woop woop! (it's the sound of the police)
pairing: various nct x reader
contains: police au, crack
summary: precinct 127 was supposed to be your turf. a chance for the 'nerd herd' to shed their ugly rookie skin and establish themselves as part of the team. but now triple j has turned up and your future policing career is well and truly *CENSORED*.
"Well, this sucks."
You don't refute the words because they're true. God dammit- you knew you should've gotten up half an hour earlier to beat these jerks to the station. But no, you'd watched way too many episodes of Criminal Minds last night and therefore slept through your alarm, which meant you'd had to skip breakfast in favour of using enough hair gel to drown the sun to get your hair into a bun, and therefore you'd missed the subway, which means-
You stare defeatedly at the banged-up piece of metal in front of you, to the absolute delight of your tormentors. You can practically feel his grin bearing down on you, and despite it all your fists clench. Today was supposed to be the start of something new and so no, you will not go silently into this good night, thank you very-
" WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! "
A war cry rips through the locker room.
You turn.
He turns.
His cronies turn.
Because over there, standing by the door, are the two tiny balls of fury you call your best friends. Dumb has one of his patrol boots in his hand and is waving it like a grenade while Dumber is winding his belt around his wrist in a very threatening way.
They're idiots. You love 'em.
"Get away from her!" Chenle squeals, rushing forward. Except- he's taken one of his shoes off, so he ends up just sort of tumbling over one of the benches and lying there like a sad looking marshmallow.
"I can't believe this," you turn, all affection zapped from your eyes faster than a spaceship being swallowed up by a black hole. In front of you, he has closed his eyes and tilted his head, as if he's got an actual headache from all the commotion.
Beside him, his blonde-haired lackey shakes his head. "I know . Can't believe the nerd herd followed us all the way from the academy."
"Excuse me?!" You splutter, aghast. " Follow you? Why would we want to spend another second in the same room as you? We were given the 127, fair and square, so-" you fold your arms and draw yourself up to your full height. Officer L/N, reporting! "Why are you three here?"
They were supposed to have gone to the 5th, dammmit! Wasn't what they were bragging about on allocation day, that they were "finally getting away from the nerd herd and could see some real action?"
He folds his arms and sneers, "None of your business, nerd!"
"Just stay out of our way." Lackey #3's shoulder roughly collides with yours as they trail out, stepping over Chenle's crumpled form. They square up with Renjun as they go, making your little cutie patootie flinch, before kicking open the door.
Just as they do, though, his head turns, and you swear the twinkle in his eye was put there by satan himself as he says:
"By the way? You might want to hurry up a little. You're already late. "
You fucking hate Lee Jeno.
-
"I'm so sorry!" Renjun gasps as he drags Chenle to your side once he's sure the Triple J's are truly gone. "We saved you a locker but they must have claimed it, I'm so sorry."
"It's my own fault," you murmur, because it kinda is. You'd been the last here so of course they'd given you the shittiest locker, the one that doesn't close properly and has lewd genitals scribbled all over it.
"Here- put your stuff in mine!" Chenle tries, but you just shake your head.
"It's okay, it won't all fit. Let me just change into my gear and we can head to briefing. How late are we gonna be?"
Renjun squints at the clock. " Maybe a few minutes? Hey- I think we can still make it."
With Chenle booted up, Renjun re-belted and you kitted and fitted, the three of you race into briefing with only ten seconds to spare, but they're the best ten seconds in the world, because Jeno's face sours in defeat.
Lee Jeno, Na Jaemin (aka blonde hair lackey) and Park Jisung (lackey #3). Triple J. The bane of your existence. An existence you thought you'd left behind. But nooooo , they'd managed to ruin everything, including-
"Boot day!" Lee Taeyong strides into the room and up onto the podium, and- wow . This was Lee Taeyong? Chief's-favorourite Lee Taeyong? The 'pulled-a-mother-and-child-out-of-a-burning-building-on-his-first-day-of-the-job' Lee Taeyong.
He's a scrawny fucker. No, actually- he can't be.
He's crying.
"Nothing," he looks out across the room, "and I mean nothing , fills me with more pride than watching the future generation of policing step into this room. You're going to make us all so proud."
There's silence. You cast a glance and meet Chenle's equally confused face, and wait for everyone to start laughing and say sike!
But no-one does.
"I am so especially pleased to announce that we've taken on a few more stragglers this year!" Lee Taeyong beams. He's so pretty. Why is he so pretty? "In other words, our family has grown by three more than expected!"
What.
"Rookies, please introduce yourself!" He barks.
There's a screeching of chairs as you all get to your feet.
"I'm Lee Jeno, badge number one-three-seven-two-two."
"Na Jaemin, sir! Badge number one-three-eight-four-nine."
"Park Jisung, two-nine-three-four-one."
"Zong Chenle. Badge number one-seven-nine-three-eight!"
"Huang Renjun! Two-two-five-one-three."
"L/N Y/N. I'm two-three-nine-four-one!"
"Excellent!" Captain Lee shouts back with the same enthusiasm. "Now, recruits! We've had to rope in a few extra officers to ensure all of you have a training officer, but that will just enrich your training!"
His eyes are like little stars, so full of hope. So naive. And he used "enrich" in a sentence that wasn't about cooking.
"Student Officer Lee, you're with Officer Kim!"
"Which one, sir?"
You watch as Captain Lee deflates like a sad little balloon, and is he seriously pouting as he looks at his little list!
"I didn't think this through." He mutters.
A strangled laugh bubbles up in your throat which you expertly turn into a cough.
"Oh well! Lee's with you, Doyoung! Yuta, you've got Na. Park is with Johnny, Huang is with Mark, Zhong's got Donghyuck, and that leaves L/N with Jungwoo."
With every announcement, Captain Lee taps something on his desk. It's a phone. It's like... he's using a random name picker.
But he wouldn't do that, right? Right?!
"I'll hand over to our trusty Sergeant Jeong for the daily briefing, but I hope you all get along. And rookies?" Captain Lee smiles. "Welcome to the team."
He leaves the podium and is replaced by an almost splitting replica of Jaemin. Just kidding. He's way better looking, it's only the blonde hair they've got in common.
"Welcome, rookies." He drawls. "I'm sure you heard it from Commander Lee in the academy, so I don't need to give you the 'one-in-six' speech again. Although," he regards you all quietly for a moment and you swear his smirk twitches onto his face once he catches sight of you, "I don't have high hopes for any of you."
Ah, this is better. Nothing like good ol' cop shit-talking to get you settled in.
"There's no major updates today," Sergeant Jeong raises a pan and tap-taps on the whiteboard. "We'll continue canvassing the neighbourhood for the two fuckers involved in the Wendy's robbery, and I'm going to remind some people-" he gazes past the front row where all the rookies are to glare at the officers "that you can't use the fact you have rookies to stick to your mom-and-pop joints. Get them on the streets and you'll break 'em in easily. Dismissed!"
He strides off and the room breaks into chatter. There's calls of " Na! " and " Park " that mean the rookies are getting collected one by one. You watch the Triple J's get scooped up by equally hunky training officers, see two dark-haired officers approach your friends, and then-
" L/N? " You turn and find a pink-haired man propped on the table, looking down at you with a sweet smile. "I'm Kim Jungwoo, your training officer. Welcome to the 127."