started awkwardly. "I hope things work out…whichever way you want them to," she said, placing a hand on Lara’s knee. "I have to get going. I don’t want to be late for my interview, even if it is for a job I don’t particularly want. I’ll…see you around?" Allison asked, slinging her bag over her shoulder. She couldn’t get over the dimness in Lara’s eyes. Something had changed within her, and it made Allison profoundly sad.

[lara-perkins]

Even though it was nice to see Allison, Lara knew it was unlikely either of them would ever happen to run into each other again. ...Actually, perhaps she should reconsider that. It seemed everyone ran into everyone else around here. 

"Thanks," she said sincerely, with a small smile. "Good luck with the job. Even if you don't want it." Lara hesitated, then took one of her business cards from the counter and offered it to Allison. "If you ever need to talk. You know, as friends." The last thing she wanted was to get between another couple, or to even appear that it was what she intended on doing. Lara never went into situations with bad intentions; it seemed that they just insisted on following her everywhere.

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Past in the Present // Allison and Lara

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Surprised, Allison held her tongue. Lara had never been the type to just abandon a person in their time of need, so it was curious to hear that she and Dana had split up over an illness. “Did you split up because…she was sick?” Allison asked softly, trying to softball the question. She checked her watch, and saw that she still had some time. 

"Do you think the two of you will get back together? I always thought Dana and Alice were…sort of together, but I guess I was wrong. You never can tell," Allison shrugged, genuinely inquisitive about her ex’s life. She still felt like Lara was just a elusive shadow from her past, and seeing her in the flesh was a little freaky. But somehow, comforting.

[lara-perkins]

"No," Lara said, a little too quickly, but then seemed to recognize her mistake and pursed her lips. "I mean... not because she was sick, but... I don't know. I can't say that we would have split up if she... hadn't become sick. She just..." She trailed, finding it difficult to speak badly of Dana even though she was now in remission. "She became very angry. It was hard... I didn't know how to reach her... we weren't communicating. I think the love was still there, it just..." Lara trailed, then shook her head and gave Allison a small smile. "Maybe I just run when it gets hard." 

The mention of Alice made her smile falter, mainly due to the memories brought up from the horrible party where she had been forced to confront both Dana AND Bette. "Um. They were together before Dana and I were... after, too. I... she... it's complicated," she finally finished, her cheeks flushed. "But Alice has been... I mean, she is, the only person who knows Dana inside and out. She was able to reach her when no one else could." Even though Alice had always despised her and made no secret of it, Lara felt silently awed of the closeness she had with Dana. It was admirable, even when it came at her own expense. "I don't know if we'll ever get back together, I just... it's hard to tell. I don't know what she thinks or what she feels... and right now, I'm not... in a position to ask."

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Past in the Present // Allison and Lara

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

The changes in Lara’s demeanor were almost alarming. Something had happened, something big, but Allison didn’t know how to ask her. Seeing her for the first time in years didn’t seem like the right forum to delve into Lara’s problems. 

Allison toyed with the rim of her wine glass. “Are you talking about Dana? Whenever I bring your name up, it seems as though that’s everyone’s first association. She’s nice. I haven’t had too much interaction with her, but from what I do know, she’s very sweet. Were you together long?” Allison asked, silently wondering how within the span of fifteen minutes, she and Lara were already discussing relationships. She supposed it was only natural - who has what used to be mine.

[lara-perkins]

This time Lara smiled more genuinely and nodded her head. Even though her relationship with Dana had gotten strained in the last few weeks, she still had fond memories. It was the reason why she had left the note for Dana in the first place. She felt like she needed a friend. Lara didn't think they would ever be able to date again, especially now, but she hoped to at least establish a friendship again. It wasn't like they only had a romantic relationship; she and Dana had a lot of fun together. "She's really nice. She, um, we were together for a while... almost a year, but... she got really sick. It was hard after that. Everything changed..." It was hard to explain without Lara feeling like she had been in the wrong for going to Paris. She should have been stronger... she should have stayed. "But she's much better now. And she has her friends... Alice... Helena... Shane." And Bette and Tina.

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Past in the Present // Allison and Lara

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Allison nodded, happy to hear that Lara seemed to be doing well. Even after their years apart, Allison could tell that something was nagging at Lara, but she didn’t feel as if she were in a place to question it. “You bought a house? That’s great. You’re such a grown up now,” Allison laughed. ”I’m surprised that you’re single - a fancy chef like you,” Allison chided, tapping her playfully on the knee. “I get it though. Sometimes it’s just easier to be alone. I did that for a long after…well…you,” Allison said with a smile. “Actually, yes, I am seeing someone. It was the last thing on my mind when I came out here, but she was…” Allison was about to say ‘irresistible,’ but felt a little awkward saying that to her ex-girlfriend. “Yeah, I think you actually might know her. Helena Peabody?” 

[lara-perkins]

Laughing, Lara shook her head and toyed with her long braid. "I don't feel grown up. That's for sure." She dodged the comment about her being single, suddenly feeling as though she was going to cry, and it didn't get any easier when Allison brought up the past. She swallowed hard, but didn't have time to respond before her ex brought up that she actually was seeing someone. Lara forced a smile, but it faded the second she heard Helena's name. 

Helena Peabody wasn't someone she knew well, but she knew that the woman ran in the same circles as Alice and Bette and everyone in that group. "Yes... I do know her. We were... friends, sort of, a long time ago." Lara cleared her throat awkwardly. "I was dating one of her friends at the time, so... you know... we broke up. After that I didn't really see her anymore."

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Past in the Present // Allison and Lara

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Pushing her tablet to the side when Lara came around the bar, Allison crossed her legs and lifted her wine glass. Part of her assumed she would never see Lara again; to see her now was surreal. Lara’s reaction to Allison’s question was not lost. There was a quick, but noticeable change in Lara’s demeanor. Allison decided to let it go for the time being. 

"I actually have an interview in a little bit with a software company. They’re looking for a technical writer. Not exactly my dream job, but what can you do?" Allison looked toward the ceiling and took a sip of her wine. "Yeah, I’ve been busy too. I’ve made a few friends, just trying to immerse myself in LA culture," Allison laughed, noting the pretense. "So tell me about your life now. Where are you living, what have you been doing, are you single, are you married? It’s been a long time," Allison said lightly, adjusting the strap of her sandal. 

[lara-perkins]

Lara smiled, genuinely happy for Allison's success. Back when they were together in Boston, she had encouraged her dreams without question or judgment, and it was fulfilling to see she'd flourished even in her absence. "I'm sure you'll do well. They'll love you," she added with confidence, taking a seat next to Allison. "Do you mind if I join you?" Lara would have understood if her presence wasn't welcomed. Even though their break-up hadn't been in the wake of a traumatic affair or something else, it had still been difficult. 

"Um..." It took effort for Lara to smile, but she managed. "I live in a little house in West Hollywood. It's close by. And, well, you've seen the restaurant... that's been my main focus for the past year." At the question of relationships, she paused a second longer than necessary. "I'm single. I don't have a lot of time." Lara cleared her throat, then purposefully turned the topic back to Allison. "What about you? Are you... seeing anyone?" Even though they weren't together, it was always painful to think of exes with someone new. She felt the same way about Dana.

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Past in the Present // Allison and Lara

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Allison got a good look at Lara for the first time since she had seen her walk out of her apartment in Boston. She looked mostly the same, but Allison couldn’t help but notice she looked…older. She didn’t have the same carefree appearance she once had. Still beautiful, just different somehow. 

"I live here now, I’ve been here for…six months or so. My publisher thought it would be a good idea to get more exposure. Hasn’t happened yet, but…anyway, I can’t believe that we’re both here. What are the odds, really?" Allison shook her head, taking a long sip of her wine. "Your restaurant is beautiful. I always knew you’d have something great. Congratulations," Allison told her, with a hint of sadness. "So how have you been? How have the last few years treated you?"

[lara-perkins]

"That's wonderful. I'm sure it'll happen soon, Allison. You were always so talented." Without realizing it, Lara used Allison's full name instead of "Ally" - a nickname she'd adopted soon after they started dating. It felt strange to talk to her now, after everything she had been through the past few years, and she had no idea how to act. It hurt her to see Allison, even though she was glad to see that her ex-girlfriend looked the exact same - better, even. She seemed to be glowing. 

Smiling faintly, Lara untied her apron and came from behind her counter, signaling to her assistant chef that she was going to take a break. "Thank you. The odds are actually pretty high... I've come to learn that about this city." She tried to laugh, but the sound died when Allison asked how she'd been doing. The past two years rushed over her and Lara's chin trembled. She forced a smile and pushed the emotion back, not wanting to lose it in the middle of her own restaurant. "Um, good. They've been busy. What about you? What brought you here?"

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Past in the Present // Allison and Lara

Allison wandered into a restaurant she hadn’t been to before, mainly to kill some time before meeting with a potential new employer. She really didn’t want to take a job as a technical writer, but she had to pay the bills somehow. Besides, it might be a load off to have a structured assignment with firm deadlines. Something different.

She ordered a glass of wine and pulled up a game on her iPad while she sat on one of the fancy bar stools. Lost in swiping, she barely noticed when a familiar redhead was standing behind the bar, decked out in her chef’s jacket.

Allison did a double take, and watched as Lara selected an expensive red wine, presumably for a dish she was working on. As she turned around, Allison smiled and spoke up. “Small world,” she said, wondering if Lara would even recognize her anymore.  

[lara-perkins]

The last few days had been like a waking nightmare. Lara had immersed herself in her work. It was the only thing that remained consistent and predictable. She was, by nature, a risk-taker, but it felt as though she had bet her life away - along with the lives of others - and now she had lost everything. Even the small group of friends she had made in LA were lost forever. It was like that after things ended with Dana, but Lara knew she could always count on reconnecting with them one day. 

Now that felt impossible.

Allison's voice startled her to the point where Lara nearly dropped the wine in her hands. She spun around, eyes wide, and stared at her ex as though she were a ghost. It wasn't a complete surprise; she thought she had seen Allison at Shane and Carmen's party, but hadn't been sure. Now she was. "Allison," she managed softly, then smiled and set the bottle down. "Hi..." Lara's voice was much softer, but she was genuinely happy to see Allison despite how things had ended between them. "I... I can't believe you're here. How are you? How have you been?"

[alice-pieszecki-bitches-deactiv]

The Engagement || Alice, Bette, Tina, Lara, & Dana

[theautonomoustinakennard]

xbetteporterx:

[lara-perkins]

Dana waved her hand flippantly when Alice tried to give her some of the credit, trying to conceal her own jumpiness at the physical contact with her “friend”, but any hope of hiding discomfort went out the window as soon as she saw Lara. It was the last thing she expected. Dana straightened and stood tall, eyes big, and stood there helplessly as everyone around her proceeded to act even more awkward than how she felt. At first she thought it was for her own sake, but the way Bette and Tina were behaving exuded dislike. Frowning, Dana glanced between them, then looked at Lara as though to try and understand why they were acting so…weird. Not even Alice looked as angry or annoyed as they did. 

It wasn’t like she had broken up with Lara on bad terms…at least they weren’t bad on her end. If anything, it was the other way around. Dana had chased Lara away and everyone knew it, so why was everyone staring at her like she was the epitome of evil? 

Shaking off her strange feeling, Dana smiled a little and shrugged. “Um, it’s okay. Hi, Lara.” She tried to sound as if this wasn’t weird at all, but it was hard to pretend when everyone else was being…hostile. She reached out and took the note, playfully saluting Lara with it. “Yeah! I, er, appreciate that. So do you want a drink or something?” Her ex wasn’t looking at her, so Dana took the moment to hiss hastily to Alice, “What’s going on??”

Alice stood there, not looking at anyone with her eyes aimed directly at the ground. At the mention of Lara giving Dana a note, she raised her head slowly to look at the chef, with anger beginning to form inside of her. Alice couldn’t help but think it was some attempt to win Dana back, however it could also be an explanation about what had happened between her, Tina and Bette. The blonde didn’t care, but what she did care about was how Dana was oblivious to the reason behind all of the underlying tension between the women.

At Dana’s question, something inside of Alice snapped. She took one look at Tina and Bette and sighed. “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to just stand here and pretend like nothing has happened.” She spoke her next words harshly, directing her stare at Lara. “Why, why are you here? Do you take pride in ruining the relationships of other people?” She looked apologetically at Dana, then back at Bette and Tina. “I-I’m sorry, I just can’t even look at her right now.” Alice shook her head and turned sharply away from her friends - she knew that if she didn’t leave, she would end up saying something else she would regret. Walking towards the door while downing the last of her wine, Alice decided to go outside in order to calm down.

The idea that Lara had come by to see Dana was particularly surprising, but Bette tried not to linger too much on it. It wasn’t really her business what Lara did with her time, it never was, but she didn’t avoid looking at the other woman. She didn’t want Tina to think that she had any power over her, or that she was feeling any sort of emotion for her once-lover. 

"Alice," she said sharply, as though in warning, but then her friend was marching off and the four of them were left standing there. Obviously Dana had no knowledge of what happened, and Bette sighed and cast a meaningful look to Tina. At the same time she spoke to Lara, a hard note in her voice: "I think it’s best that you go now, Lara." She was able to address her with confidence despite everything that had happened, but realized this still put them between a rock and a hard place. Dana could be oblivious, but she definitely wasn’t stupid. 

Lara was obviously uncomfortable and upset. Even though Bette remained angry and on edge, she still didn’t think it was right to blame her for what she had done. It wasn’t as though Lara had twisted her arm or shamelessly seduced her into bed. They were both equally responsible for everything. It was nice to have the support of her friends, who had her back, but she couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for the redhead. At one point she had been part of their group and had been respected, despite what Alice had gone through as a result of Lara’s relationship with Dana. 

Seeing Dana react to Lara so obliviously sent a wave of remorse over Tina. What she was doing was unfair, particularly to Alice and Dana. There was just so much anger inside of her that she didn’t know how else to handle it. When Alice suddenly snapped at Lara, Tina knew for certain that bringing Lara in was the wrong decision.

"Alice," she started, glad that her friend had her back, but leery of what else would come out. "I shouldn’t - " Tina didn’t get to finish her sentence before Alice walked out, obviously quite heated that Lara had the audacity to show her face. Anywhere. Ever.

Her attention turned to Bette, Tina wasn’t sure how she felt about Bette shooing Lara away, in her usual in-control demeanor. This was not the right forum to get into a three-way discussion about the events that had taken place, but Tina was skeptical if Bette would ever allow that. There was too much that Tina (presumably) didn’t know about their brief affair. 

"Bette, Lara didn’t want to come in in the first place. I suggested it. Dana, I’m really sorry that this is all happening in your home. You don’t deserve this," Tina said, shaking her head. She cast one last glance at Lara, a scornful one, and walked off to go find Alice.

Dana's response to her made Lara feel faint with relief. Obviously she didn't know what happened between herself and Bette, which was something Lara never wanted her to suspect. She knew that what she had done was unforgivable to Bette and Tina - getting Dana involved would add a new level of betrayal. Lara wasn't sure if they would ever be able to rekindle their lost connection, but she knew her ex well enough to know that Dana wouldn't be able to get over something like that. She was an honest person, but it definitely wasn't the right place - or time -

Alice's voice made her blood run cold. At the same time her face turned red hot and Lara felt faint. For a second she thought she was ready to collapse on the floor. Her knees shook and her mouth fell open, but she couldn't force herself to say anything for a few seconds. The tears in her eyes spoke for themselves. She heard Bette told her to go, but somehow the idea of just slinking off to the crowd didn't feel... right. Lara brushed tears away with the backs of her fingers, trembling, and the words were out of her mouth before she could even stop to check herself: "I'm sorry! I never meant to do - I never meant it, I - " She looked at Bette, then Tina, her voice shaking. "I'm s-so sorry!" 

Lara couldn't bring herself to even look at Dana. She ducked her head and blindly found her way to the back door; suddenly she couldn't get away fast enough.

[alice-pieszecki-bitches-deactiv]

The Engagement || Alice, Bette, Tina, Lara, & Dana

[xo-alicepieszecki]

Alice laughed at Dana’s awkwardness - she always managed to make a fool of herself some way or another. She smiled, rubbing her hand lightly over the brunette’s arm. “You’re such a dork. And it wasn’t all me!” She turned and leaned in towards Bette. “Dana actually did her fair share of organising here. I’m surprised she didn’t bail out! I was bossing her around for the entire time!”

Alice was about to continue until she saw Tina and Lara walking full pace directly at them. She glanced over at Bette nervously, meeting her eyes and widening her own. “Um, hey you two! It’s nice to see you both here… together… at the same time…” Alice trailed off nervously. praying that they wouldn’t cause a scene. “Anyway! H-how are the two of you?” Alice looked at Dana, then flashed her eyes back to Bette. “I’m hoping this party will be a success… And that everyone behaves themselves!” She added the last bit light-heartedly, however she was hinting towards the whole Tina and Lara situation. Alice decided not to push though it as she didn’t know what was going on at that moment. She took a large sip of wine and avoided eye contact with any of the women in front of her.

Alice looked up and met the eyes of Lara, which caused her to grimace internally. Even though Alice had promised herself (and Dana) that she would be civil that night, she couldn’t help but feel anger towards the woman. Not only did she take Dana from her, she had also managed to get involved and almost ruin Bette and Tina. Now Alice knew that Bette was also at fault, however she felt slightly more pissed off at Lara due to their history. She could understand fully why Tina would be angry at herself for inviting the soup chef, and Alice began to think that maybe it had been a mistake.

Bette was an observant woman, and it was easy to see that there was some tension between Alice and Dana no matter how much the latter tried to cover it up. She tried to hide a smile as she looked between the two, taking a sip of her champagne so her amusement wouldn’t be as obvious. Dana could be transparent at times in her awkwardness, especially when it involved someone she cared about. It had been the exact same with -

Lara.

And Tina. 

Together. 

It seemed to unfold like some sort of terrible movie. Bette’s smile instantly faded and she looked stern. She had no idea what Tina was doing, bringing Lara over like this, and looked at her especially closely. “Yes, I think the last thing Shane and Carmen need is for anyone to cause a scene at their party.” Bette glanced around, as if to make a different sort of point since Dana (to her knowledge) wasn’t aware of what had happened between herself and Lara and she didn’t want her to find out. “There are so many of Shane’s exes here. Although that would be hard to avoid. You can’t control who people bring to the party.” Even though Lara was standing right there, Bette didn’t look at her once. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her misplaced guilt or fear that the her look could possibly betray more than she would want it to.

Not once had she tried to call Lara since that terrible confrontation they had all experienced at the restaurant. Now that she had shown up at the party, Bette had to wonder if it was some sort of last ditch effort to speak to her - although she hadn’t received any calls from Lara either.

And for that she had been grateful. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

The intense emotions that were flooding through Tina were indescribable. She didn’t want to create a scene, she really didn’t, but she felt like this might be the only time that she would be able to see Bette and Lara face to face. 

Tina immediately saw the look of consternation take over Bette’s previously jovial expression. She didn’t fault her for that; this was nothing but awkward and uncomfortable. 

Tina finally cleared her throat and spoke: “Lara was just stopping by to leave a note for Dana, but since we’re all conveniently here, I thought she should come say hello.” There were icicles dripping from Tina’s tone, but she tried to control it for Dana’s and Alice’s sake. 

[lara-perkins]

Lara wanted to be anywhere but where she was, at this exact moment. She followed Tina over to the small group, trying to look everywhere but at them, and caught glimpse of a familiar face over in the corner. She frowned, but didn't have time to really look before her attention was brought back by Alice. "I'm good, thank you," she said quietly, and managed a very shaky smile. Even though locking eyes with Alice was uncomfortable, it didn't nearly rise to the same level as it would had she looked at Bette instead. The sound of Bette's voice was enough to make Lara grimace, but it lasted a fraction of a second. 

"I just - " She broke off when Tina explained for her, then nodded and rubbed her arm nervously. "Yes, I-I just came to give Dana a note. That's all. I didn't want to... interrupt or anything, I was going to leave it outside. Tina saw me, so... um... here." Lara offered Dana a sealed envelope, her gaze flickering briefly to Alice before she looked away again. She had no idea if there was something between the two of them again or not. Despite the situation, the idea made her heart sink. Here she was, the catalyst to both these relationships, standing between them as though she had the right to be here after causing such turmoil.

[allisonbrent-blog-blog]

Three years earlier...

Allison sat next to Lara on the edge of the bed, her eyes red and blurry. None of it made any sense. “But why California? You have a successful restaurant in the city. Can’t it wait? Give me a couple of years, and I’ll figure something out. You know I can’t leave now.”

Lara tried not to look at Allison as she slowly packed her suitcase, her voice low and monotone. “It’s my family, Allison. My father… you know I have to be there for him. If he has another stroke and I’m not there…” She trailed, then sucked in her breath and shook her head, zipping the suitcase in one motion. “I have to go.”

Read More

[theautonomoustinakennard]

The Engagement // Tina and Lara

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Tina wasn’t sure exactly what she was doing, or what she expected the outcome to be, but she couldn’t stop herself either. “No, no, you’ve come this far. Don’t take the coward’s way out. Look, Bette is over there talking to Dana, and that’s who you wanted to see, right?” Tina could feel the anger bubbling up again, watching Bette talk easily with Dana and Alice. “Come on,” she said again, more of a command than a suggestion. It wasn’t fair for Lara to be able to go to her own home, to be able to walk away without any consequences. Not when Tina’s whole life was shattered in an instant.

[lara-perkins]

The thought of walking into that house was so terrible that Lara felt her face go white. "I wasn't going to see her, I just... just have this letter..." She started to shake her head again, then stopped when Tina told her not to take the coward's way out. Even though this was hardly going to make up for what had happened with Bette, Lara knew that was Tina's way of getting back at her. It was a small thing, but it might make all the difference. 

The letter she'd intended to give to Dana folded in her hands, Lara ducked her head and followed Tina in the house. Public shaming. She might as well be wearing a big scarlet A. Approaching Bette was even worse than anything Tina could say or do to her; Lara hadn't intended to speak to her again, let alone... a mere few days later.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

The Engagement // Tina and Lara

[theautonomoustinakennard]

The need to hurt Lara, to berate her was so great, that Tina realized she needed to keep herself in check. She was furious at Lara, but she was also furious with Bette, and ultimately, with herself. “The day you saw me in the supermarket…when we chatted about Dana and Angelica…you were fucking my girlfriend?” Tina asked, almost casually. It had never dawned on her that she had spoken to Lara…after the events had already taken place. A fresh wave of devastation washed over her, as she pictured Bette and Lara texting plans of their upcoming rendezvous.

"I just can’t imagine what would possess you to crush someone like this. You knew that I was sitting home, putting my daughter to bed, waiting for Bette to come home, while you had her in your bed. I just can’t…" Tina trailed off. She felt the sudden urge to walk up to Bette and slap her across the face. Instead, she fought against her better judgment. "Well, she’s inside. Come on in," Tina said defiantly, holding the door open for Lara.

[lara-perkins]

Silent, Lara couldn't bring herself to even respond to Tina's accusations even though her words rang hard in her ears. She never allowed herself to think about Tina while she was with Bette. Lara had convinced herself that the couple had problems, issues that had nothing to do with her, and if they broke up it wouldn't be her fault. Even then, she had known her actions wouldn't go unpunished - even if that punishment was entirely self-inflicted. 

"It's not... like me. None of it was. I can't... I don't know how to explain it. I wish I could. I know you deserve that, I just..." Lara's voice shook and she covered her hand with her mouth, then gathered her bearings and continued on more steadily. "I should have done a lot of things differently. Everything." She would have said more, but then Tina opened the door for her. Immediately Lara took a step back. "No, I... I was going to leave Dana a note. I didn't come for the party, I didn't even know there was one or I wouldn't be here. I'm... I'm going to go. I'm sorry... I'm..." She shook her head, realizing that anything else would be repetitious: an apology that wouldn't be accepted. 

[theautonomoustinakennard]

The Engagement // Tina and Lara

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Her eyes flashing, Tina stared at Lara like she was some sort of abnormality. Hearing her stutter made Tina even more angry. She scoffed, and began to walk away. Lara was not worth her time.

On second thought. Tina turned back to her. “Can you tell me why you decided to sleep with my partner? You know me, Lara. I know you. You can’t blame this on not knowing the whole situation. Believe me, I know Bette is far from blameless. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive her. But I’m going to try. Do you know why? Because I love her. I love her. Which is something you already knew.” Tina stopped, taking a breath. “I am so angry with her, I can barely see straight. But I can’t even look at you. I’ve never really disliked someone in my entire life. You have that honor, Lara. I loathe you,” Tina spat out the word like it was poison on her tongue.

[lara-perkins]

Lara experienced a flood of relief when Tina began to walk away, but it immediately disappeared once the other woman spun on her heel and addressed her so directly. Tina had always been someone Lara had respected just as much as Bette, and it was very difficult to hear what she had to say - even though Lara didn't blame her for any of it. She knew that she shared this anger with Bette as well, and it was just as much her fault for the entire affair, but couldn't bring herself to take any bit of it off her own shoulders. Lara's own personal conscience was too strong. 

Tears were already in her eyes before Tina finished. She brushed them away with the back of her hand, her voice steady despite the emotion she was trying to keep at bay. "I know," Lara said, and fought to come up with the answer to Tina's most pressing question. "I don't know why I did it. The only reasons I can give you sound like excuses, and I don't want to give you excuses. I'm sorry I hurt you... I'm sorry I-I did any of it. That day I saw you in the supermarket..." She trailed, then just shook her head a little. She didn't know how much Bette had told Tina, and didn't want to say she had tried to end the affair at that point and had been talked back into it again. Obviously Bette and Tina were trying to work it out, and the last thing Lara was going to do was get in the middle of it - despite how much it hurt.

[theautonomoustinakennard]

The Engagement // Tina and Lara

In an absolute haze, after the events of the last week, Tina sipped nervously on a glass of wine. She saw Bette in one corner of the room talking to Dana, and when their eyes met, Bette winked at her sweetly. Tina looked down and smiled, appreciating the renewed interest in each other. She still didn’t know if she could ever completely forgive Bette, but she also knew she wasn’t ready to let her go.

Needing a break from the noise, Tina walked out on to the back porch where she was isolated from everyone else. It was a beautiful night and Tina was looking up at the stars, letting her mind go blank. It was a welcome feeling. Suddenly, the screen door opened, and Tina was face-to-face with the last person she wanted to see. Lara.

The shock on Tina’s face must have been evident. “Are you really here?” she asked, a dumbfounded smirk curling her lips. “You must seriously have nerves of steel. Steel.”

[lara-perkins]

For some reason, one of the first people who had popped into her mind when Lara felt the sudden urge to talk to someone was Dana. She wasn't sure her ex would understand (in fact, she was sure she wouldn't), but Lara was still new in town and she was desperate for a familiar face. She and Dana had moved past events that had happened in the past; she felt as though she was the one who hadn't quite moved on from her feelings for Dana.

The situation with Bette left her completely numb, confused. Lara hadn't called or texted anyone since the explosive encounter at her restaurant. She'd been too afraid to even look at her phone. The group was so inclusive that she just assumed the gossip would have found its way to every single member by now. Lara half-expected Dana to already know what she wanted to talk about when she arrived on her doorstep. 

She had no idea a party was going on.

Lara parked her car on the street, but then hesitated when she saw all the people pouring in and out the front door. She didn't recognize any of them... but chances were, Dana's close friends would be there. Lara almost drove away, but then she thought about the phone she left at home, still turned off, and felt overwhelming dread at the idea of doing anything with it anytime soon.

She scribbled a quick note on the back of the menu, deciding instead to leave the note under Mr. Piddles' food bowl on the back porch. It was the one place Lara knew Dana would definitely see it. Her ex might go a few days without checking her mail, but she always fed her cat.

Sneaking around the side of the house, Lara felt awkward as she slowly went up the steps, just out of sight from more party-goers. She opened the screen door, mere feet away from her goal, and came face to face with Tina Kennard.

Startled, Lara was frozen. She stared at her, eyes wide, and slowly shook her head as though to deny whatever accusation was going to be thrown her way. "I'm sorry, I didn't know... I wasn't... I came to talk to Dana. I was just going to leave her a note and go. I'm sorry." It was something she had already said and she knew would sound hollow, but Lara couldn't help herself. Her heart began a frantic pace in her chest, pounding hard and causing her to suddenly feel very faint.

[littlelwordthings-blog]

[theautonomoustinakennard]

Reckoning // Bette, Tina, Lara & Shane

Tina looked at Shane pleading, as they walked through the doors of the restaurant. “Did we really have to come here?” Tina asked, looking around Lara’s restaurant, feeling uncomfortable after their brief run-in at the supermarket.

Read More

[alice-pieszecki-bitches-deactiv]

An Awkward Encounter || Alice, Dana & Lara

[alice-pieszecki-bitches-deactiv]

Alice stared wide-eyed at Dana. The shock still hadn’t quite passed and stammered as a result. “Uh y-yeah. I know what you mean. Marina bolted looking for Jenny. Have you seen her by the way? This is her book signing and she’s a no-show.” Using the Jenny situation as a starter relaxed Alice a little - she still felt a little all over the place, yet managed to compose herself. Before Dana could answer however, Alice noticed another familiar face over the brunette’s shoulder. Lara. Dana had noticed her too, which made everything ten times more uncomfortable. Especially since this was the first time Alice and Dana had seen each other since their ‘encounter’.

"Oh," Alice breathed, with a small noise escaping her mouth afterwards which clearly expressed her discomfort. The blonde couldn’t help but think back to when Dana had been diagnosed, and with Lara. With that thought came the feelings of jealously, anger and sadness. It had been all too much for Alice, therefore when Dana had ended things with Lara (and overcome her sickness), she had felt an sense of what could only be described as relief.

"Uh, hi Lara. We’re good tha-" Mid sentence, Alice changed her response to speak for herself, and not Dana also. That was one thing she always forgot to do. "-I’m good thanks. How’re you?" The blonde had immediately noticed that Lara was upset, yet was taken aback by the fact that it was Lara who she had seen. Flashing a quick, worrisome glance at Dana, Alice took a step towards Lara. “You okay? Did somethin’ happen?”

[dana--fairbanks-deactivated2015]

The sound of Lara’s voice made something in Dana’s entire body tighten. She stood there, not moving, staring wide-eyed at Alice as if asking her what she should do. Even though she had seen Lara earlier, she still felt unprepared to actually talk and interact with her ex. For a second she hoped that maybe Lara wouldn’t see them and would just keep talking and go about her own business, but then she heard her talk. Dana turned, standing between both her ex-girlfriends, and gave Lara a smile even though she wouldn’t meet her eyes. Her own feelings for Lara were frustratingly muddled. They had broken up, but it hadn’t been because Dana didn’t love Lara or anything…but something had dramatically shifted in their relationship once she had been diagnosed with cancer. Alice had been the only one who seemed to know how to handle her, comfort her, and she resented Lara for being inept at something Dana felt she should have known how to do. 

"Hi, Lara," she finally said, a few beats behind Lara. "Yeah I’m…" Alice’s slip-up was semi-distracting, but…for some reason, it didn’t bother her. "I’m fine, thanks for asking." The air between them was so thick it could be cut with a knife. Dana swallowed and put the glass of wine to her lips even though she didn’t even like it. It was too dry; it made her throat itch. But she’d rather drink a galleon of it than be where she was right now. 

It also took her a little longer to notice that Lara’s eyes were all red and it looked like she’d been crying. “What happened?” Dana felt genuinely concerned, but also afraid to ask. She couldn’t imagine what Lara would be so upset about at Jenny’s book-signing party, unless it had to do with her…and Alice…and……And maybe she knew what they did just a few nights ago.

Nearly choking on her wine, Dana tried to cover it up by coughing and hoped that she could just excuse herself so she could escape this awkward conversation. “Can I—do you—is there a pretzel or some—” Cough. “W-Water?”

[lara-perkins]

If it were at any other time, Alice's slip would have hurt more - but right now, at this moment, Lara felt as though she couldn't possibly hurt worse than she already was. She stared at Dana and Alice while they answered her, clearly not even sure what to say for a second, but then she shook her head quickly as they both questioned after her well being. "Oh no, I'm fine. I mean... I'm perfectly fine, I just, um..." There were tears spilling down her cheeks. Lara laughed as she brushed them away, even more embarrassed to be showing this emotion in front of Dana and Alice... of all people. "I stubbed my toe on the door, and... it hurt." She was a godawful liar. Always had been.

Dana began to cough, which was a welcome distraction from her own distress. Lara looked around quickly, then took a glass of wine from a nearby table. "Here, here's some... wine." She awkwardly offered the glass, glancing briefly at Alice. 

Even though it was hard, she resisted the urge to look behind her. Lara knew that Bette or Jenny could come out at any moment and she didn't want to see either of them when it happened. She was suddenly afraid that the look on her face would be enough to betray everything that went on in that room. The shame that would follow was almost too much to think about. Not just Tina, but all of her friends would see... and what would Dana think? Dana, who was here with Alice... did that mean they were together? All of Lara's insecurities, fears, and past sorrows were being mixed and smashed together indelicately, painfully. It forced her to see everything... and she was blinded by her own sudden, sharp clarity. She had to go. She couldn't stay here with Bette and Dana's... friends. "It was really... great, but I-I was just on my way out." Lara didn't consider the strangeness of taking off without even inquiring after Jenny, or just how odd her behavior was in general; she was too preoccupied with her strong desire to disappear.