Hi! Yāall can call me Bee :] (they/she/any) I am a museum docent/doggy daycare coach with a degree in art history! Besides snz, Iām a huge dog nerd, and I think libraries and museums are cool too!
Minors and ageless blogs DNI! This is a KINK BLOG. If you are under 18 or have no age immediately visible on your blog, I will block you immediately.
To get this out of the way: abolish ICE, people over borders, no one is illegal on stolen land, ACAB, trump is a fascist, free palestine-fuck israel, free sudan, free congo, trans people are valid, abortion is healthcare, EVERYTHING is inherently political, and i think by now you get the point. if any of this upsets you, you can go fuck yourself :)
Fandoms: currently into the a//mazing d//igital c//ircus! not really interested in writing snz-kink-specific content, but happy to entertain sickfic/whump talk, or just talk about it in general
most of the fics here are s/tranger t/hings, though i donāt write for it anymore, and wonāt in the future. most are for st/eddie and ro/nance. thereās some for the hell//averse as well, mix of ha//zbin and he//lluva bo//ss
always open to RESPECTFUL dmās and asks :)
*note* this blog is vehemently against the use of generative AI. nothing posted to this blog will ever be made with or by AI.
one of my favorite parts about writing sickfics (or whump, if iām honest) is writing characters āout of characterā, while still finding a way to keep them in character.
like. a character with a bad fever or debilitating migraine (or something to that extent) is probably not going to be their usual self, hence, behaving in a way that is generally out of character for them. but, the fun part is how they specifically, as a character, might accurately behave in a way that is āout of character.ā
i know we hate b//rendon u//rie for being racist and gross with minors this is not a post excusing that
as a former(ish) emo kid with this kink i was personally victimized by p//anic! when they said āhey stranger, i want you to catch me like a coldā with their full chests
i love the inherent weaknesses of humans. we all need to eat, we all need to keep ourselves warm in the cold, we all need to sleep, we get injured, we get sick. we arenāt machines. in fact having weakness at all is what makes us human.
itās a huge part of why caretaking and things like that are so endearing to me. itās so specifically human. itās a part of our culture as humans, regardless of where youāre from. itās universal and yet somehow so unique to us as a species.
i was supposed to be asleep an hour and a half ago but iām thinking about giving that asshole rabbit laryngitis so heāll finally shut the fuck up (affectionate. kind of)
the urge to create a digital circus AU so i can write all the fanfic i want without it having to comply with the canon timeline. cause im weird about that kind of thing. š
yall know when the hyperfixation gets so bad that you actually canāt even interact with it because your brain will just stop working and you canāt breathe and every muscle in your body tenses up and you kinda feel like youāre vibrating
but thereās also literally nothing else youāre interested in doing so you just have to sit and cope
it actually makes me kinda sad because nothing else in my life feels interesting and i donāt get the same amount of enjoyment out of the things i usually like when im not. mid-hyperfixation.
needed to share this for my t/adc mutuals lol... i love seeing j/ax suffer (i recognise myself in him so much what?) and he would 100% react like this when waking up with a cold (i do the exact same)
BTW THIS IS NOT MY ART!! This is from @/frostedlemons on i/nsta (if you see this and are on tumblr please let me tag you!!)
my snz hot take is that i do not like animal allergies. i will actually sometimes stop reading a snzfic (or just skip over the part) if a character ends up being allergic to an animal.
idk if itās because animals are so integral to who i am? (iāve had pets all my life, i have spent days upon days dreaming of a life where i can have as many animals in my life as i can, i mean ffs i work at a dog daycare lmao)
like idk, as someone who values animals so deeply and wants a life surrounded by them, i guess i just donāt find it attractive when people have a physical averse reaction to them (even if they still like animals despite the allergy)
iām curious to see if thereās anyone else who has similar feelings about this genre of snz.
btw this post is NOT shaming anyone who likes it, youāre super cool and i want you to keep enjoying what you like, im just wondering if thereās anyone else who shares in this lol.
as much as i love t/adc in its current form, there is also something about it that is very nostalgic for me. i watched the pilot while i was in my junior year of college, which is going on two and a half years ago now (nauseating). i immediately told my roommate about it because i thought the concept was so interesting.
i canāt hear āyour new homeā without being sent back to my dorm room where i watched it. itās crazy how much things have changed since then.
hereās that T/ADC fic I promised :) not titled because iām lazy. for the sake of continuity, letās say this happens sometime between episodes 2 and 3. iām imagining it happening only a short while after Pomni enters the Circus.
i proofread it like once for major spelling errors. itās not intended to be that good, i just wrote it for fun, in the notes app on my phone. some of yāall might be mad, but C/aine isnāt in this one cause i just genuinely didnāt feel like thinking through those logistics.
so here. have P/omni catching a cold, J/ax being a prick, and a sweet R/agatha. not written for any ships, but whatever makes you happy. no written out snz, just a sickfic. very focused on character interactions in this one
Mid-adventure, Jax and Pomni had found themselves taking shelter in a small cave. The group had split up, and some time ago the āskyā had opened up in a downpour, leaving the two of them to find somewhere to go. The space was big enough for them both to fit, though Jax couldnāt stand up straight, and they really only had about two feet between them.
āWhy does weather even exist in this place?ā Pomni stuck her hand through the threshold of the cave, feeling it hit her gloved hand and part of her forearm. It felt about as real as everything else.
āWhy does anything exist in this place?ā Jax replied, voice relaying only boredom. He was sitting against the cave wall, legs crossed, resting his cheek on his palm. Pomni shrugged in reply, pulling her hand back inside.
Theyād been waiting for the rain to stop for a while, for a reason Pomni wasnāt quite sure of. Jax seemed frustrated with being stuck, but seemed to be avoiding going back out into the downpour.
āThe others are probably back at the circus by now,ā Pomni said quietly, looking again out of the cave entrance. She heard Jax huff behind her, knowing he was rolling his eyes without having to look.
āIām sure they are,ā he deadpanned. āBut what difference does it make being here or there? Same prison, different walls.ā Pomni began to feel frustration rising over Jaxās indifference.
āBetter than being in a cold, dark cave,ā she mumbled.
Jax pulled his knees up to his chest, and she watched his face betray him, before he smiled again and tilts his head in the way that she knew meant he was about to be coy at best, or cruel at worst.
āWhy so eager to get back? You promise Ragatha youād kiss by the playground today or something?ā Jax leaned forward, beginning to intrude on Pomniās space. She stepped back, tripping over a rock and landing on the hard cave floor, barely missing hitting her head on the wall. She gritted her teeth and glared at Jax.
āDo you have to be this insufferable all of the time?ā She asked, knowing the answer she was going to get.
āI donāt have to do anything,ā he laughed. āI do it because itās funny.ā Jax was looking at her, grinning, pupils wide.
He was being difficult on purpose. Pomni knew by now not to let herself be roped into his moods. But something about this time, really feeling stuck with him, frustrated her. She wasnāt going to let him antagonize her.
āIām going to see if I can find the others,ā she declared finally, standing back up. Jaxās eyes went wide and his pupils shrank, before a lazy smile returns to his face.
āI wouldnāt do that if I were you,ā he sighed, leaning his head back. Pomni turned to look at him, wondering if he had any legitimate reason for avoiding the rain. āMight catch a cold.ā Jax winked and Pomni scoffed at him, again feeling annoyed at his attempts to goad and irritate her.
āFine, stay here. I donāt care. Iām leaving.ā She stepped out into the rain, one hand shielding her eyes. She didnāt look back at Jax as she left, at least not long enough to see his brows knit together.
Pomni did not find the others, rather she found the portal theyād likely gone through back to the Circus. Soaked and shivering, and feeling a little hurt that the others seemingly hadnāt even attempted to find her and Jax, she stepped through the portal.
The bright lights and colors of the open floor of the Circus made Pomni flinch as she stepped through, water already pooling around her on the tiles.
āPomni!ā Ragathaās voice grabs her attention, and she feels, more than sees, the other cast members approaching her quickly. āWhere have you been, itās been hours!ā
āJax and Iā¦ we got stuck in the rain so we waited in a cave,ā Pomni, explained, voice wobbling as she shivered. āWhere were you?ā
āWe called for you, but you guys must not have heard us. Where did you guys even end up?ā Ragatha fidgeted anxiously with her hands. āCaine pulled us from the adventure early after Zooble started pulling themself apart in frustrationā¦ Itās weird that he didnāt bring you and Jax back.ā
āWhere is Jax?ā Gangle asked, looking to the portal, as if expecting him to stride through any moment.
āIā¦ I donāt know. We ended up far from the portal location. It took me a while to find it.ā Another shiver ripped through Pomni as she spoke. āI left him, he didnāt want to come with me to find you guys.ā
āSmartest decision heās ever made,ā Zooble muttered, sitting on a chair off to the side. Pomni wasnāt sure what they meant by that.
Ragatha frowned, looking down at Pomniās shaking frame. The latter suddenly snapped forward, sneezing, before a look
of shock fell over her face. This was not something sheād experienced at all since sheād joined the circus.
āOh, goodness!ā Ragatha gasped, hands moving to grab Pomniās shoulder. āLetās get you dried off, okay? We can worry about Jax later.ā
Once Ragatha had made sure Pomni was dried and warm, she left the younger woman to herself to rest a little. Ragatha had seemed concerned, almost doting in a way. Pomni wondered if there was something wrong, if something had happened. The others had looked at her warily, a kind of worry in their expressions.
Eventually, after several more hours of waiting, Jax did make his way through the portal. Only Kinger, inside his pillow fortress, was left on the open floor, not that Jax would have known if he was there or not.
Jax wandered around for a while, not seeing anyone else as he did so. Their typical ādinnerā time drew close, and Jax began to wonder if the others had even come back at all. If theyād found Pomni, or the other way around. Not that it mattered. He was used to being alone, he liked being alone. He wouldnāt have cared if none of them ever came back. After a while, he took his usual seat at the dining table, deciding that if they came back, theyād show eventually.
And they did, slowly trickling in. Kinger showed up first, and then Ragatha. Gangle and Zooble came in together, having a conversation no one else was permitted to hear. Pomni was the last to arrive, having been late enough where Jax noticed Ragatha, Zooble and Gangle exchanging looks with each other before she got there. Jax had begun to wonder if sheād ever actually made it back to the circus.
When Pomni did show up, she looked miserable. Slouched and shaking, she had dark rings under her eyes, and was audibly sniffling. She was cold and achy, feeling every bit like sheād come down with a bad cold in the real world.
āLook who finally decided to join us!ā Jax teased. āTook ya long enough!ā
Ragatha glared at him, a silent warning him to behave. She then offered a small, warm smile to Pomni. Pomni said nothing, only taking her seat and huffing through her mouth.
āSomeoneās in a mood,ā Jax pushed, knowing he was going too far. But going too far worked.
āShut the fāk up, Jax,ā Zooble snapped, slamming a hand on the table.
āI donāt see how Iāve done anything wrong here.ā Jax argued, frustratingly calm. āIām engaging in playful conversation! Isnāt that what you wanted?ā
Pomni interrupted by coughing softly into her fist, and Jax looked over to see her move into resting her head in her palms. He ignored the feelings of guilt deep in his gut that he didnāt like.
āSomeone not feeling well? I tried to warn you,ā Jax said, pushing food around his plate, but not actually lifting any to his mouth. Pomni looked up, realization hitting her.
āYou were being seriousā¦ā she said, almost a question. Jax felt another hit to his gut, hearing how tired and congested Pomniās voice sounded.
āSure, I was being serious. What? Did you think I was just fāing with you or something?ā Jax laughed, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair so it was balancing on the back legs. Pomniās eye twitched.
āOf course I thought you were fāing with me!ā She yelped. āYou barely even tried to stop me!ā
āI figured youād been here long enough to figure out how things work. You know how Caine loves his goofy cartoon logic.ā
Pomni stared at Jax for a while, eyes hard, despite how tired they seemed. Eventually, she looked down, sniffling. She felt frustrated and exhausted and every part of her body was aching and heavy.
āI donāt feel well. I donāt want to do this right now,ā she mumbled, sounding completely defeated. She stood, pushing her chair away from the table, wrapping her arms around herself. Ragatha stood as well, gently approaching Pomni with an outstretched hand.
āPoor thing,ā Ragatha sighed, putting a soft hand to Pomniās forehead. A sentiment Pomni would have steadfastly rejected, had she been in better shape. āYou feel warmā¦ I was afraid this would happen. Come on, you should lie down.ā The two of them walked away, back towards the bedrooms. As they left, Zooble turned to look at Jax.
āYou are such an aāhole,ā they spat, smacking the back of Jaxās head. He glared at Zooble, pretending not to watch Ragatha and Pomni leave.
As Ragatha opened the door to Pomniās room, Pomni sighed, before her breath hitched and she sneezed quietly into her fist. Ragatha frowned at her, brows knit together, worried.
āIām sorry about this,ā she said, closing the door behind them, shutting out the light from the hallway.
āNot like itās your fault,ā Pomni replied, sniffling again. āHow does this even work, I donāt even have a nose,ā she huffed in frustration, sinus congestion heavy in a place it physically shouldnāt be. Ragatha laughed a little, smiling sympathetically. āI canāt believe I caught a cold from the rain.ā
āItās one of those things in this place that doesnāt really make sense,ā she explained. āLike Jax said, itās just the ridiculous cartoon rules built into the nature of the Circus.ā
Pomni sat on her bed, another chill making her shiver. Every day she became more and more disturbed by how real everything in the circus felt. She felt the headache, the sore throat, the heavy stuffiness in her head exactly like it would be in the real world. In some ways, it was a comfort, to feel something so real, so earthly and human. In other ways, it was a heart-sinking reminder that the circus had complete custody of her.
āThis has happened beforeā¦ā Pomni said, pulling her legs up onto the bed to cross in front of her. Ragatha sighed, sitting cross legged herself on the floor. Pomniās breath caught and she sneezed, again, into her arm.
āBless you!ā Ragatha said, almost cooing in a way that resembled pity, and Pomni resented it. āAnd yes, itās definitely happened before,ā she breathed, clearly trying to keep her tone positive. āMore than you might think, actually.ā Pomni nodded, mouth a tight line, looking down at her hands. āEveryone here has gotten sick.ā
Pomni tried not to smile at the thought of Jax being humbled by a simulation of the common cold. She doubted he would have been a cooperative patient, though she chose to keep the thought to herself, sniffling again, wincing at the feeling.
āBut Caineā¦ doesnāt heā¦?ā Pomni started asking, looking at Ragatha for some type of reassurance.
āItās not really in Caineās realm, I donāt think. Usually he does have power over our bodies, butā¦ this kind of thing seems outside of his control for one reason or another,ā Ragatha said, watching Pomni nod in frustrated silence. āOn the bright side, these things donāt last as long in here as they do on the outside! You should be feeling better in a few days.ā
Pomni nodded again, her eyes feeling heavy. She felt genuinely awful, in a way she hadnāt felt since before entering the Circus. She wanted sleep more than anything. She figured in here sleep wouldnāt help, not the way it helps on the outside. But it couldnāt hurt, especially when she was this exhausted. Besides, though Pomni knew she meant well, Ragathaās mothering nature was starting to get to her, and Pomni really just wanted to be left alone for a while.
āIām sorry, I should let you rest,ā Ragatha apologized, standing quickly. āSleep helps pass the time at least. If you need anything, you know where weāll be.ā
Pomni closed her eyes before Ragatha had even left the room, hearing her soft footsteps and the click of the door. She fell asleep feeling feverish and heavy, her brain feeding itself strange dreams.
She wasnāt sure how long sheād been asleep for, when she startled awake, hearing her door creak open. Light from the hall peaks in through a crack, and she was expecting Ragatha to poke her head in to check on her. Instead, she saw a large paw step into the room. Even in a half-sleep state, she noticed how gently Jax seemed to be moving. She didnāt miss the way he kept the door as closed as possible, as if trying not to let too much light in.
āJax?ā Her voice was hoarse, almost gone, and it hurt to talk.
She saw Jaxās body go rigid for a brief moment, though she was unable to see his face, backlit by the light from the door. When he moved again, he closed the door behind him. Pomni wondered if Ragatha had chewed him out and made him apologize for being an ass, though Pomni thinks she would have made him wait until she woke on her own.
āJax, what are you doing?ā she asked, moving into a half-sitting position. Her eyes adjusted to the returned darkness, and she saw Jax hovering by the door. She heard him suck in a breath through his teeth, before he took another step closer to the center of the room.
āRelaaax, I didnāt come here to watch you sleep or anything creepy,ā he said, holding his hands up in front of him.
āOkayyyā¦ā Pomni prompted, waiting for him to explain what he was doing.
āIām sure Rags already told you howā¦ thisā¦ works,ā Jax continued, waving his hands around in a vague gesture. Pomni nodded, slowly, eyes wide as she tried to figure out what exactly Jax was trying to say.
Before he had a chance to speak again, Pomni sneezed suddenly. She was becoming frustrated with the feeling, and it seemed impossible to relieve it in any way. Despite tilting her head away from Jax, she didnāt miss the way he cringed slightly. He didnāt move away from her though, and if Pomni didnāt know any better, she would have thought it was out of sympathy.
āHa, yeah, thatās one of the worst parts,ā Jax said, clearly trying to commiserate. Pomni observed him for another moment, before her curiosity got the better of her.
āHow many times have you gotten this?ā
Jax averted his eyes for a second, and he shrugged his shoulders.
āUnimportant. It is contagious, by the way, and you sound terrible,ā He answered, laughing, but keeping his eyes somewhere off to the side. Pomni stared at him through half-lidded eyes.
āWas there a reason you came in here?ā She demanded, her tone laced with irritation. Her head was still pounding, and if Jax had come in solely to piss her off, she was going to strangle him. Jax finally looked at her directly again, his expression difficult to read for once. He took a second to answer, looking at Pomniās face, as if grasping for something to say.
āJust wanted to make sure this wasnāt the thing to make you abstract,ā he said, shrugging. āYou never know.ā
āRight.ā
Jax stood in silence for another moment, once again looking anywhere but Pomni. Despite feeling somewhat irritated that Jax had woken her up, it felt clear to her that he truly hadnāt come in just to screw with her. Whether or not he actually thought sheād abstract was irrelevant. Heād wanted to check on her. She wondered if anyone else knew where he was.
āYou should go,ā Pomni said, her voice softer this time. āWouldnāt want you to catch this, right?ā Jaxās attention snapped to her, and he looked almost lost for a second before blinking, as if regaining clarity.
āRight, right,ā he said, making his way to the door. āDonāt drown in your own mucus,ā he added, shooting her a shit-eating smile, and closing the door just quick enough to avoid the pillow she threw at him.
