Dark Sense

Poetry, short stories, quotes, letters, photos, sketches, books and reviews. Everything that makes me feel alive.

[thedevilshere]

I got a call from a girl I used to know

We were inseparable years ago

Thought we'd get along, but it wasn't so

And it's all I think about

When I'm behind the wheel

I worry this is how I'm always gonna feel

But nothing lasts, I know the deal

[feelingsoftheday]

darling, my love for you transcends words, and I’m endlessly grateful for our profound bond.

[feelingsoftheday]

i pick you above all else.

[feelingsoftheday]

i've never felt for anyone the way i felt for you.

[thedevilshere]

"I don't believe in the God that sits on a throne, that expects us to look up while He looks down.

I believe in the one that's in the wind. The one that whispers things in the dead of night when you can't sleep. The one that kisses you first thing in the morning with a view of the sun and the song of a bird. I believe in the one that nudges you in the moment, that accepts you for who you are deep down inside.

I don't believe in the God that the churches sell."

~ The Asylum Confession: Murder & Madness

How refreshing a take. I say I'm not religious, at all. But I do believe there must be a higher power. Something or someone who we must believe in to have any hope. But I definitely don't believe in the God that every other religion sells. I don't believe their salesmen are to be trusted. I don't believe God is confined inside four walls, under lock & key. I don't believe that you can only ever experience their presence inside the various sales offices around the world that religious salesmen guard and speak of. If there's a God, they are out in the open, they're non-judgmental, they're accepting. But if what the salesmen say is the truth, then the God they speak of isn't God to begin with.

[thedevilshere]

Read the book: Make Me by Alina May with this playlist

[thedevilshere]

sometimes a song gets stuck in my head and it hurts

and I don't mean the song hurts me

i just don't know what to do with myself while having this mere song making me uncomfortable

weirdly enough that song alone can bring me any semblance of peace as well

anything else will piss me off more often than not

I don't know what to do with Tom Odell's Black Friday

I can't go to sleep

I can't read or distract myself with anything else

[thedevilshere]

Remind me, have I posted this before?

[thedevilshere]

[thedevilshere]

committing to something that could turn you into either the luckiest person alive or wanting to unalive yourself is just how love works

it doesn't come with a guarantee or even warranty, it's not a kitchen appliance, it's your heart that has no specific eta of being repaired

yet you take a chance on the other person who holds the key to your future, yours and theirs alike

you know what's funny though? you are to them, what they are to you

the one choice that can change your life as you know it

so take that chance like i did, see what gives...

[thedevilshere]

im starting a new collection here, song covers

this is cover of phoebe bridgers' funeral

part 1

see y'all soon

[thedevilshere]

The room smells like you do,

so I sleep on your side of the bed to feel your touch too.

[thedevilshere]

im on fire like a thousand suns

i couldnt put it out

even if i wanted to

recovery from depression is a journey

people lie to you when they say it's a gradual process

you feel better and better everyday

that's not true, i can promise you that

yesterday i wanted to bleed myself out

today im feeling like -

its like a hunger in me

yeah, it's never ending

yeah, ill burn for you, ill burn for you

i got a hunger in me

[yakultstan]

oh mother do you cry do you wish you were still young oh mother do you feel my pain do you pretend like it will go away

oh mother can you hear me do I awaken something foul oh mother can’t you see me do I dare come out 'the dark

[thedevilshere]

Disclaimer: I got the inspiration for this from a song I've listened to on loop for the past 30 days, during every waking hour of the last month, yet I wasn't sick of it.

a very strong feeling of liking and caring for somebody/something, especially a member of your family or a friend -

is the definition of love, says oxford dictionary

the urban dictionary defines love as - the act of caring and giving to someone else. Having someone's best interest and wellbeing as a priority in your life. To truly love is a very selfless act.

and i,

i cant even begin to define love,

i attach myself to anybody who shows me even an ounce of affection,

which im told isnt the best way to find the right match.

i dont know what love really means,

what i do know is how heartbreak feels like,

after all, mine breaks every day,

and let me tell you, it isnt the best feeling in the world.

my heart breaks when i see the dam holding the ocean back in HER eyes break,

my heart breaks when i cant afford my favorite coffee.

my heart breaks when the stray dog follows me home but my home isnt even able to keep me contained,

my heart breaks when i cant seem to hold onto dear life,

my heart breaks when waking up seems like a chore id rather not indulge in,

my heart breaks when i recall all the great loves ive lost in this lifetime.

dont misunderstand me when i say i cant define love,

ive experienced many.

and isnt it true that a great love will have its ups and downs,

the problem is,

some days i was too scared to stand my ground and uncover all the beauties of the great loves ive had,

and on others, they couldnt hold on.

when i try to sleep after a long day,

my thoughts are haunted by one of those great loves,

and this story, im sure isnt just mine,

most of you here, today must have lost this special one too,

and those who havent, i beg of you - dont ever let it go.

there was a boy who loved me so,

he could single handedly melt my heart one second and push me off a cliff the other,

yet our love was one of a kind.

that was a great love.

how do i know that?

i know that because,

even back then i could tell that i was gonna lose him one day,

yet i couldnt care less about the day i lost him,

the only thing i cared for was to love him as beautifully, and with the same force as his.

so when he asked me one day out of the blue,

after being friends for the longest time -

"hey a! i wanna ask you something. do you feel anything for me?"

i didnt miss a beat,

i gave into my weakness and responded with the most enthusiastic "yes z, i do"

after which he proceeded to say - "i want to know that you cried for me. that hasnt ever happened in my 30 years of existence."

and folks, that was when i knew,

ours was a great love that id lose some day,

but i had to see it through,

i had to love him just as much,

i had to give him everything he's ever longed for like - being loved and living, not just breathing.

ours was a great love and i can tell you that today,

because now that he is gone, i do miss him, i do sob in silence so no one in my life now can know,

but i also recall our conversations sometimes and laugh,

i smile thinking of the days we spent together,

and i cherish them.

he was my great love and i dont know if ill ever find any like ours,

so when i say i cant define love,

i dont mean that i havent ever been in love,

i mean that it cant be explained in words - no matter how much the writers of these dictionaries try to dictate it,

love is a feeling, you cant call it anything else but that.

so now when SHE asks me to write about love,

i write what i know best -

to give in to your weaknesses is not always the worst thing you could do.

[thedevilshere]

⚠️Trigger Warning: Depression, Suicide Ideation.

The Oblivion

ive lived with my partner for over 3 years now,

its been wonderful.

they hold my hands when they tremble,

and hold me up when i often tend to crumble.

they know the reality of my existence though,

they have fears i can not help get rid off.

they come home to a glass half-empty,

and they take my name in their prayers everyday.

they stare blankly into my eyes sometimes,

the horrors of their imagination and my loneliness.

this darkness i love to dwell in,

they know isnt my own making.

the problem is, they never had a chance in the world to begin with,

to try and untie the knots i collect around my throat - necklaces,

to cause friction enough in the swift motions around my wrists,

body-art with swiss knife,

they could never snap me out of the darkness that resides in me.

perhaps it wouldve been better if i could name this thing,

the entity ive always lived with.

this shadow of a man, forever creeping around,

never letting me go, never letting me breath,

my partner always had to compete.

they didnt know how strong their opponent was,

that ive been feeding all these years.

ive been living with someone else for a long time now,

i have been living with depression.

he takes no heed to my partner's requests,

more often than not he pushes them out.

he makes me believe, that ive lived enough,

then hands me the blade to go stand guard,

making sure nobody can ever come in.

drops hot wax of self-doubt into my ears,

hangs up phone calls when i need them the most,

collects my memories and turns then into nightmares.

he laughs at me all through the day,

he wants me to bleed out.

he keeps me from calling for help,

doesnt take kindly to my pleades either,

he keeps the walls up, doors closed and chimneys clogged,

keeping me away from the tomorrow, i now believe ill never have.

i want to forget who i am,

so i can forget who he was.

i dont want people to call me.

i dont want to survive.

i want to sleep all day long.

i want to bleed out now.

i want to go and never come back.

[thedevilshere]

Unspoken Words

"ill always be your friend,

ill be supportive of what-ever you do,"

i say that cause i cant imagine

my life, if any, without you.

then ill catch myself agape, staring

wondering how beautiful you are,

im sorry if you catch me too

dreaming of you and i, my imagination nothing less than a work of art.

ill be the friend you give the keys to

your secrets and heartbreaks locked in a vault,

"ill keep your secrets safe," i say, i = the chain

damn sure every word for you is written in asphalt.

ill be the bestfriend you can not look for

no matter you use a candle or a torch,

ill disguise my feelings from these eyes

your name carved on my heart, ill light it on fire - scorched.

no matter my feelings for you

ill be your friend for all the years to come,

my feelings will fade soon enough

yet waiting on you to say, "i hate what we've become."

i, your bestfriend, your confidant once

am now the reason you hurt ,

"what am i to do? i love you" comes a croak from my dry tar ridden throat

and when you ask me to "get the fuck out" of your life, i oblige, no matter how curt.

cause i promised myself, ill always be your friend

ill be supportive of whatever you do,

and now look at me, a broken record of sort

i will neither cry, nor will i beg for another chance, ill leave you alone and let you be with, whoever you choose.