occasionally subtle
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YOU ARE THE REASON
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@theblackbloodedowl
One misunderstood jester can cause a monumental Catastrophe all because you didn’t think how it would affect me and yet you will never be able to understand my head space and how my heart race at the thought of being violated again and once feeling helpless against it but now I am strong and I can stop it form happening again but I never thought it would be against the man I married! Well damn.
Just You & You https://www.instagram.com/p/CGtiQ1IAnnQ/?igshid=ehjqc3pmqh1y
I’ve loved you for so long I couldn’t imagine you not being here anymore. My heart hurts just knowing that you’re unhappy with yourself and it doesn’t matter how hard I’m trying to help you heal your self because it’s as if you have no fight in left and I can’t keep asking you to stay and fight for me when I know deep down you no longer want to breath but if I could just see you and hold you in my arms for a long while then saving you would be worth it
Invitation
I find it strange that you say your not the only one when in all reality You have won. You are the brave soul that decided you liked it so you put a ring on it and yet that's not enough for you. You want to claim my heart but you don't understand how it beats you want to claim my soul but you don't know how to allow it to breath you want to conquer my mind but you fail to understand the way it's designed you want to claim the essence that is me but if I have not light or life then I'm losing me So no I'm not going to send you a song that reflects my feelings but instead I'll flex my wings like the feathers of a peacock to call you to attention because anything I say you will not hear me clearly so please listen very carefully to these words that I'm saying: Yes I love you but I need to find the light of life to fall in love with you. I don't like you right now because when you get this way you become bitter, mean, evil, vindictive and Condescending and treat me like I'm prisoner of a third world country so forgive me if my feelings aren't here and I'm having to find shelter within my own mind of what this reality really is Lifeless.
When I was giving you my love you acted like you didn’t want it when I stood before you naked baring my heart and soul you ignored it now that I have with drawn within myself you feel as though I’m harboring my love, feelings, smile, peace, joy, mind & body for someone else but in all reality it’s just me getting back to loving me and finding my strength and power to move forward to a better tomorrow even though it’s not promised today yet somehow along the way I’m realizing that you say you love me but your words are empty of the love that I long to have but you say in order for me to get this I have to be an overly affectionate person which by the way I’m not sooo jumping forward we took vows under the sight of God to love & cherish to have and to hold for richer or poorer for better or worse in sickness and in health TIL death do we part. well I guess the love that was never cherished has vanished, you don’t have me because you never just hold me,I was richer with my few friends I had along with my joy and peace and freedom to be me but now I see that I’ve become poorer cause I’m losing myself in whatever this dysfunctional reality is and I thought I was better with you but I’m so much worse the sickness of your mistrust is trying to destroy my health but I refuse to let it do so and as for TIL death due we part well let’s just say that this marriage is dead and we need to part!
If the foundation was built on sinking ground, how can you expect my love, feelings, & happiness to stick around?
They’re not going too simply because you never trusted me form the start. All I ever did was give you my heart and maybe I was foolish from the start cause in my heart my love belongs to someone else
I’ve tried doing things your way & Lord knows I’m praying for better days but my love is still slipping away form this reality we’re living in
If you ask me do I love you my answer is Yes. If you ask me am I in love with you my answer is No. You’re still living in the mindset that your mother’s teachings is how your going to rule your household I think to think not!
I’m not running away form what’s happening I’m really just co existing with an inevitable end weather you want to face the facts or not we’re half of the same but not complete
As they say at funerals: ashes to ashes dust to dust stop fighting what’s happening to us: the end
The bones By Maren Morris/ poem by me
Her lyrics :We're in the homestretch of the hard times
We took a hard left, but we're alright
Yeah, life sure can try to put love through it, but
We built this right, so nothing's ever gonna move it
Me: We’re in the beginning of the homestretch of hard times we always go left instead of getting this shit right and life’s not the one putting love through it, rather our lack of intimacy. We didn’t build this right so every lil thing can move it
Her lyrics:When the bones are good, the rest don't matter
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter
Let it rain 'cause you and I remain the same
When there ain't a crack in the foundation
Baby, I know any storm we're facing
Will blow right over while we stay put
The house don't fall when the bones are good
Me: When my soul is good, the body does matter Yeah the feelins I spill & my heart could shatter I cry rain ‘cause you & I aren’t the same Well there’s a crack in this foundation Baby, I know in this storm we’re facing Won’t blow over until we touch The house will fall when the dick ain’t hood
Her lyrics: Call it dumb luck, but baby, you and I
Can't even mess it up, although we both try
No, it don't always go the way we planned it
But the wolves came and went and we're still standing
Me: Call it God’s protection, but honey, you and I Can’t even mess it up, although I do try & something’s do go how I intended but the enemy came & went & with God we’re still standing
Me: When my soul is good, the body does matter Yeah the feelins I spill & my heart could shatter I cry rain ‘cause you & I aren’t the same Well there’s a crack in this foundation Baby, I know in this storm we’re facing Won’t blow over until we touch The house will fall when the dick ain’t hood
I know that I can live life without you by my side,and having any type of sexual connection would be marriage suicide. So I have to think clearly about this because if it’s done there’s no going back to a home filled with love and care cause the one that chose to marry me would no longer be there. Could I really be this selfish, could hearted, uncaring,down right, good for nothing , undeserving, ungrateful, hoilier than thou uptight bitch? Could I really?
Soul Essences