Vents N Stuff

[thecomplainerrr]

My notifications are broken, I get a ghost notification every time somebody replies to my comment but no way to actually view it. If you’re mad and wanna argue with me you may need to change your strategy.

[femboy-c-cups]

think the biggest sign of tumblrs aging population is how we went from posting about how unethical and ineffective assigning homework in schools is to deciding that humanity is fucked because kids these days aren't writing essays with is much enthusiasm as you have for your fanfic about two white guys from the Pitt

[femboy-c-cups]

if you are currently in school and you somehow see this post, heed my warning. any adult on here telling you essays/homework/school is easy or something you must be grateful for is fucking compromised. they do not relate to you, care about you, or respect your autonomy.

do what you need to survive, it is an injustice that anything more is expected of you

[trash-and-trash-accessories]

I know SEVERAL afab nonbinary people who, as soon as they came out as nonbinary - immediately began dressing in ridiculous hyper-femme outfits they never would have worn before.  A lot of people see this and say shit like “Theyfab” or say they are only nonbinary for attention.  After all, look how femme they are.

But to me, this makes perfect sense.  When you are forced into the category of “woman” against your will, femininity is a chore.  It’s a job that you have.  As soon as you say no, I’m not a woman, suddenly femininity isn’t your job anymore.  It’s not a requirement.  It’s just a fun hobby you can get into.  Or a little treat sometimes.

[certifiedsexed]

Do you think the phrase "Kink should be allowed at pride" can coexist with "Children/minors should not ever be exposed to kink in public" ? I saw somebody say these two things can and should coexist, but I've also seen others argue against it. You're pretty knowledgeable when it comes to kink/sexual freedom so I wanted your perspective on this :)

Well, I'm going to be honest: "children/minors should not be exposed to kink in public" is weird-ass shit.

It's a bullshit mantra that largely conservative people created, specifically when making claims that LGBTQ+ people are regularly practicing "kink in public" around children and shit so that the can accuse LGBTQ+ people of being pedophiles.

Like, what even is the point of "in public" in this phrase. Is the idea that children can be exposed to kink in private? Also, the idea that people are purposefully exposing children to kinks in public on a serious scale and its somehow on the same level as anti-sex attitudes directed towards LGBTQ+ people is wild.

But like, to get more specific, children are going to see sexual/kinky things sometimes, including in public. Children are doing kinky shit in public!

And like, not all kinky shit is even explicitly sexual-Bootblacking, for example, can easily be non-sexual to outsiders depending on what activity is chosen.

It just falls under this fearmongering shit where sex and kink is inherently traumatizing for children to see because children are such pure little creatures and sex/kink is fucked up shit that people are constantly trying to push on children.

Like, you can say those things but then you're insinuating Pride is an adults only event and that The Public must be carefully edited to remove any trace of "abnormal" sexuality so that we don't infect the children (who are definitely not doing sexual/kinky things themselves).

Lemme be real, it's normal as hell. It's normal as hell to say "Children shouldn't ever be exposed to kink in public" and normal fucking sucks.

And that's not even getting into the fact trans people existing is considered a kink in all kinds of places! Like, this argument is based on a knee-jerk reaction with no thought behind it.

This is a great question btw, thank you for inviting me to ramble on a topic, that's dope AF.

[learn-how-to-love]

“Trans men are men, which means they cannot experience X.” ❌

“Trans men are men, which means that men can experience X.” ✅

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Just a note, if you ever try to use me as a "is this who you want in women's bathrooms" gotcha, I am blocking your ass. Especially when it's on one of my trans joy selfies and you're openly courting an argument with transphobes. I'm the one who has to read all the resulting bullshit.

Please stop fantasizing about scenarios in which trans men make cis women uncomfortable, when it's the trans man who ultimately suffers. Your fantasy will IRL end up with the assault and likely arrest of the trans man. This is already happening when trans guys try to comply with new bathroom laws.

All you're doing is reinforcing that there is a certain "look" required for being in gendered spaces (congrats for throwing butches under the bus, btw).

And if you're fantasizing about trans men in the women's bathroom, are you also putting trans women in the men's room to further invoke cis discomfort? When trans women's risk of assault in any bathroom is already sky-high?

All while the transphobes don't want trans people in *any* bathroom. Or anywhere else in public.

I am so tired of this argument, because among the "allies" in my life, me passing so well has made them lazy and complacent about pushing back against the bathroom stuff.

"Oh, you'll be fine with these new bounty laws, no one will ever suspect if you keep using the men's room."

Again, throwing non-conforming people and people who aren't acceptably cis-passing under the bus. As well as not understanding that I pass until I suddenly don't (like what has happened in Kansas to trans people's documentation).

All this when you could instead be promoting better bathroom setups to begin with (fully enclosed stalls, etc.). Or, you know, trying to move beyond gender essentialism.

So, please knock it off.

[voxthenpdicon]

Btw you DO put people at risk of suicide if you intentionally make people with NPD crash. You are not saving people from "abusers" you are putting vulnerable people at risk. Do not do this. "How to isolate a narcissist" "How to cut off a narcissists supply" "How to kill a narcissists ego" stuff like that is putting people who are already traumatized at a high risk.

[livingfictionsystem]

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

[anti-fat-privilege]

2026, time for everyone to stop being an FRA

[i-suggest-employment]

I have a better idea

Get your screen time down📉

And your money up📈

[anti-fat-privilege]

Ironic for someone that spends their time harassing disabled people. Get a life

[immaturewitch]

loek who is bro talking about? themselves?

[anti-fat-privilege]

I don’t harass anyone. I am disabled myself and enjoy speaking about disability activism. Meanwhile @i-suggest-employment has dedicated an entire blog to harassing disabled and queer people

[thecomplainerrr]

So then this is what, an empathetic and respectful response to somebody saying they have a hard time making friends with people who aren’t like them?

Sure you don’t. And that’s only the first thing I saw from you. I didn’t think people still wasted their time dedicating whole accounts to this. It’s annoying unprovocative spam that doesn’t even try to hide the fact it’s a troll. You got a block counter running or what?

[anti-fat-privilege]

Oh my god the person who has constantly dealt with people who treat me like I’m sub human dirt doesn’t have patience for people who treat me like sub human dirt?

And oh my god people are allowed to make jokes about their oppressors?

You’re like the tumblr equivalent of those “zero tolerance” anti bullying policies where you punish the victim and not the perpetrator

[thecomplainerrr]

You’re oppressed by trans women? Lmfao sure

[anti-fat-privilege]

genuinely where the fuck did that come from

[thecomplainerrr]

Keep track of who you reply to in the future and you won’t have these questions Loser

[anti-fat-privilege]

2026, time for everyone to stop being an FRA

[i-suggest-employment]

I have a better idea

Get your screen time down📉

And your money up📈

[anti-fat-privilege]

Ironic for someone that spends their time harassing disabled people. Get a life

[immaturewitch]

loek who is bro talking about? themselves?

[anti-fat-privilege]

I don’t harass anyone. I am disabled myself and enjoy speaking about disability activism. Meanwhile @i-suggest-employment has dedicated an entire blog to harassing disabled and queer people

[thecomplainerrr]

So then this is what, an empathetic and respectful response to somebody saying they have a hard time making friends with people who aren’t like them?

Sure you don’t. And that’s only the first thing I saw from you. I didn’t think people still wasted their time dedicating whole accounts to this. It’s annoying unprovocative spam that doesn’t even try to hide the fact it’s a troll. You got a block counter running or what?

[anti-fat-privilege]

Oh my god the person who has constantly dealt with people who treat me like I’m sub human dirt doesn’t have patience for people who treat me like sub human dirt?

And oh my god people are allowed to make jokes about their oppressors?

You’re like the tumblr equivalent of those “zero tolerance” anti bullying policies where you punish the victim and not the perpetrator

[thecomplainerrr]

You’re oppressed by trans women? Lmfao sure

[tpwrtrmnky]

AMAB/AFAB when discussing the societal structure of gender assignment and how it impacts those who don't fall within the norms of their assignment: Yes!

AMAB/AFAB as reified descriptors of biological reality: No. Stop. Cease. Do not proceed. They were supposed to destroy the narrative of biodestiny, not join it!

[trollfist]

A question most people successfully avoid asking: can institutionalized patients ever have sex? The answer is ‘mostly no, unless they are very good at sneaking past nurses’. They also can’t kiss, hold hands, cuddle, or have any other form of romantic contact.

I worked in a mental hospital where two patients snuck past nurses and had sex once. It was treated as a public health crisis of approximately the same urgency as somebody throwing a bucket of Ebola-laced chimp blood all over the dining room. Both patients lost all their privileges, earned themselves 24-7 supervision by nurses, got restricted to their rooms, and had to go through a battery of tests for every STD in the book. We the doctors got remedial training with helpful tips like “If two patients seem to like each other too much, put them on opposite sides of the unit so they’re never in contact.” -SSC

[lyxthen-reblogs]

This is true of other emotional connections too, by the way. You are heavily discouraged from making friends with other patients on the basis that you “may enable each other’s mental illnesses.” When I was hospitalized we were forbidden from trading contact information. Every conversation we had was heavily surveiled by staff so we didn’t really get to talk about personal topics or build genuine friendship because anything emotional could be seen as a risk and would get us punished.

It really is that bad.

[halfabouros]

One of the doctors when I was institutionalized was actually very caring and concerned about the patients she worked with. She would actually listen to us and as a result everyone she worked with ended up liking her a lot.

We weren’t allowed to give anyone as much as a handshake. Even if we had family visiting us, if a doctor or nurse came in during that time, and found as much as me (a teenager) hugging my sister, it got treated like I was holding her at gunpoint as a hostage in a bank robbery. My visitation was revoked, I was placed in solitary for a few days I can’t really remember well, and still got set with 24/7 constant monitoring even in the bathroom for a while afterwards.

This nurse was kind enough to just awkwardly and visibly turn away during this time. She always chose this because everyone was Infinitely more comfortable with her showing us she wasn’t watching than the people who would watch us like a hawk and would report if we tried to cover our chests or crotch.

She’d also recognize when someone with an eating disorder just actually couldn’t eat what was expected of us to eat. And she would have snacks and other things for us to eat instead, and wouldn’t punish us if we couldn’t finish our plate.

She got fired. She was accused of being a child predator because the small kids and the teenagers liked the one person who treated them like a human being. There was a criminal investigation that literally led to nowhere because SHE didn’t commit any crime. She was still barred from entering the profession ever again and had to fight to keep it off her permanent records.

The exact thing that got her pushed over the edge? A kid asked for her specifically after they had a bad panic attack

We weren’t allowed to keep in contact with anyone. we weren’t allowed to make friends. If we were too friendly we’d be taken away from each other, but anyone hostile was allowed to remain together. You’d be woken up at 6 am sharp by a nurse checking your vitals and you’d be expected to stay awake and active for 16 hours a day, through anything else going on. Going to your room was a privilege before nighttime. Going to the bathroom was a privilege. Choosing between eating lunch or drinking water was a privilege. Getting to fucking do homework was a privilege. They didn’t teach you anything for once you’d actually get out because they don’t expect you to be well enough for Out Patient.

[junequeer]

In one of the acute units I went to, there was someone who wasn’t allowed to have a bedroom. They pulled a mattress out of a room (“room” since we could never close the doors, so they were more like two bed alcoves) and put it in the communal area where we were required to be (unless we were required to be somewhere else). This girl didn’t even have the privacy of a semi-enclosed room. All of the bathrooms were attached to the bedrooms and all of us had to ask to use the bathroom unless it was nighttime (because we locked out of our bedrooms until it was time to sleep). This girl didn’t have a room, so she had to ask the staff to use the bathroom and the staff would have her use someone else’s. She didn’t have anywhere to put any of her belongings. She wasn’t allowed to socialize with us; if we were in the communal area, she had to be sitting on her mattress.

Why? Because she had screaming nightmares and that meant she was “too dangerous” to ever be unmonitored, but they didn’t have the staff to watch her specifically, so she always had to be where the one staff watching all of us (about 20 kids) could see her. She was considered too much of a flight risk to go to the cafeteria or to any of the activities (one hour in a prison-like outside area and one hour in an art class). Some of us tried to talk to her just to introduce ourselves and the staff threatened to take away our privileges.

The privileges in question? Doing our laundry, visitation, not being in solitary, attending the one movie night per week, showering alone and “only” being checked on every 5 min, going outside, and being allowed to draw (the only thing to do outside of the two hours of activities).

I went to three different mental hospitals. In all of the ones I went to, these things were privileges. There was only one that allowed us to drink any water outside of meals or taking meds; they had a mandatory PE and we were given one cup of water after exercising and you only had a minute or two to drink it before they took it away. That was it.

In my second mental hospital, I got along too well with my roommate so they made us switch rooms to be roommates with people we didn’t get along with. We were specifically told the reason was because we were too friendly. There was another patient who had been dating someone since before she went to the mental hospital, and the person she was dating got admitted to a different ward while she was there. The nurses, therapists, and psychologists told her she would not be discharged unless she broke up with him.

In a mental hospital, you do not have any rights. You only have privileges and you only have them if they have the staff and inclination to give them to you.

[anti-fat-privilege]

2026, time for everyone to stop being an FRA

[i-suggest-employment]

I have a better idea

Get your screen time down📉

And your money up📈

[anti-fat-privilege]

Ironic for someone that spends their time harassing disabled people. Get a life

[immaturewitch]

loek who is bro talking about? themselves?

[anti-fat-privilege]

I don’t harass anyone. I am disabled myself and enjoy speaking about disability activism. Meanwhile @i-suggest-employment has dedicated an entire blog to harassing disabled and queer people

[thecomplainerrr]

So then this is what, an empathetic and respectful response to somebody saying they have a hard time making friends with people who aren’t like them?

Sure you don’t. And that’s only the first thing I saw from you. I didn’t think people still wasted their time dedicating whole accounts to this. It’s annoying unprovocative spam that doesn’t even try to hide the fact it’s a troll. You got a block counter running or what?

[mylittlemesseduphead]

it sucks how people dont let you talk about your psychotic experiences and immediately just go "see a doctor about that" or "i am not qualified to help with this" like i actually am not asking you to fix this i just need someone to listen to me because this experience is incredibly isolating and lonely and scary and no one seems to be able to deal with me when i really just need a friend. like why is it ok to talk about your autism or adhd struggles but as soon as it is psychosis it is chucked in the too hard basket.

[cdigoddess]

take me back

[thewarmvoid]

I personally think it is both bad and weird that so many people have become so wary of the perfidious infiltrating cissexual tme afab trans people “pretending to be trans women” that im now seeing them parrot sentiments like “look at her, she’s clearly a cis woman” and “post face/body so we can confirm you’re a Real Trans Woman™” like — do you not hear yourselves? that ain’t very trans/feminist behavior. puberty blockers work. hormone replacement therapy works. surgery works. the more consistently trans youth are able to access these things, the less you’ll be able to clock everyone by appearance alone. intersex trans people exist. you are doing a weird thing on many levels when you act like you can determine who is a Real Trans Woman / Affirmed Transmisogyny Affected by analyzing her photographs. It’s weird you think you can. It’s weird to imply if a trans woman passes too well to you she’s a predatory cissexual larper. Anyways.

[rottin6-malice]

i have to say i am starting to grow tired of the idea that we are being targeted by these reporting and deletion campaigns in here just for being transfem because like, fundamentally it's true, but that doesn't tell you the whole story.

being transfem is what makes the people doing these campaigns hate us with such a passion, and why they're scared that we're part of an attempt to gain more recognition of the workings of transmisogyny as a social force, because that makes it harder for them to benefit from this thing that's always given them a better social position. being transfem is what makes us such easy targets.

but like, the particulars of the transmisogynistic rhetoric they use to choose targets and spur on their followers is very clear. it is the particular trope of trans women as sexual predators, as pedophiles and rapists and whatever other word they can think of (usually with some channerisms thrown in the fray). because of this, it can be frustrating to see well-meaning transfeminists paint this as an indiscriminate attack on all transfems. this is, in particular, more often than not an attack that is directed at our ability to be candid about our sexualities, especially in a way that might help transfems who are less far along their own journeys with gender to realize they're not the scary, irredeemably broken predators we're all framed to be.

I'll be open and say i considered myself asexual for most of my life since being raped at a young age by my peers in what i knew even at the time was a transmisogynistic attack on a girl just realizing she was a girl. it took years to begin to heal from the impact this had on me, to stop repressing my need for transfeminization to save myself from the violent degendering that had been ongoing for all my life no matter what i saw myself as, and years after that to actually being to explore my sexuality again.

finally allowing myself to stop thinking of my body as a tool for the same kind of systemic violence done to me was hard work that would never have gotten done if not for countless transfems before me helping me navigate these feelings through fiction and their own candid thoughts on the matter. i owe my current joy in my sexuality to all of these transfems going through such an effort constantly in the face of a global culture that tries to prevent us from healing in such a way. so I bristle at the fact that so many of us seem so willing to constantly tiptoe around the issue at hand in what most of these bannings have in common. this is more often than not aimed at girls who express our sexualities openly, especially in ways that are socially maligned (but never nearly as much for anyone else as for us), and it is leveraging this one specific aspect of transmisogyny to make our lives miserable.

we can't actually help the girls most targeted by this if we continue to be too scared to call things what they are. they don't want us to ever heal from our sexual traumas. they don't want us to ever escape the specter of the trans woman as a rapist, which allows us to become subservient dehumanized sexual objects easily discarded (read: killed) when we become too boring for tmes. they will continue to use these tropes, of the rapist, the pedophile, etc, in their hunts for us, so if you actually want to say that you are standing up for us, you have to actually address these specific tropes for what they are and actually give your support to girls who are openly sexual no matter how much of a fucking ick their type of sexuality might give you

[forbadorb2]

You need to support her when she's open about her sexuality. You need to support her when her kinks disgust you. You need to support her when other people want her killed for her attractions. You need to support her because there's no guarantee anyone else will or that she'll even be around long enough to find another person who will.

[annieguardian]

When you give fascists an inch, they take a mile. The most optically challenged, perverted, fetishistic, paraphilic, and non passing trans woman will always be worth more than a million fascists. And if you disagree, then you don't hate fascists enough.

[dubiousdoobie]

"no human rights for pe-"

"no human rights for ra-"

"no human rights for zo-

"no human rights for ne-"

recognize the pattern, reject dehumanization, destroy the weapons of oppresion themselves!