Mama of two and a half mischievous little sprouts, trying my hardest to raise them right. ag / jacob / emery gail / ezekiel marvin about us / crochet blog / diy / faq
Do I look as crap as I feel? Anyway, if you've ever wondered what a mom looks like right after she finds out that her kids have elevated lead levels in their blood, and that her two-year-old has to be re-examined for asd in December, this is it. The guilt is unreal, y'all. It was Zeke's two year well child check today, so I honestly expected we'd just get in, go over the regular things, and get out. And it went normally at first. He's 35 inches tall and 27 pounds. But when the nurse started the little tasks to check for autism it went downhill. His fine motor skills are behind, his language is behind, and his social skills are behind. It's not far enough behind to warrant immediate action in regards to therapy, but we have to re-evaluate in December. Of course, I feel guilty because I'm on the spectrum, so it'd be my genetics that caused it. I don't want anyone to think I'm upset that I might have a kid on the spectrum, because I 100% am not! I knew going into having kids that there was a chance I'd have kids that were on the spectrum, too. I just feel guilty because I know how much I was bullied over it as a kid, and how it made adults treat me, and I don't want that for him. The sadness over this doesn't stem from the possibility of an asd diagnosis, but from how people will treat him. And then the doctor compared his blood lead levels from his 15 month and 18 month appointment, confirmed that his lead levels did go up between the two, and told me that the lead levels in both Emery and Ezekiel's tests in January were in the top 2% of kids aged 1-5 in the US. They don't have lead poisoning, and their lead level is actually less than what was considered elevated in 2011, but their tests from January were considered elevated by current standards. When the results from his test today come back we get to decide the next steps. If his levels have continued to go up, we get to do blood tests more frequently. If they've gone down, then we just need to keep doing what we're doing. I spent a good chunk of my afternoon doing lead tests on everything in the house that could contain lead, and everything was negative. Seriously, I did 24 lead tests today. I have 6 more samples that have to sit overnight in white wine vinegar that I'll test in the morning. We know it's something he's been exposed to since we moved, because his lead test at 12 months was clean, and at 15 months it was in the normal range. The part of this that's stressing me out (and making me feel guilty) is that we know it's the town's water. Our tiny town of 500 has been told by the Department of Natural Resources to replace the entire water system because a) lead pipes and b) the sewer is leaking into the water supply. đđ» We've only been drinking and cooking with bottled water since we moved in, because we knew about the town's water, but because no one had ever said that the water is unsafe we've still been bathing in it, brushing our teeth with it, and filling the pool with it. So yeah. The guilt I've got over the lead is pretty intense. We wouldn't live in this town if I hadn't needed to move closer to my family for my mental health. And I could have been using bottled water for any and all contact with water that the kids have had, I just assumed that since the city council and the DNR has constantly assured everyone that the water is still safe for consumption, it's still safe for hygiene uses. I need a margarita.
This is so wrong. He shouldn't be so big already, but here we are. Ezekiel is two now, and that is just not cool. He was supposed to stay a newborn forever, and now he's a practically a big kid, and I am still too hormonal to deal with it. He doesn't have very many words, which is a little concerning to me. I think that it only seems like he isn't talking as much as he should be because I'm doing what no parent should and comparing him to his big sister, who was talking like an adult at two. I'm thinking he would talk a lot more than he does if Emery ever let anyone get a word in edgewise. đ We've officially made it to two years of nursing, and that makes me want to dance! It's a huge milestone for us (okay, for me) and I doubt he'll be ready to wean anytime soon. He's hit the grumpy toddler stage pretty hardcore, so we've been having to work through a lot of hitting and throwing when he has big feelings, and boy, can he throw a tantrum. I feel like he's making up for how easy of a baby he was now. But even with his newfound temper, he's still my boy. He's so loving with Elam and I, and I hope he always keeps the gentle kindness he has now.
Guess who finally has time to finish the birth story? Go me. I debated posting this in multiple posts, but im just going to do a read more instead.
Saturday morning, June 3rd, the contractions Iâd been having forever moved into my hips, and I knew we were definitely getting close to go time. That didnât stop me from spending the morning at my grandparentsâ house, per Emeryâs request. We got home at around 2, and that was when I got the pre-baby burst of energy, which I assume everyone gets. All I know is that I always get it, and itâs awesome, because I get everything done. Like, everything.
Unfortunately, the 11-year-old girl from across the street exists, and will just walk into our house without knocking or anything any time she wants to play with Emery, which is annoyingly frequently. She asked Jacob where I was, because I was scrubbing our bedroom with the door shut so that the kids woulnât get in the way, and he tried to casually tell her to get lost by saying that I was in labor. And then he tried again by saying that we had a lot of cleaning to do, because I was in labor. And then I tried by leaving to go grab a few things from the store, and she invited herself to go with me by literally just climbing in the van. Basically the moral of this story is that I canât say no to people. She spent the entire time she was around us asking me if I âplannedâ to have him that night or in the morning, and then tellling me that it was probably just more false labor. I wanted so bad to be like, âLittle girl, youâve never even had a period, donât try to teach me about having babies.ââš
She finally went home at 5:30, when I told Jacob that if we were going to eat supper we just needed to go do it. We took Zeke to Subway (Emmy wanted to stay with my parents) and came back to get everything ready for the 90 minute drive to the hospital. And then the damn car wouldnât start. Let me tell you, thereâs no feeling like being in labor, knowing you have a 90 minute drive before youâre at the hospital, and then watching the engine of the car refuse to turn over. Thankfully it started after about 20 minutes of fiddling with it, but that was the longest 20 minutes of my life.
The drive was uneventful, and we got to the hospital at 9:20. We were greeted at L & D by my ob and the entire nursing staff. They had been debating calling to see if we were okay, because it was taking so long and my or knows my history of waiting until I'm 7+ cm to come in, but instead we got there. We went in a room, I got changed, and we got things going.
I was 6cm and 60% with leaking waters when we got there, so I was patting myself on the back for making us leave before I thought we should. The plan was the same as with Zeke - get me lying down, get the iv antibiotics going, and once the four hours of antibiotics were done weâd break my water, assuming I hadnât delivered already.
That plan changed pretty quickly at about 10, when my contractions stopped altogether. Then we went from just breaking my water at 1:30 to stating pitocin at 1:30, and that was when my brain went, ânopeâ. As yâall may or may not know, I had natural births with Emery and Ezekiel. No meds except for the antibiotics for group b strep, and pitocin after delivery to expel the afterbirth. All I knew of pitocin was that everyone who had had it said it makes contractions hurt way more, and that I never liked how it made me feel when theyâd do the dose of it to help the afterbirth. I had already been freaking out abut transition for weeks, and the thought of transition while on pitocin sent me into some awful panic attacks.
So, I decided that 1) I would never progress if I was constantly having panic attacks and 2) this was my very last labor and delivery, and I didnât want it ruined by my fear. I asked for the epidural prior to the pitocin, even though it would be hard for them to know if it was working since my contractions had stopped. I had a second where I almost told them to stop because they wouldnât let Jacob stay in the room, but the anesthesiologist (Jared, who was an actual angel) had this super calming presence and really calmed me down.
And guess what? The pump quit working right after they started the pitocin, so I never got any benefit from it. Jared did the ice pack test and there was nothing. He spent the entire rest of my labor trying to fix it, and it never started working. So I guess I could have avoided the catheters if I had just pushed through. In any case, the epidural being in and the nurse assuring me it would be working soon calmed my anxiety enough that i went from no contractions to every three minutes in less than half an hour, at which point they started the pitocin. That was at 2 am. My doctor broke my water right after the pitocin started, and did a cervix check. I was still 6 cm and 60% at that point, with Elam at -1.
I have a tilted pelvis, which makes my babies get stuck every time, and every time my doctor has had to turn them and push my cervix over their heads, and Elam seemed to be no different. Like with the big kids, I spent 10 minutes on each side before she decided I needed to be on all fours. Of course, I'm in full blown transition at this point, so I feel like I'm being ripped in half and like I can't do it, but I went through about five contractions like that, refusing a pelvic exam the whole time. I told my doctor that I hurt bad enough without her being up to her elbows in there trying to turn the baby. And you know what, she didn't end up having to turn Elam.
I was on all fours for about fifteen minutes, and then it was time to push. I know the nurses and my doctor were a little freaked out because I was still refusing a pelvic at that point, and the last they'd seen (which had only been about 45 minutes ago) I wasn't anywhere near ready, but your body just knows. They got the bed set up really quickly, and two contractions in my doctor said I had to let her move my cervix, because she could see it bleeding and trying to tear. So there I am, mind muddled with pain, not thinking rationally at all, and I tell her to let it tear because I didn't want hands in me. It tore with Emery and I didn't die. Yeah, that only lasted one contraction before I decided it needed moved. Once my cervix was out of the way he was here in four contractions, and during the course of those four contractions I managed to rip out my iv and the epidural catheter because they had gotten tangled. That was fun afterwards, because apparently ivs and epidurals really don't like to be ripped out forcefully, and I had some gnarly bruises. I also got the great joy of delivering a baby while a nurse was trying to place an iv.
All in all, it was my easiest labor. Where I'd been in transition with Emery for 6 hours and with Ezekiel for 4, I had less than an hour from the start of transition to delivery. I seriously went from 6cm to holding a baby in about 50 minutes. We got our delayed cord clamping this time, not because I remembered to mention that we wanted it, but because they let the dads do the clamping and cutting and Jacob was holding an iv in my hand while the nurses looked for bandages to hold it in. I got almost two hours of skin to skin before they came to measure him, which was wonderful, and the nurse was so excited when I asked them not to wash him. He was super cheesy and I wanted him to get the full benefits of the vernix.
So, yeah! This labor, while the easiest I've had, confirmed that I am done having biological kids. It just felt like a good ending, you know?
Jacob's parents are in from Haiti, which means that we are without Emery for the weekend. It's very quiet around here, and Zeke just keeps walking around saying, "Where's Sissy?" I miss her, but it's nice to have time with just the boys. Ezekiel needed some one on one attention.
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Hello lovely Tumblr folk! Itâs that time again- I have a giveaway for you all. Summer is quickly approaching, and I know a lot of you are getting ready to relax and vacation! So in celebration, Iâm giving you the chance to win this large collection of items.
All these items came from my shop (minus the sage!).
What you get:
(Handmade by me) Clear quartz and copper necklace
(Handmade by me)Â âFull moonâ rainbow moonstone hairpins
$25 credit that can be applied to anything in my shop.
amethyst cluster with calcite
selenite wand
tourmalinated quartz wand
black & blue kyanite crystals
polished petrified wood slice
four polychrome jasper hearts
an amethyst stalactite slice
baby amethyst sphere
rose quartz sphereÂ
large rose quartz chunk
labradorite sphere
fluorite obelisk
labradorite point
golden calcite point
ocean jasper marble
Dominican amber cabochon
rutilated quartz point
amethyst pyramid
spirit quartz crystal
a black sparkly candle (because why not?!)
a sustainably harvested California white sage piece, picked by me (sadly if you are outside the US I cannot send this to you)
This has a retail value of $260 in addition to the $25 shop credit!
Rules:
You must be 16 or older. (If under 18 you MUST have parentâs permission)
You donât have to live in the US
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Reblog this post to enter. Likes count, too. No giveaway or spam blogs. If you reblog on a side blog, let me know in the tags what the name of your blog is that youâre following me with.
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Each entry will be assigned a number and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator.
The giveaway ends Wednesday, July 26th at 6 pm Pacific time.
The winner will be messaged and must respond with their full name and address within 24 hours, or a new winner will be chosen.
Just thought you should all know that Jacob wanted me to announce Elam's name way differently. He wanted me to announce him as "Covfefe Bernie". I didn't, for obvious reasons. But this needs to be documented. I feel like he's going to deny this in a few years.
Elam has woken up! I'm going to have to go back through the other kids stuff and see when they woke up, but I feel like he's done it way faster than Emery or Ezekiel did. He's been awake for two hour stretches the last couple days, and I love it. He's still wearing mostly preemie clothes, but as he's straightened out the newborns are getting closer to fitting correctly. We have an appointment tomorrow for a weight check, so here's hoping he's above birth weight! It'll be my first time being out with all three kids by myself, which is utterly terrifying, so pray for me.
We looked at some modular houses, just to get ideas, and I got to wear Elam for the first time. I'm always super nervous the first time I use a ring sling with a new baby, because it always needs lots of tightening the first time, so I put him on sitting in the car, and then adjusted after I stood. I have felt great since he was born. No tearing or anything like that, so there really hadn't been any pain from delivery, except for the cramps. Until today. Every muscle in my back feels like it's pulled, my spine hurts, and my legs feel bruised. I know it's just from delivery, because you really do use every muscle to get the baby out, but it just had to wait until almost a week postpartum to really get bad. And idk, maybe I've just done way too much too quickly because I hadn't been hurting, but either way I hurt today. Jacob goes back to work Monday, and I'm dreading it. It's been so helpful to have him here to take care of the big kids while I've been stuck in the rocking chair nursing 24/7, and I don't know how I'm going to manage it on my own.
Well, I was going to announce his name in the birth story post, but considering tumblr just ate it for the seventh (yes, seventh) time... Yeah. I guess I'm doing it this way instead, assuming Tumblr doesn't eat this, too. đ Y'all knew we'd be keeping with the "E" thing, and we had a difficult time settling on his name. I didn't - he'd been Elam in my head since I got pregnant - but Jacob kept flip flopping between liking it, and not liking it. He thought Eli would be a better choice, but I am not a fan of the name Eli. He also threw out some real gems (ha) like Edgar and Elmer. And he was serious. I knew his name, though. He is Elam, and has been since the second he started existing. His middle name changed a few times. He was Elam Lon at the beginning, after my great-grandfather. Then he was Elam Clifford, after Jacob's uncle who passed away this year. We finally settled on Elam Scott, because it's a family name on my side. My Papaw's name is Scotty, I have an uncle named Jeremy Scott on one side and one named Robert Scott on the other, my dad is David Scott, my brother is Jason Scott, my cousin is Deakon Scott, and those are just the Scott's in the last three generations. So, everyone meet Elam Scott. He has a grouchy old man name to match his grouchy old man face. đ
We got home yesterday at 3ish, and things are going well so far. Emery is obsessed, Ezekiel is wary. I can really tell Zeke missed me because he's been attached to me since we got home. I guess that isn't unusual for him, but it's more intense than normal. And Ezekiel is doing the same kinds of things Emery did when we first brought him home, so hopefully that will stop soon. Tumblr ate the birth story, by the way. I'll the it up again soon, assuming nap time happens.
The post iv fluids puffy face is a great look for me. Anyway. As soon as I can get him to stay down I'm going to put makeup on and then post the birth story. đđ»
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