Not Impressing

I had just passed my birthday when a woman whom I respected looked me in the eye and told me: "You are eighteen years old. You are old enough to know that you no longer have to impress anyone." That was amazing to someone who lived her whole life one charade after another, because that's just what you do, right? Now I try to live as authentically as I can.

[theblondebrunette18]

Bitter Amusement

Sometimes, I dearly wish that I could say, "I told you so". But then I remember that mistakes are made by everyone, and the fact that yours hurt me doesn’t make a hill of beans difference in the course of human history. In fact, it makes my life ever so much more interesting. And I let the hurt and anger roll off my shoulders, like dropping your bags after a long day, so that all I am left with is a hollow curiosity that casually ponders why you made the choices that you did.

[theblondebrunette18]

Reblogging bc, dammit if my life doesn't repeats itself in a morbidly funny way.

[theblondebrunette18]

Bitter Amusement

Sometimes, I dearly wish that I could say, "I told you so". But then I remember that mistakes are made by everyone, and the fact that yours hurt me doesn't make a hill of beans difference in the course of human history. In fact, it makes my life ever so much more interesting. And I let the hurt and anger roll off my shoulders, like dropping your bags after a long day, so that all I am left with is a hollow curiosity that casually ponders why you made the choices that you did.

[starboundbane]

[theblondebrunette18]

If this picture goes viral, I simply want it known that I beat the Supernatural Fandom to the punch. That is all, carry on.

[theblondebrunette18]

Umbrellas

Happy little mushrooms                                                                      

Running to and fro            

With funny little bugs

Peering out from below

[theblondebrunette18]

Sugar-Free

Life likes handing lemons 

To those who hate lemonade

And we're left holding sour fruit

Fighting off the sugar-free taste

[theblondebrunette18]

Don't Blink (Don't Even Blink)

I've run away for the thousandth time in my dreams

But the reality of my situation is shattering the facade

I'm finally standing on two feet

The ground gives way from underneath

And I've nothing left to hold onto

Don't you find it odd

Can you tall me what it means

Grey dawn is breaking, I just wanted some sleep

  Oh, Wester Drumlins, here I come

You can chase and you can run

But in the blink of an eye stones will turn to dust

Iron gates decay and rust

Nothing is left here in my heart

I'm just a small piece of a small part

Wester Drumlins wait for me

I've traveled far and still I only want to see

What makes you sad and lets birds fly away free

Wester Drumlins wait for me

  The night is full of spider webs

They spin from moonbeams 'till they're dead

I've fallen out into the world

What is here that's worth waiting for

A secret message for my soul

Takes the young and give them the hearts of the old

Time to go is time to stay

I'll watch the rain wash you away

Can you tell me what it means

My heart is breaking and I just wanted some sleep

Disenchanted at seventeen

I want to run to show the world that I am free

All the chaos in three years

Has left a busted heart and open fears

Hope is just a name to write in stone

No more running when I'm home

Wester Drumlins, I'm almost home

[theblondebrunette18]

Watch your words

One slip of the tongue and everything starts sliding downhill. Oops.

[theblondebrunette18]

Smile, honey heart We’re free at last

[theblondebrunette18]

Songs are for people who have too many unspoken words

Flames they licked the walls Tenderly they turned to dust All that I adore ~ Things We Lost in the Fire by Bastille I felt the heat before I saw the fire Choked on the smoke before I could call for help Consumed by my own foolish-child desire I’m burned

[theblondebrunette18]

We are adventures

"Why haven't you told me this before? You don't tell me anything." Whoa there, my silly boy I'm telling you about me all the time You haven't listened in on our conversations When I tell you the reason why I stay by your side It's just like chasing rabbits Down their long, long trails Like pulling teeth Or prying boards off of nails To get an answer out of you You're an adventure I enjoy the challenge of your clues Why haven't I told you this before? Silly boy, every time I see you I tell you a little more.

[theblondebrunette18]

Oh, to be a hero

"Anyone can slay a dragon ...but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero." — Brian Andreas

No.

I don't want to be a hero today. I want to give everything up, throw in the towel, and just go live my life the way I want to.

But that's not what God's asked me to do. He's asked me to get up every single morning and go to work. To love my family when I'm done with them and ready to move out. To love my friends when I'm sure they don't want me, even though I know for a fact I am important to them. To hug the person who has hurt me over and over again, because that's my calling - to love others who are as unlovable as me.

But I don't just magically have that kind of love. I don't wake up just ready to be patient, humble, forgiving, loving, and quiet. I am none of those things. I run so far from God, hoping that if I make enough noise in the world, doing my own thing, He won't hear me. He won't see me if I've covered myself in a cloak of business, right? Wrong. So I make a very painful choice. I wake up every day and say, "OK, God. You let me wake up this morning, so obviously you want me to do something for you today. Give me the strength, because I don't have it. Show me how to love him. Show me how to care for her. Help me keep my mouth silent while someone else talks. Help me, because I can not do this."

I'm living by faith. Faith is being sure of what I hope for, hope is waiting in expectation of something. I am waiting in expectation that my life is going to be explained at some point. That a certain miracle is going to happen, and is going to change the world. I can not see the end of the path I'm on, and that is my saving grace - I would be an utter wreck. As it is, I am not able to take a single step on my own anymore. This girl who went from questioning whether or not God even exists has come to a place where every hour of every day, she prays. It's not silly, it's not relying on a mystical force to do all of the work; it's a relationship with The Hero.

Matthew West puts it this way:

I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be I give up - I'm not stong enough Hands of mercy won't you cover me Lord right now I'm asking you to be Strong enough Strong enough For the both of us... Cause I'm broken Down to nothing But I'm still holding on to the one thing You are God and you are strong When I am weak

[theblondebrunette18]

The Devil doesn’t knock For he has stolen the key His foot is past the threshold He is coming in for me I danced with him last night So I will pay for it today The Devil has come calling And I can not get away

[theblondebrunette18]

 Hold the phone while I pick up all the pieces of this conversation It broke when I dropped your call. Don’t say anything please I’m pulling the cord on this Hoping it floats away like a kite The sky is just big enough for all of my problems The clouds can let them rest while they plan my life And maybe a little birdie will let me in on what is going on But don’t call me back because my mind is already gone. Allow me to create a picture in your head The focus will be soft and allow for an easy descent The image is me falling in while you are falling out I am holding out my heart while you write four words on yours: This is the end And while I am tearing that masterpiece to shreds Why don’t you tell me all of your problems instead? I can brush them off my shoulder, But they cling to the little threads Maybe if I let them alone they can go on their own But no – The sky is just big enough for all of my problems The clouds can let them rest while they plan my life And maybe a little birdie will let me in on what is going on But don’t call me back because my mind is already gone.

[theblondebrunette18]

I’m tired of the travel that is going nowhere. I can’t see the sun - The smoke from the bridges I’ve burned is filling the air. I am ready to return But an ocean lies between me and my home. I will build a ship and sew the sail My navigating star can be a wishing one as well Oh that a passing wind will pity my cause And set me on my way It’s time for me to sail I don’t want to go alone Can you kiss me goodbye You’ll never see me again, but don’t cry Let’s chalk this one up to learning Salt-spray and gull’s cry Sun over water is balm to tired eyes Home is waiting on the other side Bouys and sailors will dance when I arrive There’ll be no more leaving where I belong I’ve found an anchor who’s pull is not too strong

[theblondebrunette18]

Truth

I stood firm and felt defeated Told the truth and wished to lie Made a promise then retreated What I did should make me happy I just want to cry Been a long day and I’m tired But still fill the need to run This mindset where I’m mired Haunts with ghosts of what I’ve done

[theblondebrunette18]

Vessels

We are all vessels Broken, cracked, or whole Made by a Potter to contain An ever fragile soul   Some are full up to their brim In fact, they over flow The Potter has created them To help the other’s souls   They spill out into the dry Their burden ever new They are the vessels made to carry They are the blessed few   A parched vessel doesn’t know What the full must bear It is not their job to understand But to listen, be filled, and care   Both carry scars of transgressions past The full one’s leak and must be patched The parched have hidden theirs away And so look stronger during day   Both are weak, both may break The Potter knows their strength Though one is full and one is bare Their burdens equal at length