I do ao3 (only willing to tell you my user in private?) and sometimes I use AI to enhance it I don't see this as a bad thing. I just feel like kind of a shit writer? If I don't us it??? I used to have a friend on discord who I was jealous of their writing skills and plotting skills that I was like um. I feel insecure that I'm not as good as her. She has shared her writing and I feel jealous I have to admit. But with ai I feel like I can actually do well enough to keep up with her and my other friend who writes. Help I don't know what to think I'm drunk right now
i am staunchly against AI but i will simply address what i think is the heart of the problem; not thinking you're good enough.
most artists/writers feel the same way, in my experience. we are constantly striving to improve; admiring other people's work, and harshly criticising our own. so here are some ways i've found that help me feel better when i'm struggling with my writing:
read. read lots of different genres, writers, and styles. read old books, new books, books from different countries, perspectives, etc. just don't read exclusively fanfiction. go outside of your comfort zone sometimes. take note of prose that you like and identify what caught your attention. analyse the writing style (word choices, pacing, sentence structure, etc) and be thoughtful about your work when you next write. use some of the things you made note of in your own writing.
this applies to people whose work you're jealous of; what is it about their writing/art that makes you jealous? analyse it. talk to them about it. ask them about their inspirations, what they were thinking when they wrote this particular passage, what their favourite books/authors are. learn from them!
take a break. creative work can burn you out and it's meant to be fun. if you're not having fun, figure out why. maybe you're too focused on other people's work and your jealousy of their skill. maybe you're too stressed out in other aspects of your life to really put your all into your writing. maybe you're treating it like a job. maybe you're fixating on the validation of posting something rather than the joy of creating the art and getting to tell a story. take a break and come back when it's not so stressful. find an alternative hobby to occupy your time until then; something you can enjoy without the stress of thinking about other people's work.
jealousy is okay; the important thing is what you do with it. instead of thinking "i can't write as good as X/i'll never be as good as X" figure out what steps you could take to improve. recognise that other people, even the people you admire, are jealous/admire someone else's work. no one is the Ultimate Artist/Writer, everyone is constantly improving and learning. don't give up on yourself because you're not a master.
take your time. writing isn't a race (unless you're a professional author with a deadline to meet). if you're not happy with your writing then step away from it and come back in a few days with fresh eyes. you might think of a better way to word something, or a clever allegory, or realise that you're happier with your work than you thought.
likewise, improvement is not a race. you don't need to "keep up with" your friends. if you think they're better than you, that's okay. i have artist/writer friends that are better than me. i'm happy to be their friend, support their art, and study what i like about it to improve in my own art. sometimes i ask them for help or critique if i'm struggling with something i know they're good at. what's important is not getting stuck in negative self-talk and jealousy. there will always be someone further along than you, but that doesn't mean you should give up on your own journey.
you will always see flaws in your work. it's yours, it's imperfect, and that's okay. the people who read it won't see every little detail that you fixate on negatively-- they're just happy to be reading. "it's good enough" is a difficult lesson to learn, but it's important especially when trying to improve. sometimes you just need to move onto the next chapter/work. the more you write the better you'll get. improvement isn't an immediate thing; it's slow and you'll rarely notice it. but if you go back to read some of your old stuff, you'll see it.
