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Let me preface this by saying: This is not a personal attack on you if you love Nesta.

After spending a decent amount of time in this fandom I’ve noticed that Nesta Stan’s can be awful to people who don’t like her, I’m not saying that everyone who likes Nesta hates on anyone who doesn’t I’ve just seen a lot of hate been dished out over and opinion of a fictional character.

I admit, I don’t like Nesta.

That’s my opinion, please respect it and I’ll respect yours. I don’t need to hear/read all the things you love about Nesta. I can guarantee you, I’ve heard them all before and have still come to this conclusion myself. At this current moment my opinion can not be swayed.

I’ve created a list of many of the main reasons I dislike Nesta Archeron. No I didn’t do it to bash her character, no i didn’t do it to try and sway people over to the other side, no I didn’t do this as a personal attack, etc.

I simply wrote this list so that the Nesta stans can at least understand where the people who don’t like Nesta are coming from, instead of calling them ignorant, close-minded, etc. (all insults I have seen delivered to anti Nesta fans)

Read this or don’t, I don’t care. I just wanted there to be something for people to read so we may all better understand instead of jumping to hate others. I’ve seen multiple people being hated for expressing an opinion and honestly I’m sick of it.

1. It is heavily implied ( at least in my interpretation) that Nesta has been treating Feyre horribly since they were children, as in before their mother died and they lost all their wealth. It is inexcusable to be that mean and awful to someone, especially your sibling, for no reason ( At least, no apparent reason)

2. She disregards everything Feyre does as unimportant or not good enough. Nesta knowingly spends any extra funds on luxuries for herself instead of necessities for Feyre. Feyre busted her ass when she was a teenager just to keep her family safe and cared for, Nesta completely disregards this.

3. Despite treating her father horribly, she is still his favourite child. This really has nothing to do with her but it just rubs me the wrong way.

4. I would agree that Nesta being rude and standoffish to the other characters in the novel could be viewed as a coping mechanism and a side-effect from her upbringing, however it seems to me that Nesta goes out of her way to treat people who have been nothing but kind to her horribly. Rhys opens up his home to her, Cassian tries to help her, Feyre trying to befriend her sister, etc. she treats all of the previous characters maliciously when there really is no need too.

5. The whole scene when Feyre sees her sisters for the first time after turning High Fae. Nesta is openly degrading and bashing Feyre for something she had no control over and would have died without. Elain, while being skittish and afraid, still makes an effort to sit next to the very people she was taught to fear, because she’s her sister. Nesta does not give this same courtesy.

6. In addition to the previous point, many people probably say things like “At least Nesta opened up her home to them!” But she really didn’t. Feyre got them that house through Tamlin. Nesta did nothing to claim that as her home besides live in it.

7. I’m going to get a lot of hate for this one but, Nesta does not deserve Cassian. Now this one is less factual and more opinionated. I’ll respect your opinion on this but please respect mine. As I see it, unless their is a huge character shift in Nesta (and I mean huge) I can’t see their relationship being anything but Cassian helping her, Cassian giving things to her, Cassian supporting her, Etc. I can’t honestly see a relationship between them where Cassian isn’t giving nearly all the effort and getting next to nothing in return. Cassian has problems of his own, things he needs help and support with and I can’t honestly see Nesta giving that to him.

8. One thing I see a lot in Nestas defence is the fact Nesta thought about going across the wall after Feyre was taken. But Nesta only thought about it and ultimately decided that saving her sister was not worth endangering herself. And I’m not saying that Nesta should be a selfless character, but I personally don’t believe Nesta thinking about helping Feyre serves as a reedeamable quality.

9. I also don’t want to say Nesta should be a perfect character, devoid of any flaws. None of the characters in this series are flawless, it’s one of the things I love about them. With that being said, Nesta has next to no reedeamable qualities, other than her love and protectiveness over Elain.

10. Nesta is not “misunderstood” she is not “misguided” she is abusive. While there may be reasons contributing to her abusive behaviour, this does not lessen the severity and excuse it. An abusive person is abusive, regardless of what caused them to behave that way.

11. A very common defence of Nesta is that “If she was a man every one in this fandom would love her!” Which is complete bullshit. Yes her behaviour towards drinking and one night stands would likely be more accepted but her abusive nature wouldn’t be. Both Tamlin and Nesta emotionally abused Feyre. Both Tamlin and Nesta verbally abused Feyre. Both are ABUSIVE. And yet Tamlin gets major hate (as he should) for these behaviours and this is not translated over to Nesta. Say what you want about this but you cannot convince me that Nesta is treated differently by the fandom for any reason other than she is the woman and for some reason many people don’t believe women can be abusive in the way men can.

12. So many people hate Rhys for not being overwhelmingly nice and open for Nesta. Nesta abused the love of his life for the years. Why should he show her any love when she’s been nothing but horrible to most, if not all, of his family. AntiRhys is quite often bullshit based on people trying to make excuses and coddle Nesta.

13. Nesta is a grown adult and should act like it. She throwns hissy fits and tantrums like a teenager and can’t seem to do anything by herself. If Feyre was not there to help her Nesta would have been dead a long time ago because of her unwillingness to do anything for anyone.

14. I won’t deny that Nesta has issues, she is obviously struggling with depression and PTSD and there is nothing wrong with that. That being said these are not excuses for abusive behaviour.

15. “The IC slut shamed Nesta!” They really didn’t, Feyre at the very base of it all is concerned and worried about her sister, despite how horrible Nesta was to her. And are we not going to mention Nesta slut shaming Feyre for sleeping with Isaac?

16. Nesta isn’t some Strong willed Badass, most of Nestas power over the other characters comes from tearing them down. Nesta isn’t strong, strength is not hurting someone to prove you’re better.

TL;DR- Nesta is abusive.

I am aware many of these points are essentially the same thing. They all root back to the same thing after all, Nesta is abusive.

I don’t need people to agree with me, frankly I don’t care, I’m just so sick and tired of people forgiving Nesta for unforgivable behaviours.

I know Nesta is going to get a redemption arc and it sickens me, why not give one to Tamlin too! And Eris! And Keir! And Ianthe! And every other abusive prick in the series!

I’d also like to clarify I am NOT Antisjm or antiACOTAR, I personally love Sarah J Maas and the ACOTAR series and I think that it’s more realistic to have abusive characters.

pearsonwinchesters

Why do you think the fandom is so defensive of Nesta yet so quick to hate Tamlin? Both abused Feyre but Tamlin at least showed her kindness and loved her. His abuse didn’t feel as intentional, like he wasn’t wanting to hurt her. Nesta WANTED to be cruel and hateful and showed no remorse. Ever.

OH Anon thank you for this question.

I think there’s this thing happening in a lot of fandoms in which self-involved, obnoxious female characters are mistaken for ‘strong independent women’ or feminist characters.

Tamlin is essentially brought in as what the fandom expects to be the stereotypical love interest, a sensitive guy with a dark side who some people hope the main character leaves for a bad boy because he’s a lil boring. And so, when the series takes a turn and he begins to show abusive tendencies AND is called out in the books for it, and since people are now attached to Feyre, he becomes this absolute villain because he represents the type of man that is actually well known in our own society. He is emotionally abusive, ignores the signs of the damage that has been done to Feyre and keeps her trapped inside so he can keep an eye on her. So many people can clearly see that this male character is the worst™. And interestingly you’ve mentioned that his abuse towards Feyre wasn’t intentional, and that makes me think of a post on tumblr that I can’t currently find, but the gist of it was “Rhys and Tamlin are different because Rhys was raised away from his toxic father”. So that pretty much answers Tamlin’s abuse for me, because he is emulating what he knows. It doesn’t excuse it, but it’s a big factor in his behaviour.

Now, onto Nesta. My favourite thing the fandom likes to do with Nesta is say “If Nesta was a man, people wouldn’t judge her like they do” - bullshit. Since the start, my complaint had been that if Nesta had been Nesto, she’d be hated. If it had been Feyre’s older brother who let his family starve out of spite towards their father and sent his sister out to hunt for them and spent her money, a man who belittled Feyre and dragged her down at every turn, who slut shamed Feyre and made her feel worthless, this fandom would hold the male counterpart of this character up there with Tamlin. Feyre’s love story with Tamlin was toxic and terrible, but an important factor in the relationship is that Feyre didn’t know what love was supposed to feel like when she met Tamlin. She had never been loved, full stop. In fact, before Tamlin, Feyre’s dream was for Nesta and Elain to leave and to live with her father. At this point, a lot of the fandom will say that Nesta wasn’t abusive, but I’m someone who has 3 siblings who can sometimes be quite ‘cold’ (as some people describe Nesta), but I have never wished they werent there?

Nesta began the series as a self-centred, bitter person who looked down upon poor villagers and felt entitled to every penny that Feyre earned. Throughout the series, she has remained that way. She only looks out for her own interests, belittles everyone around her, treats people as though they are dirt - hell, she’d fit in with the Autumn court quite well. And as I said earlier, a major problem in the fandom is that for some reason, Nesta’s trauma has given her get out of jail free card when it comes to how she treats other people. “It’s the way she copes, she’s empty inside” - so was Feyre at the start of the series. And, since certain stans think that people judge Nesta because of the sleeping around and drinking, again - bullshit. On a personal basis, one of my favourite female characters is Wynonna Earp. Wynonna has had a lot of trauma in her life, from accidentally killing her father as a child, to being forced to kill her elder sister in adulthood. She was committed into a psychiatric facility, and went from foster home to foster home. As a teen and in her adult hood, Wynonna has slept around and has been drinking away her sorrows for years. And yet, she doesn’t take it out on the people around her. Nesta, on the other hand, wants everyone to leave her alone and get out of her life- and yet she uses other people’s money to do what she is doing. To me, Nesta is a very Regina Mills type character - quick to insult others, has a woe is me complex (not as in she whines, but as in she takes anything that doesn’t suit her as an attack), and she is extremely self centred.

Nesta is mistaken to be a strong female character, and I don’t see her appeal. She’s the epitome of fake girl power, and since SJM is now also propping her up, she’s getting even more popular. She is one of Feyre’s abusers, and I’m uninterested in reading more about her because of this