nobody

nowhere

[thecatastrophicblue]

after my friend died people slowly stopped talking to me

I understand people not wanting to bring it up but that’s one thing

now when I see people in person and they ask how are you, they don’t even pause to give me a chance to respond

sometimes it’s just

“hey how are you” and then they turn around to talk to another person before I can even finish saying “goodhow’r—“ as fast as possible (even though I’m not good at all) so my voice along with my presence, drowned out by the realization that they’re not facing me anymore and the ensuing conversations I’m not a part of, fizzle into background static

it’s like they can’t dismiss me fast enough

then I scan the room looking for glimmers in someone’s eyes as they meet mine hoping that anyone looks excited to see me

but they either look right through me

or they accidentally make contact and dart around

or they politely lock for a second but they darken as if I am a gray cloud

I always bring my film camera out in case this happens so I have something to do with my hands while still looking like a good sport. No one has ever offered to put me in front of the lens, and when I get the photos developed, they ask me why it took so long

outside of work, because it would be obvious if I stopped showing up to meetings or turning in deliverables, I’m not sure who outside my boyfriend would notice if I disappeared

I don’t know what makes me so unlikable that my grief makes me a social pariah when other people’s grief makes their support systems stronger

like what is wrong with me specifically

It’s not like I want to ask anyone for anything I just want to feel like they care

[anderwater]

This work isn’t about exposing your family. This will serve your family.

RAMY 3.06 “american life coach”

[cherryking]

i understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside

[gotitforcheap-deactivated201611]

[thoughtkick]

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

— Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist (via perfeqt)

[ziggyplayedd]

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

[themmfatale]

2020 gothic

- you join a zoom call. everyone’s mic is muted, but no one is talking anyway. you stare at the squares with faces in them. which is your face? you can’t be sure.

- the news is full of numbers. you try to learn what they mean, but the articles are full of jargon from fields you have no experience in, and you swear the numbers change when you blink. 

- you wake up. you sleep. you wake up. you sleep. how many days was that? you have no idea.

- you go for a walk. a shadow follows you down the street, moving when you move, stopping when you stop. always the recommended six feet away.

- every day you get several emails from corporations you’ve never heard of. each company name sounds fake, too vague, too optimistic. “Stay healthy! :)” they say. “We’re committed to keeping you safe! You must stay healthy! We love you very much! We learned everything about you so we can keep you safe! Please believe us we love you so much we’ r e  , s 0Rry:):)):))”  You try to unsubscribe, but the link just takes you to a blank black webpage. Suddenly, you can make out your reflection in the screen. What’s that over your shoulder?

- you’ve been wearing the same clothes for days, but somehow there is laundry.

[screenshotsofdespair]

[mando-lore]

2020 mood

[unclefather]

imagine a rat using an airpod as a cane . imagine that

[trashboat]

i’m thinking about it

[blackarachnya]

remember being 5 and your parents insinuating to you that jumping on the bed is the most heinous fucked up evil shit a human being can possibly do 

[aaitwo-deactivated20250816]

emotionally im doing the laminated paper wobbling sound

[smile-my-love0908]

“You must write, and read, as if your life depended on it.”

— Adrienne Rich (via quotemadness)

[phaxes]

[liberalfartsdegree]

list of things im handling well currently

1.

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[anxietyproblem]

[viinnttaaggee]

stop being so forgiving, people know exactly what the fuck they’re doing