not my normal writing style but it was fun writing like this ctvyuhbjnkm
i apologize for any errors you encounter ;w;
(this is in virgil’s p.o.v.)
For someone who has a hard time remembering the stuff they taught me at school- for someone who has a hard time remembering a lot of stuff in general, I can remember a bunch of things you and I did together.
I remember this one time when we were still not sure if we would be good friends. It was raining so hard and we both were stuck at school since someone took our umbrellas. We didn’t talk at all- didn’t even share a glance. It was painfully awkward, especially since none of our other friends were around or nearby. And the fact that I was almost about to have a panic attack in front of you didn’t help. So when you suddenly just stood up, looked at me, and suggested that we run to the nearest building that wasn’t our school, I was more than surprised because holy shit you actually spoke to me why did you do speak to me that doesn’t help at all. Hesitantly, I agreed and we ran, screaming and laughing while looking for a building that we could stay in. We ended up finding a small coffee shop and luckily, there were barely any customers that were there so we didn’t get embarrassed at how wet we were. The manager was kind enough to let us have free drinks and food- probably because we reminded her of her daughter who was now married. We sat down on the chairs, looked at each other, then burst out laughing- disturbing all of the customers.
It was the first time we actually started being friends.
Oh- remember that one time during prom and we both had no one to go with because everyone else already had a partner? That time was really awkward because the teachers told us to be partners or else we had to go to detention. And while I was okay with detention, you weren’t because you had so much to do after school. Seriously, how did you manage to do all of those activities while still being able to have some time for yourself? It still amazes me up to now. Anyway, back to the topic: when we both finally went with the crowd to dance, did you notice the stares we got from everyone? It was as if they knew something that we didn’t. I almost freaked out in front of everyone but you were there to calm me down. I was still shaking but we still danced.
“It’s going to calm you down, I promise!”
You were right. It did calm me down. We stepped on each other’s feet every now and then, glaring playfully at each other. And despite everything I said the next day, despite how much I hated last night because I had to dance with you out of all people, there was a part of me that enjoyed dancing with Roman Prince. A part that wanted to do that again.
But of course, I ignored it.
Then there was the time at the beach. I remember seeing how excited you were and your smile ended up distracting me, making me agree to go with you guys without knowing. So we were in the car for a long time- maybe around 2-4 hours? While Patton and Thomas were exchanging and laughing at dad jokes, you and Logan were bonding over Shakespeare. At first, I was glad that you and Logan actually stopped fighting for once because it meant that I could listen to music in peace. But when I glanced at you two and saw the both of you just smiling fondly at each other, I could practically feel my heart break into pieces and I didn’t know why. I felt hurt- betrayed but why? So for the rest of the ride, I avoided looking at my left.
When we finally arrived at the beach, I was terrified. It was private property, sure, but that didn’t mean that there would only be a few people. There were so many kids, teenagers, and adults and the thought of me being shirtless in front of all these people that were probably already judging me made me even more terrified that I didn’t notice you pulling me into a hug until I heard you telling me to breathe with you. It took a long time, getting me to calm down, and I apologize for that. I didn’t mean to bother you. When I was finally okay, you laughed, telling me not to panic and to just let people see me shirtless. And I got scared. Again. But when you held my hands and looked at me with such caring and loving eyes, saying that he was okay with being with me in the beach house instead of going to swim with the others, I could feel my heart racing. I didn’t know what was going on but I ignored it because I was too distracted by your beautiful warm eyes. And in the end, we ended up spending the whole day together.
Then it was finally night but I couldn’t sleep so I went outside only to see you outside as well. Your hair was flowing in the air with the window and I have never wanted to comb it until now. You looked behind and when you saw me, a grin appeared on your face and you began waving, yelling at me to go to you. When I did, you instantly carried me, laughing at how red my face was. You walked around, with me still in your arms, and I have never felt so content in my life. I felt safe. When we were far from the beach house, you made me sit down, a soft smile on your face. You sat down next to me and we both just looked at the stars and listened to the water. It was peaceful but my heart was still beating erratically but why? There was no reason for me to be scared. You noticed that my breathing changed and you started singing to me, slowly rubbing circles on the back of my hand. I sighed and let my head rest on your shoulder while you rest your head on mine. Closing my eyes, I let myself think of you. Your smile, your laugh, your eyes- and during that moment, I realized that I liked you so much more than just a friend.
And since then, a lot changed.
Our group drifted apart. Thomas was in a different group of friends, Patton was now the president of the art club, which meant that he didn’t have the time to hang out with us anymore. Logan was also the president of the student council, so he started focusing on school even more, leaving the two of us. We drifted apart too. You were the king of the school- the Roman Prince, while I was just an outcast that stayed with people that were also disliked at school. Sure, we’d wave at each other, smile, or say hi every now and then but other than that, we just completely ignored each other. But for some reason, that crush I had on you never went away. It stayed and that was what frustrated me the most because every time I would look at you, I’d just see you with someone else, flirting with them shamelessly. And every time that happened, it hurt me. It was like the time in summer when you and Logan were smiling like that.
During the time before almost all of us became friends again, Thomas got better at singing, Patton became nicer, Logan became smarter, I was even ‘edgier’ now, and you..
You are no longer the Roman I knew. At least, not anymore.
I fell in love with the Roman that was kind to me, the Roman that treated me like a prince when nobody else did. The Roman that would do anything just to make me smile.
I miss that Roman. Because now, all I have is this self-centered jerk that treats me like scum. All I have is someone that hates me and everything that I do. Someone that is willing to kill me because ‘it would make life easier for everyone.’
And I guess you were right when you said that I was a fool. Because even though you changed, even though you hated me, I still loved you.
And I hate that I still have these feelings for you. I hate it even more now because with how things are between us, I realized that you could and would never love me back.
