I am mess and I cry often, sometimes in broad daylight on your shoulder sometimes because I’ve laughed really hard. I am goofy and I will do silly things in the name of fun, love, being myself. Sometimes I don’t have anything to say. Then just hold me please.
If you want me in your life and I love you, you will get gooey birthday cards and a lot of communication. I miss people easily, so let me reach you please. You will see a lot of personal text posts because I’m only just figuring anything out and putting my words out makes them less trapped inside.
Touch me often, always, if you can. I miss daily hugs.
I am quick to assume I am doing something wrong - chances are if there is a weird energy I’m telling myself its my fault, that if I could just do better, be better, more interesting, more wantable...I’m trying to stop that. It is a destructive habit and I’m trying to practice letting things be imperfect.
Did you know: my mother is the biggest perfectionist I have ever met. She gets it from her mother, and that has made it hard for me to feel like enough, even though she has always been supportive of me.
I need to process things. I can’t just stuff them down inside me. This means crying, talking, writing, yelling, anything to get them out. I have to get them out otherwise I drown in my own feelings.
Sometimes I wake up with my stomach in my toes with the heavy weight in it.
If I believe in past lives I think maybe I was a mother who lost her child somehow. I fear losing people more than anything and I am always the mother with my friends, in life. I think I carry a lot from a past life, I feel more than is maybe possible for one lifetime.
When I want you, I want you. In every possible way. I want to know your heart and your head and your body and I want you to want me as much as I want you.
Love me strongly, clearly, tell me, show me.
pixelskylines
amandla
