S A L E M A

La belle âme et de l'esprit d'une jeune femme

[thebrunettesaladd]

Right Now

I don’t want to think about the future or what will happen tomorrow. I’m with you right now and that is all that matters. -Salema

[thebrunettesaladd]

My Dark Star

So a guy comes up and asks me: why do you like him, why are you with him if you know you have no future together? And I pause for a second and it comes out naturally..

“I like him.”

“I enjoy his presence.”

“I go out and I feel good, about him, about myself and about us!”

“He’s good to me and as cheesy as this is going to sound, he has an actual good heart. A rare one.”

“Wasting my time on him isn’t a waste.”

“I want him to be in my memories.”

“I care!”

[thebrunettesaladd]

Is It Grief or Is He just Not That Into Me?

A while after ending a tumultuous 2 year relationship with someone, I started dating someone I’d known and liked for a couple of months. We hit it off very well and became a little serious. We’d have pretty constant communication and hung out once a week. Then out of the blue, in the middle of the night, his father died just two months into us being together.

Though I felt a bit uncomfortable with it, I knew right away I had to and wanted to be the person that would be by his side at every stage he was going through, though we had only begun to get serious, I had never met his family beyond grief introductions. I attended everything with him, giving him space but letting him know I was there if he needed me. He wanted me over for a few nights, contacted me frequently and I could tell he really appreciated me being there for him. His mother and sister obviously completely distraught, started to lean on him for many things. He is living with them and I know understand very well this is necessary.

The thing is, it’s been just over a month now since his father passed, and things have changed between E and me. We still speak daily and see each other once a week, but there is an obvious change in the dynamic inside him, in a way we’re communicating more, in another way he’s becoming numb and emotionless because of his father’s death. I am worried you will judge me as sounding selfish for feeling this way, but I feel this is a very hard situation to be in when one’s trying to develop a new relationship.

I’m struggling with knowing the difference between him being distant because he’s upset about his father or whether he’s just not feeling the relationship anymore. He was not someone to wear his heart on his sleeve to begin with. I think at this point I am kind of an escape for him, someone to make him smile and take his mind off what he’s feeling. I feel sad for him all the time and wish he’d be more vulnerable, but I know that everyone experiences grief differently and this may just be how he’s responding.

I really like him and want to stick this out, but my insecurities are telling me he is pulling away. Do you think I’m wrong for feeling this way? I want to just believe it is solely because of his father, but I don’t know. I feel awful that this happened to him and I don’t know how to process everything.

I’m in a very critical situation.

[thebrunettesaladd]

Here

And the challenge we all face, the challenge we never win is defining how we feel, is knowing how we feel, when we’re exactly feeling it and knowing whether its temporary or forever. The only thing that enables us to define this, is that we can define what we’re not feeling. Sadly, along the way we have to mess up some hearts for a while. Someone had to uncover the truth and the truth is we go through things, we make promises, we lie to ourselves knowing we’re unable to fulfill. -Salema

[thebrunettesaladd]

To Memories Made

I love that feeling; when you’re rereading things you wrote in the past with words that describe how they used to make you feel. Listening to old songs that has beats that reminds you of your past self in situations, beats that rhyme with your heartbeat making you feel the exact same way they used to back then. Reminiscing on pictures, colors that takes your mind to that memory, what could’ve happened if you have done things differently. And everything feels so different. Like when people ask you how you’ve been and you reply with nothing new. But everything is so different, everything feels different; inside of you. -Salema

[thebrunettesaladd]

Simply said, I can't develop real feelings for anyone anymore. I mean, I'm capable of sexual attraction, I experience crushes on people, but I'm just unable to develop any significant feelings for anyone. I don't enjoy seeing people who I hook up with. The spark is always for a short period of time. I have no problem in socializing or communicating. Still, I don't get impressed easily!

SALEMA

[thebrunettesaladd]

my short little convo

"Why are you sad?" He asked.

"Really? How I can not be sad?”

"You came into my life and started talking to me, started flirting, raising hopes, taking walls down and now you're asking me if I'm sad? I fucking am. For me, what you said meant that you want me not to think of you. It meant that you don't want me to want to hear your voice in the morning or right before I go to bed. It meant that I won't see you in my future or even daydream about it and it definetly meant that you don't think of me the same way as I do of you. And it hurt, just looking at you right now hurts."

[thebrunettesaladd]

Those Blue Eyes!

I like someone, someone who might or might not like me the same way back. Someone who might not like me enough. Someone I really like. 

-Salema

[thebrunettesaladd]

And I froze for hours, it might’ve been minutes, seconds. I froze to realize you’re the one, the only one.

[thebrunettesaladd]

My heart is still beating. I can feel the blood rush through my veins. I can smell flowers, observe colors and hear the beat of a song. I feel things again.

SALEMA

[thebrunettesaladd]

I don't want to feel lonely, but I want to stay alone.

Salema

[thebrunettesaladd]

James Dean

She’s in a colorblind world and can’t wait to view shades again, the only way she can escape is by solving something that is mysteriously unsolved. Yet, she believed that a hard matter can be solved by observing that the purpose, the clue is right there.

[thebrunettesaladd]

[thebrunettesaladd]

[afadthatlastsforever]

The secret is to never lose sight of the simple, everyday miracles in life. Good food, literature, laughter, music, compelling conversation, nature, and art. Look for them in every day, and even when it feels like your whole world is unravelling, you will never be too far from a needle and thread.

Beau Taplin • N e e d l e  &  T h r e a d  (via afadthatlastsforever)

[opticolour]

[afadthatlastsforever]

Goodbyes are important. They are how we know we’re doing the right thing. If they come easy then by all means leave and never look back. But if you open your mouth and feel the words get stuck like glue in your throat, you are making an awful mistake.

Beau Taplin • T h e  T e s t (via afadthatlastsforever)