The Glass-and-Metal World

Break or bend.

[theglassandmetalworld]

Am still here. Always in a state of fear and panic. 4 months to go.

[theglassandmetalworld]

People are ignoring me and it's making me mad.

[theglassandmetalworld]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Wow, brings back memories of my college days..

[theglassandmetalworld]

07.12.2023

I had a wake up call.

I could think of many reasons behind what happened but to keep negativity away, I'll just treat this as a reminder.

On my way home tonight, I passed by what looked like a drunk and homeless man. He might be mid-30s, with a very manly build. He's wearing a cap, a vest, so his entire chest was showing, and cargo pants. He couldn't walk straight, and as I was approaching him, I saw him pick a glass bottle from the street. I got really scared. I thought about how this man could either hit my head with that bottle then stab me with the broken glass or he may be hiding a knife or a gun then kill me on the spot. My heart raced so fast like it never did. I thought about going back and running to the hospital but that could trigger him to think of harming me more. I felt like crying, like my whole life ahead of me will be gone. When I was finally face to face with him, I just walked past with my head down. I was holding my phone on my right hand, ready to call whoever in case something happens. He stopped walking, and from my peripheral vision I saw him staring at me. He said, 'Hi there you're very pretty'. My heart raced so fast again and I feel my hands and legs were trembling. I now started trotting for fear that he might follow me. I wanted to run, but I'm not confident enough that I can outrun him. I just walked really really really fast while praying. I turned to the apartment complex then looked over my back before crossing the street again. There was no sign of the man but I still walked fast. I will look back from time to time as I walked just to be sure he didn't follow me. I made one last look before I entered the building. There was no one. But how much can I trust my eyes at night? With glasses on?

Now what does this mean to me? Why did I ever say it was a wake up call? To me it's a reminder that I needed divine protection. I cannot control what's gonna happen in my life. I could be safe now but gone tomorrow. It's a reminder for me to always ask God for help and protection.

As I enter my second quarter in this foreign land, I keep facing more difficult challenges. My stress level just keeps rising. Was it a message that I needed to move to another place soon? Was it a message to forget my pride and ask my workmates to drop me off every night? I don't know and I can't be sure but I can take all of these into consideration.

[jalouise]

“There is only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at the present moment. And it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have.” Antony de Mello

[theglassandmetalworld]

12.29.22 00:55

Last three days of the year. I still have a lot of things I feel like I need to do before the year finally comes to a close. I'm getting more and more restless with each passing day. I'm writing this now, wide awake, despite having only four hours of sleep the whole day after last night's duty.

I also feel like I'd been robbed of this year's Christmas celebration. I've worked afternoon shifts through all days before and after Christmas. I wasn't able to properly celebrate the holiday season. I'm still grateful though for the two consecutive rest days ahead of me. Now I'm playing Christmas worship songs all day. It helps fight the loneliness, and I'm trying to convince myself that I can still celebrate Christmas even if it's not December.

Last night was also a stressful work day. I made some minor mistakes due to lack of theory application. I feel disappointed and embarrassed with myself. I feel like I'm not myself lately. My mind is going on vacation mode when it should not. The day before the work shift I felt like my body was about to get sick and give up altogether. I had all my plans canceled for the day and ended up sleeping all day.

I continuously pray for a peaceful mind and life.

[theglassandmetalworld]

Pa-rant lang ulit.

If you know me, you know that matino akong tao. I follow rules. I rarely break them. Hindi ako pasaway. Nalelate ako, yes at times, pero in general matinong empleyado ako. Anong mali ba nagawa ko para tratuhin akong parang basura dahil lang nagpaalam ako na aalis na 'ko?

I don't think I deserve this.

[theglassandmetalworld]

Newton's third law of motion.

I'll just think of it that way even if deep inside I'm really hurting how you're letting your personal feelings get in the way of your work. You're not cut out to be in the higher ranks. Don't be surprised if nobody's willing to stay for a long time because instead of cultivating a culture of harmony, you're planting seeds of hatred in the heart of your own people.

You won't be missed.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships. You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself.”

— Unknown

[theglassandmetalworld]

To all my ex-friends. I still think you were wrong.

[theglassandmetalworld]

11.23.22

I am writing this post to update my fellow Tumblr people who had been with me here since 2013. 

Nine years, wow! ‘Di ko pa nacheck kailan ko ginawa ‘to, or bakit. All I know is, if you’d been following me here, you should’ve already known me on the emotional side of things, and have read some of my most unforgettable life stories and memories. 

Nine years ago yesterday, something strange happened (You can check my archive and tags for that, I won’t tell the story here again in this post). It was something I still can’t believe and forget until now, though over the past years I have learned how to calm down and not overthink. Life just threw some things which are more important to me at the moment so I forgot all about those trivial matters called ‘feelings’/’emotions’. Really, working and dealing with people in an environment where putting your emotions last has turned me more into a robot than a human. I did more thinking while working. It was a different kind of thinking, very much different than the ‘overthinking’ that I did in my college days. No, that was too shallow. The type of thinking that I did since I started working was the kind where one decision will dictate my situation for the next few years. It wasn’t easy at all. It not only involved my head and heart but all of me. I felt like my mind became a thinking factory of who I will be for the next decade. 

Amidst all the clutter going on in my brain, there had been no voices talking to me, as it first did nine years ago. I’m grateful for that. I think it means I’m still handling all my stresses well (at least for now). I said hello and goodbye to some friends but I still can’t stop myself from hoping to be friends to anyone who’s willing to spend time with me in conversations, no matter how short or long. I had been so busy with my life and my job and my career growth that it feels like having conversations about anything but work is a good enough rest. It’s like a signal to me to pause for a moment and take a break. 

[theglassandmetalworld]

11.22.22 Ganap na walang plano.

After duty dinner with the senior beshies. We were on our way home, isang tawid na lang bahay na, 'di pa daw sila nakapagdinner, niyaya ako, I said yes.

Thank you sa pagyaya.

(P.S. don't mind the faces na mukhang maga after 8 hours naka-N95/this is how fat I am rn)

[theglassandmetalworld]

11.13.22 Sincerity or Favor

Nagulat ako around lunch time nagpunta sa lab si Doc J.O. and nag-abot ng dalawang pack ng dried mangoes. Tig-isa kami ng senior ko. Umuwi daw kasi parents niya.

Sana always mabait si doc at hindi nang-aaway/nagsusungit.

[theglassandmetalworld]

11.07.22

It's starting to feel real.

I've started messaging the precious people in my life that we should meet in person before the year ends. Although I know that they'd given me so much help and comfort via chat alone during the most difficult times of my life, I would still love to see them in person before I leave so I have some fresh memories and photos of them I could hold on to.

Ah, I can finally say this will be my last Christmas and New Year in the comfiest comfort zone. Next year, I shall become a real adult.

[theglassandmetalworld]

Is it okay to be hurt repeatedly until you're numb?

[theglassandmetalworld]

Two words, 12 letters

11.04.22 Western Timezone. I just got the good news I waited for exactly 120 days. To all my followers who had constantly been fed all my negativities, I'm glad to tell you I am happy right now. Not yet fully, but at least I am one step closer to the freedom I always wanted.

[theglassandmetalworld]

This Special Edition album is a blessing.