Everyone has a story, works in progress, and all of them are unique. Here is a new chapter of mine. My name is Karen. I currently spend my time every day as a lab rat happily studying the adipocyte, better known as the fat cell, and its life cycle. My job as a laboratory assistant has its advantages. There is a fantastic high to be had when you discover something about the natural world THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER KNOWN BEFORE. You are the first to know that X cell produces Y marker and does Z under certain conditions. And then one more mystery of the world is solved (each replaced by 5 more mysteries).
These heady experiences prompted me to make graduate school in the biomedical sciences my ~*Plan*~. A beautiful Plan it was, full of passion and suffering in the name of SCIENCE. And you get nerd points and cool points and ‘not doing it for the money because I have passion’ points all at once. I can honestly say that I enjoy my job. These coolness points carried me for two years into my pre-graduate training in my current lab. And then it was time to apply. I was excited–excited to start my career, move to a new city, get to know a new lab, and learn more about the human body, metabolism specifically.
Though as any academic knows, there is more to that Plan than self-righteous accomplishment. Positions at the top, the principal investigator of the lab, are scarce. The bulk of scientific research in the US is driven by trainees, graduate students and post-doctoral fellows, giving their all and getting little in return. They make a pittance for their educational level, rarely take vacation (at least not without profound anxiety), and work 70+ hours a week, because that’s just how it is. Only a few have a life outside of the lab, and many seem to me, unhappy. All are vying for the coveted tenure-track Professorship, for which only 5% will be hired. Being the optimist that I am, I knew I could do this. I could even do it all happily. I like to think that I would be in that 5%. And if not, there are many other job paths, such as science journalism, drug industry, data analysis for hospitals, politics, adjunct teaching, etc.
But I didn’t want any of those careers. I wanted to do SCIENCE. And then, what if I did land the highly desired tenure-track professorship with my own lab? The main job of a PI is to get money for the lab. Grants funding is tight. Very tight. Money only goes to ideas that are sure to work, and for people with either a track record, or a pedigree. You get to the top so you can finally pursue your own ideas, and then you spend all of your time wrangling for money, reviewing papers, and presenting. Politics, really.
Now of course, a career in scientific research is still a pretty great deal, if you get there. Lots of cool points, remember. But I had to seriously evaluate what it was that I wanted, and if that track was the way to get it. My goal is always happiness. So, what Plan will make me the most happy, long term? Often, people stay with their original Plan, because it is known and safe. The unknown is scary and risky. Graduate school is probably one of the hardest paths I could choose, and yet it was safe. It was safe because I am a capable scientist, with a track record. I am a great candidate for a graduate school. I will have first author papers under my belt and letters of recommendations from leaders in my field. But I don’t what to do what is safe, I want to do what will make me happy. Graduate school would make me happy for those 5 years, but I don’t think academia would in the long run. So if not graduate school, then what?
I had to ask myself, in 10 years from now, where do I want to be? The answer came simply. Hiding behind my graduate school fervor was an intense love for programming that had been wasting away. I discovered computer science about halfway through my college career, through my biomathematics minor. I was late to the game, but already hooked. Any computer science classes that fit with my biology schedule, I took them. I even took two CS courses abroad in India. I ended up with enough credits to graduate with a ‘Computer science as a second major’ degree.
I hadn’t coded much since college a few years ago. I always felt guilty–there were always more important things I felt I needed to do. But now that it’s an important part of finding my Plan, I’ve given myself permission code above all other things. So a few months ago, I sat down and found an old piece of python code I had started for one of the Google Jam problems. I began working on it, finished it, and began another. And another. All the old obsessions, frustrations, and joys came back to me. Once again I would ruminate a problem in my head all day, and feel ECSTATIC when a possible solution would pop into my head during a shower or in the middle of the night. I would be happy solving these problems. Making real solutions for real people. This would be my new ~*Plan*~. It won’t always be fun. It will be hard, frustrating, with many long hours sitting in a chair in front of a keyboard with a headache and a pot of tea. But it will be rewarding, and worth it. And I think it will make me happy in a way that academia won’t be able to. And if not now, when? I honestly lose nothing by trying.
And so my journey has started. A scientist turned programmer with a long way to go. After a few months of studying JavaScript, I have been accepted to the July cohort at Fullstack Academy of Code in NYC! Fullstack is a web development 3 month intensive that teaches the MEAN stack for development. I have a lot to do and learn before I go. I will be sharing some of what I learn on here, as well as the challenges I face. Changing Plans is scary, but sometimes you have no choice but to leap and hope there’s a net.
Plus, much more fun that way.
