The Jinx Labyrinth

The Ramblings of a Lady Jinx

[thejinxlabyrinth]

Only Time Heals

I will be fine. This pain will not last forever. I will survive this. If only I could fast forward time.

[thejinxlabyrinth]

Lost and broken.

My heart breaks. Why does this keep happening to me? I am so lost. I just want somebody to find me.

[thejinxlabyrinth]

Blessing in Disguise...

Sometimes I wish I'd fallen in love with you,

maybe you wouldn't have gotten bored with me.

But then I remember the times I still tried,

you got bored with me anyway.

So thank God, I didn't fall in love with you,

otherwise, I'd be dying right now.

[thejinxlabyrinth]

If you were a king up there on your throne would you be wise enough to let me go for this queen you think you own Wants to be a hunter again wants to see the world alone again to take a chance on life again so let me go let me leave For the crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now and I don't know what to say to you but I'll smile anyhow and all the time I'm thinking, thinking I want to be a hunter again want to see the world alone again to take a chance on life again so let me go.

Hunter by Dido

[thejinxlabyrinth]

Envy

I envy those who have found love and not lost it.

I envy those who are deeply happy and content, who feels like they have everything that matters.

I envy those who have found the one, and get to spend the rest of their lives with them.

I envy those who have what I lost.

I miss being loved, being hugged so tight.

I miss the peace that comes with knowing I am with who I should be.

I miss that feeling that makes me realize there's nowhere I'd rather be.

I miss the love that I had.

I wish I could turn my feelings on and off.

I wish I could unlove someone I shouldn't love.

I wish I could let go of someone who has given up on me a long time ago.

I wish I could turn back time.

  Whoever said it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, clearly didn't know what it feels like to lose a love.

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    I feel so empty, so bored.

I feel like I have nothing to live for.

Nothing excites me anymore.

All these silly things I do to amuse myself will never be enough.

  I will never be whole again.

I wish I could be whole again.

I wish I could be happy again.

  I wish you could help me with my broken heart.

I wish you could make me happy again.

  But, how could you?

You don't even know what's happening to me.

You don't even feel my pain.

You don't even see me.

  And, how would you?

When what I'm feeling now is betrayal to you.

When my not moving on is cause for you to leave me.

  What I needed was a friend.

Maybe you could have been that friend.

If only my brain was working then.

Maybe we could have been in a better place right now.

  Now I think I ruined it.

I tried to move on too quickly.

I suppressed my feelings, something I should have known I could never do.

I should have followed the process, no matter how slow, no matter how difficult.

  Now all I do is pretend that I've completely moved on.

It is so hard to fool everyone into thinking I'm ok.

It is so hard to have all these feelings bottled up inside me.

  It is so hard to forget a lifetime of memories.

It is so hard to accept that the one thing you were so sure of proved you wrong.

  It is so hard to trust again.

  It is so hard to love again.

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    My confusion only grows.

I should have given myself time to move on.

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    I don't want to get back together with him.

I just miss being loved.

  I thought he did.

I know you don't.

  Maybe you think you do.

But I'm sure that's not love.

You are not in love with me.

  I tried to love you completely.

For some time I thought I did.

And at some point, I actually thought I've completely moved on.

But it's so hard to love someone who is not in love with you.

Now I'm falling out of love.

And backsliding.

And missing those times I felt love.

  If only I could find that love again.

If only I could find it in you.

Then maybe I'd be whole again.

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    Or maybe you are just pre-occupied.

Because you think your life is not in order.

  That's why you don't see me.

That's why you don't want to truly spend time with me.

That's why you don't treasure the time we spend together.

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    I miss big moments.

Moments when I felt loved.

  I miss moments when I am with someone and I feel like nothing else matters, like I don't have a care in the world.

I want to feel that way with you, but you are always somewhere else.

  I want someone who actually wants to spend quality time with me.

I want someone who spends time with me because he wants to, not just to appease me.

I want to be with someone who, when I'm with him, wants that moment with me to stop and last forever.

I want to be with someone who loves me deeply and completely and will always do no matter what.

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    I want to talk to you for no reason at all.

I want to spend time with you just because…

I want to sit beside you just to get close.

But I know I'll just be wasting your precious time.

Or I'll just annoy you. Or bother you. Or distract you.

  It's during moments like these that I remember him.

Because we used to talk for no reason at all.

He used to call me just to hear my voice.

He would steal a motorcycle just to see me for a few minutes from afar.

He would ditch almost everything just to spend time with me.

  I miss that love.

And I hate him for ruining it.

  I guess I am searching for what I lost in you.

And I thought I might find it.

I thought you really love me.

  I wanted to believe you're really in love with me.

But the more I spend time with you, the more I see that you’re not.

  I don't see it in the things you do.

I don't hear it in the things you say.

The things you say sound so meaningless.

  Maybe because they are.

Maybe because you say things you don't mean.

  You make plans then unmake them.

You make promises you couldn't keep.

You say "I love you" so carelessly.

  I've come not to expect you to mean what you say.

I've come not to expect you to do the things you say you'll do.

I don't expect anything from you anymore.

Coz I know I will just get disappointed.

  I am so falling out of love.

      And I envy those who are in love.