What doesnât kill you makes you stronger, right?
The really dramatic bits summed:
I was 11 when I got diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. I didn't really know what was happening, what it was or how bad it is. All that I knew was that I was ill. I assumed that it was just a cold or a bug that was going around and that it would eventually go.
As a teenager I would never take my medications, I used to think that I was in control and that I was okay. Things like going to the toilet so much, losing weight, extreme belly cramps, tiredness, sickness and all of the blood I would lose on the toilet became so normal for me because I developed Crohn's Disease at such a young age. I didn't actually realise that I was any different.
I failed to respond to medications in the past because I developed antibodies or had a reaction to them, nothing seemed to be doing enough to put me into remission. I developed fistulas which were reoccurring, I became anaemic and have been in and out of hospital since I was diagnosed.
Growing up my weight has been a constant battle between loosing an extreme amount of weight and being put onto steroids which meant swelling out until I was paranoid about the way that I looked. I never seemed to settled in the middle and as I'm getting older I'm becoming more and more body conscious all of the time.
In 2014 I went on holiday with my friends still feeling paranoid about my weight because I had previously been on the steroids but I was only 9 and half stone. One day my boyfriend at the time received a message off an unknown number basically saying that I was fat, that I needed to stop posting pictures from my holidays and face the fact that I was fat and always will be.
I acted like it didn't bother me but looking back now not long after it I purposely began skipping medication to lose some weight, wrongly thinking that I was in control of my disease and thinking that when I lost the amount that I wanted to that I could start retaking my medication.
I developed antibodies against my medication which meant that I became thinner and thinner to the point where I couldn't get out of bed. I was put onto IV steroids and onto a trial medication to get me back onto my feet.
The whole of 2015 was a constant battle to find remission and the medication just wasn't doing enough. I ended up going from 9 and a half stone down to 8 stone by the time I got admitted to hospital. I was told that my large bowel had narrowed so much that it was going to either turn cancerous or burst and that I needed emergency surgery to remove it which would leave me with an ileostomy.
By this point I couldn't get out of bed, I needed 3 blood transfusions, 2 iron infusions and IV steroids to build my body back up in time for the surgery. I couldn't even eat so much as a cracker without being curled up in agony. It felt like a million knives through my stomach. I was drained from how much I was losing on the toilet and it got the point where I couldn't even stand up straight or lift my head.
After the surgery I woke up with an ileostomy and a mucus fistula bag. My stoma wasn't working at first which meant that I was throwing up bile for a short period of time. I couldn't sit up in bed let alone walk. I developed a water infection and a skin infection which lead to my scar bursting open leaving me with a huge open wound on my stomach. I couldnât even cry I was in that much pain.
My weight dropped again from 8 stone to 5.9 stone so I had to pad my hips up at night because they would bruise. I looked disgusting, I lost all of my independence, I genuinely thought that I was going to die and felt totally helpless. Eventually I was told that if I didn't have a feeding tube that I would start fitting so I was given an NG tube for a month and a half to build my body back up.
After amazing support from all of my family, friends, support workers, nurses and doctors I slowly but surely began to gain weight again. My confidence was building and I was starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel that everyone had been talking about. It's been the hardest time of my life and I MEAN THE HARDEST! But I now realise that it doesn't matter what you weigh or how you look as long as you are healthy then that's all that matters.
Who cares what anyone else thinks right? I'm still learning and overcoming battles but for anyone who feels like they're stuck in a flare-up or feels like they have no control, believe me you will get through it!
