President of Hyperion

'hey, kiddos, Handsome Jack here' . handsome jack ask blog . multiship . multiverse . semi-selective .

[thehandsomeasshole]

Self promo for cod sideblog

@the141ghost

bother the boy 😌😌

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FOR PATCHING UP WOUNDS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

it's honestly nothing. i can deal with it myself.

next time something like this happens, you have to promise to tell me.

you're making a big deal out of nothing. i'll be fine.

how long have you had that?

i'm good at this, you know. patching up wounds.

would you cut it out? i'm trying to help you.

why didn't you tell me you were bleeding?

you didn't have to take that hit for me.

what are you hiding from me?

it's not the worst injury i've ever seen, but it's pretty bad.

how long were you going to hide this from me?

at least let me look at it.

there. it looks much better.

this will help with the pain.

i'm forever in your debt.

i didn't have anywhere else to go.

this wasn't supposed to happen.

is that your blood?

i've patched up nastier wounds than this.

stop squirming! you're going to be fine!

this is bad. this is really bad.

i just need a band-aid and a nap. i'll be fine.

we need to get you to a hospital.

how does it look? be honest.

keep your eyes open, okay? keep looking at me.

it doesn't hurt that bad.

give me your hand. let me look at it.

who taught you how to patch a wound like that?

it's not as bad as i thought it would be, that's for sure.

would you just let me help you? please?

you saved my life.

let me go find my first aid kit. it's in here somewhere.

i'll take care of it. you just sit and rest.

see? that wasn't so bad after all.

i've seen worse.

take two of these and drink some water.

ow! that really hurt!

i've got you, okay? everything's going to be fine.

you're gonna have to take your shirt off.

well... it could have been worse.

it looks worse than it really is, i swear.

roll up your sleeve a little, will you?

does that feel all right?

i didn't even realize i was bleeding.

you could have been killed out there!

give me a second to patch this up.

don't close your eyes. you hear me? stay with me.

i'm not giving up on you just yet.

you still need some time to heal.

i'm right here. i won't leave your side.

thank you for taking care of me.

if you can still hear me, help is on the way!

just squeeze my hand when it starts hurting.

how long have i been out?

let me check for a fever.

did you patch this up?

i've had worse injuries than this.

where did you learn to do that?

take some deep breaths for me.

look at me. you're going to be fine.

hold still! stop moving around so much!

i'll take care of you.

what the hell were you thinking?

where does it hurt?

i'm so used to doing this myself.

lift up your shirt a little so i can see.

lay back down. you're not healed up yet.

you never should have put yourself in harm's way like that.

looks like i've got myself a really good nurse.

will you stay with me while i sleep?

no one's ever helped me like that before.

i would have died had it not been for you.

don't you get it? if you don't let me help you, you'll die.

we have to be quick about this.

this could get bad.

[thehandsomeasshole]

Self promo for cod sideblog

@the141ghost

bother the boy 😌😌

[thehandsomeasshole]

Gang I'm so deep in the cod brainrot I want to make a blog for ghost send help

[thehandsomeasshole]

How easy are sideblogs to manage because I'm 👌 <-this close to making his blog

[thehandsomeasshole]

@the141ghost

gang it happened

Feel free to bother him and get stuff going while I clean the blog up

[thehandsomeasshole]

Gang I'm so deep in the cod brainrot I want to make a blog for ghost send help

[thehandsomeasshole]

How easy are sideblogs to manage because I'm 👌 <-this close to making his blog

[thehandsomeasshole]

Gang I'm so deep in the cod brainrot I want to make a blog for ghost send help

[thehandsomeasshole]

nicholas-wolfwood​:

“Eh, bein’ nicer sounds boring.”

“Okaaaay, what’s an undertaker supposed to dress like?” He taps the giant wrapped cross on his back. “Got this for on-the-go funerals an’ everything.”

“I mean, you’d probably wanna go for something with a little less ankle if you’re gonna be trudging through corpses all day. Lose the sunglasses, too. Nothing wrong with ‘em, they just look- Well, I don’t have to go into it.

And, what? You tryin’ to get a date with the dead? Button your shirt up.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

general-kalani​:

“We’ve been working alongside each other for years and I’m the one with a weird ‘relationship’ while you publicly called yourself 'daddy’? Yeah I’m definitely the one with issues.”

“You could’ve but you didn’t that means I’m better than you. Hope you’re not looking at a tentacle though I don’t want to know what you’d do with that in your free time.”

“You can’t stand there and tell me that you work alongside a bird, with a straight face, and not expect me to laugh at you. 

And there aren’t really any official applications that those tentacles were good for. Personal use, though? Whole ‘nother story.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

nicholas-wolfwood​:

“Metaphorical ones.” A real one might just end with someone’s head getting ripped off, and it’s not gonna be his.

“Never said I was! I’m an undertaker, that’s all.” Undertaker, assassin, science experiment, he’s well rounded.

“Well, start bein’ a little nicer, and we could see about makin’ those metaphorical leashes into the real things, if you know what I’m saying.

And now, we’ve gotta backtrack. What the hell is an undertaker doing dressing like a- I don’t even know what you dress like. But, what you don’t dress like is an undertaker.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

@phaseshiftings said ‘ "Aren't you supposed to... *not* feed the trolls?" ‘

“No, I’m pretty sure my PR team said to interact with the fans more. And who said I was feeding ‘em? I was just making a nice post about being a dad to the best kid in the galaxy, ain’t my fault they got bent outta shape over it.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

nicholas-wolfwood​:

“Many have tried, an’ many have failed~ I got a habit of slippin’ leashes.” He couldn’t help but snicker.

“Hey now, ‘pops’ an’ ‘daddy’ basically mean the same thing!” Yeah, he’s just being a brat for that one. “If it makes ya feel better, you don’t look nowhere NEAR the oldest people I know!”

“Easy there, kiddo. No one said anythin’ about leashes, but pops and daddy? Nowhere near the same. 

And no! That, for some reason, doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m starting to think you aren’t a priest at all.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

general-kalani​:

“The fact you think I’m one of his bitches is fuckin’ hilarious. Sounds like you’re jealous for the others though. You might want to go to therapy for that.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. You told her but sat on your ass instead of actually doing anything. And lets not forget I fought the Destroyer, not you. Get fucked. And yeah she’s a sweetheart. She’s fucking precious and innocent compared to your ass. You know if she took a weapon to my head I’d say thanks. But if you do it? I’m taking your hands as trophies to put on my wall.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna stand by what I said. You have a weird relationship with that bird.

And, hey, I could’ve killed the Destroyer if I wanted to! I got people for that, though. I got my eyes set on a bigger prize. Something a little less... eyeball-y.”

[finncomet]

@thehandsomeasshole

"Be quicker to name what I'm NOT a god of, kiddo."

☄️ "What, so you're supposed to be a god of like, everything?"

"Oh, that's convincing." 🦋

[thehandsomeasshole]

finncomet​:

☄️ “What, so you’re supposed to be a god of like, everything?”

“Oh, that’s convincing.” 🦋

“Hey, they were your words, not mine.

I’m glad you think it’s convincing, though! Here I was worried I was coming off as a little douchey. That’s a lie, I wasn’t worried at all.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

redjaybird​:

“Says the bitch face who always argues like a 12-year-old, anyway.”

“Pandora doesn’t even have airports. Its just got the bandit copters, which aren’t great.”

“Your other outfit probably looks lame as shit, too.”

“Hey! I like to think I argue like a fifteen-year-old, at least.

And sure it does! Makes sense you’ve never seen them, though. Being so poor. And sad. Hah.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

nicholas-wolfwood​:

“Eh, that one was a freebie.”

“I dunno, ‘Pops’, never really been the ‘obedient’ type.”

“I reckon I could make you behave.

If- If I wanted to. I don’t. You keep making out I’m old and if I’m honest, all that makes me want to do is hollow out your skull and fill it with potpourri.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

general-kalani​:

“This bird gets more bitches than you. I’d like to see how you compete with him on how many bitches you both get. Here’s a hint, you won’t win.”

“Actually if we be technical Angel led us to the vault. You sat on your ass doing a Jackshit. This is why we like Angel way more than you.”

“Ya know what? I don’t even wanna know about the bird’s bitches. That just seems like something you two should save for your couple’s counselling.

Angel only led you to that vault because I told her to, and of course you like her! She’s a Goddamn sweetheart.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

nicholas-wolfwood​:

“Nah, got it from someone else.” And not just the threat.

“Ya want me to call ya that? You’re gonna hafta earn it, ‘daddy’.”

“I mean, you kinda already called me it, but-

Doesn’t that feel good? Doesn’t that just feel right? Bein’ a good boy and not acting out?”