Travis: [crosstalk] Hello, Brooks!
Brooks: So, my question is - my boyfriend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing⌠handfuls of fettuccine?
Brooks: Unco - [laughs] uncooked?Â
Griffin: [sarcastically] I would hope heâs not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine, Brooks!
Brooks: No - and eating them raw - [audience groans] - and he keeps calling them chips?
Brooks: How do I make him stop?
Travis: Is your boyfriend here?
Travis: Youâre a monster! [audience and Justin laugh] Words mean things!
Griffin: Does anyone remember - [clears throat] I havenât been to olive garden in⌠many moons, but they do have like, a little, like - fettuccine⌠bottle that you can just grab âem out of and chew - hold on! [indignantly] Was this a prank you guys pulled on me when we went to Olive Garden as kids?!
Griffin: No. Stop, everybody shut up! [audience and Justin laugh] Do they give you fe - raw fettuccine to chew on in the lobby of the Olive Garden??Â
Griffin: YOU ST- FUCKINâ -Â BASTARDS!
Travis: [crosstalk] Yaaaaaaayyy!!Â
[audience starts cheering and clapping]
[Travis and Justin cackle while the audience cheers. Griffin presumably has his head in his hands.]Â
Travis: And now you have IBS!Â
Travis: [triumphantly] We got âim!
Griffin: What I need you - [aside] Brooks, weâll get back to you - [to his brothers] what I need you two to understand is - [Justin wheezes and giggles] that was not - the only time I went to Olive Garden. [audience laughs] There were - [laughs]
Travis: [in disbelief]Â Were there never employees around, like -??
Justin: [high-pitched giggles]
[audience laughs even more at Justinâs giggling]
Griffin: I - I! Wanting to seem like an authentic metropolitan⌠diner, would always grab the fettuccine and walk over to my friends like, âMm, yeah, Iâm a little - a little peckish -â
Justin: Griffin - Griffin, I -
Griffin: I fucking canât believe - I canât believe you did that, and I canât believe literally Iâm finding out in the worst imaginable venue -
Justin: Speaking as a former Olive Garden employee, there is - if I saw a little kid eating fettu - raw fettuccine, the⌠odds of me stopping them are negative one thousand percent.
Griffin: Yeah, so Iâm - gonna -
Griffin: Sit this one out, Brooks! [audience and Travis laugh]
Justin: Brooks, is it possible that your boyfriend has been laboring under the same delusion as my brother for all these years? [audience laughs] âOh, but wait, they sell this for you to take home? Okay! Little fancy for myself, then!â
[Griffin and audience giggle]
Travis: Brooks, is it possible -
Travis: - your boyfriend does not believe these are chips, but instead, likes to annoy you, by calling them chips, a thing I - not exactly that, but similar - do to my wife all the time? [audience laughs]
Griffin: Is it possible, your boyfriend⌠loves chips. And you never have chips, and this is his way of passive-aggressively sort of - [audience laughs] guilting you into go - âOoh, these are tasty chips!â - and as a raw fettuccine eater myself, I can tell you, itâs not a - itâs not a good chew!Â
[audience and brothers laugh]
Griffin: You do it, and you put it in your mouth, and your six-year-old brain thinks, itâll turn to fettuccine in the heat of your mouth. [hysterically, as audience laughs] It doesnât work like that! It doesnât work like that! It just doesnât work like that.
