Bitches in Breeches

Every barn has one: the barn bitch. Giving unsolicited advice for everything from your equitation to the hideous pink polo wraps you force your gelding to wear.

[soundtrack-for-lovers]

[the-absolute-best-gifs]

fuck you bars

[thebitchesinbreeches]

And next up in the grand prix

[transperceneige]

Little gem from Reddit

[734fungus-blog]

[lesless]

for a second I thought this was a meme & not an informative illustration of horse mood, & I thought I just couldn’t get the joke

[unclefather]

thats just their names

[thebitchesinbreeches]

I know it’s surprising but I actually don’t go on dating apps for equitation critiques.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[thecommonchick]

YAS! 🙌

[thebitchesinbreeches]

To my first pony,

You were not the nicest horse I will ever ride. You were not well bred. You did not have great confirmation. You actually weren’t much to look at. In the winter your fuzzy coat would get caked with mud, and in the summer you would get get sun bleached. You were far from perfect. But you were everything that I needed.

When I was young and stupid, you protected me. You kept me safe, even when I didn’t know that there was danger. You were sure footed and forgiving. I would climb on you bareback while you grazed, and you never minded. You loved me.

You were my pony. And I was your girl.

[thebitchesinbreeches]

When pay for board, vet bills, new tack, a pair of boots... and someone asks me where all my money goes...

I’m like:

[thebitchesinbreeches]

“What are we going to do in today’s lesson?”

[thebitchesinbreeches]

My horse when I try to ground mount:

[thebitchesinbreeches]

When the trainer tells you to be at the barn at 5:00am and no one questions them...

[thebitchesinbreeches]

Watching my friend do the 1.20 with 3 broken fingers..

[thebitchesinbreeches]

Me, showing up at a reasonable hour to a horseshow, where I am not showing, after a long full night of sleep:

[thebitchesinbreeches]

Hello. I've been riding horses for seven years, five of those on the gelding that I bought in November. However, for those seven years I have been riding western and am wishing to transition my horse and I to english. I don't have the means to use another horse, so my gelding will have to transition alongside me. Do you have any tips for me and my horse?

That’s a fun one, and totally possible. First, get him used to the bit. riding english you will generally use a softer bit, and have more contact with the horses mouth. Do this still in your western saddle. (First lunge him with side reins with loose side reins, let him get used to it.)

Next the saddle. Only do this after you have complete control with his new bit (aka, make sure you can stop him in it). Lunge him with the new saddle. It is VERY EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to get an english saddle that fits. While an ill fitting western saddle can certainly hurt a horse, an english saddle is smaller, so there is more concentrated pressure in certain areas. You need to make sure it fits. I LOVE Lamacil’s shock absorbing pad (like 35$), if you have a hard time finding the right fit, it will protect your horse from sore spots.

So lunge his with the saddle. Let him get a feel for it, It will be different. Then start with a light ride. Walk and trot, if it goes well, canter. Make sure that you care centered in the saddle. If you havent ridden much english it might be good to have someone else who has do the first couple rides on him. So he can have someone who is very balanced in the english saddle, and make sure he has a good experience.

Good Luck!

BinB

[thebitchesinbreeches]

hello! i'm a fairly new rider, having rode horses when i was 8, stopped for a few years, and just recently picked back up on it. i've been on push-button horses and pretty stubborn ones. i'm riding in a western saddle, but i'm learning how to post and i really want to ride english soon and maybe even start jumping. i know that won't happen for a while, but are there any tips you have on working towards jumping that could speed up the process? thanks in advance and sorry if this is stupid!! xxx

No Stupid questions, only stupid people. (And by that I obviously mean people who don’t like horses, they’re fucking stupid and I will never apologize for saying it.)

Definitely get posting down. Get comfortable at the canter too, and get your transitions down. Then, get in an english saddle. Most of what you are doing will translate, and I do understand the safety of learning in a western saddle, but you don’t want to develop bad habits, and then have to go through the process of breaking those habits in an English saddle.

Get some leg muscle. You need it much more in the English saddle. (Don’t hate me western girls, I’m not saying you don’t have it!). Do squats and sumo squats (google for image reference). Also build your calf muscle, so heel raises are good.

And watch youtube videos of jumping clinics online. This will give you a bit of an understanding. Learn the following terms: distance, scope, hip angle, half seat, release, straightness, ect. It will help if you understand what its supposed to look like. 

And ENJOY THE RIDE. The best part about jumping is that it is an accomplishment. Jumping a new height, you’re like DAMN, i worked hard, and I can tell. So enjoy the process and dont rush yourself. If you’re dedicated, you’ll get there.

Goog luck!

xoxo, 

BinB

[thebitchesinbreeches]

I really want to ride horses (despite anxiety with insects...ridiculous I know), I’m a beginner. I’m planning to jump back into it after I graduate from college in a year or two. I’m turning 21 soon— is 23/24 too old to be a beginner...? There are so many things I want to do in life but, still....

It is never too late to start riding. It is never too late to learn a new skill. Never stop growing, never stop trying never things. Continue to constant improve and challenge yourself. 

For those who have been riding for years, try a new discipline. Jumpers, go out and get your ass on a cutting horse. Hunters, take a dressage lesson. 

My goal, as an equestrian is not perfection, because fuck that. My personal goal is to be able to get on any horse, in any saddle, and have a decent ride. (Except saddleseat, I have given myself a break on that one. Shit is hard.)

So no, it’s never too late.

[thebitchesinbreeches]

When people tell me not to use water when I clean my leather tack...

I’m like: