thefrogmom

Mother of thefrogman. Feel free to ask embarassing questions about thefrogman. ASK A QUESTION

[sirfrogsworth]

John Oliver rightfully roasted my governer last night. Mike Parsons told people they shouldn’t vote if they were scared of COVID-19. 

So that’s fun for my state. 

I wish he’d tear into my senator, Josh Hawley, next. My governer is a buffoon but Josh is a legit MAGA asshole with a fancy law degree and he keeps flooding the senate with ridiculous bills. Right now he is very focused on shifting blame for every problem in the US on China. Nothing is Trump’s fault. China did all the bad things. 

Not that the Chinese government doesn’t do bad things. And it would be nice if there was some way to help the folks struggling under authoritarian rule. But I don’t think we’re in the position to be much help to anyone right now. And shifting blame to China is not going to help us get back on our feet. 

One cannot learn from mistakes if they refuse to admit they made any. 

[sirfrogsworth]

I’m curious if someone had to explain Meat Loaf to Greta. I’m not sure Bat Out of Hell is popular with teenagers in Sweden. 

I mean, how does that explanation even work?

“Okay, so there is this guy who voluntarily calls himself Meat Loaf. 

He was frozen on a motorcycle but then crashed through the wall and started singing. And dancing. He was better at the singing, honestly. There was a saxophone solo but I think he was lipsyncing that. Blow-syncing? There was some dry humping and ill-advised indoor motorcycle riding. And I think he was beaten to death with a pointy hammer by a goth Transylvanian. 

But he got better. 

Then a girl reeeeally loved him. And she wanted him to love her till the end of time. But he reeeeally wanted to sleep on it. But she kept nagging until he relented. But it turns out they weren’t actually a great match so he prayed for an abrupt end to all existence rather than just ending the relationship. 

But he got better. 

Then he liked a different girl. And I think at this point he was some kind of demon ghost on a motorcycle. Maybe? And he was all, “I’d do anything for love!” and the girl was like “Anything???” and he was like, “Okay there is one ambiguous thing I won’t do which henceforth will be referred to as ‘that.’” The ‘that’ became so mysterious that an entire section of a Wikipedia page is dedicated to it. It was probably anal. They got on his motorcycle, rode toward the sun, and disappeared into the ghost demon realm or something. 

But he got better. 

A few years go by and he developed very large breasts. Which made him a great hugger. He started punching people but couldn’t really talk about it. He also couldn’t really talk about it. The police killed him and that made the friends he punched very sad. They said his name a lot to deal with the loss. 

But he got better. 

He decided conservative politics were his jam and tried singing for Mitt Romney, but his voice wasn’t like it used to be and it was very funny sad. 

He stopped getting better at this point. 

He went on a game show where a narcissistic scam artist businessman pretended to fire celebrities. He ended up screaming at Gary Busey for stealing his art supplies. But his supplies were actually stuck in a corner, so he almost beat Gary to death for nothing. Meaning he officially became the only person in the world to out-crazy Gary Busey. 

He got worse.

He thought that game show businessman would make a great president so he voted for and supported him. He was really mistaken about that.  

Then he started complaining about a teenage girl trying to save the planet claiming she was brainwashed. 

And I think we’re all caught up.”

“Is he a climate scientist?”

“Uhhhh.. no. No, he is not.”

“Then why should I give a…”

[sirfrogsworth]

The fires on Kangaroo Island were started by lightning. 

Arrest God for arson, I guess. 

Ignore that climate change business and punish the real culprit. 

[sirfrogsworth]

This time-lapse photography website demonstrates why it’s important to do a quick google before settling on a name. 

[whosthewhatnow]

HAPPY WEEKEND! FRIDAY FOLLOWER SHOUT OUT:

clingy-ghost

bobthewonderllama

inkrose86

[sirfrogsworth]

“Hey Ben, how long have you Bengay?”

And now that I have a niece…

And also…

My last name is more of a problem though. Any stranger who calls and sees “Grelle” written out does this little word dance… 

“Can I speak to a Mr. Grell? Greel? Greeelee?”

And there is an easy way to correct them, but it always reminds me of a childhood taunt from my grade school nemesis. 

In the morning when I emerged from my car, he would always great me with a little rhyme he created. 

“BEN GRELLE HAS A JELLY BELLY!”

He even turned it into a little chant with a musical rhythm and others would join in sometimes.

So I just try to ignore the painful memory and tell the people on the phone, “Grelle, rhymes with belly. Or jelly.”

I suppose I could use smelly, which has its own problems. 

I’ve also thought about using Machiavelli. But then I’ll probably have to spend time on the phone explaining a devious Italian politician from 500 years ago. And with my phone anxiety, I’d prefer to keep things as short as possible. 

Oh, and I actually prefer Benjamin, but I hate asking people to put forth the extra effort.  

[sirfrogsworth]

Bear is a master of the little known game… Hide and “Here I am!”

[ Facebook | Instagram ]

[whosthewhatnow]

HAPPY WEEKEND! FRIDAY FOLLOWER SHOUT OUT:

snototters

tea-and-tights

sonicsouffle

[sirfrogsworth]

Sometimes joy requires getting a bit dirty. 

[sirfrogsworth]

Conservative comedy continues to be… somethin’ else. 

[sirfrogsworth]

This cool dog is cool. 

[sirfrogsworth]

Hmm, I wonder if Trump is taking her words wildly out of context.

I’m sure he wouldn’t do a thing like that. 

[sirfrogsworth]

(sound on)

Republican counsel and brilliant legal mind, Steve Castor, implements the famed Outlandish Gambit. 

They don’t teach it in law school. The Outlandish Gambit has been passed down through generations to only the most keen and capable lawyers. If done properly, it is every bit as effective as the Chewbacca Defense. 

Essentially, you get someone to admit something that is *technically* true and then misrepresent their opinion later on. 

I’m reminded of a quote about ethics from a famed German philosopher…

“If something isn’t as outlandish as it could be, then it’s probably fine.”

–Immanuel Kant 

So as long as Donald Trump did not personally kidnap the Ukrainian president’s daughter and threaten to make her eat his farts unless Zelensky says on camera that Joe Biden assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand (thus starting the first World War and a Scottish rock band)… as long as that OUTLANDISH thing did not happen… yadda yadda yadda… case closed, Libs. 

[sirfrogsworth]

The Great White Moo

As I watch all the hearings Devin Nunes comes out as the clear winner of Chief Idiot. Which is probably why #DevinNunesIsAnIdiot was trending. 

I do find him a bit fascinating. You can see before he starts to speak that he is super proud of some clever line of questioning he is about to pull out of his ass. Maybe he came up with it on the toilet the night before and he is positive it will be devastating. 

Before he speaks he has this moment of unearned confidence. 

And in his mind he is all, “Oh, I got’em now. This is totally gonna get’em.” 

But then it falls flat and he looks depressed and confused. 

“I didn’t get’em.”

“I really thought that would get’em.”

“Ugh, why am I here? I should be suing a fake cow right now.”

[sirfrogsworth]

To celebrate Veteran’s Day, Donald Trump Jr. retweeted a story bashing a purple heart recipient for wearing his uniform and his dad gave vets a 25% off coupon for his shitty merch. 

I wasn’t sure if the coupon was real, so I pretended I was going to buy a “Black Voices for Trump” hat and used the coupon code. 

Sure enough…

After Diamond & Silk, Candace Owens, Kanye, and Ben Carson, I’m not sure how many voices they have left. 

Maybe more white folks will purchase this merch.

You see, they are members of the famed Trump-supporting Black family. That’s Richard Black on the left there. And don’t forget Martha and James Black. 

I’m just kidding, they’re all just assholes. 

This lady knows what I’m talking about. 

If you don’t have any cash like me and want to do something to help veterans today, I would ask that you write to your representatives. Every year on this day I send a message to my congresspeople asking for guaranteed housing and mental healthcare for those who served. And since Trump, I have been mentioning the ban on transgender members too. 

[sirfrogsworth]

Does anyone else watch the credits for movies?

Back when I went to the theater, my friends used to be so annoyed with me because I would stay in my seat and watch them all. And this was way before Marvel movies. 

I just felt like hundreds of people worked their asses off to help entertain me and the least I could do is acknowledge that I read some of their names. Plus some of the best music is in the credits. I’d always imagine the Best Boy was the official dog for the movie set. “Paul Bolton is a weird name for a dog.” 

I get a little annoyed with Netflix because if you don’t remember to hit the button right away it skips to the next episode. 

Eventually, my friends accepted my tradition and stopped complaining. And they realized it was much easier to exit the theater with everyone gone. 

[sirfrogsworth]

I watched the entire first day of public hearings. I could have just watched this as Seth does a great job summarizing. But I’m still glad I stuck it out. The Dems were prepared, asked great questions, and clearly showed just how bad Trump’s behavior was. 

The Republicans were the equivalent to monkeys showing up and throwing feces in all directions. Even their hired gun lawyer was an incompetent meandering mess. His entire defense seemed to be based on the word “outlandish.” He basically argued that something more outlandish could have occurred–therefore case closed checkmate libs. 

I mean, I guess Trump could have sent a nuke in Ukraine’s direction and demanded they say Hunter Biden was the Zodiac Killer before it hit. Technically that would have been more “outlandish.” But I’m not sure how that helps the President’s case at all.