HEY DRIMO it's been a while since you did a big myth post so how about you tell me a cool story about my boi karna
Oh dear me, Hindu mythos, damn, ok, so, first rule of Hindu mythos is that you all have to wear your seat belts while reading this. If you don’t, you are susceptible to immense physical and spiritual damage, enough that it might kick you right out of the cycle of reincarnation, and then the Mythos Retelling Collective (MRC) will revoke my license due to Irresponsible Sharing of Intense Tales (art. 23847). Are you all strapped in? Y’all got your helmets? Alright alright, let’s get this show on the road.
SO, KARNA. I assume most of you are familiar with Karna having Big Strength and being god damn unkillable. Ok, so, it goes beyond that. It goes at least three Milky Ways in width beyond that. Originally known by his other name, Vasusena (and this dude has like 14 different names), Karna is the main protagonist of the Hindu epic, Mahabharata, and–
Oh, right, before I can tell you anything about the Mahabharata, or about Hindu mythos in general, I need to explain power levels. So you know how in Dragon Ball Z Abridged, Vegeta and Nappa use “Raditz” as a unit of measure for power levels and ki? “My power level is 500 Raditz.” “My power level is 23000 Raditz”, the joke being that Raditz was such a weak grunt that his meager total power can be used as a unit as you would with centimeters? Ok, this is actually canon in Hindu mythos. They have a scale of power levels, referred to as “Levels of Warrior Excellence”. The levels are:
Ardha-rathi: The lowest level, meaning literally “Half of a Rathi”. Read the next section for a more elaborate explanation, but this is Yamcha-tier, basically, the weakest of the badasses.
Rathi: It almost sounds like Raditz, doesn’t it? Well, Rathi is the unit by which all the other levels of Warrior Excellence are measured, as well as a rank by itself. A Rathi is an individual so powerful and skilled, that they can do battle with 1000 regular warriors simultaneously. This is the “Dynasty Warriors Playable Character” tier: Strong, but still susceptible to frames per seconds drops and getting stunlocked by arrows.
Atirathi: HERE is where things get spicy. An Atirathi is a warrior that can fight with six Rathi simultaneously. This is the level of strength possessed by Kevin by the time of Home Alone 2.
Ekarathi: You thought six was impressive? TRY EIGHT RATHI SIMULTANEOUSLY. We are entering Popeye-with-spinach levels of world-ending strength now.
Maharathi: The top level, the cream of the crop, the true definition of “Fuckhouse”. Those who reach this level are immensely powerful, and can do battle with 12 or more Rathi simultaneously. That is 12000 asses worth of whoopings. This is where you favorite Touhou is, obviously, and fuck what everyone else says.
Their measure of unit is basically “How many thousands of dudes can this person fight, or how many people that can fight a thousand people at once can this person fight?”, which, in other words, means that India has not fucked around a single day in it history.
So you might be wondering, “where’s Karna in all of this?”. Well, Chili Con Karna is SO MINDBOGGLINGLY STRONG AND SPICY that he is, literally, a Double Maharathi. Karna is stated to be “in terms of strength and skill, equal to two Maharathi warriors”. These peak jokers made this elaborate power level chart just so they could say “AND KARNA IS DOUBLE AS STRONG AS THE STRONGEST”. He is Two Gokus. Karna could literally look at you, without the laser, and you would just be atomized, restructured, and atomized again in the span of minus three seconds, and you would thank him for it. And damn RIGHT you would thank him for it, because he probably didn’t mean to do that to you. That’s because Karna, despite having more powers than Superman and God combined, is the Ultimate Good Boy. This dude is Puppy Kiss Central, this dude chips in on Pizza Thursday every week, and makes up for those who didn’t chip in. Karna lets you take the last chicken nugget. Karna lets you use Player 1 when you hang out at his place. Karna tells you to text him or call him once you get home after hanging out and he gets worried if you don’t. That dashing guy you saw doing volunteer work at the homeless shelter the other day? Probably Karna. The owner of Old Friends Dog Sanctuary? Definitely Karna.
He’s GOOD.
And that’s why the Mahabharata is so painful: I don’t speak Hindi, but I am pretty sure “mahabharata” translates directly to “Karna Has Bad Day :(”. Today, we’ll be talking about Karna’s Three Curses, with a little bit of his childhood for context on the first one, and because I just want to talk about his dumbass mom. Also that one time he clowned Arjuna and Planet Fucking Earth got mad at him.
SO, there was this lady named Kunti, princess of the Kunti Kingdom (yeah), and this one time she was the host to a sage named Durvasa, who was visiting. She is a most Excellent Host, and provided Durvasa with the best of services, the most delicious food, the most luxurious of drinks, and every volume of Detective Conan, and Durvasa was so stoked at this 10/10 Would Come Again service, that he gave Kunti a special boon: With a mantra he taught her, she now had the amazing power to get knocked up by any deity of her selection. Kunti was really happy with her new pregnancy powers, and couldn’t wait to try them out, so she did to call upon the Sun God Surya, and guess what fucking happened: That’s right, fucking happened. It was a violent and intense cyclone of sex so kinky that the baby was born with armor and earrings (in some versions, Surya “handed” the child to Kunti, but in others, which I opt to believe, Kunti bore his child, and his fat solar load was so powerful that the fetus was armored). And then Kunti was like “oh fuck it worked lol but I am not wed” and since she didn’t want to be an unmarried mother (refer to Hindu tradition for this one), so she did like many other Mothers In Mythology and she put Armor Baby on a basket and set him afloat on the rivER LIKE A REAL KUNT, IT WAS IN HER NAME ALL ALONG, WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES KEEP DOING THIS.
THE REST IS UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE THIS IS TURNING LONG.
The difference. The fucking difference in how the world perceives Tomura and how the LOV perceives him. He was their hero, he listened to them, never judged them for who they were, and told them that they didn't have to suffer.
If the world was hurting them he would hurt the world back..
Okay so. Alastor spent some time in Vox's captivity, didn't he? And Vox definitely used electrocution on him. Probably more times than we saw on screen. Because you can't just be a walking taser and not use it, right? And one of the most common consequences of electrical trauma is arrhythmia.
So Alastor is stuck with it. Perhaps temporarily—as in for weeks or months—until regeneration slowly does its job. Perhaps permanently or semi-permanently—as in healing it would require full body regeneration, and he isn't going to die, even if for a short time. He won't be able to explain his presumed suicide to Charlie. And he isn't allowed to leave the hotel for time it takes to die and recover because "mhm, Alastor last time you walked out on us Vox declared the war to Heaven and almost exploded Hell, you're not leaving anywhere. You can take your vacation next year and you must notify us beforehand so we would be able to barricade the doors."
Anyway, Alastor suffers silently (again) and doesn't know when and if it ends (again!) and maybe doesn't even completely understand what is happening to his body (again!!!). He is unpleasantly reminded of his time with the angelic wound. Just when he thought he was finally rid of it and could return to his usual life!
Alastor is so pissed. He put up with Vox and all his bullshit, he broke two deals that tied him up in five minutes, he technically prevented a war with Heaven, he forced Rosie to fix his staff, he kept Hell from exploding (along with others, but still!), he is free, he is on the top again, his game is continuing—
And his stupid body refuses to cooperate again?
And this time it isn't because of a wound inflicted by an archangel in battle. This time it's because of something Vox did to him. In captivity. To which Alastor surrendered himself willingly.
He feels humiliated. He feels violated—because he doesn't want to let Vox influence him in any way. To leave any trace on him.
(He knows Vox would get off on the thought that he caused long-lasted damage to Alastor, and it makes everything so much worse).
Besides all these mental struggles, there are physical ones. Alastor feels his heart trying to break through his ribs. He feels it stutters. He gets out of breathe easily. His chest aches. He is even more tired than usual. He feels lightheaded. He nearly faints sometimes—or actually faints. Maybe he barely manages to hide from hazbins before collapsing.
And these arrhythmia attacks are sudden. They often catch him off guard. Of course, physical and mental stress triggers it, but some of them are completely random. He can sit there and do nothing and still nearly faint.
Does Alastor even understand what it is? He may write it off as panic attacks. There are similarities, after all. In this case, he tries to repress his emotions further, mentally screams at himself for not being able to just "get over" everything he went through while being captive. He keeps himself busy with work at the hotel and scheming, and it only makes arrhythmia worse.
Maybe he catches that it's something physical—but what he can do about it? Besides his dubious attemts to self-medicate, he probably tries to just wait it off.
In any case, Alastor is even less inclined to ask for help than with angelic wound.
If he might entertain some thoughts that hazbins would care about him before, now he knows they wouldn't.
He has seen Lucifer trying to pick into his insecurities, and nobody interfered. He has seen nobody came to save him when he was captive. He has seen nobody cared when he was injured by Shock.wav. He may even hear about Charlie's complaints how inconvenient it was that he got himself captured.
Alastor is completely sure that they would ignore it or treat it as another inconvenience. Or write it off as him scheming again. Or pick at it and use it to hurt him, in Lucifer's case.
Besides that, he knows now how sloppy they are with their secrets. With any secrets, actually. Lucifer said that he can't hurt sinners once!—and it landed straight on the Vox's ear. Yes, Angel is not here anymore—but there are dozens of sinners in the hotel now, and most of them probably have contracts with Hell-knows-who. Alastor can't risk to expose his vulnerability like this.
And also? The last time he was trying to ask for help? With Rosie? It went awful. He got slapped in the face with "do it on your own" and it pissed him so much that he broke free just to rub it in her face. The very thing he is suffering from now happened because of it. He just isn't ready to take this risk again.
So he'd rather literally fall dead than admit that something is wrong with him.
Will anybody notice that something is off about Alastor? Will they try to do something or just brush it off as him being difficult again?
I think Lucifer and/or Emily could notice. Charlie and Vaggi are too busy with new guests, Husk is going through his own gay drama, and Niffty is nice but totally uncritical about anything related to Alastor.
Lucifer may notice because he was captured by Vox and suffered as well (and was left alone after the final song—), so he may feel some kind of bond with Alastor. Plus they are going to interact more after season 2 ending, so they may start to—and Lucifer may notice that something is off.
Emily is very caring and the most unbiased—she doesn't have this "Alastor being Alastor" prejudice. He is just a random soul for her, a friend of her friends, and she can clearly see him suffering! Maybe she can even feel it because she is the Seraphim of Joy, so she may be extremely perceptive to other's condition.
I love this whole idea - I especially love it being Emily! And she can end up telling Charlie and the others, Charlie confronts Alastor on why he didn't tell her, and he can tell her all those reasons why - especially if he's RIGHT and some sinner finds out and and the news gets out - Vox has mixed feelings.
On the one hand, he marked and hurt Alastor! But he wasn't trying to. He - he didn't mean to, Alastor, please -
(He could have died and Vox wouldn't have known. Vox could have killed him - and been left in a hell without Alastor.)
Vox doesn't want to kill Alastor he wants Alastor's approval and respect and affection and trust. He wants him at his side and kneeling at his feet. He wants to top him. He wants to dom him. he wants to sugar daddy him. He wants to hurt him.
also!!!! As someone who had stress induced arrhythmias when I was a kid, they are fucking INTENSE
They happen out of nowhere. If you don't know what it is, they're terrifying. It's like a panic attack if panic attacks included a free trial of getting stabbed in the chest. The first time I had one, I was shaking in the back seat while my mom drove and everyone else slept, trying to take deep breaths and forcing myself not to pass out bc I was certain I would die. It's possible to stay silent of course - and if no one is paying attention, they probably won't notice anything wrong. But it is a horrible experience
If I had to describe the pain, it felt like my heart would catch on a jagged splinter of my ribs that tore it open a little more with every beat. At the same time it's like your lungs are stuck in a tight metal band that tightens every time you breathe out, making every intake harder. My body's first instinct was to straighten my spine and open up my lungs as much as possible. If I was alone, I'd lay flat on my back bc I had no idea what was happening, and my body told me to try and relieve the pain that way. You can't do anything bc your body goes on autopilot. Even if you know it'll end soon, the panic doesn't stop until it's over bc your chest hurts and you can't breathe.
All of this is to say that Alastor wouldn't be working through an attack - at most he'd stagger into an empty room and try to let it pass. At worst he wouldn't be able to leave the room and everyone would either think he was having a panic attack or that his lung was collapsing, bc the most visible symptom is the inability to breathe. Odds are they would be diagnosed as panic attacks at first until he admitted that he'd been frequently electrocuted
Essentially what I'm getting at is that this is no small issue that he can brush off - it's debilitating, and when the others finally realize what he's been going through, they will feel so guilty bc they're terrifying to witness. I was lucky enough that mine eventually went away, and I can only hope the same for Alastor too bc they are horrible
Why are so many of you mad about Alastor demanding Rosie pay him for work for the first time in ninety years instead of just doing everything she says for free like guys I thought we were woke enough for this
For the first time in his life—alive or dead—Alastor can truly stand face-to-face with another society member and demand, “We are equals, and you will treat me as such.” Rosie yanked him around for nearly a century, but now, in this moment, he is no longer a puppet on a string.
Yes- part of me wishes Alastor had acted to help Charlie out of his own fondness for her/the hotel. But that disappointment doesn’t mean we should ignore the power behind this scene.
Alastor—a mixed-race Black man from the brutal, segregated South of the 1920s—looks his white-presenting former owner in the eye and tells her, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off. She is no longer his master.
Not today. Not ever again.
And if she wants something from him? Then she will have to pay the fee just like everybody else.
And the price?
Not her soul, her power, or her cannibal army.
Just the staff that she should have fixed several episodes ago.
I'm not a fan of "What If…?", but you know what I enjoy about this show? The short arc of old Bucky from season two. It showed Bucky to be such a good and competent man that when it was him, not Peggy and Howard, there was no Hydra in SHIELD. There was no Hydra at all. He finished hunting down Nazis and Hydra. He took the place of both Peggy and Pierce. People who would have gone to Hydra were loyal to him (for example - Rumlow).
Bucky is a good, competent, intelligent and capable man, and if he hadn't fallen off that hellish train, he could have achieved great things and literally made the world a better place…
I like to remind people of this to spite the haters.
Good point!
The way I see it, if Bucky hadn't fallen off that train, there's absolutely no way Howard Stark would have recruited Arnim Zola and those dozens of other HYDRA Scientists.
Bucky would never have stood for it, would have boycotted and probably publicly denounced SHIELD for even considering it.
No Zola recruitment means no HYDRA infiltration of SHIELD. No Winter Soldiers, no Stark murders, no Ultron, no Project INSIGHT. Also Hank Pym would likely have stayed with SHIELD rather than leaving because Howard was trying to weaponize his tech.
So yes- a world in which Bucky didn't fall off that train would indeed have been better. I mean Chris Evans also said himself: Bucky would have been doing everything Steve did if he hadn't fallen off that train.
I also never said I would stop at only one AU either!
This time it's for @elsa-fogen 's "Turned Human AU"! Again, amazing comic CHECK IT OUT
RadioSilence and a bit of RadioApple sorry -but not too much! Just Lucifer forgetting how to English when seeing Human!Alastor (to be fair, who wouldn't?)
And sorry for potential mistakes, English isn't my first language
Sooooo.
...Charlie may have fucked up.
Actually no. She fucked up. Bad.
Now don't get her wrong: Vaggi love her girlfriend. Adore her. She would burn both Heaven and Hell for her.
But even she can see that... yeah, Charlie fucked up on that one.
It started innocent enough; her girlfriend just wanted to use a spell that could turn the both of them into humans for a week. To understand them better, or so she said. So they could help them redeem themselves easier by knowing how living as a human feels like.
...Well. Vaggi always knew her girlfriend was creative. But she thought there wouldn't be any downside to try right?
Oh how wrong they both were.
She should have known something would go wrong when Charlie poured way too much magic for a simple spell after some failed attempts. But she just brushed it off and they both went to sleep.
...Only to be woken up by loud, extremely confused shouts of "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"
-Well, that was the main feeling they could get from this-
So they went down and...
Oh.
Welp. This was going to be fun to fix.
~0o0~
The day at started... fine enough.
As fine as it can get since Angel have left the hotel at least.
The bartender went (not without wobbling, but he chalked that up to the hangover. He hadn't been sober since... Well. Since the spider left) to get himself a drink -yeah it's six am, so what?- and gulped the first one in one go. Then he went to pour himself another one and-
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!"
Uh. Kinda sounded like Cherri Bomb... Wait.
He frowned. Put the glass down, and looked towarfs the sound of the voice to see...
Holy fucking shit is that a human?
Here? In Hell? How the fuck did THAT happened- wait.
"...Cherri?" he tried, which got the woman to turned around.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck it's actually Cherri Bomb.
And she's human.
What.
"Husk? she asked, frowning. Well, guess I'm not the only one stuck in THAT particular shitshow."
Wait what was she talking ab-
Oh goddamnit.
He looked down and- yep. No fur, no paws, just good ol' human hands. He put one of them behind him- no feathers. No tail.
...Well that explain the hard time walking around. He've been so used to walk with additional weight on his back and a tail for balance that now that those were... gone? (hopefully temporarly) it was like walking on a string.
"Well shit. he said. Didn't even noticed- you know what happened?"
"No clue! I just woke up like that!"
...Uh. Well that was weird.
"HUUUUUUSK"
The bartender turned and got a small missile hitting him on the stomache.
"Ow fuck! What the hell you- he blinked. ...Niffty?"
The small cyclop that he used to know was now a small red-haired woman in her usual attire (thanks Lucifer for THAT) and hairs covering one of her eyes.
"Hey- hey Niff. he tried to pat her back. You doing okay there?"
"Nooooo! she whined. Now I'm too big to clean under the furnitures!"
...Oh. Yeah of course. Always had weird priorities.
"Hey uh... It's going to be okay. I'm sure we're gonna be back to normal soon."
Well, as normal as it can get in this crazy hotel.
"Someone should probably go and get Charlie. Cherri said. Also where's Baxter?"
"I tried to get him, but he locked himself into his room! Niffty puffed. Giggling and... taking notes I think?"
"Riiiiight."
The guy was probably already wracking his brain to understand what caused this.
"Guys! I heard screaming! Is everything okaaaay?"
Well, speak of the devil (or his daughter) and he shall appear.
Charlie was running down the stairs and stopped dead in her tracks upon seeing them, followed closely by Vaggi.
"Hey Charlie! Have any idea what the FUCK is going on?"
Well Cherri was straight to the point... wait.
The princess and the fallen angel looked... really uncomfortable? Husker frowned.
"You did this shit?"
"W-Well! Definitely NOT on purpose! she tried with a nervous grin. I was just... trying to turn myself and Vaggi into humans to... you know, understand sinners better! But I kept trying, and trying, and trying, and I put all my magic here but it didn't work but-"
"Oh, au contraire my dear, I would say it worked way more than you could hope for!"
At the new voice, everyone looked up at the balcony to see...
"Alastor?!"
~0o0~
The moment he woke up he felt something was wrong.
His vision was blurrier than it was supposed to be- in Hell he only ever had needed a monocle because only one of his eye got to struggle.
But right now... Why, he hadn't such a poor vision since he was alive!
He got up carefully- no restrains, no sounds out of the ordinary, he was still in his bayou... but why on Earth (or rather in Hell) did he got that distinct feeling that something was deeply wrong with him?
...And then he looked down.
And despite all the blurriness, he could clearly see that his arm was... not pure black fading to a light brown- but just brown.
Like before
Alright, he needed to get his monocle, posthaste.
What he grabbed instead though, was his old pair of glasses. They were like back then too!
He carefully put them on, got up and looked at himself.
His human face glared back.
"...Well that certainly interesting." he mused, noticing that he -obviously- didn't had the radio effect on it like usual.
He grabbed his staff, and by curiosity called on his powers... nothing. Or almost-
His Shadow was still very much sentient. It waved at him, although weaker.
"Now what could possibly have happened hm...? he waved at his Shadow. Be a dear and check if I am the only one suffering from this... little inconvenience will you?"
The Shadow quickly disappeared, and came back and he used that time to get dressed up. Shaking its head, it grinned brightly.
Alright, so he wasn't alone in this predicament. There was that at least.
"Well then. Time to see if our dear princess or her father are responsible for this."
He was about to leave but then paused.
"Oh my, I almost forgot!"
He grinned brightly.
"Much better. Well then, on with the show!"
~0o0~
Holy fucking shit.
Now, don't get Cherri wrong. She's... kind of already taken...? In a relationship...? Long distance? Anyway, she was already into Pentious!
But damn, never in her afterlife she would have expected THE Radio Demon -the Overlord, Strongest Sinner in Hell yada yada...- to look so fucking good?
Hello?
The guy was just straight up hot as fuck that was unfair!
She could tell that everyone (well okay maybe not those exact thoughts...) were thinking the same thing.
Damn, Hell did him dirty!
Also his voice was kinda sexy without the radio filter- MOVING ON.
She looked around and... Yep, everyone was looking shocked.
Well at least there was one good thing coming out of this shithole- she'll have to try stealing a pic or two, she needed to remember this!
(Makes her wonder how Pentious looked like when he was alive... Damn it she miss him)
~0o0~
"Alastor?"
"Why yes, how lovely of you to recognize me in a heartbeat my dear." he grinned.
He had to fight to keep it on. Now he knew that they were mostly just surprised to see his human form, but he couldn't help tensing up.
They were all white people.
Old instincts kicked in, and he had to fight to look as nonchalent as usual.
He still owned Husker's and Niffty's souls, they wouldn't dare make a comment about his skin color surely. Charlie was too naive and optimistic and probably didn't know about this. Cherri Bomb... Might be a problem, depending on when she died.
He'll have to keep a close eye on her, just in case.
The Radio Demon -and he was, he still was the one that made all of Hell cower in fear when he pass by on the street!- made his way down with the same nonchalent attitude they knew him for.
"You sound different." said Vaggi.
He rolled his eyes.
"Why yes, you didn't believe I was speaking in radio static back when I was alive did you now?"
The fallen angel scoffed.
"Fair enough."
"Ah but enough of that. If I understood correctly, our dear princess is the reason of our current predicament isn't that correct?"
Charlie grimaced.
"Yeaaaah... I'm sorry! I just wanted to turned myself and Vaggi into humans, not all of you!"
"Well, can ya undo it?" the bartender gruffed.
"I can try...?"
And, to her credit, she did! Tried, and tried, and tried until she didn't had any magic left, and was being held up by her girlfriend.
"Maybe your dad can?" Cherri Bomb proposed.
"Oh yeah!"
So the princess called up her father, which of course immediatly teleported in the hall once he heard the "Dad I need you" in his dear daughter voice.
~0o0~
"Char-Char! What is it apple pie I'm here to-!"
Lucifer blinked. And looked again, and blinked.
"Wooooow uh... Okay, that's new. he frowned. What happened?"
"I... maaay have messed up a spell. she grinned awkwardly. I wanted to turned myself and Vaggi into humans to, you know, understand them better! So I can help them redeem themselves! But... it kind of backfired...? And now everyone's human again, but I can't fix it, and I tried, and I tried, and I-"
"Wow wow wow there! Charlie slow down, I got it. It's okay kiddo."
He gently patted her head.
"Eh, you should have seen it when I messed up my spells. Took my three brothers to fix it up that one time I turned the moon into cheese! at her face he chuckled. It's a long story."
"As fascinating as that is, we would appreciate if you could turn us back to what we were Your Majesty."
Oh great. The bellhop is- wait a minute.
There wasn't the static. Which... come to think of it, made sense.
(Why did his voice had to sound so good though? No fair!)
He turned around with a frown.
"Well I'll have you know that I didn't asked for your opinion Bam-"
He froze.
God fucking damn it why does he look so handsome?
Also uh. He actually had brown skin. Interesting... Shit his hairs look really fluffy. He kinda want to pet it- but he know better than to try, the psycho would most definitely bite his hand off!
Wait shit he stopped in his sentence didn't he? Considering the raised eyebrow and the grin -of course he was smiling even when he wasn't a deer- Alastor was waiting for the rest of it.
"A-Anyway! Yeah didn't asked for your opinion bellhop! he scoffed. But to answer your question, no I can't."
"What, why?"
"Ducky, spells have magic signatures. he ruffled her hairs (take THAT Alastor!). Meaning that only the caster of it can undo it. Think of it like a lock and key. Only one key for one lock."
"But I already tried, and it didn't work! What can I do?"
"Hold on babe. Do you remember what your spell thing was? It was supposed to turned into humans for one week. So..."
"So if we wait one week, you think everything will be back to normal?"
"Beats you dropping dead of exhaustion by trying over and over to fix it." Maggie shrugged.
A silence fell, before Alastor hummed.
"And... do you believe that little spell of yours only affects us, or...?"
Lucifer frowned at the implications, and Charlie paled.
"You think-?"
"One way to find out." the bartender said -that was the bartender right? He had the same gruffy voice- and turned on the TV.
...Yup.
The reporters on the news were humans. And freaking about it too.
This just in: An emergency meeting have been called upon by Carmilla Carmine to all the Overlords about the present situation. More on the meeting on tonight's broadcast-
"Well then! It seems I must bit you all goodbye." the Radio Demon was already leaving.
"You gonna share the info with the class Bambi?" he frowned.
"Why of course! It wouldn't do to have all of Hell panicking over something that by all means should be temporary, correct?"
"Good point... And tell them I'm sorry!" his precious daughter yelled just before Alastor went out the door.
Dead silence followed.
"...So who's up for pancakes?"
~0o0~
How dearly does he miss his shadow teleportation.
Now, he can see that everyone is panicking. Running around like headless chickens as a matter of fact- paying no mind to him at all, which as of right now was quite the relief.
Just look in control. None of these idiots would be stupid enough to pick a fight with you once they recognize you.
Just in case, he passed by Rosie's place first. She of course, knew how he looked like, so she wasn't surprised to see him. And despite him managing to break their deal, they were still cordial around each other.
She gladly accepted to go to the meeting together, and so they went. Discussing about how things were in Cannibal Town; apparently everyone was losing its mind over the access to human meat again (hey demonic meat was different okay? It had a more... sour and spicy flavor to it.) and killing left, right and center. When it wasn't killing, it was amputations -consenting ones of course!- and pretty much everyone was in a frenzy.
"My, it certainly looks like you have your work cut for you my dear!" he chuckled.
"Oh, don't remind me! I was never that busy since the whole Kowari tribe! Hm?"
"OUT OF MY WAY! Important people walking here!"
Alastor let out an annoyed hiss at the contact, before noticing who exactly had just pushed him so rudely.
"Oh Alastor sweetie, are you alright?"
"That was Vox wasn't it?"
His eyes turned pink.
"...That was Vox."
"Oh, you're alright!"
Well at least Rosie had her priorities straight.
So, Vox was no longer a flat screen. How sad.
What would happen if he beheaded him in this form he wondered...?
"Alastor? We're going to be late."
He grinned.
"Right behind you my dear."
~0o0~
They sat down just in time for the start of the meeting. Carmilla took a deep breath, and started to speak.
"Fellow Overlords, we are all today because of the recent turn of events. All of Hell is in a panic. Souls are running wild, and it is our duty to keep the peace as much as possible."
"Yeah yeah, we all know why we're here. You don't have to spell it out."
Hm, if the disinterested expression and the phone were any indications, then this was most likely Velvette. Alastor took note.
He recognized Vox of course -the fool looks like he wanted to be anywhere but here. How ironic considering how rushed he was.
And next to him was Valentino. He would recognize those ugly glasses everywhere.
Next up... Hm. That man in the back... oh.
Well, his mustache reminded him of Zestial quite a bit. But oddly enough he imagined him to be quite older.
It looked like Vox was the oldest in the room, how... odd.
And then-
"Ah! You look even older as a woman!"
Of course, Velvette couldn't stop provoking.
"And you must have messed up, daycare is two floors below! she spat. Someone younger than thirty shouldn't be an Overlord!"
What was that?
"Excuse me?" he frowned, glaring at Carmilla (he could feel Rosie do the same, although she was smiling.)
Funnily enough, Carmilla looked quite confused at first. So he tapped his staff just in case. And-
"...Alastor?"
"At last, my dear! he made a fake bow. Why, I would think you never recognized me at this rate."
...Uh. Why did everyone went silent?
"Holy fucking shit, Al?!"
At the voice, he sighed.
"I believe we already established that fact yes, Vincent." he turned to face the former TV.
~0o0~
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Now don't get Vox wrong, he always found Alastor attractive. Besides, the guy had an aura- which often made people run for the hills when they see him.
But THIS?
Holy sweet baby Jesus this was another level!
He could see from the corner of his eyes Velvette snapping a few pictures -very fair honestly. He'll have to ask her to save him some.
Even VAL was speechless, and that was saying something! He hadn't been surprised when he saw Angel's human form!
Despite being dark skin he's pulling that off better than anyone else he ever saw!
...But also what was that about being below thirty? Fuck he feel like a creep now.
Oh wait. He could see Velvette whispering to him. Maybe she could convince him to pose for a few pictures.
~0o0~
Pictures?
Alastor blinked, a bit confused about Velvette's... proposition.
"Oh come on! It'll be fun. See, I'm gonna post the picture, and asking people to guess which Overlord this is. she grinned. It's going to be hilarious! No way in hell people will guess you. You look too hot for that!"
...Hm.
"Well, why not. he grinned. We all are powerless as of now, so might get some entertainment out of this."
"Now you're talking!"
He generously let her fix his clothes (her words. She just unbuttoned some of his jacket's buttons, and took away his staff -which would have been a dead giveaway.) and smiled for the camera.
She took two of those, and he had fun with the second one he'll admit. He couldn't let it be too easy now!
After that, he turned back to Carmilla.
"Now now my dear. I have the informations about our... current predicament."
"You do?"
"Why yes. You see, our dear princess tried a spell to turn herself and her little girlfriend into humans, to "see what it's like". Unfortunately, it failed... or rather, it backfired."
"So the little bimbo princesa is responsible for this?!"
Alastor shot Valentino a dirty grin.
"It was an honest mistake. Contrary to some people here, she didn't try to take over Heaven."
That made Vox shrink to look as small as possible, and Valentino tisked.
Zestial quickly ended the argument before it could broke out.
"So... Is she able to turn us back?"
"Unfortunately, no. She tried for a good while, without avail. But, her spell was made to be temporary. In a week of time, it should have dissipated."
"I see. Now then, we must pass the message to the rest of Hell."
"On it."
Velvette was already taping on her phone.
"I will also created some broadcasts about it." the Radio Demon waved his hand.
"...We'll make sure to pass the news." Vox looked like he bit a lemon.
"Very well. This meeting is over!"
Before they left, Velvette went to him.
"Time for the big reveal! Ready to see Hell losing its fucking shit?"
"Why that sound quite amusing. Here, allow me to help them believe it."
He grinned, and summoned his Shadow. That earned a raised eyebrow from the other Overlord, but she took the picture, and posted it.
"Now, we wait." she giggled.
It took less than a minute. Curiously, Alastor looked over her shoulder, and couldn't help himself- he laughed.
Okay, it was quite entertaining to see demons losing their minds everywhere (although SOME messages made him grimace) about how he actually looked like.
No one commented on his skin color. Nobody was being a racist douchebag...
Which... actually made sense. Velvette was even more dark skin than he was, and those were the ones that followed her. So he supposed it was to be expected. Still, it made him feel a bit better.
"Why, that is quite entertaining indeed! he chuckled. However I'm afraid I cannot stay long. I have broadcasts to share! We will see each other again next week my dear."
"Sure thing! Sounds fun!"
He came back to the hotel with his everlasting grin on his face- except that this time it was a bit more geniune than when he left.
here's one thing i noticed but i didnt share before cause i know people will dislike it but as a filipino who saw parallels being set up, when i saw the sign that lu placed in his door the first thing i thought of was actually a sign done against filipinos (and other pocs before).
can be intentional can be not but its food for thought (i have a lot of thoughts)
signs during 1920s-1940s
while the pic below was around 40 years ago
i didn't wanna share it during s2 height but now its something i wanna share because i still remember lucifer's whole bias against all sinners and this (intentional/unintentional) parallel of al's memories back in his living days during episode 4 and one with his scenes with lucifer
lucifer's discrimination against sinners really run deep and i think it would be good if more writers tackle this especially with alastor's backstory as a poc during his era where racism/discrimination is at its most high because i still believe alastor really snapped and quit the hotel because of the things that lucifer said hit close to home
I actually realised this accidentally while roleplaying Al at a Sinsmas party. The Lucifer roleplayer was doing some looney tunes type stuff to Al (super fun btw) and it got me thinking: Hold on. This... doesn't come off as looney tunes to Alastor. Like at all. This probably reminds him of how he was treated IN LIFE. And I had this whole epiphany like HOOOOOLY SHIT holy shit that's why Lucifer irks him so badly in the show. He's treated in a way he hasn't been treated SINCE HE WAS ALIVE, by a person who he literally CANNOT harm for plot reasons (atleast that's what I assume.) He has no choice but to take it and it brings him back to a time where he took all this racism and couldn't do anything about it. I think the way Lucifer treats him reminds him of when he was alive and hadn't started killing. When he was young probably, and truly, truly powerless. (Oh also it's that feeling of being trapped/constricted, being mocked, something something his deal with Rosie something pet)
I fucking love your analysis because THE PARALLELS ARE THERE. THEY ARE RIGHT FUCKING THERE. AND THEY ADD SOOOO MUCH TO THEIR DYNAMIC AND AL'S CHARACTER. THEY EXPLAIN SO MUCH MAN ESPECIALLY WITH THE ALASTOR LEAVING THE HOTEL SCENE WHICH I CONSTANTLY HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE WHY IT'S NOT OOC I totes understand you not wanting to share this at the fandom height of s2 because. Let's be honest this fandom can be really sensitive and uncomfortable topics make people uncomfortable. Especially when it's someone's darling baby girl character such as Lucifer who's making them uncomfortable. This is in no way hate towards Lucifer. Like at all. I love him. But man these characters are flawed people and that can't be denied!! But as a POC too, this shit really is so important. The show BETTER be exploring this in s3 man!!! It's so interesting!!!!
Ya uhhh suffice to say that rp never got a response
(I asked if I could make it really angsty with Al's experience with racism when he was alive before writing it in and they said sure but uhh it's okay, uncomfortable topic and allat)
((for context in the rp Lucifer tripped him over (he fell flat on his face btw and his glass shattered) and mockingly held a hand out to help him get up... ts was in front of everyone at the party btw)) (like cmon the racism parallels were right there, you can't blame me for wanting to write it in 😭)
My TGCF sin, I suppose, is that I do kinda love Qi Rong, I’m not going to lie. Like, he’s such a great metaphor for greed, violence, and entitlement, but he's also soooo cartoonish. He eats people and swears like a sailor despite being raised as a prince. He wants to be treated like a prince but like lives like he does. His followers have little green flames to mark them as his little henchmen. He’s not a supreme and refuses to even try to become one because he knows he’d lose. He’s literally only on the list because he’s old as fuck and the heavens needed symmetry for the four famous tales. He somehow appeared a better father figure to a damaged five-year-old than his own abusive father. Truly he is like cannibal Gru from Despicable Me.
I love how Lucifer is the original temptation. I love that Alastor can't help but be annoyed by him and clap back, when he usually has such perfect self control. I love how he CAN'T help himself.
Which is hilarious to me. Even with Vox, Alastor rage baits him the whole time. And with Lucifer, they rage baits each other SO easily. I love their dynamic. I really hope we'll get more in season 3 😁
I want more Hellradio with human Alastor. Can you imagine.
Lilith and Lucifer are vacationing in the human world or something with their daughter. Charlie's in her early teens but hasn't yet gone through her emo phase. She's trying to establish her independence a little bit and maybe sorta runs off from her parents, and ends up getting cornered by some grown ass man who DEFINITELY should not be approaching her— and Alastor intervenes. Pretends that he knows her and tells her that her parents are waiting for her, young lady, you know better than to run off like that!
Then escorts her back to Lucifer and Lilith. Who of course immediately hyperfixates on this poor human who was literally just being a gentleman like his mama taught him.
Alastor cannot understand what the fuck is wrong with this white couple. They keep flirting with him, in PUBLIC, INCLUDING THE HUSBAND, in front of their DAUGHTER??? Who, to be fair, doesn't seem to care, if she even notices at all, but STILL. Also on multiple occasions they tried pulling him through the front entrances of establishments he's NOT supposed to go into and seem confused by why he keeps staunchly refusing to do so.
Oh, and they seem to have clocked onto the fact that he's a murderer but they don't seem to care. Which is SO WEIRD because like?? Who the FUCK lets their daughter anywhere near someone they suspect going around murdering people???
Like 2 years later, Alastor asks if Charlie's growth is perhaps stunted, and they finally remember that 1, they're royalty who kind of just ditched for longer than they should have, and 2, they totally forgot to tell Alastor that they're not human. Whoopsie! And here they were trying to tempt him into their bed without being honest with him about who they are! Perhaps it was a good thing they haven't succeeded yet, then.
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