i really do like my therapist but i wish she wouldnât try to use like idk palatable language lets call it to describe something we (sheâs also neurodivergent) experience. like one time i refer to my autism as a disability and she basically says âwell i wouldnât call it that, our brains just work differentlyâ and yeah thatâs fine but im literally unable to work full time without becoming a shell of myself or properly feed myself on a regular basis along with a whole other host of things. even at level 1 i am very frequently disabled and inconvenienced by my autism so yea im gonna call a spade a spade
today (and other times now that im thinking abt it) Iâve called myself weird in passing because i am weird and always have been and she says something like âwhen you say weird what do you mean? weird is just a labelâ as if its some negative internalization of mine. but no. i like being weird. i liked being weird when i was a kid and had an admittedly obnoxious âim gonna be myself no matter what you think and if you donât like it thatâs your problemâ phase. i very decidedly did not want or care to be like other kids and now i do not want or care to be like other twenty-somethings. im weird in un-endearing ways, like if i get a cut on my finger i wipe it in my sketchbook and label the date to âimmortalizeâ it for no real reason other than i want to.
and maybe thatâs hot to some MGK wannabe or whatever but if i told anyone else that it would be seen as concerning behavior instead of a personality quirk. or my little morbid fascination with personifications of death that Iâve had since childhood. obviously nothing special but definitely not something you tell people as an icebreaker to make friends . idk im just rambling but i really donât appreciate this almost sanitized approach to my experiences especially when the goal seems to just not be negative about anything.
Im literally in therapy to develop better coping skills as an autistic adult so this whole âweâre not disabled we just work differentlyâ thing isnât what i need to hear. sometimes i just donât work! thatâs what a disability is! thatâs what I need to navigate because the job market hasnât exactly arrived at the level of accommodation i need to constantly carve out for myself and learn how to carve out for myself by going to therapy. theres definitely smarter things to say about this but idk itâs 4am and im using this as my diary so. grrrrr grrr grrrr . Iâm weird and disabled and thatâs not something i should have to be gentle about because it isnât an insult to my person to just be who i am
gracieabrams
germansingergirl
amandla
andulkaphoto
ellievsbear
