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The Real Truth About False Accusation

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One of my early forays into talking about sexual violence publicly did not go very well. My heart was in the right place. I wanted to engage more men in…

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Three Things I'm Practicing in the COVID-19 Pandemic

Three Things I’m Practicing in the COVID-19 Pandemic

While many things have changed and shifted in the past few weeks as the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded, there are others that remain the same. All the changes around me have offered up many chances to practice building skills that contribute to a more connected and empathic world.

Here are a few that have been front and center in my life:

See the whole picture

This is something that comes up a lot in…

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Mommy, can I use your phone?

Two weeks ago, my 7-year old son asked if he could Google something on my phone. After I PROMISED not to change my face when he told me what it was, he whispered in my ear: Naked Girls.

I was a little confused.

“You’ve seen your sister naked, so what exactly are you trying to see?”

“Well, I just want to see A LOT of them.“

OK, then. I head on over to my favorite sex ed site, Amaze.org, which I…

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How to Talk About Sexual Harassment on Twitter

When my Twitter explodes with the latest wave of high volume discussion about sexual harassment or violence, my blood pressure rises. These days, it seems so easy – and acceptable – to shoot a dagger into a stranger’s ego – or heart – however you may consider it, especially when that stranger is a man commenting about sexual harassment, sexual violence or Me Too. Twitter and other social media…

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Fundraising and Sexual Harassment: A Primer for Development Leaders

Many development leaders are, for the first time, thinking deeply about how to address sexual harassment at nonprofit organizations, universities, museums and hospitals. For too long, sexual harassment was, at best, rarely discussed and, at worst, accepted by organizations as a part of the job. Now, that is changing, thanks to #MeToo, the campus sexual violence movement and other public…

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Reflections on Consent and Culture in the Wake of Aziz Ansari

As the names come forward – today, Aziz Ansari, tomorrow, a new one – it’s the same formula. A story about an incident. Some backlash or dismissing. Some condescending reminders that sexual violence is wrong. And then a new story breaks. The relentless focus on the incidents continues to polarize discussions about sexual violence in ways that actually prevent us from addressing it. Sexual…

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Yo, can I get a hug? And other hugging dilemmas.

In the wake of #MeToo, I’ve been hearing some chatter about hugging. Some generally huggy people are second-guessing their hugging instincts. Some people are lamenting the potential end of the hug. Others are wondering how to ask about hugs without making everyone feel awkward. Generally, I’m a fan of hugs. Hugs are a way to say hello, express affection, and connect with your friends and loved…

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Me Too? An Open Letter to Alyssa Milano

Dear Alyssa, First of all, thank you for dedicating your platform to making space for a conversation about sexual violence by sparking off the #MeToo hashtag last night. I have no doubt your heart is in a good place, and you stand in solidarity with survivors. Much gratitude and respect to you. But I’m tired. And I’m not the only one. As this avalanche of disclosure began last night, I heard from…

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First Love, A Poem

I fell in love with you at 2am on a snowy evening. You walked your dog down my street as I walked mine out the door. And we talked and talked and were tangled up in leashes and snow on our eyelashes and by the time the ground became white, I was in love. eighteen months later, after your arm bore my name in black ink. after our dogs shared a home. after the second winter you stopped Loving me…

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How I Told the TSA I Was a Sexual Assault Survivor

I didn’t expect my Sunday afternoon flight from Boston, MA to Washington, DC to turn into a moment of activism for survivors, but it did. I travel a lot for work, so I know the security drill. Shoes off. Laptop out of your bag. No liquids. Remove your belt. Take everything out of your pockets. But on Sunday, the drape on my shirt set off the scanner, highlighting a large area over my chest.…

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Not My Problem: Grantmakers and Sexual Violence

Not My Problem: Grantmakers and Sexual Violence #philanthropy

Despite increasing attention to various aspects of sexual violence ranging from serial perpetrators like Bill Cosby, unacceptably high rates of sexual violence on college campuses, and clergy sexual abuse, the philanthropy community remains remarkably silent on this issue. Fewer than 35 foundations list sexual assault victim services or sexual abuse as an area of focus in their work in Foundation…

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A Mindful Approach to Mindfulness

Om. A Mindful Approach to Mindfulness. New on the blog.

The world is on a mindfulness kick, and that’s a good thing. We’re talking about it in the media, even on publications like the Harvard Business Review. Employers and health experts alike are making the case for more mindfulness in our day-to-day life – and people are finally starting to pay attention. What does an organizational commitment to mindfulness look like? Some might think it means…

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Living in a Binary World

Living in a Binary World. Jumping in on the #BiWeek fun!

As a woman who dated both women and men before marrying my husband, I encountered many inconsistent beliefs and attitudes about my non-binary sexuality. I wasn’t straight enough to hang out with straight girls – they were afraid I might come on to them or steal their boyfriends. I couldn’t be in the cool lesbian grrl club unless I denounced my interest in men. Men thought I wasn’t monogamous – or…

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What the Media is Missing from the AAU Climate Survey on Campus Sexual Assault

This week, the Association of American Universities released the results of a nationwide campus climate survey exploring campus violence. This survey was the largest of its kind and reached 150,000 students from 27 colleges and universities. We applaud the AAU and the individual campuses for investing the time and resources into this thoughtful survey that continues to illuminate our…

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Four Leadership Lessons for Tough Times

All organizations go through tough times now and then. Budgets fall short. Leaders leave, sometimes abruptly. A new project or initiative is a flop. These are all normal aspects of working reality and leadership. When faced with a tough time, it’s easy to go to your bad place, whatever that place is. Maybe you are short with people. Maybe you swoop in and start micro-managing. Maybe you go radio…

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"the truth about men and sexual violence" said that 6,5%of men in that group SELF- IDENTIFIED themselfes as rapists. However,that doesnt mean they are the only rapists present. And therefore, there aren't more victims than predators.

True, there could be more. But there are also so many male victims we don't acknowledge.

Just in case anyone you know is still defending this guy. He’s typical for sure. Doesn’t seem like a typical man, but seems like a typical rapist

#bill cosby #rapist #the cosby show

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