the bottom

[thecardiacmuscle]

Action over Sensation

[thecardiacmuscle]

[thecardiacmuscle]

I’ve identified something new within myself that I admire .

I can’t keep grudges to save my life .

I’ve learned the only thing strong enough to help me hold a grudge is someone being in denial . Especially when the shit is self evident . But even that can be forgiven, within time .Everything else is tolerable . I admire acknowledgment though . That shit is beautiful, that shit is sexy . Were all growing . But it’s when you fail to acknowledge your wrong doings that makes me wanna walk away from it all . Not my steeze .

Like what do people get out of portraying to be a saint ?

I guess it’s not for me to figure out .

🤷🏽‍♀️

[adeles]

#me in 2020

[thecardiacmuscle]

Constructive Quarantine

[thecardiacmuscle]

Learn 2 Love

I hate being told im sensitive

Its like being told to ignore your senses

narcissism at its finest,

but manipulation wasn’t the incentive

Birth from the womb is the reason it was invented

What do you expect when a mother dismisses his son

I expect the same from him that she has done

I also expect to acknowledge your faults

Acknowledge what is wrong and ignore what you were taught

My wisdom bought

I experienced it

9 years with you and I still aint get it

[thecardiacmuscle]

Selling Art on 14th Street (Day 2)

Footsteps trains and weird smiles. 

If its one thing I’ve noticed while working in the city, is that everyones on auto pilot. Its the strange people that come up to me. The outside thinkers. Other than that everyone seems to just be on the go. There could be money behind these pitcures I hang up, but many people dont bother to stop and look. A few do though. And for the people that do, boy does it make my heart swell up. 

There was a Japanese guy who came to me and kept asking me a variety of questions. He was sweating but looking at my work in admiration. The questions kept coming. “So whats the process like?”, “What brings you out here?”, “How much does one go for?”. It was cool. Amazing for the average person who was raised in a decent neighborhood. But Im from Brownsville, Brooklyn. So, to say the least I was so suspicious of him. The only thing that kept me talking to him is knowing I had nothing to hide to there was nothing to lose. I’m not a criminal so there was no need to act like one. Its not like he was asking me questions about my posesions, it was all about art the the process. 

After engaging in more conversation he slowly began talking to other people about my work, and more by passers would stop and look. A woman took a picture to post it on instagram , a woman named Andrea bought a piece ($$). 

I spoke to a personal trainer who kept insisting he was a personal trainer. But did I mention I didnt really eat ?

All i had was a Naked smoothie, buuut Im learning Im learning. 

I wish we wouldve spoke more about finding that force withing, that power. 

Today was a good day. 

ALEXAA!!!  Play Ice Cube !

[thecardiacmuscle]

I remember i left tumblr because i wasnt getting any attention

I never been great with this social media stuff. Even when i had myspace, I could recall admiring other people lay outs and just doing it the same way to mines but i never really got kudos for it. I never really been good at this social media stuff. People swear Im great at it but im not. Well people swear I have something going but I dont. Im great at making shit look pretty. Thats it . Thats all. I guess im good at interior decorating . I could make things look great all i want but what does it matter if no ones living in it, or what does it matter if the room isnt producing what i need? Its like those fancy ass galleries in the city. With creative art but no one in it. 

Instagram was really getting on my last nerve, and im glad to say i left for good. I dont feel like i need it. I spent years trying to figure this out . Social media isnt it. Sometimes i find my self looking for something else besides the money. 

Attention. Validation. Credit. .. YOU know . That same shit i never got from my father. In some weird hidden way, i just was looking for attention. But now that im over that and i understand the reason behind it all. 

I just wanna get paid, I wanna make money drawing. Consistent money

Thats it . Thats all.