[thefempress]

Lessons From A Breast Cancer Scare

If you’re a woman, you’ve probably been lectured on the uncomfortable topic of performing a breast self-examination to check for signs of breast cancer. From my mom to my doctor, to high school teachers, and even from my period calendar app, I’ve ignored it all. I naively thought I simply didn’t need to. Why should a 20-something year old be worried about a disease that is commonly thought to belong to an older generation?

When I found the lump in my right breast, purely by chance, I was shocked that this thing could have formed inside me without my knowledge. Immediately nervous, I felt around and confirmed that there was indeed a lump that was nothing like my left breast in comparison. Being an anxious person, it’s difficult to not jump to the worst conclusion, so I tried my best to go about my everyday life. For weeks I pretended everything was normal, but I couldn’t focus on anything except the lump.

I admire people who can contain their worry since I am clearly not one of them. I respect how some people can process each step calmly and keep their fears in proportional check. Me? When my worry train leaves the station, it barrels full steam ahead. My anxiety increased to an all-time high, and I experienced more than one panic attack, during which my overactive imagination convinced me that I had breast cancer, and I would have to endure chemotherapy in the near future. The most frightening part is the unknown that creeps in when a health-related red flag is raised.

When I finally got the courage to go see my doctor, she asked me to direct her where I believed to have felt a lump. I showed her where it was, and after an eternity of silence, during which she inspected the lump with her hand, she simply stated, “Yes, there definitely is a lump there.”

I immediately felt a wave of fear and anxiety wash over me and began to panic. My doctor gently explained that it was most likely fibroadenoma, a non-cancerous breast mass common among teens and young women. She assured me that it was probably nothing harmful but recommended that I get an ultrasound.

When I went in for my ultrasound, I was terrified. I had to remove the hospital gown enough to expose my top half, and it was the most exposed and vulnerable I’d ever felt. The technician warned me that the ultrasound jelly would be cold, but without warning her, I began to cry. She kindly assured me that it wouldn’t hurt, and there was nothing to be afraid of. I nodded in response, but I disagreed. I was petrified that this ultrasound would reveal something tragically life-changing. I tried to carry her confidence with me, but the time I spent waiting was torturous.

A week later I returned to my doctor’s office for her to tell me the results. She told me that the results came back as benign and there were no signs of cancer in my breast. To say I was relieved is an understatement. My doctor told me this sort of lump was not harmful at all and presented me with two options. First, I could undergo a needle biopsy to test the breast tissue to be certain there are no signs of cancer and have the lump surgically removed. My second option was to monitor the situation and go in for an ultrasound every six months. I decided to go for the latter. I haven’t completely dismissed the biopsy option, but at this time in my life, I don’t feel ready to undergo the procedure.

But just because the results came back non-cancerous does not change what I learned from the experience. Despite how unpleasant it was, I am thankful for it, for fibroadenoma taught me a great deal.

First, let me begin by acknowledging those whose scares turn out to be real. You have my utmost admiration for your strength, my respect for your courage and my pledge to never again say no when you ask me to wear a pink ribbon in support. You got me with this scare and fear has its own way of leaving scars.

It is also very important to perform breast self-examinations on a regular basis. Even though any lump you may find will probably be a fibroadenoma, it is much better to be safe than sorry. There also shouldn’t be taboos on breast talk because it could save a life. So, I decided to share my story because as women we should be able to support each other no matter how scary the topic.

In the midst of our hectic lives, it’s easy to let our health slip between the cracks. Our loved ones and careers are important, but so is our health. In our twenties, we think we’re untouchable, and as much as I wish that were true, the reality is that we’re not immortal. I am not invincible, no matter how young or healthy I feel, and taking care of myself is a necessity, not an option.

[thefempress]

Decide, Don’t Slide

It turns out that DMs aren’t the only thing you can slide into. You can also find yourself “sliding” into relationships. You can easily slide into a relationship as smoothly as sliding into someone’s DMs. In both situations, you’ll wonder how it happened.  

In a relationship, what should happen is at some point one of the two people involved will be the first to feel a strong need for clarity about where things are headed – if they are even headed anywhere. But in the age of millennial dating, this is rarely the case. Instead, you’ll find yourself trapped on a gradual slope instead of the having appropriate events, or even a simple conversation, which marks each phase of the relationship. This blurred transition will result in “sliding” into relationships.

The move from casual dating to exclusive dating usually involves conversations about monogamy and future intentions, but it’s becoming less common. People are ignoring this step, either choosing to avoid the conversation or assuming it’s implied after a set period of appropriate time.

You might notice you’re in a sliding relationship when you spend more nights together and then wake up one morning and realize most of your stuff is at your partner’s place. It started with a toothbrush, then a drawer, then one day you can’t remember the last time you saw your friends. And you ask yourself, “how the hell did this happen?”

You spend all this time together, but you never stop and ask yourself, “Is this what I really want?” You’ve put so much time and effort into the relationship which makes it difficult to remove yourself from the situation. People may prefer being in a sliding relationship because it is a way to postpone actual commitment and test the relationship.

In the worst case, you end up in a relationship based on ambiguity and convenience, as opposed to clearly defined intent and emotional connection. Ultimately, when you “slide” into a relationship, you will always wonder if you made a conscious choice to be with your partner, or if you’re just settling because you invested so much of yourself.

What sliding relationships provide you with is freedom, little tangible commitment, and a great exit strategy. This is especially true in the early stages of a relationship. After four or five months, you could be spending all your time at his house, but he’s not your “boyfriend” since you never made a point to have a conversation defining your status. And since he’s technically not your boyfriend, you can do whatever you want, right?

It is also equally harmful to enable this kind of behaviour by staying in the relationship. Maybe you fear that having a serious conversation about intent will scare off your person. Maybe you think that playing it cool and casual, it maintains their interest. Or, maybe it’s something else entirely. When you don’t speak up for whatever reason, you’re allowing “sliding” to occur, despite your uncomfortableness with the situation. Your fear holds you back from going after what you really want.

Whether you prefer being in sliding relationships, or you allow it to happen, you need to make a stand for your interests in a relationship. It is important to vocalize your intentions and expectations from time to time as a relationship develops. The moment you have questions about where your relationship is headed, make sure you ask, or else you’re going to find yourself in a downward spiral. And whatever answers you receive, if you aren’t satisfied with it, then it’s always better to find out sooner rather than later.

[thefempress]

Tindstagrammers: People Who Don’t Understand “No”

Every so often a new dating trend we didn’t ask for arrives that makes us want to trash our phones. The latest culprit is Tindstagramming, and it’s safe to say it’s officially the worst one. We all joke about social media “stalking” people we’re interested in, but like all trends, this one takes it overboard.

           In case you’re lucky enough to not have experienced this yet, let me catch you up to speed in the millennial dating world. Tindstagramming is exactly what it sounds like – it’s when someone you swiped left on Tinder or any other dating site tries to contact you on social media and asks you out anyways. Their messages tend to start with, “Hey, I found you on Tinder. Hope that’s not creepy lol.” The answer is yes, it’s creepy af.

           The problem isn’t people linking their social media on their dating profiles, which is a great way to give and receive more information about someone. Through the help of social media, it can provide useful information to weed out the people you may not be interested in. It’s always useful to find out if someone only reposts “bro” memes on their feed, or if they’re hilarious on Twitter. This is all important information! After you have viewed someone on Tinder and peek at their Instagram, and decide that you are not interested by swiping left, that should be the end.

           People who don’t understand this concept are doing more than sliding into DMs –  they’re sliding down a slippery slope of being disrespectful and straight up annoying.

           Someone who Tindstagrams seems to be under the impression that they were rejected by some glitch in the system instead of a human being who made a rational decision. Yes, people make snap decisions on Tinder, but guess what? That’s the point of Tinder. The entire premise of Tinder is to make snap decisions about who you’d like to go out with. It wasn’t a mistake that you didn’t match with someone.

           Tindstagrammers tend to think it was a mistake, and that you’re simply not informed enough to make your own decisions. This is eerily similar to mansplaining. They’re basically saying, “You didn’t like me before probably because of this thing I’m assuming, so here I am now, you’re welcome.” And when you see them in your DMs, you have never been more thankful for the block function.

           Leave it to a group of creeps to ruin a dating app feature that makes you want to unlink your Instagram account altogether, but that wouldn’t be fair. You shouldn’t have to boycott a feature on the basis that some people can’t handle rejection.

           The problem isn’t with Tinder or Instagram. If Tinder removed the Instagram feature, nothing would change. The same goes for if Instagram were to remove their DM feature. The root problem is that many people, especially men, still cannot grasp the idea of rejection and they don’t trust the person’s ability to say no and mean it.

Tindstagramming is entitled, rude, and straight up wrong, so please stop.

[thefempress]

Beware The Self-Proclaimed Male Feminist

Recently it appears that more male feminists are falling off their pedestals, especially in Hollywood. These are men who have been praised by society for their forward thinking and preaching feminist ideals. They seem to use the “feminist” label as a shield to do whatever they please, thinking they are exempt from consequences. Now, they are finally being called out and donning a new label – “hypocrites.”

One of many examples of this happened a few weeks ago to Joss Whedon, who created “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and has been honored for creating strong female characters. His ex-wife, Kai Cole wrote a highly personal takedown of him for The Wrap, where she said Whedon “hid multiple affairs” with “his actresses, co-workers, fans and friends” during their 16-year marriage. When asked why he had so many female friends, Cole said his explanation was that “his mother raised him as a feminist.” The director was called out for being a fake male feminist by Cole.

Everyday there are countless new stories coming to light about the men we idolize in Hollywood, that it’s no longer shocking for us to have one of our heroes go down in a blaze of glory. These stories are not unique to Hollywood, as much as we hate to admit it, they happen in every industry. The difference is that the men in Hollywood are in powerful positions, and leverage their power and wealth over their victims.

It happens in Hollywood, it happens in every industry, and it even happens with the people we know and interact with on a daily basis.

As a feminist, I would get excited when a guy called himself a feminist. But now? Not so much.

For a while, I thought that men who called themselves feminists were inherently good guys, since so many people still view "feminism" as a bad thing. I made the naive assumption that since I considered myself a feminist, that other people who also called themselves a feminist had the same beliefs as me. I learned that it was not always the case.

I had never dated someone who openly called themselves a feminist, so I was excited when I met a guy who proudly claimed the title. This self-proclaimed feminist said all the right things –  he would engage in conversations about patriarchy and how he believed leaking nudes is a crime, he denounced words such as bitch and slut, had plenty of female friends, and he even gushed about his adoration for the film, Moonlight.

Despite all this, his actions spoke otherwise. There were numerous interactions between us that would make me think, What the hell just happened? I would brush them off thinking they were nothing. He's a feminist after all, right? This made it easy to excuse his behaviour, as if calling himself a feminist gave him a pass for being a misogynist.

So, how do these self-proclaimed male feminists trick us into thinking they're the real deal? When you hear a man say he's a feminist, it immediately gives you a sense of safety, a trust formed between the two of you. There's no need to explain the problems of cat calling, or explain a woman's sexual freedom, or having to explain the intersectionality of feminism. He understands you and doesn't question your experiences. He's on your side because he said so.

These are the type of men who want to control your sexuality. They throw words such as, "body positivity" and "sexual liberation" at you to make it seem like they know what it means. What they're actually saying is, "I believe women should have sexual freedom... but only if it benefits me." These types of “feminists” support your right to have sex, but not your right to refuse sex.

The so called "feminist" that I was seeing was a prime example of this. He would constantly expect us to have sex, and when I declined, he would get upset since I didn't give him what he thought he was entitled to. He said, "It's just not fun to keep hearing no." Funny thing coming from someone who preached "no means no."

These days, it seems like feminism has become a cool and convenient label for people to associate themselves with. They use feminism as a cloak to appear open minded and progressive, but are far from it. This issue is not only limited to men, but women can also be faux feminists. They take every opportunity to call themselves feminists, but put in zero effort to learn what it's actually all about and take zero responsibility.

Everyday women all over the world are coming out with their experiences with men who have sexually assaulted them. These women should be commended for their bravery and not victim shamed or discredited. There may be “faux feminists” that walk among us, who don’t deserve the credit we eagerly give them, but women’s accounts of sexual assault are valid and should not be dismissed.

Let us take a note from Hollywood’s most self-proclaimed feminist, Lena Dunham as an example of what not to do. Dunham has paraded around Hollywood as a feminist, and once tweeted, “Things women do lie about: what they ate for lunch. Things women don’t lie about: rape.”

In recent news, her friend and former executive producer and writer on her HBO show, Girls, Murray Miller was accused of raping actress Aurora Perrineau in 2012 when she was 17 years old. Dunham then released a statement alongside her showrunner Jenni Konner that they stood by Miller saying, “Our insider knowledge of Murray’s situation makes us confident that sadly this accusation is one of the 3% of assault cases that are misreported every year.”

When someone we know is accused of sexual assault, do not use your relationship to them as justification to dismiss the claims. Your relationship to them is irrelevant, and using your voice and power to discredit someone is unacceptable.

If you’re going to be a feminist, then be a feminist – not only when the label is convenient for you. Be proud to be a feminist who stands for intersectionality, and not the Lena Dunham kind.

There are plenty of honest male feminist allies, but the trouble is deciding which ones are the safe ones, and which ones are misogynistic at best, and abusive at worst.

I know men who are real, true feminists, but they don't publicly proclaim it because they don't need a cookie for believing in equality and they know they don't deserve one for that sole reason. I know they're feminists because of not only of the way they speak to women and about women, but also because of their actions and the way they listen to and support me.

It is important to remember that a self-proclaimed male feminist can easily abuse as one who isn't. Feminist isn't a label, but a way of living. You can only call yourself a feminist if you consistently perform feminist acts. This may seem obvious, but sure enough, there is a shocking number of misogynists in feminists' clothing. There may not be a right way to be a feminist of any gender, but there is definitely a wrong one.

[thefempress]

Saudi Arabia’s Driving Ban On Women To Be Lifted

King Salman of Saudi Arabia has issued a decree allowing women to drive for the first time, and the world is celebrating. 

Saudi is the only country in the world that bans women from driving. Until now, only men were allowed licenses and women who drove in public could be arrested and fined. 

Following King Salman’s decrees, women will no longer need permission from a legal guardian to get a license and will not need a guardian in the car when they drive. 

The Saudi Foreign ministry announced Tuesday that a royal decrees has been issued that will allow women to drive by next June. 

“This is a historic big day in our kingdom,” Prince Khaled bin Salman, Saudi Arabia’s ambassador to the US, said Tuesday in a briefing with reporters. 

[thefempress]

How I Learned To Love My Resting Bitch Face

Resting Bitch Face (RBF) is a condition effecting many people, and by people I mean women. It's a phenomenon given to women who look bitchy even though they're not and their faces are just living. It means one's natural expression gives off the vibe of being hostile, stiff, and unapproachable. This is a pressing issue in feminism, and I could not be more happier, even though you wouldn't know it from my own RBF.

I realized I had RBF when the question, "Are you OK?" became the bane of my existence. No matter who asks me, the answer is the same: "Yes." I'm not an angry or a sad person. I actually am a happy person, and love life wholeheartedly, even if my face says otherwise. The problem, literally, is my face. I frequently tell people, "This is just my face."

Having RBF also makes meeting people at a bar just impossible. If first impressions are everything, then I am shit out of luck because I just automatically look like a bitch.

In addition to having a RBF, I also have a dry, sarcastic sense of humour, which doesn't help my case of telling people, "No, I'm not a bitch, really!" Even the people that know me the best have to ask if I'm serious, because my RBF is THAT good.

Constantly having to reassure people around me is exhausting and a waste of energy. If you think having your own friends tell you to smile more is tiresome, imagine how futile it is for complete strangers, often men, to tell you to "cheer up, sweetie."

Society's obsession with encouraging women to appear happy and pleasing to others shows the sexism that imply women exist only to please others. Men have the choice to behave however they please in public, but women are policed everywhere they go.

We know men get told to smile too (Kanye West), but it's much less common than the amount women who experience this double standard. Women are expected to smile and if they're not, they're labelled as a bitch. When men have the same expression, they are labelled as "mysterious" or even "passionate." Women, on the other hand are seen as "snobby" or "judgemental."

A scientific study revealed that the traits that determine RBF have no gender bias. This means that men and women both exhibit RBF in equal measure, and equally often. Despite this, women are the ones accused of not smiling enough.

Researchers also found that women are more attracted to men who don't smile compared to men who do. Men, on the other hand, are more attracted to women who smile. Women who lack smiles are branded as polarizing or bitchy.

No one, especially a stranger, has the right to tell me how to feel because I lack the happiness requirement that society places on women. I am not responsible for bringing sunshine into anyone's life. I am my own person and I deserve to dictate my own emotions and facial expressions. I do not owe anyone a smile.  

It's called resting bitch face, not resting asshole face, or douche face. The word bitch alone is a sexist insult to women. The term RBF is made feminine, but carries a negative connotation. For an expression worn equally by all sexes, it's clear to see who is scrutinized more for it.

I have always believed in that you should say and do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, and that you should never apologize for being yourself. But there came a point where I felt self conscious and felt the need to censor myself. I would feel guilty that my friends would worry about me if we were out because they thought I wasn't enjoying myself. I felt I was taking away from their fun because I wasn't as expressive as they were. To put them at ease, I would throw in a smile every now and then, to reassure them.

I was starting to believe that this neutral face of mine that my ancestors have blessed me with was a curse. I may look like a chronically sad person, but my RBF has brought me a lot of happiness. I unapologetically love my face (why I have so many Instagram selfies), and everyone with RBF should too.

RBF has blessed me with a freedom that people with nice faces just don't have. That freedom being able to behave however I want unlike the expectation from those who have resting nice face. People rarely stop me in the streets, and thankfully creepy dudes are too intimidated to approach me. RBF is a blessing in disguise.

I've learned to accept my RBF as an extension of myself, and will not apologize for it. I love my facial traits that make me look cold and uninterested—dark brows accompanied with a winged cat eye so sharp it could cut you, finished off with a blood-red lipstick that could be from the blood of my enemies.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with smiling, let's be clear. It's not that I don't ever smile, I do. The problem is telling other people to smile, where strangers feel it is their responsibility to tell other people how to feel and how they should look. I shouldn't justify my happiness or lack thereof to people I don't know or care about.

Whether my face is smiling, stoic, or angry, I love how it looks. Like any other human, I too have a large range of emotion, even if it doesn't appear like it does. Women do not only have a single emotion (happy) and they don't owe you anything. They can act however they want and are free agents to do as they please, and not how you perceive them to be.

At the end of the day, reclaim your facial expressions and just do you, patriarchal society be damned.

[thefempress]

Spotify Is Actively Removing Hate Music

Charlottesville has inspired Spotify to take more action against white supremacy. The music-streaming service has pulled several white-supremacist bands from its service. 

Spotify confirmed to Billboard that is had removed some bands. 

“Illegal content or material that favors hatred or incites violence against race, religion, sexuality or the like is not tolerated by us,” a spokesperson from Spotify told Billboard. “Spotify makes immediate action to remove any such material as soon as it has been brought to our attention. We are glad to have been alerted to this content - and have already removed many of the bands identified today, whilst urgently reviewing the remainder,” the spokesperson said. 

Spotify is looking into proactively blocking this type of content from being recommended by its platform, according to Billboard. 

Other streaming services such as Pandora and SoundCloud have also taken action against similar music. 

[thefempress]

Mark Zuckerberg Awards Scholarships To 400 Undocumented Students

Mark Zuckerberg and his wife, Priscilla Chan announced that they are providing 400 college scholarships to DREAMers —   children who were brought to the U.S. without documentation and have become adults and get their name from the DREAM (Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors) Act. 

“Priscilla and I are providing 400 college scholarships to Dreamers in partnership with TheDream.US. This fall, 139 new scholars will be heading to colleges across the Bay Area. And we’ll keep working to improve education and build stronger communities for everyone,” the Facebook founder wrote. 

Included in the post Zuckerberg included part of his 2017 Harvard commencement speech, where he discussed one of his students. 

In his speech, he speaks about one of his undocumented students, who was unsure if he’d be able to attend college because he’s not a U.S. citizen. And that the student asked for a book on social justice so he could help others. 

He said, “He wasn’t sure if the country he calls home, the only one he’s known, was going to deny him his dream of going to college. But he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself, he wasn’t even thinking of himself. He has a great sense of purpose, and he’s going to bring people along with him.” 

“It says something about our situation today that I can’t even say his name because I don’t want to put him at risk. But if a high school senior who doesn’t know what the future holds for him can do his part to move the world forward, then we owe it to the world to do out part, too.” 

He concluded his post by writing, “We need a government that protects Dreamers. But for now, Priscilla and I hope these scholarships will help more young people pursue their purpose, contribute to society and make our country stronger for all of us.” 

[thefempress]

What It Really Feels Like To Have Sex Without Shaving

I’ve been sexually active for awhile now, and I’ve been having sex on a pretty steady schedule, with an exception of a couple dry spells in between. I say schedule because every time I’ve had sex, it’s always been planned and not spontaneous. I’m a planner and I like knowing what to expect — the word spontaneity is not in my vocabulary. It may not be romantic, but it gives me a sense of control. If my bra and panties are matching, I hate to break it to you, but you are not the one who decided we’re going to have sex.

Along with being an introverted Type A planner, I’m also always horny as fuck. You may not think so based on my reserved behaviour and the need to plan out every detail of my life — including my Instagram, but I am almost always down to fuck. And, yes, introverted people can like having sex as much as anyone else.

I say almost always because I need to go through an intense grooming ritual before my mind and body are ready to get laid. This ritual includes: removing every single strand of hair on my body from the neck below, washing my hair, ensuring my skin is smooth as silk, spraying on some perfume, putting on a full face of makeup, and of course making sure my undergarments match.

As you can see, there is a shit ton of work that goes into me getting my freak on. After going through all that, there is no way we’re not going to be naked and getting it on like rabbits.

It’s worth noting that if you choose to shave, it does not make you a bad feminist, or mean that you are giving into the patriarchal ideal. If I choose to be “girly,” that doesn’t mean that I’m less “woke” or less of a feminist. It just means that I feel more comfortable and confident when I shave my body hair.

After years of having carefully planned sex, I eventually expanded my vocabulary and learned what the word “spontaneity” meant.

It all started when my relationship of one year ended and I found myself exploring the online dating world. In particular, I started using an app called “OK Cupid,” which seemed like a better option than Tinder.  

After a few weeks on it, I had conversations with a few people on it, but they didn’t go anywhere and I never met anyone, since no one really sparked my interest.

I was starting to think my dating prospects were looking bleak, until someone I had gone to high school with messaged me on the app. We weren’t friends, but I’d run into him a couple times after we graduated, since we used to have mutual friends.

He’s not normally my type, but I decided to give him my number out of curiosity to see where things would go. Based on his texts and when he would send them, I was convinced he was looking for a booty call. I kept turning down his efforts to hang out, until I finally gave in and decided to meet him because my curiosity got the best of me.

Knowing that his intentions were to hook up, I decided that I didn’t want that, so as a safety measure to prevent myself from giving in, I did what most people did — I didn’t shave.

Here’s what my body hair situation looked like: I hadn’t shaved my legs, bikini area, or even my armpits in over a month. There were bushes growing all over my body. When my last relationship ended, I had given my razor a break and let it all go — literally and figuratively. And as an added safety measure, I was wearing granny panties, which definitely did not match my bra. Apparently being Type A means you even plan not getting laid.

On the day we arranged to meet, he picked me up and we drove around until we stumbled upon a country club parking lot. It was late at night (prime booty call time), and we ended up in the parking lot and started talking in his car. It was going well until he asked if he could kiss me. I hesitated at first, but I said yes, because what’s the harm in kissing?

After making out a bit, I felt his hands start to linger towards my genital area, which was a no fly zone, so I intersected his hand and told him that we weren’t going to have sex that night.

He said that was fine, and we continued to innocently make out until I started to get hornier and he ended up on top of me, which I didn’t mind. Then I felt his hands make a second attempt at my pants, except this time I didn’t stop him.

I initially felt self conscious about my hairy bits, but after I realized that having unshaven sex can be the best sex you’ve ever had. Seriously.

I felt anxious about my hair at first, but then I started to let loose and forget it was even there and for once put myself in the moment instead of planning it. I didn’t feel less sexy because I had extra body hair. If anything, I’d never felt more like myself.

Society taught me that I needed to remove my body hair to be considered attractive, so the razor became my best friend. I underwent my rigorous grooming routine every time I wanted to have sex to feel comfortable and sexy, and that was what I had always known. Now, I know there are so many benefits to going the natural route, sans razor.

Passing on the razor has also taught me a lot about myself and the many benefits of not shaving. For one, it’s a good test to see if you’re sleeping with an asshole. If anyone gives you shit for having pubic hair, don’t just say “fuck you,” but don’t fuck them at all. This is a good indicator that they’re unaware about feminism and body positivity.

For myself, I’ve learned to be more confident in my body and that it’s perfectly okay to skip the razor every now and then. Women are constantly told to alter the way our bodies look, and to distance ourselves from our natural state as far as possible, often for the benefit of the male gaze. Opting out of shaving can become a feminist choice if you want it to be.

I haven’t completely boycotted shaving, and will continue to shave my body hair because I prefer how it feels. I’m participating in the beauty standard of shaving, but ultimately that is my choice, and not something I feel obligated to do. I’ve experienced both sides now, and my personal choice is to shave, but if I forget, it’s no big deal. Turns out I still feel sexy and comfortable no matter what I choose.  

Submitted by Anonymous

[thefempress]

Children’s Book Encourages Black Boys To Respect Black Girls

Artist Lawrence Lindell became tired of hearing stories from his loved ones about the lack of respect black women faced throughout their lives. That’s when he created, “From Black Boy With Love,” a children’s book teaches black boys to value black girls. 

“We’re taught that our melanin is just not, it’s not the good thing. This is who we are, this is beautiful, and we should celebrate that,” the book’s creator Lawrence Lindell said. 

The book includes 24 pages of illustrations of young black boys expressing uplifting messages to young black girls. 

“Originally, I was like, I should put images of beautiful black girls. Then I was like, no. How powerful would it be if the black boys were speaking to the back girls, because it’s not a common narrative.” 

The 29-year-old got the idea after hearing stories from his girlfriend, who told him a story of when she was younger how she was made to feel inferior about her skin and her curls.

“I was like, brown girl, I love your skin, I love your curls”  

Lindell is also a youth art educator, and has seen children berating others with one of the first targets being a darker skin tone. 

“As black boys, we go through a lot, but it doesn’t even compare to some of the things I could tell you about my mom, my sisters. We have a burden, and they have a double burden.” 

Lindell hopes to uplift his readers and make black and brown girls feel as beautiful as they are. 

“Black and brown boys, treat all girls with respect, but especially the ones who look like you, sound like you, live where you live; we have to take care of each other,” he said.

To get more of where that message is coming from, check out Lawrence Lindell Studios.

[thefempress]

How I Survived The Struggles Of Being A Female In High School

Yes, it is better to be lonely than phony. The great desire to become popular seems to be encoded in our DNA, or at least that's the case in high school. The sacrifices we make to gain popularity in high school can indicate our hopes to be accepted by others, since no one really wants to be alone, and having at least one good friend can make the years go by smoothly.        

Now let’s take a moment to think about the awkward qualities of a "cool" kid in high school. I’m talking about those who carry the unflattering qualities of self-absorption and arrogance, which are terrible traits to embrace. Who wants to be friends with that kind of person?

The uncool thing about high school are the cliques, I mean, homework and presentations are better than cliques. In middle school, there was a moment when I would sit alone at the cafeteria table or be alone during recess. Part of that isolation may have been my fault for not trying to socialize better, but it was also my way of adjusting to the new environment. I felt ignored and extremely insecure, but there were few who acknowledged my loneliness, and eventually we became friends. As I made these friends I remained true to myself, since I knew I could always rely on and trust myself. The bright side to being an introvert was the skill gained through observation and awareness, which made it easier for me to not give in to peer pressure.

My high school days were a lot more different compared to middle school. This time I was more involved in extracurricular activities after the tenth grade, which made me socialize more. I was able to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone. I became respected for socializing with different people and not following a crowd. I sat at different tables in the cafeteria, and it absolutely took courage to be my own person, especially when I decided to experiment with my clothing and hair. I stopped caring and gosh did it feel good. I actually enjoyed being different. This mindset boosted my confidence, and it made me feel “cool” for no longer feeling like the middle school version of myself.  In middle school I was intimidated and awfully shy, but I learned that what truly makes a "cool kid" is someone who stays true to themselves, and someone who shows kindness to others. Getting involved can keep your mind off of the nonsense at school. You may learn more about yourself along the way, while making new friends, and gaining experience.

Brushing off embarrassing moments is also crucial in high school. No one will remember the cringe worthy moments as the years go by. I fell on my high school graduation, a day that's supposed to be unforgettable. I felt extremely humiliated, but as time passed on I realized it was silly to stress about something that was so natural. Celebrities constantly fall on stage, including Beyoncé. If the Queen Bee herself can take a tumble, then so can anyone. We are human, we fall, and we aren’t perfect. Striving for perfection is an impossible task. So yeah, I fell on graduation, so what? I fell because of my lack of ability to walk in heels, but I was still salutatorian for class 2010. In that moment I felt like a loser, but I still won, along with everyone else in that room who were successfully graduating.

High school consists of exciting things but also regretful things. The word regret can be the saddest word in the dictionary. We all make mistakes in high school, which is unfortunately a part of life. It's how we learn and part of growing up - this may shock you, but mistakes happen even after high school. You might feel ashamed to ask for extra help, you might feel ashamed for not understanding, and you may think the best solution is to avoid it until you’re really stuck and failing; but we have to remind ourselves that we aren't born with infinite knowledge. That's why we have teachers - to pass the knowledge on to us.

I was guilty of this standoffish behavior when it came to a really challenging subject. I grew up terrible at math, and the thought of anyone noticing my struggle felt shameful. This only had a negative impact on me. I wasn’t understanding anything and the pressure of getting good grades was weighing down on me. I eventually decided it was time to reach out for help, and it was okay to do so. When I started college, the tutoring lab became my second home - something I never thought possible.

When we're young we often have a desire to try to impress people. They might break out hearts, but we could also break theirs. You might feel like a jerk if you have to reject someone who is interested in you, but that's perfectly fine. Remember, you are not obligated to anyone and do not owe anyone anything. You may also experience a battle where rumors might start to spread about you, or someone you know. You may be pressured by others to stop talking to this person because they have unfairly been labeled a "slut."

I experienced this in both middle school and high school, when a group of people tried to convince me not to talk to a particular person. I avoided these kinds of bullies as you should, since you should be able to talk to whoever you want. If the "slut" is genuinely nice, and if they have qualities of a good friend, then their reputation at school means nothing. It is cool to be kind and not feed into the gossip world.

You might have a crush on someone who is unaware of your existence, but that's not the worst thing in the world. You don’t have to date in high school; I didn’t and couldn't care less. You might feel tempted to start a relationship and explore your options, but it isn’t mandatory to be in a relationship. There is plenty of time for you to be in a relationship, so don't let anyone pressure you if you don't feel comfortable. That's not to say that high school sweethearts don't exist. It is completely possible that you just could meet the love of your life in high school.

Now, what if you have more friends of the opposite sex? I went through this and it was easier for me to get along with the guys and have a few special girlfriends, especially in my early years in college. I personally felt most girls were hypocrites and sneakily going against each other, but then I realized it was the same thing for boys. It does not make you a "whore" if you have more guy friends than girlfriends. Just be sure to put them in their place if they’re being misogynist, and if they’re really your friend, they’ll respect you and other girls at school.

High school only lasts for four years and then we all move on. Once you graduate, no one cares about who's popular and who wasn't, or who is dating who. No one cares about silly gossip when you're too busy with life. We naturally let go and allow our new life to happen. You need to keep in mind that school is temporary and all good things will come with hard work. I know it is exhausting to hear and we hear it all the time, but it's true. I was eager to start college even though my high school experience wasn’t as terrible for me as it might have been for others. The journey may feel so far, but you can change the game. You have the ability to prove to the world that you can be yourself without relying on anyone else. 

Leslie Garcia is a Puerto Rican New Yorker, who loves TV and potatoes, and has a passion for education, the arts, and culture. She is currently a senior at Lehman College; majoring in English (literature) and minoring in Early Childhood Education. In the summer, she will be a member of the CUNY Cultural Corps Summer Intensive, where she will serve as an Art Colony Administrative Intern at the Children's Museum of the Arts. She is also a strong believer and supporter when it comes to representation, equality, and human rights and hopes to become a teacher and publish children's books. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

[thefempress]

Strangers Offer Help And Kindness In The Aftermath Of Manchester Explosion

On Monday evening, a suicide bomber entered the Manchester Arena shortly after an Ariana Grande concert came to a close in Manchester, England.  According to police, 22 people who were mostly children were killed, and injured 59 others. People then took to social media to help spread the word and to help in any way that they can. 

Following the tragedy, stories of heroism and acts of kindness have emerged to restore some faith back in humanity.

Social media was used to locate missing loved ones from the concert by sharing their photos. This proved to be helpful when a young woman whose friend couldn't reach her was found safe. Those she was staying with notified her friend via Twitter.

Hotels in the city, such as Holiday Inn and Premier Inn showed their support by offering to take in children who still needed to be reunited with their parents, and cabs offered free rides to take people home. 

The hashtag #RoomForManchester  was used for people living nearby to let people know that their doors were open for anyone that needed a place to stay. 

In another incident,  the Independent shared the story of Chris Parker, a 33-year-old homeless man who regularly begs outside the arena after events. Instead of running away, he stayed behind to help those who needed it. 

“Everyone was piling out, all happy and everything else. As people were coming out of the glass doors I heard a bang and within a split second I saw a white flash, then smoke and then I heard screaming,” he described. “I saw a little girl ... she had no legs. I wrapped her in one of the merchandise t-shirts and I said ‘where is your mum and daddy?’ She said ‘my dad is at work, my mum is up there,’” he said. “I haven't stopped crying. The most shocking part of it is that it was a kids’ concert.”

The Blood Service of England was also forced to shut down registration because it had been so overwhelmed by donors that it filled its banks to capacity.

[thefempress]

American Girl Has First Ever Korean American Doll

American Girl has debuted its newest groundbreaking girl: Korean American filmmaker Suzie “Z” Yang! The newest family member to join is from Seattle and is the first Asian doll since the company discontinued Chinese American Ivy Ling in 2014. 

On the American Girl website, Z is described as an “imaginative filmmaker who develops her own take on the world around her.” 

What makes Z so special is the fact that she is represents more diverse backgrounds and creative interests. She is an aspiring filmmaker who scripts, storyboards, and shoots her own stop-motion films. She comes with a tripod, cameras, and puppy Popcorn. In her own web series, Z’s Crew, which is available on American Girl’s YouTube channel has already been watched by over one million fans! 

This summer, Z will be making her way from YouTube to her own Amazon special, An American Girl Story: Summer Camp Friends for Life. 

With Z, American Girl is continuing to step in the right direction with inclusivity.  In 1993, American Girl introduced their first African-American doll, Addy Walker, and since then Asian American, Mexican American, and Native American dolls have joined the family. 

Along with being racially diverse, the company has given sick and disabled children the opportunity to customize their dolls to more accurately reflect their lives, outfiting dolls with hearing aids, wheelchairs, and a diabetic care kit. 

[thefempress]

Law Firm Becomes One of First to Achieve Gender Parity in Canada

People continue to advocate for gender quotas in the corporate sector, and law is no exception. Lawyers are advocating for some form of policy that ensures a gender balance in the legal profession. It turns out you don’t have to fill quotas to do this, since some firms are able to achieve gender parity without them.

One Canadian litigation firm in Toronto was able to do just that. Today, the lawyers at Lerners LLP are 55% women and 45% of them are partners, which is more than double the national average.

The Toronto firm has become one of the first in Canada to achieve gender parity, which happened organically and had nothing to do with affirmative action. Instead of trying to fill a quota, it set out to hire people who were best qualified for the job.  

“We didn’t set out to achieve gender parity,” Earl Cherniak, a lawyer and arbitrator at Lerners told the National Post. “We set out to find the best people we could find.”

He continued to explain, “Generally speaking, the women that applied were just better than the men.”

Lerners is part of the Law Society of Upper Canada’s Justicia Project, which reported that women outnumber men in law school, but they account for only 35% of lawyers in private practice and only 20% of partners.

The law firm has also implemented flexible maternity and parental leave policies. It also makes sure to check in with its lawyers on maternity leaves because as managing partner Brian Grant explains, “When you’re on mat leave, you’re not dead to us.”

In a video that Lerners has filmed to celebrate International Women’s Day, members of the firm explained that having women among leadership in a firm is a competitive advantage and a key to success.

Treating women with respect and providing them with equal opportunities has greatly contributed to the work culture, where there is a sense of community between the women and a comfortable work environment has been established.

This has contributed to the reason why many women are attracted to working at Lerners and continue to stay at the firm to make it work, crediting past female managing partners as role models and mentors. The firm has created an atmosphere where everyone can come together to practice law, which has attracted more women want to work there. It soon became such a normal thing that no one paid attention to the gender that they were attracting.

You can learn more about the story by watching the video below: 

[thefempress]

Bakery Helps People With Autism Find Employment

Angie Gamades and Kyle Gallus are two teachers-turned-entrepreneurs who opened a bakery that’s changing lives. Finley’s Barkery, a Minnesota-based bakery that sells treats for dogs, and employs people with autism. 

The bakery was founded a year ago with the goal of providing meaningful employment for adults on the autism spectrum. To date, the bakery has six employees on the spectrum. The bakery’s Instagram page states that they are helping people on the autism spectrum realize their potential by providing them with opportunities. 

It does just that with Gamades and Gallus working with each employee to assign them roles based on their strengths. They have five employees working in the kitchen making treats and packaging them for sale, and another one who works from home labeling items, where it’s a more sensory-sensitive environment. 

As the company says on its website, “Finley’s Barkery provides a fun, supportive and challenging work environment for our team to thrive.”

In addition to helping people on the spectrum reach their potential, the company also invests a portion of their profits “in initiatives meant to elevate the lives of Finley’s team members and partners in the community (both 2 and 4 legged).”

[thefempress]

Millions Turn Out For Global March For Science

Last Saturday, on Earth Day, scientists and advocates of the sciences came together in demonstrations across the world as part of a “global movement” called The March for Science. 

The march happened in over 500 cities around the world, and is meant to be a non-partisan political statement that promotes the understanding of science while defending it from various attacks. 

Most notably, these include budget cuts proposed by President Donald Trump, such as a 20 percent cut from the National Institutes of Health, climate change rollbacks and general concerns fro the scientific community about communicating their research in the U.S. 

“Today we have a great many lawmakers – not just here but around the world – deliberately ignoring and actively suppressing science,” one of the event’s speakers, TV host and scientist Bill Nye, told a crowd in Washington. 

“Their inclination is misguided and in no one’s best interest. Our lives are in every way improved by having clean water, reliable electricity and access to electronic global information.”

[thefempress]

First Woman To Officially Run Boston Marathon Returns 50 Years Later

In 1967, Kathrine Switzer was 20 years old when she made history as the first woman to officially run in the Boston Marathon, despite race officials trying to physically stop her. 

Switzer was registered under the name K.V. Switzer when she ran the race 50 years ago, and at the time no one realized she was a woman until two miles into the race. 

That’s when Jock Semple, a race official tries to take Switzer’s bib number and tried to remove her from the race, as soon as he realized a woman was competing. Photographs from this incident have become an iconic representation of women’s struggle for equality, especially for female athletes.  

Switzer’s coach discouraged her from competing in the race back in 1967 by telling her women were too “weak” and “fragile” to run long distance, and that, “No dame ain’t ever run no marathon.” 

Fifty years later, Switzer, now 70 years old, ran the race again wearing the same bib number 261. This time, it only took her about 24 minutes longer to finish than she did in her first race. 

The next day, the Boston Athletic Association retired teh number 261 in her honor. 

"My message to young girls is that you can do much more than you ever can imagine," Switzer said. "The only way you can imagine it is to do it. To take the first step. And if you take the first step, you can then take three steps. And then you can take 10. And someday maybe you can run a marathon. And if you can run a marathon, you can do anything."