The Big HomeSick

[thebighomesick]

Things that make you go, Hmmm...

The other night we met a man named Nabucodonozor. Yes, that's Nebuchadnezzar. Super nice and helpful. Can't even imagine what life was like for him as a kid at school.

Also, went to Uncanny Valley Lowe's with Bill the other day. This is their frozen dog food brand. Can't beat it, can you? I mean, not half, whole...

[thebighomesick]

Homesick. For Real

The past few days have been a time to learn how useless websites are in Colombia. Help sections are so unhelpful they are a detriment to its users. Stores have websites that don't list their products. Government offices have information written in such a way that you have to print it out and read it as you highlight what's actually important and ignore the flowery and unnecessarily complicated language. Everything is bunched together as if websites cost money depending on how much screen space is taken up. Font is tiny and low contrast, webforms only work in Chrome, but websites tell you to please use Internet Explorer for a "better" experience. If you accidentally use Safari, a few details don't display, like submit buttons, for example. It's baffling.

What are we trying to do visiting all these websites? Find what we need for our kitchen and bathroom home improvement projects and get Bill's resident visa. Both kind of important, I think.

The stores, well, we can just show up and find some human to sell us what we need. Inconvenient but not lethal. The visa thing is a bit more complicated. We are now on our third attempt to get the paperwork through and I'm getting a little tired of this crap.

So what happens now? We may sue some people in a couple of offices who are being especially unhelpful with Bill's visa. They probably would do what they need to do if we bribed them, but I think it will be more fun to sue them. So we sue.

Stay tuned. Monday is a holiday, but Tuesday will hit a few desk jockeys like a ton of bricks courtesy of the Leiderman Rankin family.

[thebighomesick]

Happy New Year!

We are back from our second road trip and I never wrote about the conclusion of the first one, so here it is: we found a guy who knew a guy who could fix the rims and make them look like new. Within 48 hours the car was back to normal. Amazing.

Then it was time to plan the next trip: four days and three nights, this time driving to the east and south of Medellin. Our first stop was Doradal, where we saw the famous hippos. The rest of the Hacienda Napoles visit was not very exciting. The place has been Dysneyfied beyond recognition.

Then we backtracked about 30 minutes to stop in Rio Claro. I think I'll be going back to Rio Claro as often as possible. Everyone went rafting and Bill and I went hiking.

Bill and I found so many amazing things to photograph during our hike that it took me two days to sort through the pictures and upload to iNaturalist. I'll add just one here, and the rest are on Insta or iNat. Here's my favorite fungus of the hike, Cookeina sulcipes.

And here's my favorite insect, a Homeomastax grasshopper.

The next day we drove to Honda, in Tolima, and spent the day at a nearby park. The kids went swimming in the waterfalls and we went hiking again. It was a much rougher hike with fewer fun insects to photograph. We did see blue morpho butterflies all over, but high in the canopy where we could not get to them to take pix.

The last day of the trip we spent driving to Pereira to have dinner on New Years Eve with my cousin. On the way we detoured to see the Nevado del Ruiz, a dormant volcano that is permanently capped with snow. At about 14000 feet we finally gave up. It turns out tee shirts and flip-flops are not the best outfits for the terrain. Imagine that...

Here's a picture of Jacob with Vero's rock hammer aloft. He ran to the rocks to pose for the picture and almost fainted on the way back. It's not just cold. There's not much oxygen up there and you kind of forget to move slowly enough.

We had a really, really fun time with my cousin and her family, and we drove back to Medellin yesterday morning.

I think that's the end of our roadtripping for a while. The car needs to be made taller so it stops bottoming out on speed bumps and high rocks. I think we'll start by getting rid of the fancy sporty rims and low profile tires tomorrow.

I think the next big thing will be the arrival of our household goods and the big kitchen redesign at the new house. That should be fun.

[thebighomesick]

Detour and Almost Game Over

As I said in the last post, we took a slight (5 hour) detour to Mompox. It's a beautiful city on the Magdalena river, and it is famous for its churches and house dating back to colonial times and gold filigree jewelry. We stayed at one of those houses which is now, like about 99% of those houses, a gorgeous boutique hotel.

Other than looking at the buildings, there isn't a whole lot to do in Mompox proper, so we booked a tour of the nearby swamp. It was really great. I've never seen so many iguanas or interesting birds in my life. We also saw a family of monkeys in a tree. I'd never seen monkeys (see footnote) not in a zoo in my whole life, so that was cool.

At times the boat went through patches of floating grass and it was very disorienting. I mean, it is grass, and it looks for all the world like you are in a pasture, but the whole thing is floating and loosely strung together so the boat just moves through. That was a really odd feeling.

We got to watch people fishing and fish jumping out of the water and we made it back to Mompox in time for dinner, which was wholly unremarkable compared to the previous week.

The next morning we started the long trek home, back to playing the crazy obstacle video game. I was doing great! I was ahead of the other two cars and then I hit a massive pothole, broke one rim and dented another. Oops! We drove the rest of the way on the little spare donut, slowly and wincing at every sharp curve.

But that's all in the past. The rims are fixed, the tires have air, the bags are packed, and at 6:30 tomorrow we head out to Rio Claro and Puerto Triunfo.

footnote: When I moved to the States I met people who assumed Colombia was just some crazy jungle filled with drug lords running around on horses and they were super surprised to find out I'd never seen either cocaine or a monkey in a tree just out in the wild. So now I've seen both. Yay!

[thebighomesick]

On the Road Again...

We are leaving again tomorrow on a new adventure, so I'd better get the first adventure wrapped up.

Yes, the driving was a thing, but the places we visited were amazing. We spent a week in San Antero, near Coveñas.

There were 14 of us staying at a "house" that was not really a house, more like a little complex on the beach. There was a kitchen and five bedrooms spread between two buildings. Then there was a big palm-thatched pavilion with five hammocks and a long table for meals. All this was right on the water.

We spent our days relaxing and eating yummy food. It was a real struggle. We selected menu items from a list and provided the ingredients, and Adelina and Marleny did all the cooking. We had all the greatest hits from the Colombian Atlantic coast: coconut rice, fried fish, lots of shrimp, plantains, yuca, arepa de huevo...

We lost track of how many naps we had in the hammocks. We would settle in to read, but we just kept drifting off. Awesome.

In the afternoons we had shrimp cocktails on call. We contacted the guy on WhatsApp and set the time, and he stopped by with his cooler and his expertise. So, so, so yummy!

We also had cheese, fruit, and fresh fish from people who stopped by every morning. We could place special orders one day to be delivered the next. We were spoiled rotten the whole week.

About an hour into the return video game session, my sister-in-law suggested we take a detour for one more night at Mompox. A few WhatsApp calls later we were on our way. Why not?

[thebighomesick]

Catching Up

I can't believe I've not written anything since Bill arrived. We've been busy...

Bill's first week here kicked paperwork and such into high gear. Unfortunately, much of the paperwork and office visits resulted in absolutely no progress. There's so much we can't do until Bill has a cédula de extranjería. Oh, well...

Meanwhile we went on vacation with the fam. We left early on Saturday morning, around 4:30am, to drive to the Atlantic Coast. That was interesting: new car, unknown Colombian roads, Bill and my parents in the car. It was the hardest video game I ever played.

Here's how it goes: It's a first-person game and you are driving a car. The roads have lines marking the lanes but they don't really mean anything. The first level is leaving the city, easy-peasy. Next you go up the western side of the valley, the steeper one, on a road nicknamed Matasanos (helathy people killer). There are large trucks and buses on the road with you and there are only two lanes, one going in each direction, no median, negligible shoulder, frequent dips from the mountain slipping a bit, and a massive drop to the bottom of the valley to your right. To keep up with your teammates, you need to pass the trucks all the way to the top of the mountain. The way down is slightly less curvy and at the end of this stage you get breakfast. Absolutely the most delicious pandequesos ever.

The next stage involves another uphill trek, this one less steep, but potholes are introduced. And, on the downhill stretch, on the way to a place called Valdivia, the road is more like a giant stairway: relatively flat bits in between some of the steepest drops I've ever driven on. Also, bikes and tuk-tuks are introduced. You have to pass them without killing anyone.

From Valdivia on to Puerto Valdivia, the next level in the game, the road is curvy but flat, and now people selling stuff are introduced. Don't stop and don't kill anyone and keep up with the rest of the team driven by seasoned Colombian trekkers.

The next level lasts six hours. The drive is on the coastal plain, so flat and mostly straight, but the obstacles here are truly next level: Potholes big enough to swallow your car, donkey carts, dogs sleeping on the road, and cows. The cows can be just one or a whole herd blocking the road. And everything speeds up to about 120km/h. There are also trees along the side of the road, so it is hard to tell what is a pothole and what is a shadow from the trees. Sometimes they are mixed together.

As the game progresses, more and more motorcycles are introduced. There is a bonus level through a town called Lorica that must hold the world record for the number of motorcycles on the road at one time. Literally hundreds of them going in every direction at every speed and stopping to chat anywhere. Here you have to negotiate complex intersections mixing bikes, people, buses, and motorcycles. You can call a teammate for some help at this point. To save you the call, here's what you do: find a bigger vehicle going in the same direction and follow them bumper to bumper so you can travel in their wake.

Truly, the most challenging video game I've ever played.

But, to be honest, San Antero, the beach, the food, and all the time sleeping in the shade in a hammock was worth the 10 hours in the car.

I'll add pix to the next post, and then we'll get into the return trip. Kick up the obstacles into high gear the second time you play this game.

[thebighomesick]

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

We finally have a car! It's a feat given the shortage of new cars and the high demand for hybrids. I found a really nice used Kia hybrid and will be driving it around Medellín (eek!) next week sometime.

It will take me a while to get over the way business is done. Almost everything is negotiable. For example, I made a downpayment on the car with my credit card. When I pick it up next week we decide how to pay for the rest of it. No rush, few rules, just whatever is most convenient.

Getting the car took up the bulk of the day yesterday. In between trips to dealerships we also went to Home Center (uncanny valley Lowe's, for sure) to buy a coffee maker for my parents and to look at stuff to make our kitchen as dreamy as our last one. Here's the cat enjoying the coffee maker box. She dragged it all over the place until she was happy with the location under the table. She has a great view of the kitchen and the dining room from this particular spot.

For lunch we went to the All Day Cafe by The Chef Is Back and actually met the chef. In truth, I had met the chef when we were kids, ages ago. I would not have recognized him in a million years, or course. The food was amazing, the service incredible, the coffee to die for, and we got to see the end of the Brazil-Croatia match. Dessert was French toast filled with nuts and chocolate, homemade ice cream, all drizzled with caramel sauce. Very yummy.

Here's the picture of the car. License plates here are assigned to cars, not people, so we'll nickname this one Fixer.

[thebighomesick]

Holiday!

Today I had planned to buy a car. Clearly Google does not keep up with Colombian holidays, which are actual holidays and not hyped up shopping days. Don't ask. I have no idea what holiday it was, and clearly I don't want to ask since Google already failed me once today.

Since we were out and about, my sister-in-law took me to the Plaza Mayorista, the wholesale farmers market, just around the corner. I bought fruits and veggies: beets, mangos, zapotes, and nísperos. I might take pix of the zapotes tomorrow when I eat them. I can't even explain what they are. Delicious. Weird and delicious.

Later, my parents took me to lunch. Here's the "five protein" bandeja paisa: chorizo, ground beef, crispy pork belly, morcilla (black pudding), fried egg, rice, beans, plantain, avocado, and arepa.

[thebighomesick]

Mission Accomplished!

I did match all but two keys to locks in and around the house on Saturday. I also had the best rotisserie chicken in YEARS from the original Pollos Mario on the back deck of the new house. I know the lighting is weird and makes my family look like I green screened them onto a backdrop, but that's actually our view and Saturday was a particularly beautiful day.

[thebighomesick]

The Keys to the Kingdom

I'm writing early today because I'm so, so excited. We are having a picnic at our new house! We are actually going to do some serious work and we'll bring along some food. So, picnic on the lawn.

Here's what we have to do: try all these keys in all the locks and label them.

In Colombia, all doors to all rooms and closets in a house have keys. I took possession of the house on Monday, and, as part of the event, I got the keys. The previous owners did give me keys to the front and side doors in a separate ring, but the rest are all in various big bunches.

We are also planning the redesign of the kitchen with a new larger oven, a new sink, and maybe a dishwasher.

We found this house in August. Bill and I are the only ones who have seen it. I can't wait to hear what the rest of the family thinks of it. Maybe I'll post pictures tonight.

[thebighomesick]

Friday

I took a break from anything serious today. Instead, I went to El Tesoro for lunch and a little retail therapy.

I've not been a huge fan of burgers for a long time, but what I ate today is making me reconsider. I mean, it was that good: perfect bacon, perfectly medium-rare patty, about a pound of avocado... They leave the top of the bun off so you can approve of how the patty is cooked before you start eating it. My dad had a burger, too, and the top of his bun was smiling at me.

The shopping was pretty unreal, too. Sorry*, Bill, I'm about to have even more shoes. And maybe a new jacket to go with my new hiking boots.

*not sorry

[thebighomesick]

I’m hanging out with my parents and their friends. They’ve done this kind of stuff for as long as I can remember. They are singing at a home for even older folks sometime next week.

[thebighomesick]

Paper! at the "Costco"

Today we took a cab to Price Smart. It's uncanny valley Cosco, or Sam's Club, even with a Member's Selection store brand. I thought I'd miss so many American products, but nope, I can buy them all at here. Of course I got my membership. Of course I had to use paper.

Every single establishment in this country is insanely reluctant to let customers touch a keyboard. How do you do ANYTHING here? Ask for the paper form, fill it out, and then hand it over to the person at the desk who types the information into an on-screen version of the form. Their one job is to add the typos and transposed numbers.

Here's my card! Now it's in my wallet with my old Costco card.

[thebighomesick]

Paperwork Time

Today I spent much of the morning walking papers back and forth between desks at the Notaría to finalize the purchase of our new house. I had to show my ID, get fingerprinted, answer a few questions, wait for papers to be printed and stamped and signed, then go sit and wait for my number to be called. I paid our closing costs with a credit card after waiting for a turn with a little ticket like I was at the deli counter. Amazing.

Since Bill is not here, my sister stopped by and signed on his behalf. POAs are one of mankind's great inventions, I think.

And then, I went to lunch with the very nice people who sold me the house they designed and built for themselves. I can't say enough about how nice they are.

After lunch we drove to the house for a final walk-through and officially handing over the keys. Lina, the architect, pointed out every little detail of the structure. Juan Carlos, her husband, had saved business cards and manuals for anything that could possibly break in a house. They handed over about a kilo of keys and showed me where they had left things we might find useful. Their son came along. He was super sad to see his childhood home sold. He wanted me to know where all the best trails were for finding mushrooms and watching insects. He's a fellow naturalist, and has a prodigious memory.

I hope we love and enjoy this house as much as they did. I 'm glad we bought a house where such a cool family lived for the past 12 years.

It will be a while before we move into the house. We have to wait for our furniture, which is currently on a cruise in the Caribbean. Not really, but yeah, on a boat somewhere on its way to us.

Here's the view from our bedroom window.

On the agenda for tomorrow: Drivers license, second attempt.

[thebighomesick]

Medellín from the southeastern edge of the valley.

[thebighomesick]

The Nose Remembers

Every city has a unique smell, and it is usually most noticeable in the early morning. For example, DC's smell is a blend of Metro fumes and fresh baked bread. New York smells like gutters and hotdogs. Medellín smells like trampled vegetation and traffic jam.

Yesterday I had to take my dad for an early appointment. For a moment in the cab, the smell turned me into a small child riding a school bus, regretting not wearing a sweater as the cold air blew in through the driver's open window.

[thebighomesick]

We've Moved

Yes, Bill and I have left Virginia and moved to Colombia. There are SO MANY reasons why. But that's not what want to write about. I want to write about coming home, but not really coming home. I mean, I'm from here but I haven't really been here since high school. I was legally an adult but very much a kid when I left for college. I've been here for a week or so just a handful of times over the years. I don't know how to adult here, in a place that's so familiar and yet so foreign to my very americanized self. Writing might help me assimilate into Colombian life feeling more an immigrant than a native despite being a native. I also desperately want to share the stuff that blows me away about this place, like my cab ride yesterday. So let's start with that.

My dad and I took a cab back from an appointment. The driver was super nice, helped my dad get into the cab, buckled the seatbelt for him, chatted about stuff. We were moving right along and then, driving down a busy street we stopped at a light. The guy was honking and rolling down his window and waving his arms, and the guy in the cab next to ours was doing the same. A friend! And they had an entire conversation, yelling from one cab into the other, over the passenger in the other cab. For three consecutive lights they discussed their wives, the World Cup, and car maintenance. At the roundabout, they waved as they each took a different exit.

This is a weird and wonderful place, and it is once again my home. I'm sure I'll be homesick for Virginia every now and then. I'm also sure I'll still be homesick for the Medellín I left in 1989. You can go home, but not really.