The Dreaded Ending

Speaking nothing but the truth.

[thedreadedending]

[thedreadedending]

'...always the bridesmaid but never the bride' Sums up my life..

[nothing-is-what-it-was]

[thedreadedending]

A little dark, but some days are harder than others. And this is how it feels.

[towalkdowntherunway]

. on We Heart It.

[thedreadedending]

I hear you.

[thedreadedending]

A Religious Affair

So I was invited to an engagement party a few months ago and my boyfriend at the time RSVP'd for the both of us. Obviously since then he had cheated on me, but no-one (except his family) knows about what happened. And I guess he wanted to keep it that way and asked me to still attend. One thing about me you need to know is that I hate being mean, horrible and unsympathetic to people (intentionally). I can't do it, won't do it and I choose not to do it at any opportunity. So I went. I knew how the night would proceed, but I went anyway. The family, the engaged couple and the guests are all also very, very, very religious (Christian). I myself have never really 'practiced', but I believe in God and that if you live a good life you'll go to heaven. Not true, but I'll discuss that another time. So a religious gathering with people who think that my boyfriend and I are still together. I arrive and the first greeting I receive is from the soon to be Groom; "...thanks for coming! So when is it your turn! When's (boyfriend) going to ask you!" I had only just arrived and immediately regretted it. That was the last thing I wanted to hear, but the first thing I knew everyone would ask. I just smiled and said, "Not for a long time..." I don't like to lie, but for once it felt appropriate. It's not their business to know, but telling everyone that it would happen when I know that it maybe won't was harder to hear than for me to say it. I talked to my 'boyfriend' a lot that night. Just like we would have on any other night. But deep down I felt like a miserable bag of shit, and I really hate feeling sorry for myself! It's selfish and that's not me. He's also trying to be more Christian now, to try and repent from his mistake and sometimes he will preach things to me to try help me deal with my anger and pain. But once again my defensive mechanism; smart assery comes out in force. At the end of the sermon the Groom to be asked a religious question of everyone; "Where will you spend eternity?" My boyfriend turned to me and tried to give me a reassuring smile and asked me the same question. I replied; "In the ground"

[brendenfraser]

[thedreadedending]

Speaking of the Dreaded Ending 😢💔

[thedreadedending]

99 Problems

I'll start with the horrible truth that lead me here. Of course the emotional and physical pain would come from a 4 year relationship with the 'love of my life'. I knew things weren't quite right. New friend* and new gym membership. Those 2 things sound pretty normal until you start to match up the lack of communication, changed profile pictures on social media and an increase of selfies on said social media. So to put it simply... I caught the love of my life cheating on me for what he said** was the first time. And yes, it fucking hurt. Did I forget to mention it was 1 day after our 4 year anniversary celebration? Well it was.. I guess since than my defensive smart ass has been running a muck. But deep down I'm still the same girl I used to be, was and still am. This was nearly, just barely 3 weeks ago. And lo and behold he regretted what he did the next day and has been apologising and trying ever since to mend my shattered spirit. The horrible truth? I still love that human being like he was the last person on this planet. The Dreaded Ending? I have no idea what it is yet. *18 year old schmuck who thinks the world revolves around the tip of his dick and that Tinder is the grown mans pokedex - gotta catch em all. **this may not be the truth but we'll never know, let's just call it faith.

[thedreadedending]

The Dreaded Ending?

So I’ve always been the type of person, that when being defensive or dealing with emotional pain I become an intolerable smart ass.

Well 2014 is definitely the year for it. Welcome to the horrible truth and prepare for the Dreaded Ending.