P.S. The Fernweh Type

Paulina S. Multidisciplinary Creative. Writer experimenting with fear, and a Photographer capturing the (un)seen.

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I'm so tired. I need like a week of sleep. And, the hellish summer is here. Time to melt mentally and physically.

Canon 6D + Sigma 35mm DG f1.4 ART

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Vibes: Don't Wanna Be Here by Boyfifty and Naits

"I'm still feeling fucked, fucked in the head I need a break I don't wanna be here Running out of luck in the end I need a friend Everybody disappeared from my life and again I don't intend to push it all away

How do we feel while we fade? I need to go back, need you like yesterday, I'm Feelin' too much, only thing left in my mind Is how you played me, you came around but left me alone

But I still miss you Only me with you When drunk as hell, it hits you How do I fix you Lost all of my friends to kiss you Can't dismiss you Call me fate, I'll see you again"

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Every day I walk with my camera through all the golden and blue hours, capturing postcard-like moments I wish I could have shared with you. I wish I could have sent them to you, but we’re strangers again. It’s time to let go of this fantasy; a merely vivid dream I experienced alone, in my head.

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I woke up from a siesta today, and I was sure it was another day. Does this ever happen to anyone?

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Everything happens for a reason...

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– I miss you. – He said. – Well, if you have treated me right, you wouldn't have to. – She replied.

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I broke the silence.

He read it. And ghosted me.

I am so dumb.

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2026 vs 2013. Granada, Spain. The same place, but I'd like to think that I've changed.

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I miss you, and I cannot tell you that. It would ruin the perfectly created loud silence...

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Dear … ,

I honestly have no idea where or how to start this letter. I’m writing this as a goodbye or see you soon that we didn’t get the chance to experience. Foremost, I didn’t get the chance to give you the gift that would make you authentically elated. Inspired utmost. Something that would make you remember why you’re so happy every time you come back to Granada. And maybe give you another reason to look forward to. A poem and two mini albums; one for you, and one for your best friend, when I captured you together being so happy on one of the rainiest night of the year. You would have loved that. He would have loved that. The saddest part is, you knew about this gift. We were supposed to meet on Sunday, but we didn’t. It’s sad how easily two people can let things fade into silence. Silence that nobody expects, after all that has been said, felt and experienced.

Every time, when I genuinely believe in the concept of being happy and single, the universe interrupts my organised boxes in my head. Laughing at my plans for the future that I constantly visualise. That happened to me the day we met. And even though I believe in souls, connections, energy, loyalty, love “till death do us part”, and that everything happens for a reason; I didn’t manifest you into my life. I still have no idea what the reason is for meeting you.

On the day when I was not supposed to go out, I found a spiritual shop next to my place with rocks that transmit energy. The saleswoman asked me if I wanted to buy the “love rock”, and I laughed and said that I’m definitely not manifesting this into my life. So, later that day, something told me that I should go out. Ironically, it was the night of the 27th – my favourite and lucky number.

Do you remember how we met? I do, vividly. I entered the club with no expectations, with some people whom I had just met. There you were... (...)

More: https://thefernwehtype.substack.com/p/a-letter-i-will-never-send-to-him

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I don't know what to say to you. So, I'm sitting in silence...

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Rzeczy, o których teraz ci nie powiem.

Nie powiem ci, że za tobą tęsknię i że jesteś prawdopodobnie jedną z pierwszych myśli, które przychodzą mi do głowy po przebudzeniu. Nie powiem ci, że cię lubię, bo już raz to powiedziałam. Nie powiem ci, ile razy chciałam się z tobą skontaktować, ale ostatecznie jestem zdyscyplinowana i czekam na twój ruch. Nie powiem ci, że szczerze wierzę, że jesteś jedną z tych dusz, które miałam spotkać w życiu, aby coś we mnie się zmieniło. Nie powiem ci, że fakt, że wszechświat umieścił nas w niewłaściwych rozdziałach, jest frustrujący. I nie powiem ci, że może pewnego dnia wyznam ci to wszystko, bo wtedy będzie łatwiej.

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2026 vs 2019

7 years apart. And it still gives the same feeling.

📷 1st Photo: 2026 | Sony A7IV + Viltrox 35mm LAB f1.2 📷 2nd Photo: 2019 | Canon 6D + Sigma 35mm ART f1.4

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[PL] Jestem zauroczona. W mieście też. Ale „zauroczenie” to niewyjaśniona magia, a „miłość” to słowo rozsądku, a granica między uwielbieniem a obojętnością jest bardzo cienka. To bardzo proste. Czekałam już wystarczająco długo. Więc zamiast braku słów lub ich nadmiaru, wyślij mi pusty list. List i tak zaginie, a my będziemy się zastanawiać, które z nas milczy i marnuje czas na idiotyczne gierki. Będziesz się zastanawiać, dlaczego wciąż tkwisz w miejscu pełnym melodii, gdzie kiedyś nasze niewinne spojrzenia były warte tysiąca słów. Prawda jest taka, że ostatecznie to ty mnie tracisz. Pytanie pozostaje: „Co by było, gdyby?”. – P.S. The Fernweh Type

[EN] I'm infatuated. With the city, too. But "infatuation" is an unexplained magic, and "love" is a word of reason, and the line between adoration and indifference is very thin. It's very simple. I've waited enough. So, instead of a lack of words or an outpouring of them, send me an empty letter. The letter will get lost anyway, and we'll wonder which of us is silent and wasting time with idiotic games. You'll wonder why you're still stuck in a place full of loud melodies where once our innocent glances were worth a thousand words. The truth is, ultimately, you're the one losing me. The question remains "what if?". – P.S. The Fernweh Type

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Wszystko, co po nas pozostało, to moje ukryte wiersze, pisane w świetle księżyca, podczas gdy wszyscy, których znam, karmią swoje zmysły chwilową amnezją. - P.S. The Fernweh Type

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I rarely share photos of myself, but maybe it's time to change that. Here's me at dusk, right after the sunset. And in the background, the Alhambra view.

So, when I go out with my camera (or not even with a camera, but to any social event), I look for people who feel deeply, love to talk about the profound stuff, are passionate about adventures and are not afraid of being intense and spontaneous. It's the vibe I'm looking for.

Just... don't complicate life as it already is. Live. Like. Love. Talk. Learn. Grow. Fear. Travel. Laugh. And, for fox's sake, just fucking tell them you like them. The worst that can happen is that they will tell you they're not interested, so you'll save yourself a lot of precious time. :)

And, if you like astrology, that's the real mess in my head: ☼♎︎ / ☾♑︎ / ↑♋︎

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Typical view from Miradores in Granada [Spain]. People enjoying the cold beverages with Lays, Jamón or… Chorizo. 🧡 The only thing left is knowing what they were talking about, because I'm sure it was worth it – while waiting for the dusk.