I sought this article out of curiosity, and I actually really liked it. This was written by a dying man in Belgium, who is planning to opt for euthanasia when he feels it is appropriate. It’s an opinion piece–obviously people are different in what they seek in comfort either as they near their expected lifespan for a diagnosis, or begin actively dying in hospice. But I don’t think a lot of people know how to talk to people when they’re dying. Hell, people don’t know how to talk to one another when they’re crying. It feels awkward. It’s scary. And a lot of people (a LOT) trot out the cliches in this article.
“Hang in there! Maybe there’s an experimental treatment! Please don’t die!”
All of these benefit the person saying them–not the dying person. It’s denial. It’s temporary comfort. It’s a barrier between the caregiver/family member/coworker and their grief. I’m not saying I don’t get why they’re said. It’s hard in the moment to process, and we’re all kind of freaked out and fucked up sometimes. We’re imperfect. But I wonder if the culture of denial surrounding death contributes to negative dying experiences. Death is inevitable, and it is not comfortable, and it is very, very sad. It’s often traumatic, and grief is complex. But there are small ways we can make dying less painful. For some people, it’s slow codes (or so I’m told, unofficially of course). For others it’s playing chess and checkers and watching TV and just keeping someone company in hospice. There’s making sure the dog gets walked (and has a home ready). Where it’s legal, some opt for euthanasia.
I just feel uncomfortable with this being screengrabbed as a sort of jokey tumblr “we love despair” kind of way. There is some good advice here. I’m really in support of listening to more people’s personal experiences with terminal illnesses and who are actively dying. They’re still people.
Here is the article in question
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