The Feather Boy

Trigger Warning

[luthienne]

girl help i’m starting over again for the 1000th time & i’m beginning to think that life is a never-ending cycle of starting over & i actually have to make peace with that in order to move forward

[vast-and-meaningless]

Me explaining that I’m not suicidal I just want to be in a coma to take a ‘break’ from life:

[worthless-misery]

"You ever wonder how deep you can sink into nothing at all...?"

Architects, "Gone With The Wind"

[inritum]

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

[thefeatherboy]

I need to talk to somebody.

I know technically it probably wont work, but I finally decided the only way to “go back” and start again is to die in this life. I’m not sure what age i’ll wake up as, but i suppose probably pretty young.

I’m *not* suicidal, i’m not even all that sad, but there isn’t another way. I can’t exactly just disappear and de-age myself. This isn’t Harry Potter.

I need to get everything in order first, I’m not just going to drop everything, but even though i’m not looking forward to the process I’m excited to start fresh, as myself. I think I’ll be okay this time.

And if it doesn’t work, well, I guess I won’t have to worry about it anymore.

Does anybody know of the most painless ways in which to slip away? I don’t mean completely painless, of course, but I don’t reeeeally want to hurt myself. I just want to kinda- switch off. Power down. Permenantly.

From, the feather boy.

[poetry-siir]

“ⓘ Reblog if you’re bisexual, gay, lesbian, asexual, pansexual, transgender or a supporter.”

—

[anxietyproblem]

[thefeatherboy]

Can someone please explain to me why my safe food has become PIZZA?!

From, The Feather Boy

[thefeatherboy]

Current mental status can only be described as: regressing.

From, The Feather Boy

[thefeatherboy]

I don’t want to call your phone because if it rings out I’ll have all the confirmation I need.

Ninety minutes ago we were playing scrabble but I know in between rounds you were making your plans.

Ninety minutes ago you said goodbye.

Eighty minutes ago the nurses would have checked on you and all I can do is hope it was fast enough to save you.

You said you’ll whisper in my ear forever, whenever I’m playing scrabble, but I don’t think I’ll ever play that game again.

Once I would have followed you gladly but somehow I wound up “better” and you wound up back in that same clinical lounge where we first met.

At this point I don’t know whether I’m hoping for a phone call or not, so terrified of knowing whether or not you succeeded.

From, The Feather Boy

[thefeatherboy]

Is there such thing as pro ana forums now? Do they still exist? I miss that support on the bad days. I miss knowing we were going to be okay, together.

From, The Feather Boy

[tired-skeleton-deactivated20210]

Rip my first blog lmao.

[bonesandpounds]

I can’t wait until my jawline is more pronounced. I’ll be able to confuse everyone on what my gender is and maybe even pass as male. But right now, my face is too soft and feminine.

Daily thoughts of a disordered Enby/boy.

[kikat1995]

WHERE THE LINK

[spinningrims]

i’m seeing a lot of people reblogging suicide hotlines and this is just a reminder that this is a suicide help line that works like a text-based instant messenger for people who may need to talk to someone but have trouble/are uncomfortable making phone calls

[groovian-whovian]

Never don’t reblog this. There are so many people who have such bad anxiety about phone calls. This can save so many lives

[greenteaoverload]

As a person with suicidal thoughts and zero communication skills when it comes to phone calls this could legit save my life

[thefeatherboy]

I’m not tagging this properly. Its disguisting. I’m body shaming myself.

After many many years of disorder, up and down weight, lAzInEsS, I finally ordered a full length mirror for my flat.

No more fucking up. This time it’s final.

Fat fucking pig.

[sunshine-avalanche]

Do you think this is a pretty sight? This is the reality of having anorexia for 12+ years. The reality of what eating disorders can do to your body.

When I was in high school and then in college getting my bachelors degree, I spent more time in hospitals and treatment centers than I did out of them.

And then I found out

My organs failed. Permanently.

Last year, I needed major surgery that took about 4 HOURS, and after that I was admitted to the hospital for a week on heavy pain medications, being wheeled around because I couldn’t walk.

I had tubes everywhere.

I had to medically withdraw from graduate school because I had to spend that time in doctors offices, infusion centers for IVs, in the ER, or admitted into the hospital.

Now I have a 6 inch scar across my abdomen and will be on medications for the rest of my life to help my heart and stomach function enough to keep me alive.

I’ve nearly died multiple times from the ED, but I had never believed that my organs could shut down and leave me to deal with that reality for the rest of my life.

That is not a way anyone should have to live life.

This is what an eating disorder looks like. Not the “thinspo” everyone sees on the Internet. This is what you don’t see behind those pictures and it’s not pretty.

[fvckyourfate]

WTF HOW DOES THIS ONLY HAVE 1,000 NOTES?? SIGNAL BOOST PLS

[thechaotictrickster]

PLEASE BOOST

[melodythefab]

Eating disorders are perhaps one of the most dangerous unspoken killers. They’re so easy to fall into, and almost impossible to crawl out of.

[emptxcalories]

This is why I post thinspo. So I can sneak things like this into it.

[luna4444]

:(