I'm a yeti, I love cycling, I work in forests in the South of England. I also get a tad enthusiastic about everything. Warning for rambles, rants and too much happiness hopefully :)
(I’ve just realised this is very north centric, to those in the south, and equator, many hugs and thoughts)
From tomorrow the days will literally get brighter for a nice while, which I for one could sorely do with. Spring is coming!
My personal recommendation is to put sultanas out for the birds, you'll get lovely blackbirds for company in no time, and if you're lucky starlings, robin, thrush, all sorts, who never fail to bring a smile.
If anyone would like a walk or cycle (I can bring the 2nd bike with a bit of notice to pick up bike from the shop/fixed), then I'm free as a blackbird, and when it stops raining in a couple of days plan to be outside plenty!
I hope you and those you’re close to are well, the fresh green of spring will return, bird song and tenderness of flower petals, we’ll all get through this,
so sad that we are surrounded by birds and most ppl dont even look at them. how can you look at the beloved pigeon and not admire its stupid little waddle and delightful little rump? how can you see the humble house sparrow and not be enraptured by its adorable little cap and splendid black bib? how can you see a seagull and not admire it’s size (very big when you think about it) and it’s tenacity in targeting humans, the most obnoxious and dangerous of all gods creatures? open your eyes
I’d put in an offer on a 30 acre patch of woodland last week but was unsuccessful.
My bid was a flip load higher than the estimate they were taking offers from, and I knew how to look after it, I knew how to keep a fucking tree species that’s rapidly dying because of a disease that came about due to globalisation, but nope, someone offered more money.
I hoped so fucking much that I could message lots of people saying good news! I should be getting a patch in a few months if all goes well, whatever happens for the rest of our lives, I can offer you this safe haven, we can meet up, have a laugh, teach each other nature stuff, grow things, make things, play around like goof balls, enthuse kids, play what time is it mr wolf with deer, wave at steam trains.
But no.
The thing that upsets me the most, as that what I want to do, increasingly feels next to impossible, if not actually impossible - and I am stupidly lucky and priviledged, no-one else I know - I think - could put in an offer 1/10th of what I just did, so if I can’t, how the fuck else is everyone else I know? I know a lot of people with similar dreams, and if I could just have a bit of land, like I know they also want, I could at least... Help somehow, while it couldn’t be everything they wanted it to be obviously, as it’s not theirs, which is a big part of it in mind to have the freedom and reassurance that you can do a thing, but....
ah ffs.
and it feels like the clock is ever ticking, not because I’m getting older (although is that too) but because the fucking insane government means I don’t have a clue what the hell is gonna happen come janurary, but it’s gonna be shit, really shit, ontop of all the horrible corona is doing and will continue to do, we haven’t had the economic impact yet and that’s just tick tok tick.... plus brexit, not to even fucking mention climate change.
While covid throws a spanner in the works anyway, I honestly think if it wasn’t for my parents being around and getting older, I’d be considering going to Canada a whole load more (like moving), that’s not to say the friends here couldn’t sway me as well, but we mostly talk online these days (to not be underestimated, the dnd friday and saturday nights has kept me going more than anything else for the last few years) and those I see in person would probably want to come too.
I like it here, and I want to fight the fight that’s needed, but for fucking fuck’s sake.
I offered 125% of the estimated value, and I probably didn’t even come close, as I feel like they didn’t just base it on money solely.
Fuck I’m tired. And I want to hug, and hold a hand when walking amongst bird song.
And god I want to lie on the grass and look up at the clouds.
Fucking hell I wish my stupid body or nerves or whatever it is didn’t make it so hard for me to cry.
Everything’s getting to me a bit this morning, I had stupid bloody hope over a thing that was never going to be possible, yet I can’t help but hope anyway.
To get a barn in the perfect place, with a spot of land and woods.
Somewhere with a big roof, where I could shelter my friends, because fuck it I haven’t been there like I want or wished for such a long time, but perhaps I could make up for it if I could at least a roof over their heads when god we’re gonna friggin need it sooner or later it feels like.
A home to call my own, to share with those I care about, that’s it.
and it’s fucking impossible.
No matter how much I save, or work, or anything, no, I have to wait until my parents die to get somewhere, when I then can’t share it with them and enjoy it with them. And even then, I could then only get somewhere because of my priviledge, of what they’ve done. Anyone else in a boat like mine is completely fucked.
Meanwhile I’m still not doing loads of the things I want to do, like actually talk to the awesome people I’ve been lucky enough to meet as I’m too damn scared I’ll mess up, which then of course is messing it up, plus I’m so damn exhausted it’s just easier to run away from all the things, and I’m exhausted from the work, which I like and care about too much, but isn’t as important as it should be, yet still stresses me out, nor earn me the magical millions that are needed to have a scrap of land in this damn country.
I don’t know wha the fuck i’m doing or what I even want to be doing. I just know I’m really damn sorry.
hey remember that bit in Master & Commander (2003) where Stephen performs emergency bullet removal surgery on himself and has a white-knuckle grip on Jack’s hand the entire time bc that scene fucks me up every time I watch it
The loveliest duo of a band ever have started a podcast during lockdown, I can highly recommend it, and their music, and not just because one of them has the same name as me!
https://jonnyandthebaptists.podbean.com/
They are the definition of lovely to me, there is nothing but love and kindness and just ah, I smiled and laughed so much while driving to a wood while listening to this today.
I have a thing to suggest, especially in the Covid 19 lockdown to bring a smile!
Sultanas! Blackbirds love them, robins quite like them too, many years ago, we put sultanas out for the blackbirds in the garden, they hopped along and gobbled them, over a bit of time we dropped them closer and closer to us, until if we were very (very very very!) patient, they would eat sultanas from our hand, but the moment they had one in their peak POOF they’d fly away.
Now this was in the garden, my room is upstairs, so I didn’t have the blackbirds beside me as I liked, but I took some upstairs to drop down to them to feed them sometimes, then I tried leaving some on the windowsil, and after not too long they learnt that hey, there’s food on windowsils! And now we have blackbirds turning up on our windowsils, hoping for some sultanas if there aren’t any.
Now that it’s warming up enough, I have my windows open and some sultanas just inside, so they can hop in and grab them, they’re easily with arms reach of me sometimes, and will sing away from my windows sometimes.
Now if you go this far, be warned, if you invite them inside, and there aren’t any sultanas, and the windows are open, they do come inside looking for them! Especially if you’re not inside! And birds can leave a bit of a mess, especially if they panic a bit, so now I can’t have my windows open unless there are sultanas there for them, oops.
When the blackbirds have chicks, watching them adults feed the babies (who are soooo sweet and make the most wonderful chirps!) is adorable, and then the babies will learn food is on the windowsil! And then you’ll get to see a baby blackbird, charging, wings half unfurled, beak open, along a windowsil, towards a starling who quickly realises that oh god I did not sign up to feed this fluffy ball aaahhh!
Blackbirds (like Belgium*) is the best.
I have also recently learnt they will stomp over house plants looking for sultanas if there aren’t any.... Which has given me a great huge windowsil/house planter box thing.... one day!
