The City Secret Socialite

The tales of a disgustly single girl in her early 20s (I will put songs I feel match the vibe)

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Worst Day Ever (part4)

So I'm going off right

me- fuck this and fuck you and fuck fuck fuck

him- STOP STOP PLEASE STOP

me- and who the fuck do you think you are mister la de fuckin daa

him- I HAVE CROHNS AND I'M GOING TO SHIT MY PANTS

my heart sunk.

me- Fuuuuaaarrrk

him- I was feeling it while you were giving me head I just got nervous and and didn't want to stop you but now its getting worse

me- why didn't you say anything?

him- because its gross and its about stomach problems.

me- yeah thats very fair

him- look I didn't think it was going to flare up but it did and I'm sorry I didn't do anything

me- why were you going on your phone then I think thats what pissed me off

him- idk it was just a comfort thing I couldn't really look at you

me - true

me- if it makes you feel any better I have a lot of digestive problems I don't have Crohns but do you want to hear them?

him - not really

me - Oh SO I GET GET TO HEAR ABOUT YOU AND YOUR CROHNS AND SHITTING YOURSELF BUT I CAN'T TALK ABOUT MY ISSUES

him- ok go on

me- one time I was so constipated and I didn't shit for 3 weeks and I had to go to hospital

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Worst Day Ever (part3)

After I finish doing the deed on this man my top lip starts to swell up. I think I'm getting some sort of allergic reaction or something. We lye back in bed and he says he just needs a breather. The breather is starting to feel a bit long now so I ask If he wants to start making out again? "Sorry I just think I need a few more minutes" fair enough. I go to the toilet and look in the mirror. My lip at this point looks like its been stung by a bee. I point at mirror and give myself a little pep talk " suck it up we will deal with this later no point of freaking out at this point we've made the journey its time to finish the job". I come back from my pep talk bathroom visit to THIS MAN IS ON HIS PHONE!! THE AUDACITY! I lye next to him thinking what I'm going to do? Then without him even taking his eyes off his phone he says "hey sorry I really don't want to come off as a dick or anything but I have to wake up kind of early do you mind leaving? like right now? ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING CUNT SURLEY YOU ARE FUCKING JOKING! I fucking lose it. When I say lose it I mean I completely violated this man with every insult I could think of. I will list my insults

ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME?

IF THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT EVERY GIRL NO WONDER YOUR EX LEFT YOU

AND YOUR BREATH FUCKING STINKS EVER HEARD OF I THING CALLED ORAL HYGENE?

YOUR DICK IS NOT THAT BIG FOR HOW FUCKING GINORMOUS YOU ARE

I CAN'T BELIEVE I CAME ALL THIS WAY

EVEN IF YOU CAN'T GET HARD YOU CAN AT LEAST FINGER OR GO DOWN ON A WOMAN

SO YOUR JUST GOING TO GET A FREE FUCKING BLOWJOB AND SEND ME ON MY MERRY WAY HOW DID YOU THINK THIS IS OK?

AND WHY THE FUCK IS MY LIP SWOLLEN YOU BETTER NOT HAVE GIVEN ME SOMETHING

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Worst Day Ever (part2)

I went to work which is an added horrible thing of course for obvious reasons. I see my neighbour from across the hall walk past with a ginormous suitcase (very strange). Keep this in mind it will come into play later. I finish work and check my phone. A man on has messaged me on hinge what I'm up to, a 6.7 handsome man might I add. I was actually going to go to sleep 6.7 mystery man but now that you've mentioned it I could go out (I can always be convinced to go out). It's 11:30 and I arrive at this mans apparent building. After some very mediocre small talk we start making out and I go down on him. Side note I just want to bring up the fact and yes I do bring it up a lot, but I'm and so sick of men saying the worst overdone dirty talk while I'm giving them blowjobs. I'm not saying I don't like dirty talk or guys being loud I've just noticed a pattern in all the guys Ive recently got with that it feels so fake and disgusting too many "oh you're such a good girl for daddy" THIS ISN'T A PORNO! The way they do it just grosses me out its so fake.

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Worst Day Ever (part 1)

I bet your day wasn't as crazy as mine. Actually I guarantee it. To start off the day I went all the way to the doctors for my iron infusion only to find out I had come in on the wrong day. I'M PRETTY SURE I CAME IN ON THE RIGHT DAY AND WHOEVER WAS WORKING RECEPTION FUCKED UP BECAUSE THE TWO PEOPLE BEFORE ME WAITING IN LINE ALSO SEEMED TO BE IN 1 DAY EARLY COINCIDENCE? I DON'T THINK SO! WHATEVER I'm on the bus back home when all of a sudden I get the worst case of pins and needles, so bad I am unable to get off at my stop and had to stay on the bus until my leg regained consciousness. When I'm finally able to get off the bus who else do I bumped into other then probably one of the worst people I could bump into at this point. RILEY (the guy I was in a no strings attached relationship for about a year and half and we recently had a kind of fall out) it was in the middle of the crossing thank god, so we didn't have to stop and talk. I smiled and politely asked how he was going. There is no way I'm going to act like i'm pissed at him like I am, I can't let him know I even think about it, but that man is dead to me. DEAD TO ME I SAY!

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

23/01/22

I bet your day wasn't as crazy as mine. Actually I guarantee it.

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Things I'm thinking about part2

21/01/24

If anyone reads or will read this shit blog

This video of Justin Timberlake beat boxing Madison Square Gardens 2000. Especially the wikkity wikky part https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tregXo3ZyB8

THE PARIS BED BUGS THEY'RE EVERYWHERE HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GO THEY ARE ON THE BUSES AND THE TRAINS

So you're telling me we are in 2024 and still no one knows how eels reproduce. Its a science mystery

The phrase " water cooler talk" I want to use it

The guy I saw in the ice cream section of Coles that looked exactly like the Other Father in Coraline when he turns into a pumpkin (it was scary poor guy)

underwear on top of clothes is going to be one of the biggest fashion trends this year I'm calling it

I'm scared Alton has changed his Spotify because he found out I was stalking it

Is my life getting boring?

yours truly

The City Secret socialite

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

crush

20/01/24

Linger- The Cranberries

I have a heavy crush on my bosses friend (Ralph), an Italian dj who makes all the mixes for the restaurant I work at. I'm sad because it will never go anywhere because his probably in a relationship and not to mention the fact he is about 50 years old. I also can't stop being incredibly rude to him like not even it a flirty way just straight up mean and dismissive. I honestly can't even really say hello but he stares at me a lot and yesterday we had direct eye contact for 2 seconds and it rocked my world.

yours truly

The City Secret Socialite

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

wild Thursday part 2

At the Duke I bumped into Pavlo (Pavlo and I met at concert thingy on a roof top of a behavioural school in Bondi when we were about 16 or so. Are friends were also dating each other at the time.) We made the executive decision to go clubbing because I wasn't about to do nothing on one of my only nights off.

My flatmate has just walked in and she's in the k hole so I will have to finish this tomorrow

yours truly

The City Secret Socialite

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

19/01/24

Oh Sweet Sweet Club 77. Ray of sunshine, a daisy in the mud, you bring me back to life and I thank you. I've never regretted a single night I've come to visit. I'm home.

song- Confetti by Cold Cave

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Another Wild Thursday part 1

19/01/24

2024 is the year of bringing back the mid week parties. I'm so sick of the weekend outings, same people, too many high expectations and crowded dance floors. I just want to be surrounded by filthy hospo workers with drug problems and backpackers with not a care in the world other then where they are sleeping for the night.

Last night was my second and last night off for the week. I met up with Harley, Luxie, Sab and Hayden at Kellys for pool and karaoke. The only time I can enjoy karaoke is when people are horrendous singers. Seriously where is the fun in listening to good singers while drunk at karaoke. I don't want to hear it! We then went to The Duke which was a fucking ghost town but still had a band playing. I moshed so hardcore and scored myself a free CD from the band.

yours truly

The City Secret Socialite

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Irish charm

19/01/24

I want an Irish man. Let me rephrase that. I NEED AN IRISH MAN!

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Classic Kathy Party

22/10/23

I went to the March for Palestine by myself and bumped into Tattoo Cris. My friends and I have to label all the Cris’s  because there are so many there's Tattoo Cris, Ladys Please Cris or LPC, Chileano Cris and Rave Cris. Tattoo Cris used to date one of our friends and their whole relationship was pretty much just having threesomes all the time. Tattoo Cris also runs an illegal tattoo shop out of his house. He was there with Kade this guy who dresses either like a pirate or viking depending on the day and his other friend who had all these hickeys on his neck I forgot the name of. They all came over for tea after and Kade asked me if the reason I carry my video camera around everywhere is because I'm scared of forgetting things. Its true that’s probably the biggest reason I do it, I've just never heard someone say it out loud like that before. I invited them all to Kathys party later on.

Song theme for party was- Suicide Blonde by INXS

Kathys parties are always the same nothing but good vibes and a mix of all the different bartenders from all the bars she's worked at. I feel like bartenders are the micro celebrities of urban areas. Z my old housemate was djing. Z used to be the biggest mdma dealers in Sydney until he got busted in a massive undercover operation. Now Z runs are very well known suit company in the city but that’s another story. Tattoo Cris and his friend I forgot the name of both dressed like Prince from the previous party they were at, and Kade wore a long red velvet dress and a flower behind his ear that looked really cool with his long beaded pirate beard. I saw Lyla. OMG Lyla and Haze broke up wtf! Lyla and I were best mates in year 7 and 8, and we were in the trio with this chick called Ariel who had hypersomnia and would sleep for days. The last thing we ever heard about her was through Gianna that she either killed a cat or microwaved a pigeon. I left around 2, but before I left I decided to go around the party telling everyone someone vomited in the fridge. I don’t why I did that no one vomited in the fridge but everyone believed me.

Yours Truly

Sydneys Secret Socialite

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Thank you girls

17/01/24

I love hanging out with girls because you will tell them you have a crush or have gotten with some guy and they won't hesitate to tell you the most gut wrenching, disgusting, ickiest thing about them. THANK YOU! I was almost about to lose myself there for a second.

yours truly

Sydneys Secret Socialite

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Things I'm Thinking About

28/11/23

Song- Oye Como Va by Santana

Jeramy Fragrance the Fragrance guy

The word "poo" in a hard Aussie accent is so silly

Why do I buy women's razors? The mens razors are so much better and its not like I'm not allowed to buy them. Have I been pink washed?

The Blue Man Group

THE PARIS CATACOMBS I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PARIS CATACOMBS

My diary entires from when I backpacked Europe by myself at 18

The video of Travis Barker from Blink 182 doing a drum role in the delivery room while Kourtney Kardasian is in labour with their child.

Genetically modified meat

Kylie Minogues Hit "I Just Can't Get You Out Of My Head" is a remix of New Order, Blue Monday

The corks in wine bottle are made from the bark of a cork tree. I feel kind of stupid for not knowing this, like what else did I expect a cork to be made out of?

I don't know many people around my age that don't steal from the supermarket

My Dr Martins are so old and there are holes in the soles. If I step on dog shit its game over for these shoes

I used to put Dr in front of my name for packages but it would piss of the lady at the post office, so I had to stop doing it

How much better men would be in bed if they switched the porn they watched to erotic French and Italian movies from the 60s

yours truly

The City Secret Socialite

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

Late Thursday Plans

11/01/23

Song- We Started Nothing by The Ting Tings

I met up with an English fellow I matched with on hinge, 11 pm Thursday night. The photos on his profile were definitely taken about 4 years ago, I assume when he was in his prime. His accent, face and small talk kind of annoyed me, but I was in his room as soon as I arrived. At this point I was already committed. We fucked like porn stars, his mouth was so wet and his dick never felt fully hard, which he was deeply in denial about. He let me do things to him that most men don’t like me doing which I did like. But still even afterwards I couldn’t tell if I had enjoyed the sex or not. I couldn’t help but think how much porn men these days watch, and how it affects them and how much of the things they do in bed is drawn from the things they see in porn. I left to go meet up with Tiger and Nat at Kings Cross Hotel, because he had work early in the morning, I had too much energy and honestly I didn’t really want to stay. He walked me out onto the street to my uber completely naked, which I thought was a bit strange, no one was around since it was 12:30 on a weeknight, but still, surely that’s a bit odd? Right!? I don’t think I’ll ever speak or talk to this man ever again. Is this what grindr is like? Did I just have a grindr hook up?

yours truly

The City Secret Socialite

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

17/01/24

smurf piss hehe ( i am very drunk)

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

WTF is a Mycoplasma?

11/08/2023

I went to the doctors today because my piss is burning and Luxie tested positive for Mycoplasma. What the actual fuck is a Mycoplasma. I’m freaking out because I sucked the dick of one of the guys she slept with unprotected. Look It’s not as bad as it sounds, it was Hans, and everyone knows I was with him before Luxie made the almost friendship ruining decision of hooking up with him. Later on Macy and I went to campo together. Across the park was this couple lying in the sun, girl laid down on the guys lap as he was touching her all over, just looking and admiring her. This guy looked exactly like Pierre! Immediately this wave of jealousy came over me, especially after they were doing the exact thing I had a day dream about yesterday. I couldn’t stop staring at them, am I going crazy? Yes, yes I am going crazy. Macy tried to distract me by making a joke about the baby walking past us in overalls, and how babies remind her of old people, and then she did a little impression of an old man while the baby walked past  holding onto his mums leg. It was pretty funny, but I went straight back to staring at the couple after. The girl started to notice me staring and either because she was uncomfortable or by coincidence, they leave. We left shortly after, for some reason I felt heartbroken even though it probably wasn’t him. I pissed 4 times in the hour we were there and they weren’t little either.

yours truly

Sydneys Secret Socialite