BELLADONNA

that’s what i don’t understand. why do they say, “i love you”? why don’t they say, for example, “egg”?

[olqa]

A collection of pictures of Nathan Fielder sitting/standing alone while others around him having a really good time

[thefirsttogo]

this was me at seventeen

[thefirsttogo]

i think i just want to let myself go completely as a cleanser. then i can go back to being a functional person. give me one week to write on the walls with my own blood, pull out my hair, destroy all of my belongings, and cry for hours on end & i promise that i will never feel this sadness again. i’ll be a perfect saint.

[thefirsttogo]

we’ve been pulled together just to be torn apart. why does the universe do that?

[thefirsttogo]

i am afraid of growing up. hitting all of these milestones so quickly feels like my life is slipping out of my grasp. everything is so close and so far away. im not a child and im not an adult. in all honesty, i dont feel like anything. im a wanderer with no control.

as i child, i remember looking towards my future with this great anticipation. now i look at my past with melancholy nostalgia, anger, and resentment. i keep asking myself what is the point of all of this. i cannot stop or alter the flow of time. i have to grow up, but what for?

[thefirsttogo]

life feels like a fraction of what it could/should be.