Chronicles of the Iridescent Sententia

Word vomit-arbitrary thoughts::prepossessing fata morgana::myriad predilections::tholing prevarication::penultimate bias::imbued with intrepidity::daymare reality::aplabathus existence

[bwpharte]

“Thanksgiving 2014” - BW P. Harte

I am thankful for someone. I’m thankful for you.

I’m Thankful for your melodic laugh that makes the harmonics in my heartstrings resonate; Thankful for the galaxy in your eyes that robs me of respiration; Thankful for your dress, dictated by your mindset for the day ahead; Thankful for your unextraordinary physique;

Thankful for your timeless tastefulness in your interests and convictions; Thankful for the way you’re unfazed by the opinions of others; Thankful for your unwavering stance and perpetual perseverance; Thankful for your vernacular, both full of wit and full of wisdom, with ineffable ken of which is appropriate when;

Thankful for your embrace through the nib of your pen, comfort and encouragement in your earnest scrawl; Thankful for your enshrouding shadow, obstructing me from further scathing and destruction, since you discovered my battle scars

Thankful for your kinetic alacrity and your magnetic passion; Thankful for your unwavering affability, for your trenchant consciousness of the dynamics surrounding you; Thankful for you personifying the fulgent moon in the oppressive night

Thankful for your indefinite patience and sensitivity to your own faults; Thankful for your abilities and acceptance of your inabilities; Thankful for your absence of pride and unrivaled modesty; Thankful for your quintessential asceticism

Thankful for your courteous timeliness and caution against causing discomfort Thankful for the consistency as time went by Thankful for the way you won me over unconsciously Thankful for the reasons why

Thankful for your still yet imperfect existence And most prominently, I am thankful for the enrapturing anticipation of encountering you.

[theiridescentsententia]

Aplabathus Existence XI

I encountered a sense of peace today about you for the first time in a long time. For a while, I was doing pretty okay but then you texted me asking to meet up and I didn’t know what I could handle anymore once again. So I opted not to meet you, you apologized electronically anyways, and I felt regret for not having it happen in person. I feel like part of it is because i felt that I needed to apologize as well. But then again, I said my apologies. And you said yours. And you said you were willing to put it all behind us too. Yet I still had this weird awkward and uncomfortable ping in my heart when I saw you. But today I was cleaning out my phone storage and i found an old voice memo...a song I wrote for myself...a song of me apologizing to you for my shortcomings and how I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself until I knew you were okay. And here you are. You’re okay. And And we’re okay. And I realized today for the first time that I could take your word to be true in my heart and trust that you and we are okay. Because that was all I ever wanted. I don’t know what our first interaction will look like still. We’ll come to that when we get there. While it would’ve been great to get that over with before, when you wanted to meet up, I just have to trust that it’ll be okay. Because we’re okay. Because you’re okay. And now, with the reminder from my memo, I can finally forgive myself. And now I’m okay.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 060319•2306

Why am I here?

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 060319•2305

Lately, I only wake up because I have to.

[theiridescentsententia]

Aplabathus Existence X

It’s been a while.

I wasn’t expecting to hear from you ever again.

Life has actually been amazing once I accepted that you were out of my life and I didn’t have to acknowledge your existence anymore.

And then you text me.

After two years you text me that you want to apologize.

My first reaction was “Why?”

What could’ve possibly prompted you after two years to try to make things better? Did you break up with her? Did you finally realize what you lost? Did you find some great inspiration from a motivational speaker?

I’d finally put you behind me and now you’re trying to insert yourself back into my life again. A hope to be a “genuine friend” again. An olive branch to so things aren’t “awkward between our family and friends”.

Boy-- I’ve been having to get rid of that burden the past two years while you’ve been enjoying life with your girlfriend. 

Get the hell back out of my life. You have no right.

But then I remember.

I forgave you. 

I forgave all you did and all you didn’t do.

But please don’t turn this into something that I have to forgive you for again.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 210518•0308

I hate myself. Never procrastinate on term-long assignments right up to their deadline the night before finals. Oh how I hope these two and a half hours of sleep will be enough to get me through my finals in the morning.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 200418•1837

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 120418•0910

Never forget and never neglect the power of your love language.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 050418•0837

Narrator: At that moment, the [princess] felt a mixture of happiness and trepidation. Princess: Why is it always a mixture?

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 200218•1349

I’ve grown accustomed to your company.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 200218•1346

I said my first cuss word in front of a friend today. When I realized it slipped, I almost cussed again. He shouldn’t have cheered about that.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 281017•2322

The more time that passes, the more I realize my affinity towards the dentist.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 210917•1830

I would like to understand why I still get put on edge when I see your face. And I would like to not get put on edge anymore. Or just not see your face.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 210817•2213

I want an excuse to talk to you.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 110817•0026

What's the emotional boundary set for us? When I receive exciting or interesting news that you would enjoy, am I allowed to share it with you? When I'm struck with panicked insomnia and I need someone to talk to, am I allowed to call you? When I'm ecstatic about novel information I've just learned that you're familiar with, am I allowed to celebrate with you? When I'm mourning the loss of my best friend and I simply don't know what to do but I know that I need someone, am I allowed to lean on you? How far am I allowed to reach and how close am I allowed to hold you? It was easier when I was blissfully oblivious.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 060717•1004

Sometimes I wish I was more bold in approaching guys I was interested in. Then again, this interest may just be an inftuation... I wish I was more bold in approaching guys I was infatuated in so I could decide if I was interested further.

[theiridescentsententia]

Arbitrary Thoughts 050517•1757

Every time I listen to the soundtracks to WongFu’s When Five Fell and Shell shorts, I fall in love all over again.