Lee: Sensei, how do I win over my crush?
Gai: That’s easy, Lee. Buy the most beautiful flowers and the most decadent candy. Go for a moonlight stroll around a sparkling lake. Make plenty of eye contact, use every other sentence to give a compliment. Then at the end of the night, gently take her into your arms, and —
Lee: Her? Gai-sensei, I’m talking about Gaara-kun!
Gai: G-Gaara? The Kazekage Gaara??
Lee: Yeah. But … maybe I shouldn’t even try it? I mean it’s probably weird because we’re both guys and —
Gai: This changes everything! First and foremost, you need to travel to the Sand, go to his office, kick down the door, get in his face, and declare him to be your eternal rival! Then you need to relentlessly challenge him to a competition every chance you get! And then, just when he’s angry and annoyed enough to punch you, catch his fist mid-air, and pull him into a kiss. I guarantee he’ll be head over heels for you after that!
Lee: Thank you, Gai-sensei! I’ll prepare to go to him at once! *leaves*
Kakashi, having walked up: That was the absolute worst romantic advice I’ve ever heard anyone give anyone else in my entire life. You should be ashamed of yourself, feeding him such nonsense.
Gai: *puts his arms around Kakashi* Oh? Funny you say that when all of that same stuff worked on you, Eternal Rival. *kisses his cheek*
Kakashi, blushing: Yeah, but, clearly I’m a weirdo in that regard. I guarantee Gaara will have more sense than I did, to fall for such tactics.
Gai, playing piggy-back with Shinki: Say, Kakashi … what was that you were saying to me before, about Gaara being too smart to fall for my tactics? Mm?
Kakashi, looking lovingly down at Metal as he feeds him a bottle: Shut up.
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