You're My Reason. ⋆˚࿔
PAIRING: Newt x Female reader
GENRE: Fluff, slightl comedy, slow burn, reader confesses her feelings for Newt, kissing. (TW! Depression and suicidal Newt, and slight misogyny and minimum angst)
AUTHORS NOTE: Finally I finished this after writing for dayss. Here's part 2 of anyone who's been asking! Thank you for the support and hope you enjoy this! I personally loved this one myself. (Btw this isn't proofread so feel free to correct any grammar errors or misspellings! Also feel free to read )
WORD COUNT: 2,6k
part 1
It has been a while since you were brought to the glade, ten months to be exact. In the first few days of staying you thought— well since I'm the only girl here they must be continuing to send other girls in here along with me.
Boy you were wrong
A month passed. Then a month became two months. Then five. Months and months passed and yet they still continued to send boys, not a girl insight except for me.
Great. You thought.
I'm stuck here with a bunch of stinky, sexist, misogynistic–
Suddenly your thoughts about reminiscing and mourning the chance of another girl being ever brought again were interrupted by someone clearing his throat bringing you back to the present.
"You know just because they let you share the hut with the superior leaders doesn't mean you have to hog the damn front door." Gally scoffed, impatient.
You looked up confused only then to realize that you were infact sitting by the front door, in the way. You quickly stood up to the side giving him space to walk through.
"Alright alright, no need to be a shank about it.." you mumbled mostly to yourself which you guessed he heard since he gave you cold glare.
If looks could kill, you surely would be dead right now.
Gally got in, rummaging under Minho's bed which would be where Minho kept all of his personal weapons.
"Hey those are Minho's." You stated as a matter of fact.
"What do you think?" Gally jeered.
"Did you ask permission?" You ask immediately regretting the question.
"Obviously." Gally scoffed after taking a bunch of different kinds of weapons strutting to the door quickly almost bumping into Newt coming in.
Rude. You rolled your eyes.
Of course Minho asked Gally to get them for him they were surprisingly close friends, they were running today after all. Minho must have forgotten to get weapons in case of any nasty grievers.
You sat down in your not so comfy bed letting out a sigh, as Newt got in looking confused.
"What was all that about?" Newt asked letting out a chuckle at the thought of Gally's annoyed face which he came past earlier.
Gally's annoyed face always made him laugh even in serious situations. It was a bit cruel really; one time on a meeting even if it was a serious crisis on their hands— he just had one look of Gally's annoyed disagreeing face and he'd had to hold a giggle.
"Typical arrogant Gally." You mumble sarcastically letting out a huff.
"Hey, Gally might have an attitude he's not all that. He's just.."
He paused trying to find a nice and respectful word.
"Easily pissed."
You nod. Newt noticed your sulky face.
"Don't worry Daisy, he'll come around." Newt said reassuringly. Patting your back.
"I know it's just.. Being the only girl here is annoying, and honestly the worst. I hate it. Having to worry about getting harassed and getting disrespected all the time. Them thinking that I can't do stuff just because I'm a girl. Having to worry about myself every time I do something as simple as bathing. Having no privacy at all! I hate it all."
"I know this is all the way it is because you've all been alone for years but it's still sucks you know? I don't want to have to keep living everyday being conscious all the time.." You sighed.
Newt was quiet. He knew you were right. He can't exactly make you look at the brighter side and reassure you it was not bad at all. After all what would he know? He didn't have to experience all that.
Newt wrapped his arms around you resting his head on yours as he caressed your back. You hugged him back sighing. You really needed that.
"Don't worry I'm always here for you."
Newt whispered in your ear, his hot breath gave you shivers.
Suddenly someone cleared their throat.
Both of you jumped back and away from each other blushing with embarrassment.
"Sorry to interrupt lovebirds, but we need you Newt for the meeting in five minutes, it's a private matter. The run on the maze can do after the meeting" Alby ordered.
"Oh we're not—" both of you rambled at the same time blushing furiously. God why did you have to be so pale?? You thought to yourself feeling your warm cheeks.
"Go on, I'll follow in a while. Go get the others." Alby motioned to the door.
Newt looked at you pressing his lips together with an awkward smile as he quickly went out the door.
"He likes you, you know?" Alby said sitting beside you after Newt went away.
"I hope so, we've been pretty close for the past months, plus he's my bestfriend–" I mention only to be cut off by Alby.
"No not that, daisy I mean he really likes you." Stated Alby.
I bit my lip not really fully convinced.
"I like him. A lot. But I'm not sure he feels the same way about me Alby." You pause.
"It's like every time I try to show my feelings or hint him something he'd avoid me or immediately change the topic and it always gets awkward, it's like he's scared of me or something I dunno" You shrug sighing.
Alby shook his head and let out a snicker, grinning.
"I'm glad my rejection amuses you." You said sarcastically.
"You don't really get it do you?" Alby said with a wide close–mouthed smile.
"Get what?" You asked confused.
"You'll find out." Alby smiled sighing.
"Although this is not the reason I came to talk to you alone." Alby paused.
"You see.." a deep breath. "Newt has some mental issues. He's been here three years like some of us but he has it the worst. It got so bad that.. that he tried to end his life jumping on the top of the maze. Thankfully though, Minho found him and saved his life." Alby looked at you with a sad smile.
"My point is, though he's been pretty unstable, but ever since you came along in his life he's been better.
Trust me I've known Newt for a long time and I've never seen him this happy. I'm here telling you he really likes you.." Alby said seriously.
....................
It's been three days. Three days since Alby told you. And three days since Minho had gone missing ever since the run in the maze. Minho apparently got separated from the group. They came back all in pieces except for Minho has been missing. For exactly three days now. And everyone has already decided he was dead. Everyone grieved Minho. Gally was already the one to write Minho's name on the wall of the maze the next day along with the other people who didn't come back from the maze.
But nobody took it worse than Newt.
Again it's been three days. Three days since Newt last talked to you. Ever since he's been ignoring you and avoiding everyone, putting off his works. Alby noticed it, deciding to give him a break to let him grieve Minho's death since Minho and Newt have been best friends for a long time.
Three days it has been and Newt hasn't said a single word to you.
You were laying in your not–so comfortable bed at night deep in thoughts. It was ironic really, missing someone who slept in the same hut as you— well it was better off than sleeping with the other boys outside. Ever since Minho there'd been only three person who slept in the hut who were Alby and Newt.
You turned around to face him only to see his silluete in the dark facing the opposite way. Ever since 'Minho's death' you couldn't help to think about what Alby told you and that wasn't helping at all with the situation. You couldn't help but worry for Newt yet every time you try to be there for him he would push you away. You assumed that's what he needed— space. So you gave it to him.
But nights like this only made you miss him even more. So every night, just like this you stare at his silhouette at night peacefully sleeping until your eyes felt too heavy to be kept open and you drift away to sleep.
.....................................
You awoke to the sound of thunder and people noisily crowded into the hut barely even able to fit, the smell of rain filling your nostrils. You sat upright immediately confused and still half–asleep.
"What the hell is going on?!" you exclaimed. Your eyes falling on Alby.
"There's a storm! There are only a few shelters to keep us dry!" Alby shouted admists the thunder and the wind, the sound of the rain hitting the ground.
You looked around instinctively looking for a certain blond.
"Where's Newt?!" You yelled at Gally who was trying to keep the roof from flying away.
"Can't you see I'm busy?! Go use your eyes!" Gally sneered loudly.
You scoffed double–checking, looking around the cramped hut with no sign of a certain blond around. You got out of bed making your way through the crowded room of boys to check more thoroughly which being short didn't help since occasionally a boy would bump into you and one even elbowed you on your face. Ouch.
By the minute you got even more worried and worried.
"Alby I cant find newt!" You yelled looking at alby with a worried expression.
"Did you double–check?!" Alby shouted back his voice seemed distressed.
"I triple–checked! He's not here!" You shouted back. You we're feeling more anxious minute by minute.
When Alby didn't reply immediately with a— 'that's not so good' type of face. Suddenly all your worst scenario's seem to finally reach your anxious brain.
"You don't think—" you breathed, your voice cut out by Alby himself.
"DAISY GO!" Alby shouted.
You made your way through the crowd pushing people where you finally got out running as fast as you can to the maze— your body getting soaked by the rain your heart beating so fast, adrenaline rushing through your veins. When you finally got by the maze you looked up squinting your eyes through the darkness and the rain. There was certainly no silhouette of a boy.
Fuck..
Suddenly a thought came.
The watchtower.
You and Newt spend most of your time there— it was a hassle to climb the long set of stairs but it was worth it because that's the only place where both of you could talk peacefully without some creepy shank flirting with you. You'd spend time together there, gazing from above where both of you could see the whole glade; the surrounding stone walls, the garden, the people, and the fresh breeze brushing your air and filling your lungs making you relax. And most importantly you loved it because it was private.
it was the tallest building in the glade except the maze.
After realizing you ran as fast as you could pushing yourself as you looked up finding the boy above on the edge of the tower.
You climbed as fast as you can, the stairs were made of bamboo which made it slippery during rainy days where you could barely have a grip of it your hand almost sleeping occasionally— but you didn't care.
Your legs were tired and burning from running fast and climbing, gravity was against you, your heart was pounding in your chest adrenaline rushing through your veins, your vision was a blur your eyes getting soaked from the rain.
Finally what seemed like forever you got on top shoving newt away just about he was about to jump. At this point you were crying having a hard time to breath— it felt like your airways were shrinking. Suddenly you felt a burning rage rushing through you.
"What the hell Newt?!" You yelled through the rumble of lighting and wind.
Newt looked at you his eyes widening shivering from the cold air, completely soaked. He stood there freezed as you walked closer to him seeing him clearly. It was not obvious because of the rain but up close you could see him, his eyes red and puffy from crying.
"Daisy? What are you—" he stumbled clearly caught off guard, his voice was cracking.
Rage, stress, and specially frustration boiled through your blood. And everyone knew especially Gally, that was not a good combination for you.
Before he could finish his sentence you slapped him as hard as you could letting your frustration out— you couldn't stop crying. Newt widened his eyes not expecting you to slap him his left cheek was slightly pink from your slap. He held a hand against his cheek rubbing it. Ouch
"What the hell were you thinking?! You think suicide will fix this?! Guess what killing yourself will not bring Minho back! It's not just you, EVERYONE has had a hard time since Minho died making things in the glade more difficult especially to the runners! Killing yourself will only make the situation worse— incase you forgot you are second in command! So don't be selfish just because you feel awful! Everyone fucking does!" I scolded running out of breath, infuriated. Streams of frustrated tears were running down my cheeks.
Newt furrowed his brows his breathing also heavy his eyes filled with tears. "What, you think I don't know that!?" He cried.
"What do I have to live for?! We've been here three years! Three fucking years! Minho's has had every single inch of the maze maped out, and not a single escape chance! We've been living every single day the same, repeating over and over! People have have false hope of escaping but deep down we all know we're all gonna rot in here!" Newt confessed out of breath— he was shaking.
"What's there to live for? All of this! We don't even know our own identity! There's no purpose of what we do! There's no one left who cares! Guess what, Minho was the only thing I have left close as family and they've all moved on like Minho didn't exist. No one would ever give a damn about me!" Newt cried his voiced cracked.
but I do. I care about you. You thought.
"I—" You started then he cut you off.
"Don't even try to make this any better because you know deep down I'm right." He said backing away to the edge of the tower.
No no no no no.. You can't lose him. fuck. He's the only one you had, the only one who helped you keep it together and not go into insanity.
The only one you've been living every single day for.
You can't lose your reason to live.
You didn't know what to say. Suddenly you did the only thought that came to mind. You cupped his face with both of your damp hands that had been freezing for the last couple of minutes, brushing his cheeks with your thumbs.
He looked down at you furrowing his brows, his eyes were restless and swollen from crying and then they met yours. You breathed out wiping his wet lower lip with your thumb. Then you tiptoed and pulled him close kissing him.
At first he froze, but then he kissed you back aggressively, a hand wrapping around your waist pulling you closer and the other tucks your damp hair behind your ear away from your face running his hand through your wet hair.
The kiss was deep and aggressive yet passionate, both of you letting out your pent up frustration and feelings for the past three days.
You pulled away leaning your forehead against his looking at him in his deep brown eyes.
"I love you.." you breathed out, "you're my reason to live.. please don't ever leave me.." you whispered pleading to him as the rain poured.
"Never.." he breathed
"You promise?" You asked softly.
"I promise.." Newt whispered.